(comedic exposition)
Sitting beneath a hot light, Deadpool recaps recent events, much in the style of TV-show Law & Order. He recalls that things have been peaceful over the last month, as Cable and he have been recuperating on Providence, Cable’s South Pacific island think tank. He also notes that Cable’s been reading old, dusty scrolls – about something called Skornn – and mumbling about rounding up some old friends of his for some big fight. Although, he suspects that’s just a gratuitous continuity touch to another book to help them finally establish a timeline. At the moment, though, he’s just been hanging around… mostly…
(reality)
Irene, Rabbi Rosen and Prester John look at the body of an Arab man. Irene is surprised by the dead body, though Rosen isn’t. John thinks Rosen meant that murder, even at Providence, would be inevitable, but Irene explains that the victim is Haji Bin Barat, the world’s most wanted terrorist. Cable wanted him on Providence to stop him being the world’s most wanted terrorist. John notes that it worked.
Rosen and Irene start looking for clues. John is surprised by Irene’s knowledge. She reminds him that she used to be an investigative reporter. She identifies the cause of death as either a broken neck or strangulation. Rosen suggests talking to Cable, but Deadpool enters and claims that he will solve the case.
Irene tries to tell Deadpool in a friendly way that his help is appreciated, but he usually ends up killing people when he is wearing his costume. Deadpool mentally notes that killing her would be wrong and replies that the costume gives him an aura of authority when questioning people. Irene remains skeptic. Deadpool looks at the body and identifies the cause of death as either strangulation or a broken neck. Irene is sarcastic. Deadpool reminds himself that while Irene is a reporter (and thus expendable to him), she also is Cable’s chronicler (and he suspects his lover), so he can’t kill her. Deadpool looks at the body again, repeats the broken neck or choked line and keeps staring. After some time Irene asks if that is all he has. Deadpool waits a bit and then admits it.
Irene sends Deadpool to the sewage processing plant for clues, while she talks to Cable. Cable is looking at a hologram of an Alien-like creature. She notes that he is still researching the creature. Cable replies that he is preparing for a potential problem. She tells him he still needs to rest, but he’s tired of resting. He notes that his new arm has stopped itching and that he can’t wait to sculpt finger lasers into it.
Cable notices that something is bothering Irene. Irene tells him about the murder. Cable is disappointed, but not surprised. Irene says that that seems to be the common reaction and wants to know Cable’s reason for inviting Barat. Cable tells her that Barat wanted to blow up Providence and everybody on it, but Cable thought that keeping him on Providence would be the best way to keep him out of trouble. He grabs his Psimitar from the wall (behind it hangs a very Stryfe-like helmet) and starts practicing with it. Cable continues his story while practicing; he was hoping to redeem Barat, teaching him to respect people of other races, creeds and religions. Cable tells her that he was making a little progress with him.
Irene cuts the story short and says that Barat’s death may ignite other acts of terrorism. Cable tells her that the murder needs to be solved before Providence becomes like everywhere else on Earth. He asks if Irene needs help. She doesn’t: a medical examiner and some former police officers have offered their assistance, as has Deadpool. Cable tells her that Deadpool needs something to do.
In the sewage processing plant, Deadpool climbs out of a vat filled with sewage and notes that there were no bullet casings in the eighth vat either. He is beginning to doubt his usefulness in the investigation, especially because no bullets were used in the murder. He returns to the crime-scene without bathing. When he enters, Irene and the other examiners all hold their noses. Deadpool offers to retrace Barat’s last few steps. Irene tells him that Rosen and John are already on it. Deadpool offers to do the autopsy, noting that he isn’t cut a dead guy before, but it can’t be too different from cutting a living guy.
Deadpool leaves, thinking that he should do something, not because he cares about Barat’s murder, but because if he doesn’t do something to elevate the boredom he is going to kill innocents. He decides to go to one of the local mosques to investigate. He enters the mosque and accuses the people inside of killing Barat because Barat was reforming. An elderly man is disgusted by Deadpool’s accusations: they hated everything Barat stood for. Deadpool doesn’t believe them and wants to know where their weapons are. The elderly man is confused and thinks Deadpool is a pig and an idiot. Deadpool admits that all his information about them comes from TV.
Prester John interferes and tells him that it is a place of worship. He takes Deadpool back to the scene of the murder. As they walk, Deadpool has a short flashback about Prester John: John has come to Providence because it reminds him of Avalon. He once fought the Fantastic Four and Thor. He also had or used an evil eye. Deadpool doesn’t know how he got there, but he’s big and has a funny moustache and Patrick gets to draw funky armor and a horse, so there he is.
Back at the murder scene, Irene tells him that they found footprints: a lot of short, quick steps around the body, but they also found 3 prints that cross the room (15 yards). Deadpool says that that is easy and crosses the room in two jumps. He concludes that the killer can scale walls, break and enter and cover fifteen yards in 2 jumps. Irene and the others look at Deadpool and admit that it should narrow things down.
Elsewhere, Wolverine is fighting Hydra and a man with sunglasses uses those sunglasses to record the fight. He asks if he has recorded enough yet. An unknown man asks for a little more footage, noting that Taskmaster will at least pay for Wolverine footage.
Back on Providence, Deadpool enters a restaurant and thinks about Providence food when he finally reaches a conclusion about the murder: he wonders who else on the island can do the feats of athletic ability he just displayed.
In one of the labs, a former police officer tells Irene that he isolated one clean set of fingerprints: Barat’s. Irene thinks the killer must have worn gloves. The man notes that a second set of prints were found, but they were all blurry as if the killer smudged each and every one of his prints. Irene thinks of another option: the killer’s skin was smudged to begin with.
Deadpool is standing outside of Barat’s former apartment and tries to climb the wall.
The autopsy is finished and the medical examiner tells Irene that the cause of death is a broken neck, but is confused by the method. Usually, an adult male needs two hands to do so, but the killer used only two fingers to break his neck. Irene says that it would take superhuman strength to do so.
Back at the crime scene, Deadpool has climbed the wall. It’s easy, he thinks – at least it is for Conan or Spider-Man. Or him. He opens the window and, with two jumps, is at the place where Barat was found. Quickly realizing the sheer feat of what the killer did and pondering how many people could have done such a thing, Deadpool now realizes the real mystery: why did he kill Haji bin Barat?
