A napping Peter Parker is awakened by a voice telling him that he was talking in his sleep again, so it must have been some dream. Dressed in frontiersman clothing, complete with a cowboy hat featuring a Spider-Man headband, he tells the pretty lady sitting on a full spread picnic blanket that it still feels like he's dreaming. She asks if Peter Parker knows that he is all right, to which he repeats back that Sara Bailey isn't so bad herself. She says they better get going or “he” will get upset when they're late. Peter smiles and claims time is something he doesn't worry about anymore. As they leave in their covered wagon, the tree they were sitting under has a carving of a heart in the trunk with the initials PP and SB.
Three years, four months, thirteen months and seventeen hours is how long Peter thinks to himself that they have been stranded in the 19th century, despite his lack of care about time. Since the world almost went “kablooey” on Mojoworld and he stopped being Spider-Man. Now he is just a simple apothecary with the world's first solar-powered log cabin and six shooters that shoot webbing. He has the best girlfriend in the world and a pretty cool best friend too, he thinks as they pull up to a Native American village. Wolverine, dressed as a village chieftain, asks why he shouldn't scalp Peter for being late. Peter hands him his new invention, the Bacon Cheeseburger, and Logan admits to Sara that Peter knows the way to his heart. He's good at that she explains.
Sitting around a communal campfire with Logan's tribe, Peter recounts that horrible day that Big Chief Wolverine was getting ready to go on the warpath with all of creation. He explains that after Logan shot the “fire gun” to destroy the “crazy talking moon,” the fire stayed inside of him and had been growing ever since. Now the fire was bursting out of Logan and making him crazy. Despite the all-consuming fire melting all the time diamonds, their enemies Mojo and Czar still around, and Wolverine proclaiming his hunger and the end of all things, Peter did what he does best. Wolverine interjects that that thing was him talking – “A LOT.”
Looking at a slightly embarrassed yet smug Peter, Wolverine recalls being consumed with power, about to destroy the whole world, and yet Peter just walked right up and started talking. He talked about anything and everything he loved about his home and friends and what he'd miss. Mostly though, he talked about this woman he had just met and how excited he was to get to know her. Sara looks over at Peter with love as Logan concludes that Peter had talked him down and saved them all.
Logan admits that he and Peter have been through a lot together and he may not have always been the easiest person to get along with. Peter interjects that Logan had tried to kill him several times. Logan claims there is a lot he should say but that he just isn't as good with words as Peter. All he knows how to say is this...
Wolverine unsheathes a single claw and slices open the palm of his hand. He then does the same to Peter's hand and reaches out for Peter to take it. Logan admits that chances are they will always butt heads and be opposites, but from here on out they will be something else too. As they grasp hands in a bond of blood, Logan knows the profound silence this moment requires. Peter starts talking though about how heartwarming this is, but he thinks he's going to pass out from blood loss. “Shut up and hold my hand moron,” Logan growls.
Later that night, Peter and Logan sit on top of a nearby cliff, conversing in the moonlight. Peter reveals that he misses swinging from big buildings, frappuccinos, funny e-mails and for some reason Katie Couric. Logan really misses football. Logan also heard that Peter had stopped searching for more time diamonds. Peter informs Logan that he tried searching for that one mine in Canada where Peter saw Logan as a boy, or will see him technically. He couldn't find it though, so the only diamond left is the one that brought them here, which stopped glowing when they arrived. Logan consoles Peter, claiming he did all he could and that he likes to see Peter is relaxing. He should just be thankful for all he has, Logan tells him as he looks towards a sleeping Sara.
Sara is really something, Peter gushes. She is opening another bank and at this rate she will own everything west of the Mississippi. Logan agrees that she is an amazing woman and that Peter and really the whole world is lucky that he met her.
(flashback)
Remembering back to Wolverine's possession, Peter is explaining that Logan shouldn't destroy the world because he just met this woman. Logan snaps to his senses and the Phoenix energy leaves his body.
(“present”)
Back to the cliff top, Peter is frustrated that through this whole adventure of bouncing through time, blowing up talking planets, becoming TV stars and almost destroying creation, none of it seemed to have a point. Peter is a guy that likes for things to make sense. Even if things don't work out in his favor, he can see the logic in it. He doesn't stop a burglar, the burglar kills his Uncle Ben, he becomes Spider-Man. It sucks but it makes sense. All of the things that have happened lately make no sense and it all seemed to be crazy randomness.
