(1st story)
Scarlet Witch vs. Hope
The tranquil mystic city of K’un-Lun
Hope charges at Wanda with energy coming from her fists. She tells Wanda she’s ruined her life, so now she’s going to know what her own power feels like. Wanda calmly tells her she can’t understand but she manipulates probabilities. For example, there’s a probability she’s not in the way of her fist. As Hope strikes down, Wanda fades away and reappears a few feet away. Wanda tells her to stop as she’s going to embarrass herself. She a power mimic but just because she can copy a power doesn’t mean she can control it. Wanda fires some hex bolts at Hope but Hope uses her powers to block them. She tells Wanda she guesses that makes two of them then and then calls her “Ms No-More-Mutants.”
AvX Fun Fact: The Scarlet Witch’s power is responsible for the reduction of the total population of mutants to less than 200. Long story.
Hope grabs her by the scruff of the neck and tells her it can’t be that hard. She then says “no more nose” and head-buts her. Hope throws the enraged Wanda to the floor. Wanda gets up with glowing hands and tells Hope to go to her bedroom. Wanda starts to disassemble Hope but Hope does the same back to her. Their magical fight intensifies to such a degree it can be seen from space.
AvX Fun Fact: the Phoenix Force isn’t the only threat to Earth
In the vortex of their fight, Wanda regains her senses and tells Hope to take it down a gear. Hope agrees and the two women cease fighting. Captain America yells to them to stand down and then asks what they were thinking.
AvX Fun Fact: Captain America is Level 15 in guilt trips
They walk away from each other but Hope turns around and goes to Wanda. She shakes her hand, grins menacingly and then punches Wanda unconscious.
AvX Fun Fact: Hope is Level 16 in insubordination
As Captain America and Iron Man look on stunned, Hope happily celebrates her victory.
Winner: Hope
(2nd story)
Cyclops and Captain America
On the beach of Utopia, Captain America and Cyclops meet. Cyclops tells him to get off his island but Cap tells him to stop being a jerk. Cyclops asks if the Avengers sent him there to bore him. Cap asks what he means and Cyclops tells him he’s the most boring hero on the planet and that included the Green Arrow. Cap tells Cyclops he thought his mutant power was vanilla. Cyclops points out he has eyebeams but Cap adds he also has the personality of paste. Cyclops gets up close to cap and says that he would like to find the person who unfroze him and slam the &~$*& out of them.
Cap adds that he though his mutant power was being shockingly less interesting than his girlfriends. Cyclops retorts by telling him to dress like Nomad again and watch his book almost get cancelled. Cap tells him to go and ask Emma Frost what to do and say next. Cyclops grits his teeth and tells Cap to go and dress Rick Jones up as Bucky and creep everyone else out. Cap gets upset and tells him that wasn’t cool. Cyclops says he isn’t so boring now. Cap asks why don’t they go and ask Jean Grey but then remembers they can’t. Cyclops gets upset and runs away. Cap plants the American flag on the beach and declares the AvX war won, only to start crying about Bucky.
Winner: Avengers
(3rd story)
Science Battle
All the scientists from the X-Men and the Avengers are piled up in an all-out brawl. They are all shouting scientific jargon at each other and arguing between themselves. Madison Jeffries has hold of Hank Pym’s antenna and is grabbing Leonardo da Vinci’s weapon. Dr. Nemesis is about to smash a beaker full of red fluid of da Vinci’s head as da Vinci tries to aim his weapon at him. Kavita Rao has Iron Man in a choke hold as he tries to throw her off. Broo is biting someone’s leg and Beast and Black Pather are fighting claw to claw.
Winner: we have no idea
(4th story)
Captain America vs. Havok
Havok unleashes his powers at Captain America, who ducks behind his shield but is still thrown backwards.
AvX Fun Fact: Alex Summers aka Havok doesn’t like for his brother Scott Summers aka Cyclops to have all the fun.
