Betrayal Game #57: Agents of H.A.T.E.--GAME

I don't know anything about the Olympics or Twilight fan-fiction! All I know is that I really want to copulate with Alison Blaire right now, but I guess one of these women will have to do. It's okay if none of them are into it, because I can use my luck powers to undermine their objections. Neat!

Wait, shouldn't we be trying to figure out who's killing us? I laugh out loud at this thought. I guess that can wait for when nature is done calling. Although I think the perpetrator might be using an array of weapons ranging from powerful blunt objects to swords, the two of the perps who fit that bill are extremely arousing and I do not feel like accusing them at this time. Instead, I would rather have sex with them. I am thinking specifically of the beautiful Cerise and the slightly less beautiful but still gorgeous Kylun.

As I make my approach at Cerise, I get that familiar twinkle in my eye. My loins are stiff. She is mine.


Edited by sixhoursoflucy - 03-Aug-2012 at 5:15pm

ROUND FIVE
In which our cast feel the shame as only the human animal can...

Dirk Anger felt the fire burning within him. The hot fire, which burned with a heat that could only be described as 'hot', the antonym of 'cold'. It was not cold, but hot. To clarify, he felt hot.

Then, almost as suddenly as it had started, the raging horn that had infected all of the agents subsided, leaving everyone looking around at one another in a rather embarrassed fashion, whilst they picked their way through the ruined corpses of the broccolli men.

"Well," panted Gladys/Sheila. "That was... well."

"The Queen gave me a hicky," beamed Anger, proudly, causing several of the agents to dry heave.

"Oh god, I'll never be clean again," mumbled Domino, as she hastily retrieved her bra.

"Slut," whispered Armor.

"Frigid wench," commented Karima in response.

With barely a moment's pause, several strange sigils began glowing an electric blue along the walls of the Aeromarine.

"Um... Dirk?" said Micromax. "Something weird's about to happen..."

"I feel funny..." grumbled Kylun.

"Me too!" exclaimed Longshot. "Isn't this going to be fun!"

"I feel like my bowels are about to burst," winced Cerise, as she doubled over in pain. The other agents soon followed suit, with Slipstream being the last man standing...

The Shockwave Rider...

"So," said Monica, studying the remote. "We have no idea what the button that says "Some bad-ass bastard magic thingy" does?"

"None at all," sniffed Elsa, returning to her trashy novel. "The handbook was oddly vague too."

"ZOMG! WHAT IF WE GET ZOMBIES?!" screeched Tabitha. "I HATE ZOMBIES! Like, nearly as much as I hate the French."

The Aeromarine...

One by one, the agents woke from their magical sleep, each of them feeling strange... like they had to run, and explore, as if they were seeing the world through new eyes, experiencing sensations that they'd never felt before.

"Dirk," said Gladys/Sheila, although her voice sounded strange. "Some weird sh*t's gone down again."

Dirk turned to look at her, and instead of the young woman who had been his assistant, stood some kind of anthropormorphic squirrel lady. A were-squirrel, if you will. Looking down at his own body, he realised that he had changed somewhat too, with an odd bill protruding from his face, a beaver-like tail, and webbed hands and feet with short claws.

"I'm a were-platypus, aren't I?" he sighed. "Let's round everyone up and try to figure this out, shall we?"

Ten minutes later...
Dirk and Gladys/Sheila had rounded up the majority of the agents, who were slowly coming to their senses and at least feeling more human mentally.

"Dirk, what the hell?!" squeaked Domino, the were-rabbit.

"This offends my warrior's senses," squawked Cerise, the were-parrot. "KAH! CERISE WANTS A CRACKER!"

"This is so racist," mooed Karima, the were-cow. "Just because I'm from India, I'm a cow?"

"I'm really hungry for Eucalyptus," said Slipstream, the were-Koala.

"Did you know that a lot of Koalas have chlamydia?" asked Armor, the were-Panda. "Also, Panda's are Chinese, not Japanese."

"I think its more of a comment on your virginal status than your ethnicity," said Dr Reyes, the were-armadillo. "Which also means you don't have to worry about chlamydia." 

"I'm thirsty," said Micromax, the were-puffer fish. "But oddly amphibious."

"Well, I'm fine," said Kylun, who hadn't changed other than sprouting a tail.

"Sir," reported a human resources agent. "We have reports that Longshot, the were-butterfly has been killed and pinned to the ceiling of the rec-room by his wings. Also, Mister Immortal, the were-sea monkey has been shot with a silver bullet. Because of his status as a were-thing, the silver bullet has proven fatal even beyond his ability to regenerate."

AGENTS OF HATE:
ARMOR--XXXXX XXXXX XX
DR REYES-- Innocent
KARIMA-- XXXXX XX
MICROMAX-- XXXXX XXX
CERISE-- XXXXX X
KYLUN-- XXXXX
SLIPSTREAM-- XXXXX XXX
DOMINO-- XXXXX XXXXX XX 

AGENTS OF DEAD
ARIEL II
GARGOUILLE
ANT-MAN
TRANSSONIC
DESTINY
LONGSHOT
MISTER NOT SO IMMORTAL ANYMORE

Karima was not amoosed.