Their memories turn to their recent past. The villain Orb being pulled into a portal by a multitude of arms as he screams that running is useless. The Minutemen are coming for all of them. Next Czar and a baby version of Big Murder get abducted by the hands as he yells in protest. Finally, as Mojo suffers the same fate, he asks about his ending and demands a rewrite. Spider-Man helps a smoldering Wolverine to his feet asking about the Phoenix. Logan replies that he told it to go away. As Spider-Man asks if this means they won, the last remaining time diamond glued to his mask glows and teleports the two of them away just before the hands grab them.
Arriving in a frontier town in the 19th century, the two notice that Sara also was teleported with them. Spider-Man turns to her and says that, despite them not really knowing each other, not even knowing her name, and them possibly being trapped in “Little House on the Prairie,” he hopes it isn't too weird if he asks her out. The time diamond on his mask stops glowing.
On the cliff top, Peter holds out a diamond ring that he confirms is the inert time diamond. He tells Logan he is going to ask Sara to marry him and that this whole ordeal they went through was worth it for him to meet her. As he continues to talk about how the two of them were destined to be together, Logan tries to draw his attention to the suddenly glowing ring. The two look at each other confused as to what this means until they hear a scream.
Sara yells to Peter as she is dragged into a portal by mysterious hands. Peter draws his six shooters and Wolverine unsheathes his claws but it is too late to save her. Peter vainly attempts to snag her with his webbing, but only pulls one of the alien looking figures through. It tells them to stand down as they have entered the timeline illegally and are remanded to the custody of the Time Variance Authority for charges of temporal larceny, reckless chronological endangerment and disregard for continuity.
As the two heroes fight these Minutemen, appearing from portals in every direction, Peter realizes they must be a police force for the timestream. The Orb had tried to warn them that these guys were coming for them, but Peter has to admit that for an organization focused on time, their timing sucks. The forgotten engagement ring lies not far away and continues to glow. The fighting Wolverine and Spider-Man are surrounded by the time-traveling blue energy aura and suddenly disappear.
The two heroes find themselves back in costume standing around a dropped bag of time diamonds in the original bank where everything started. The Orb and his henchmen have decided to give up because they aren't as stupid as they look. Spider-Man is more relieved to find that Sara is back too and rushes over to confirm she is alright. She looks confused, as he talks about how he can't believe they are back like they never left. It's like the whole thing never happened and he can't wait to introduce her to Aunt May--
Sara interrupts him, “I'm sorry. How do you know my name?” Spider-Man stammers out that it's him, then slowly realizes the Minutemen must have erased her memory. Why didn't they do it to him though? Sara thanks him for stopping the robbers but she needs to get back to work. Sure says Spider-Man and, as she turns away from him, he forlornly presses his hands up to the glass. He hangs his head in dejection, turns to look at an understanding Wolverine for a few meaningful seconds before they both turn away.
As the two heroes leave the bank, Orb is taken into police custody, murmuring about how he had muscles and a headband. Spider-Man tells himself that there always has to be a point to the things that happen, but then decides that maybe there doesn't. Maybe sometimes things just happen for no reason and nothing really changes. The bad guys toy with them and then get away clean. The people they fight for just go about their lives and the heroes just play their part before disappearing.
In the past, Dog Logan standing outside the mine, yelling out to the young Logan before entering and disappearing in a flash of blue light.
Elsewhere, Mojo is in the ancient past, being forced to dance and sing for the tribe of Small Folk.
Back in a present day bar, Wolverine orders a Small Folk Ale and tells the bartender to keep them coming.
One of the Orb's henchmen has a handful of the time diamonds and recounts how he scooped up all he could before the cops could bust him. He was told the word on the street was that Czar was the man with the money. Czar tells him that he is a drug dealer so what would he want with diamonds? On second thought, he tells Big Murder to fetch his baseball bat.
Elsewhere, Beast makes a note to himself to someday create something called a Phoenix gun and Dr. Doom seems to get an idea while looking at Ego the Living Planet.
Sara walks down the street, obliviously passing advertisements for the museum's display of lost statues from the Mesozoic era featuring her own face.
Peter knows that he will still go back to swinging around and cracking jokes come tomorrow, but today he feels like sitting here and waiting for it all to make sense. He will continue to sit under this tree with a heart shaped carving and the initials PP and SB, until something makes sense. Something tells him he will be waiting for a while, and it will ultimately all be for nothing. Back in the bar, Wolverine, four beers in, looks down at the cut mark on the palm of his hand and remembers.
Epilogue:
In an alleyway, a flash of blue light is followed by the appearance of Dog Logan. He isn't sure what the hell just happened, but he damn sure knows what's happening next.
