X-Men Unlimited (1st series) #33

Issue Date: 
December 2001
Story Title: 
<BR>The Blob (1st story)<BR>Special Attraction (2nd story)<BR>The Sport of Queens (3rd story)<BR>The Grand Illusion (4th story)<BR>Survival of the Fittest (5th story)<BR>Lucky Day (6th story)
Staff: 


First story :
Stephen Grant (writer), Sean Phillips (art, letters)

Second story :
Will Pfeifer (writer), Walter Taborda (penciler, inker), JC (colors), Sharpefont’s RG (letters)

Third story :
Will Pfeifer (writer), Esteban Maroto (penciler, inker), JC (colors), Dave Sharpefont (letters)

Fourth story :
Will Pfeifer (writer), Quique Alcatena (penciler, inker), JC (colors), Sharpefont’s RG (letters)

Fifth story :
John Ostrander (writer), Sean Phillips (art, letters)

Sixth story :
Buddy Scalera (writer), Mike Collins (penciler), Eduardo Alpuente (inker), JC (colors), Dave Sharpe (letters)
Chris Allo and Leandro Oliveira (editorial interns), Lysa Hawkins (editor), Joe Quesada (editor in chief), Bll Jemas (president)

Brief Description: 

First story :

The Blob wants to enjoy a rodeo, but gets annoyed when a boy named Lonnie spills some drinks on him, as he was made fun of by some locals. The Blob starts a rampage and deals with everything that is thrown at him, lassos, bullets, even a bull. Lonnie steps in, trying to save his town, and dares the Blob for a bet. He knows something that he can do better than the mutant and Blob curiously agrees. The boy then touches the Blob's toes, something that he himself is uncapable off. They have a good laugh and leave for a bar.
Second story :

Two guys exploit a damaged Sentinel by using him as a carnival attraction. Apparently they are both latent mutants, Denham gains the crowd’s attention to check out his show about the robot Metallak, and Browning makes repairs on the giant robot, till one day it's programming goes back online and it kills both of them to delete the mutants' presence. The Sentinel then marches towards Manhattan.
Third story :

The Black and White Queen of the Hellfire Club are bored and when they recognize a good looking Hellfire Club soldier they agree on a bet. They want to make him declare his love for either of them. Both Emma and Selene try their best to impress Chet, taking him to beautiful places around the world and giving him access to the vast Hellfire Club ressources. Finally they both use their powers on him, abnd Chet is torn between Selene’s magic and Emma’s telepathy until his head explodes. Neither woman cares about his fate and they move on.
Fourth story :

Phoenix takes revenge on Mastermind by overpowering his illuion abilities. He now lives in his own created scenarios with realizing it. Whilew Mastermind himself believes to defeat the X-Men, the Avengers and every major supervillain only to be welcomed back into the Hellfire Club with open arms, he actually beats a drunken man and scares some people in a bar, before the police takes him to a mental asylum.
Fifth story :

The sole survivor of a drowned ship fights his way past sharks and wild animals in a jungle to get back to civilistaion. Yet when he sees Magneto, he turns back into the jungle.
Sixth story :

A man feels lucky for having won in the lottery. Later he runs into Sabretooth and will get killed.

Full Summary: 

First story :

Lonnie Ranger sells food to the audience of a rodeo in Red Earth, New Mexico. A few guys make fun of him and make him topple, so that Lonnie spills all the food and drinks on his tray. It all rains down on a fat guy in the row before them, who turns out to be the Blob. He’s quite angry that his new shirt is all wet and starts to insult the men who made fun of Lonnie. They start a fight, but Blob is not impressed at all; he focused his weight and the tribune crashes down. The cowboy of the rodeo then join the battle and try to drag the Blob away with lassos, but he is stronger and pulls them of their horses. Blob then gets rid of his boots to make direct contact with the floor. The cowboysrelease a bull and it attacks the Blob, but his head gets stuck in the Blob’s belly. He then stretches and the animal is pushed away. The cowboy then try to shoot him, but the bullets bounce back, and the Blob is now really mad and starts a rampage.
All the locals runs away, besides Lonnie, eho won’t allow the destruction of his town. Blob is impressed by the boy, who has no super powers and does not sem afraid. Lonnie dares the Blob to a bet, he thinks he can do something, that the Blob can’t, and if he is right the Blob will harm nobody of the twon. The Blob makes sure that it is something physical, and believing himself tougher and stronger he accepts. Lonnie then reveals what he had in mind : touching the Blob’s toes. The Blob gets angry as he himself can’t reach them, but then laughes, as the kid is really smart. He offers to buy Lonnie a drink. As the pass the guys who earlier made fun of Lonnie, the Blob asks if he shoould beat them up, and they run away.

