Agent-X #6

Issue Date: 
February 2003
Story Title: 
Dead Man’s Switch - part 6: Uninvited Guests

Gail Simone (writer), UDON; with Alvin Lee, Eric Vedder, Rob Ross, Omar Doggan, TheRealT!, Shane Law, Calvin Lo) (art), Erik Ko (UDON Chief), Cory Pett (letterer), Andrew Lis (editor), Joe Quesada (chief), Bill Jemas (president)

Brief Description: 

Alex, Taskmaster and Outlaw face off against the various mercenaries and hit men that work for the Four Winds. They win, but are badly beaten up. Meanwhile, Alex has sent out Mary Zero to take some pictures. Alex leaves Outlaw, Mary and Taskmaster behind in a diner and disturbs a meeting of the heads of the Four Winds. He shows them pictures from their families at home, in the park and even sleeping and warns them to leave him and his friends alone; otherwise he will hit them through their family. Saguri refuses to accept and attacks Alex, but Alex kills her, telling her that he had an assignment to kill her. Higashi tells Alex that they accept his terms. Outside, it turns out that Higashi is the one who ordered the hit on Saguri and he was also the one that kept Sandi safe during the fights. He pays Alex, who leaves with Sandi.

Full Summary: 

Inside Alpine Park, Outlaw, Alex and Taskmaster are sitting inside a bus. Looking through her binoculars, Ourlaw tells them that she sees about 20 costumed mercenaries and at least twice as many gunmen. Taskmaster is unimpressed and says that he used to take on the Avengers. Alex asks him if he ever won against them, while he starts to take off his pants. Outlaw tells him that it isn’t the place for it, but Alex tells her it’s all part of the plan to keep the enemy occupied and angry. Taskmaster asks Alex if Sandi is safe and Alex replies that she is with his new client. Taskmaster starts the bus, while Outlaw hits a hole in the front window through which she can shoot and Alex bares his behind and presses it against the window. The bus rams at full speed into the army of goons waiting outside.

One of the men phones Saguri and keeps her informed of what’s going on. Outlaw asks if anyone else felt like they hit a bump. Alex orders Taskmaster to turn the bus around and let the goons follow them inside the park. Taskmaster crashes the bus against the gate, while Saguri gets to hear the details of Alex showing his naked behind. The three run into the park and split up. Outlaw kisses Alex and tells him to take care of his gentleman parts. Taskmaster questions the grand scheme of things in which a girl like Outlaw can wind up with a guy like Alex.

Outlaw runs into Crossfire. He calls her Crazy Inez, which always makes her mad and she warns him. In her mind, the park turns into a western town and they are having a high-noon shootout. Both draw at the same time. Outlaw hits Crossfire’s eye but is shot in the stomach. Crossfire tells her that that was a good shot for a woman just before falling down. Outlaw tells him that once she gets her breath back, she will maybe shoot him again just for that.

Alex takes care of Blizzard. He then discovers the goon who is talking to Saguri on the cell phone. The guy asks Saguri for reinforcements and Alex grabs the cell phone and confirms this. Saguri quickly orders her men to find more men and to find Higashi. Suddenly, Alex is strangled by a coil. Taskmaster beats up four men with guns (actually he also shoots one of them). He sees Alex being strangled by Constrictor and is in doubt whether to help him or not. He leaves while Constrictor tells Alex that he doesn’t think Alex is in fact Wade Wilson, because Wade was dangerous. Alex tries to free himself. Constrictor says that it’s useless since his coils are made of vibranium and are unbreakable. Alex mutters something but Constrictor can’t understand him. He then hits Constrictor in the face and repeats his question:” Is your face made out of vibranium too?”

On top of a roof, Taskmaster meets the daughters of Batroc the Leaper and the Tarantula. He tells them that he knows their fathers but is amazed by the fact that they are heterosexual. Furious, the two girls attack him. Taskmaster jumps over them and their momentum carries them over the edge of the roof. Taskmaster then fires some rounds after them.