 

Mooving over to one of the windows, she looked at her bovine profile, and shuddered.

 

She tapped the furry little Slipstream where he lay on top of the pink parrot, Cerise

 

‘Hey, Slipstream, Moove it, you’re crushing the parrot’

 

He murmured something and went quiet again.

 

Karima tried to scan for a part of her that she could use to move him, a lever, a gear, anything…

 

But she had nothing. She was a cow.

 

A cow in a foul Mood.

 

She had adjusted to not being a human anymore. Not having true emotions, not being able to enjoy food, or Moosic.

 

But  a cow? She knew they  were deemed to be creatures worth worshiping, but inside this large, bovine body, clumsy hooves preventing her from any real Moovement, Karima felt truly alone.

 

Domino tossed her bra aside, wondering why she'd even considered wearing such a restrictive thing. Domino felt hot and aroused, almost as if the curse from the last round hadn't lifted, but this was different. She was so hot she was sweating, no glistening, shining in her heat.  She felt the heat of a thousand suns bursting inside her and a strange craving for carrots. She understood that she was on a mission, a mission to breed like a rabbit.

But who to select as a mate? Slipstream was out, he had chlamydia and he'd tripped all over Cerise anyway. She mentally thanked him for taking out the competition. Dirk was out too: Domino didn't want the queen's sloppy seconds. Kylun was an alien, unlikely to provide the emotional support her offspring would require. Micromax was an amphibian.

The choices were limited and ugly. Domino missed her broccoli men more than ever. Particularly Broccoli man 003, he was a gentle lover who scored a perfect 10 in execution.

A Were-Puffer Fish...intriguing. Micromax moved about, as well as a fish that was out of water and was also a Were being at the same time could, and tried puffing up just for fun. Finding it enthralling to do so, he kept puffing up and down over and over. "I'm quite good at this blowing thing." He called out in an amused tone.

Armor and Kylun kept staring his way but clearly they were just jealous as they wished they could blow as well as he could. Jealousy was not a pretty color when one was a Panda and...well a Kylun.

Puffing himself over towards the hovering Cerise, the Were-Puffer Fish moved so he could glance up her way. "I was wondering if you would be interested in cross species breeding, I'm quite curious to see what sort of offspring we could design together."

She wanted to just curl into a ball and hide. The shame that welled up inside seemed to fill a hole that was once filled with a horny, poorly conceived inner goddess. All the passion and desire she felt was gone, and what remained was a dry and hollow feeling inside her that made her armadillo self move into a cower and cover roll into a ball.

She blamed this on Slipstream and his stupid Koala ass. Why had she felt such desire for someone who had the personality of a really bland teaspoon?

She began to shake. It was so dry up in the sky and she just wanted everyone to ignore her and pretend she was just a giant ball.

It was truly Armor's fault. She peed all over the room, like Cecilia herself use to do after a night of too much kick. Never trust someone who can't hold their water.

Yes the panda and the koala, the cutest yet deadliest of the furry woodland creatures.

ROUND SIX
In which things get terribly dramatic...

The Shockwave Rider...

"Okay," snapped Tabitha, snatching the remote and punching a button. "Enough of this. We need to really distract them now. HELLO HORMONES!"

The Aeromarine...

Dirk sighed contentedly as he felt his bill receed, his tail drop off and his fingers become unwebbed. "Now maybe if we can just have five minutes to--"

His sentence went unfinished as partitions slammed down from the ceiling, segregating the group into small rooms. He caught a glimpse of Domino tackling Armor to the ground following her declaration of innocence (twice over), and the enamoured Micromax grabbing Cerise around the waist and pulling her close to him, just in time to stop one of the rapidly descending walls from crushing her like a ripe fruit.

"What now," sighed Dirk. He could almost feel the vein in his temple struggling for freedom, as it pounded against his skull.

"Sir," reported Gladys/Sheila as she adjusted her half-moon spectacles, looking uncomfortable in her cheap shoes and itchy pencil-skirt.

"You look like a school teacher," sighed Dirk.

"And you look like a janitor, sir," she replied. "It looks as though they've activated the education protocol. And now we've all been assigned roles like we're in high school."

"Call an assembly," droned Dirk, feeling the urge to commit a melodramatic suicide. "We need to see what we're dealing with here..."

Five minutes later...

Domino glared at Dirk from underneath her heavy gothic make-up, whilst Cerise looked incredibly confused about her cheerleading attire.

"This is literally the worst thing ever," moaned Domino. "I can't believe this is happening to me. I was just about to do my book report on Interview with the Vampire, which no one else will understand because they just don't GET my inner turmoil and darkness."

"Give me a 'W'! Give me a 'T'! Give me an 'F'!" shouted Cerise.