AvX Fun Fact: Captain America aka Steve Rogers has just about had enough of the Summer family.
Winner: Havok
(5th story)
Red Hulk vs. Domino
AvX Fun Fact: Domino’s power manipulates probability to do the craziest of things
Red Hulk creeps up on Domino but she punches him on the arm. She then takes out a mallet and starts hitting him all over his body. She says the human body is an amazing thing. There’s a whole network of interconnected nerves, connecting pressure points to other pressure points making it possible to do this. After she finishes, Red Hulk collapses on the floor as Domino stands over him victorious.
AvX Fun Fact: see?
Winner: Domino
(6th story)
Toad vs. Jarvis
The White Queen has taken control of Wolverine’s top janitor Toad and has sent him on a mission of most insidious infiltration… Avengers Tower.
Toad walks over the one of the computers in the tower but Jarvis spots a trail of dirt that Toad is leaving behind him. Jarvis asks him who taught him to clean the floor in such a disastrous manner. Jarvis says it certainly wasn’t him and then demands Toad hand over his mop. Toad wraps his tongue around Jarvis’s arm.
AvX Fun Fact: This isn’t the first time Jarvis has dealt with a lesser housekeeper.
Jarvis throws Toad through the windows of the tower and then chastises him for making a mess of the window too.
Winner: Jarvis
(7th story)
Spider-Woman vs. X-women (kinda)
Hawkeye is daydreaming about Spider-Woman in physical fights with various X-women. He imagines her “fighting” Emma Frost, Psylocke and Storm.
Captain America suddenly wakes him up from his dream and he sees he is still on the quinjet. As he leaps out of the jet, he mutters that he hates this job sometimes. Ant-Man agrees as he is being chased by Lockheed.
Winner: You
(8th story)
Iceman vs. Iron Fist
Iceman and Iron Fist are fighting hand to hand. Iceman has created a bunch of icemen duplicates but Iron Fist is smashing though them. He says if he wants to arrest him then he should have brought more. As Iceman lies shattered on the floor, he says he doesn’t even have enough moisture to blow him a kiss. Iron Fist says he doesn’t take any pleasure from the victory, to which Iceman agrees. As Iron Fist walks away he says he hopes they live long enough to meet each other again as something other than enemies.
The sky suddenly cracks with thunder and a bolt of lightning lights it up. Rain starts coming down and Iron Fist knows he’s in for trouble, as Iceman starts smiling. Iron Fist suddenly starts feeling pain from the raindrops and realizes that iceman has turned them to ice. The drops grow larger until they are the size and shape of fists and they pummel Iron Fist until he is unconscious.
Iceman reforms himself and tells Iron Fist he’s just been Kung Fu’ed. Iceman says he supposes he should arrest him but they might need a little Kung Fu is this all goes to hell. With that, Iceman slides away and leaves Iron Fist alone.
Winner: Iceman
(9th story)
Squirrel Girl vs. Pixie
Squirrel Girl rolls some fantasy board game dice and celebrates as her Iron Man beats Pixie’s Magneto. They are playing with small models of the X-Men and Avengers. Pixie looks annoyed, pointing out that Iron Man is made of metal.
On the next go, Squirrel Girl tells Pixie there are no do-overs when Thing beats Namor. Pixie pours a glass of water over Namor and then asks what about underwater. Squirrel Girl tells her it was underwater.
Squirrel Girl finds her model and comments on how fat it looks. Pixie picks up her own and smiles at how cute she is. The Thing suddenly enters and tells them to stop playing with the toys. They are made of the Puppet Master’s mind control clay. The girls look confused as the Thing takes them away.
The next day, they are reading a newspaper with the headline “Avengers vs. X-Men worldwide war.” Squirrel Girl is worried that they caused it but Pixie says she has no idea what she is talking about… in fact she’s not even there.
Winner: Roll two 0-8’s to find out