One of the gunmen is jumping on an air cushion, telling his fellow gunman that the super-freaks will take care of each other. The air cushion explodes. Alex meets up with Outlaw and tells her that several of the booby traps have been sprung. Outlaw tells him that there are still too many. Alex tells Outlaw that there are not enough and if she has seen Taskmaster, clearly hoping that he has died. Taskmaster disappoints him by coming around the corner. At that moment, Rhino appears, telling them that he wants Wade Wilson. He grabs the three of them and starts to crush them, calling Alex a liar when he tells Rhino that he isn’t Wade Wilson. Alex shoots Rhino in his right eye and the three run off. Rhino quickly recovers, while Outlaw treats Taskmaster’s broken arm. Alex calls for Rhino, who turns to face him. From behind, Outlaw turns Constrictor’s coils into a lasso and throws it around Rhino’s neck. The other end is tied to the bus and Taskmaster drives the bus into the river next to the park with Constrictor and Rhino behind it. Taskmaster, Alex and Outlaw are then approached by the other goons and mercenaries. They surround them and they start to fight them without any weapons.

The next morning, Alex drags Taskmaster into a diner while Outlaw keeps the door open. She tells Alex that Taskmaster needs a hospital but Alex tells her that Saguri is still looking for them. He and Outlaw order something to eat. When the waitress asks if Taskmaster isn’t going to eat Alex replies that Taskmaster’s jaw is dislocated. He tells her to bring him a bowl of pudding and then starts to joke with Outlaw about it until Taskmaster hits him in the face.

When he gets up, Mary Zero arrives and she tells him that it was easy. She hands Alex a map with photos. Alex thanks Mary, while Outlaw asks him to whom he is talking. Mary tells Alex that his plan worked: all guards where out to fight him, so she could just walk right in. Alex tells her that he is going to tie up all loose ends but Outlaw doesn’t want him to go alone. Alex tells him that she and Taskmaster can’t even stand up, so she should call an ambulance in an hour or so when everything is safe and, if possible, she should stick Taskmaster with the bill.

He then arrives at the Higashi building where a meeting is taking place. He points a submachine gun at Higashi and Saguri draws her sword. Alex tells her to put her sword away, if he wanted to kill them, he would already have done so. He then drops the pictures on the table. All the pictures are of family members of the board members sitting at the table. He warns them not to come close to him or his friends or otherwise they will get hurt. Saguri doesn’t want to let him go since she still thinks that Alex is Wade Wilson, the man who murdered her lady. Alex replies that he isn’t but Saguri isn’t listening and draws her sword again. Alex then tells her that he got a new contract last night and that Saguri is the contract. He shoots her and asks the board members if they have an understanding. Higashi accepts the terms.

Outside, Alex asks if it will be cash or charge. Higashi gives him a bundle of money and tells him that Alex was too expensive an enemy and Saguri too expensive an ally. He tells Alex that he would have killed him if Sandi hadn’t convinced him that he really wasn’t Wade. Alex replies that he would have killed Higashi if Sandi hadn’t told him that she trusted Higashi. They enter a room where Sandi was waiting the whole time. She is glad to see him and asks him how Inez and Tony are doing. Alex says that they are hurt but okay. They leave and Sandi tells him that she thinks that Higashi is actually kind of sweet. Alex agrees that Higashi is probably the sweetest psycho crime boss of all and that he knew Alex would kill him next. He then tells her that he really would go for some pudding right now.

Characters Involved: 

Alex Hayden/Agent X (mercenary)

Sandi Brandenberg (Hayden’s business partner)

Mary Zero (homeless girl, who is invisible to anybody except Alex)

Taskmaster/ Tony (Sandi’s boyfriend and notorious mercenary)

Outlaw / “Crazy” Inez (gun-expert)

Higashi (Head of the Four Winds)

Saguri (Higashi’s right hand woman)

Wei (An underboss of the Four Winds)

Blizzard, Constrictor, Crossfire, daughters of Batroc the Leaper and the Tarantula, Rhino (mercenaries hired by the Four Winds)

Unnamed mercenaries

Doggie Diner staff and patrons

in photographs

Board members’ family members

Story Notes: 

The first page gives the first title “A Little Crazy” but since it was also the title of part 5, it is probably a misprint. The second title. “Dead Man’s Switch,” is given on page 3 and is presumably the real title.

Constrictor used to be Wade Wilson’s flatmate.

Rhino was once shrunk by Wade Wilson and used as a key-chain and wants vengeance for it. (Deadpool #66-67)

Issue Information: 
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