Second story :

Mr. Denham works at a carnival. He hires a Mr. Browing to sweep up and take tickets from the audience that will want to watch hius special attraction. Denham then shows Browning what that special attraction is : a giant robot, that he named Metallak (actually a damaged Sentinel). Browing is impressed, as Denham explains that he found it lying on the beach one day, and he meneged to get it to follow some simple commands like walk, stand, sit and lift things. Browning says that he was always good a fixing things and offers to repair the robot some more.
A few days later, Denhma present Metallak to the audience and Browning wonders why there are so many people. Granted there is the robot, but it shouldn’t gather such a crowd, but Denham says that he was always good at gaining people’s attention. After the show, Browning sneaks back to Metallak’s chamber and makes some more repairs intending to steal the robot and use it to make some serious money. Suddenly the core programming is activated again. The Sentinel does a genetic scan of the area and detects a mutation within Browning that is responsible for his affinity to technology. It blasts Browning to ashes. Denham shows up, checking on the noise and the Sentinel registers another mutant with persuasive abilities, so it kills him too. The Sentinel diagnoses no more mutants in immediate area and marches towards Manhattan, where a high concentration of anomalies can be registered.

Third story :

Selene, the Hellfire Club’s Black Queen is bored watching the monitors that allow her to view important places all over the world. Emma Frost, the White Queen tries to cheer her up by suggesting to start a border conflict somewhere in europe or manipulating the stock exchanges, but Selene’s is not intrested. Suddenly they become aware of a good looking Hellfire soldier on one of the screen. Selene thinks that back in ancient Rome, where she was worshipped a godess, she wopuld have made him a centurion, and he would have proclaimed his undying devotion. Emma laughs that today he would proclaim nothing to her. The two women make a bet out of it, Selene is convinced that she can make him love her, before Emma can. Ground rules are than no powers are used, neither mutant nor magic, and that they don’t order him to say „I love you“ as he is their employee. They agree on an certain amount and the game starts.
The following weeks both Queens spend much time with Chet. They take him to luxurious restaurants, travel with him around the world, show him the Hellfire Club’s secret rooms, including the monitor room and scientific labs, they reveal to have knowledge about who killed Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy and Chet is mightily impressed. Chet uses it to his advantage and thinks that he can make the Queens outbid each other till he has access to all the Hellfire Club’s assets. Finally the two women accuse each other of going to far, they can’t endanger the Club with exposing it’s secrets to a mere soldier, and they broaden the game to use whatever is takes to win, including their powers. In her own quarters Selene uses here magic to influence Chet’s behaviour and Emma does the same telepathically from her place, both commanding him to confess his love. Chet then invites both women to dinner the next day.
Selene and Emma are quite surprised to see their rival at the appointment. As Chet shows up up, he tries to confess his love to both but can’t, he burns up in a feaver and suddenly his head explodes, as Chet was torn apart between the two conflicting commands. Emma smiles and demands payment from Selene. The original bet was that she would make Chet declare his love first, but obviously he will now never do that. Selene laughs and accepts to have lost. Neither woman is concerned about’s Chet’s fate – in fact it’s a basic rule of chess that you can’t worry about what happens to the pawns.