"Who taught the alien how to cheer?" asked Slipstream, who smelled vaguely of marijuana and had somehow acquired dreadlocks. "I mean, like... WHOAH, right?"

"I think it's more important that we figure out where Kylun and Dr Reyes are," said Hisako, before rolling her eyes at her over-sized T-Shirt proclaiming that 'JESUS SAVES THOSE WHO SAVE THEMSELVES UNTIL MARRIAGE!!!'. "It's what Jesus would do."

"J'ai tendance a penser," said Karima, who, up until now, had been wondering why she was wearing a beret and a striped jersey. "Oh, VIENS!" She bellowed. "L'etudiant d'echange? MAIS JE NE SUIS MEME PAS FRANCAIS!"

"At least you don't have braces and milk-bottle bottom glasses," opined Micromax, his skin covered in acne and an oily sheen.

"Sir," said Gladys/Sheila as she re-entered the room. "Sir, I think you need to see this... in third period Trig..."

As the group entered the classroom, they found the upper torso of Kylun, and the waist down of Dr Reyes at opposite ends of the room, having been bisected when the walls fell down.

"Ew, gross," said Cerise, wrinkling her nose.

"Let me guess," said Dirk in a tired monotone. "Clean up's a job for the janitor, right?"

"I believe it is, sir," said Gladys/Sheila trying to hide a grin. "I believe it is.

AGENTS OF H.A.T.E.
Armor-- INNOCENT
Omega Sentinel-- XXXXX XXXXX
Micromax-- XXXXX XXX
Cerise-- XXXXX XXX
Slipstream-- XXXXX XXXXX
Domino-- XXXXX XXXXX XXXX

Cerise continued to use more prep than the baby Jesus would want. She was shamelessly flaunting herself in a humiliating display that would make Mary Magdalene blush.
"I'll pray for you, Cerise." Armor said, but she felt a familiar hollow pit in her stomach telling her that it would be for naught. The alien was a heathen, who would never see the true light because she wasn't born of a man and woman. It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and artificial reproduction. Plus, her codename meant cherry in French, and Armor just didn't think that was appropriate. Not at all. "I wouldn't presume to judge, but that God was really testing my tolerance when he made that one." Armor said and blessed herself with the sign of the cross.

"Peace be with you, all. Don't mind me, I'm just going to finish up my prayers over here in this corner. And everyone is welcome to join me, because God LOVES all of you."

She grimaced to herself at the thought of the Hindu abomination Omega Sentinel joining. "Sex can wait, masturbate!" Armor chirped as she passed by Slipstream.


Edited by medium13 - 12-Aug-2012 at 6:41pm

"Well that's a total bummer." Micromax said while pushing his glasses back up on his nose, as they seemingly kept wanting to slide off. Such a impractical design flaw that must be rectified for optimal viewing ease. With a shake of the head he focused back on the fact that Domino was declaring her guilt in the things that had happened to them all lately.

"I was gonna hit on her two, Goth chicks are hot." A snorting laugh came out as the now nerdified former Excalibur member shuffled off muttering. "I totally thought it was gonna be that Armor chick. Everyone knows that virgins are always the one to suspect."

After the departure of Slipstream, the rest of the group turned to glare at Domino.

"YOU WERE KILLING PEOPLE. THAT'S NAUGHTY!" Yelled Dirk.

Domino rolled her eyes. "You're the one who's running a group that used to run under the name of SILENT, Dirk."

"Wait," said Cerise. "I thought SILENT were terrorists?"

"Give the bird lady a prize..." sighed Domino, as she whispered something into her shirt sleeve.

"She's trying to escape!" squealed Hisako.

"You're damn right I am!" smirked Domino, as she pulled a grenade out of her belt, yanked out the pin, and launched it towards Dirk and his stooges. Rather than exploding, a thick white fog gushed forth, obscuring her from view.

"Grab her!" Shouted Dirk, just as he heard Monica Rambeau bellowing "INFRA-RED PUNCH!"

"Nextwave are here!" he yelled.

"Like, duh!" sighed Tabitha, as a barrage of her signature bombs bounced across the deck, through the fog. "Tick tick tick tick tick BOOM!"

The force of the explosions knocked the agents of H.A.T.E. and Dirk into a nearby wall, just as the smoke began to clear, revealing the Nextwave squad standing with Domino, next to a hole in the Aeromarine's hull, just as Domino climbed on to Machine Man's back.

"Ciao for now, Anger," she smiled. "We'll be back to break up this low-budget operation soon, don't you worry."

"Hold tighter, fleshy one!" instructed Machine Man as Nextwave flew away to return to the Shockwave Rider. "I can't feel your mammaries on the back of my head yet!"

"Gladys?" asked Dirk, looking despondant.

"Yes, Mr Anger?"

"Clear my diary," he replied, as he retired to his private chambers, a single manly tear streaking down his cheek...

THE END.