Fourth story :

Phoenix takes her revenge on Mastermind, for having influenced her to become the Hellfire Club’s Black Queen. As he was after power, she gives him much more than he can handle, and leaves while Mastermind lies apathic on the floor. A short while later he gets up and is met by Cyclops. He opens Cyclops’s visor and Scott then blasts his fellow X-Men, while Mastermind uses the distraction to escape from them. Outside on the streets he runs into Captain America, but Mastermind fools him, by stating that a baby needs to get rescued. As Cap turns his head, Mastermind knocks him out and continues to run away, with the original Avengers line-up (including the Hulk) hot on his trail. Wyngarde creates multiple images of himself, and while the Avengers are confused, he hides in the nearest entrance. Mastermind can’t believe his eyes, as he is welcomed by dozens of other villains. Without warning they attack and Mastermind is completely outnumbered. He moves backwards only to crash through a window and finds himself on the street again. A car stops, it’s Shaw and Pierce who take him back to the Hellfire Club, now as a full member. Both are proud of Wyngarde and ask how he singlehandedly defeated the Avengers and almost every known supervillain.
All this was only illusion. Without realizing it, Wyngarde’s power has turned on himself, thanks to Phoenix. Actually he slipped out of the Hellfire Club without the X-Men recognizing him, he then knocked out a drunken man, passed some people and entered a bar, where a waitress offered to get him a drink. He backed away, falling through the window and was picked up by the police, who now take him to a mental asylum.

Fifth story :

A ship drown. One of the poeple aboard survived and swims through the stormy sea. He manages to avoid the sharks and washes ashore. Waking up he enters the jungle and faces many wild animals like snakes and a panthere, yet he survives. Finally he reaches a civilized area, but there is Magneto helping some construction workers by magnetically lifting dozens of metal girders. Frightened the por guy turns back into the jungle.

Sixth story :

A man wins in the lottery. He quits work, but not after insulting his boss (for his toupee). He enters a bar, and busy teh customers a free round. He calls his wife to tell her of the good news, only to learn that she is pregnant. He then tries to get home and enters a cab. After he closed the door he recognizes a girl gagged and tied up. The driver is Sabretooth , who enjoys to have one more at his party, and hits the gas pedal. Seems like the man’s lucky day is over.

Characters Involved: 

First story :

Blob

Lonnie Ranger
Second story :

A damaged Sentinel

Mr. Browning

Mr. Denham
Third story :

Emma Frost, Selene (both Hellfire Club)

Chet, Gil (both soldiers of the Hellfire Club)
Fourth story :

Mastermind (Hellfire Club)

Cyclops, Phoenix II (both X-Men)
As illusions :

Arcade, Baron Zemo, Blob, Captain America, Cyclops, Dr. Doom, Dr. Octopus, Giant Man, Green Goblyn, Grey Gargoyle, Hulk, Iron Man, Juggernaut, Klaw, Lucifer, Magneto, Master, Mesmero, Mole Man, Mysterio, Nightcrawler, Donald Pierce, Red Skull, Rhino, Sebastian Shaw, Skrulls, Storm, Thor, Toad, Ultron, Vanisher, Wasp, Wizard, Wolverine, Professor Charles Xavier
Fifth story :

Magneto

A survivor of a drowned ship
Sixth story :

Sabretooth

A lottery winner

Story Notes: 

First story :

Though the story is quite funny, it does not really work. If the Blob can touch his boots to take them off, (which is clearly shown on panel) he must also be able to reach his toes.
Third story :

Probably the story is set shortly before the end of the Hellfire Club I, as only Selene and the White Queen are seen, and despite them being rivals they act rather friendly in this story, which wouldn’t go along with their enemity around the time when Selene joined.
Fourth story :

Phoenix took her revenge on Mastermind in Uncanny X-Men #134. The first pages uses exactly the same dialogue from that scene.
Fifth story :

It’s unknown where or when the story is set. It could refer way back to Uncanny X-Men #4, when Magneto‘s Brotherhood temporarily ruled the South American country San Marco, or it could refer to Genosha.

Issue Information: 
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