Deadpool stands menacingly, katana raised, staring down an army of Mindless Ones, as Bob cowers behind him holding a glowing baton. Streams of fire and floating eyeballs dot the alternate-dimensional sky as the army of mindless ones stand still, arms upraised in prayer. The confused duo question their situation as Deadpool confirms with Bob that Dr. Strange had told them these Mindless ones were supposed to rip them to pieces rather than praying to them. Bob thinks they like his aftershave, but Deadpool reasons that they are worshiping Bob on the account of him being more mindless than them. That's not nice replies Bob, as he moves closer to the cliff to look over.
The further Bob moves away, the more agitated the Mindless Ones get. Hey Bob, Deadpool nervously calls out as the army threateningly advances on him. No need to apologize now, replies Bob as he obliviously looks over the edge and wonders how they get off this floating rock. The first step looks like a doozy, he observes. Wade's katanas begin slicing into the horde of attacking and eye blasting creature and he yells for Bob's assistance. Finally turning around, Bob gets a clue and absent-mindedly holds his glowing stick aloft. The light from the stick illuminates one of the Mindless Ones from behind and the horde stops attacking and again starts praying. Bob comments how odd it is that they are now worshipping one of their own, to which Wade compares their fickle-mindedness to the general electorate.
Bob begins moving back towards the cliff and the Mindless Ones immediately start pummeling Deadpool again. Wade understands suddenly that it is the glow stick that pacifies them and futilely tries relaying this information to Bob. “AAK-the-NNFF-low-ick-Glow-OW-Stick--” Deadpool manages to mumble in between blows. What? asks Bob. Wade manages to escape the dogpile and explains that they are worshiping the glow stick and Bob proclaims that as kind of stupid. No stupider than this, says Wade as he grabs Bob and plummets over the side of the cliff. Oh, no... yells Bob as they plummet into the abyss.
Many of the Mindless Ones follow the pair over the side to their doom, as Bob screams himself senseless about how they are going to die and Wade comments how cool the situation is. Wade and Bob come to a sudden halt, a green aura surrounding them. A calm Wade comments that this is cool too. The army of Mindless Ones start raining past them and Wade says that that is SO COOL! A gigantic image of Dr. Strange's astral form appears in front of them to explain that he is relieved to find Wade enjoying himself. Wade says that there is no way Dr. Strange knows how cool all of this is, but then realizes that of course he does since he does it all the time, but--
Be quiet, commands Strange. He apologizes for his delay in finding them but, when teleporting the pair into the netherrealms, he had not accounted for the strange energy suffusing their bodies. Deadpool reasons that they must still have the stink of time travel on them. He claims they are like chronal-hopping Frenchmen... though he would have expected the Master of the Mystic Arts should've been able to handle something like that. Be that as it may, counters Strange, he will now attempt to deliver Wade as closely to his target as he is able.
Back at Agency X in Manhattan, Agent X, Weasel, Outlaw and Sandi, spy on the meditating and levitating body of Dr. Strange as he continues his conversation with Wade. Strange warns him of the potential danger and Bob infers what potential danger means. Strange explains that they may encounter opposition, to which Bob hopefully asks if they may not. But you may, says Strange patiently. But we may not, right, repeats Bob. Strange simply sighs in exasperation. The obese Agent X whispers how silly Strange's cape is and then wishes that he had a cape. Outlaw retorts that he would need the curtains from Gone with the Wind and Sandi shows some restraint in asking what if Strange can hear them. Weasel reasons that he probably can't hear a thing while astral projecting across dimensional planes. “I can hear everything,” says Strange. All four quickly disappear from behind the doorway they were peering from behind.
Strange continues his conversation with Deadpool, explaining that he should be prepared for arrival into the realm of Sarrizhimar. An apprehensive Wade and excited Bob find themselves surrounded by a multitude of alien-like beautiful women. This is worse than I expected, claims Wade as he loosens his katana. What are you talking about, questions Bob, this is Paradise! All of the girls are hotter than Jessica Biel! Wade expresses his nervousness, claiming that in his experience this many women never turns out to be a good thing. Bob lays back as the women start cozying up to him and feed him grapes. It's only the one you marry that you have to worry about says Bob. Wade explains that he has an itch too, but he can't let them scratch it or bad things will happen.
Is that my own halitosis I smell, wonders Deadpool, as one of the alien women behind him, starts opening her mouth extremely wide. Wade swings around and lops off the top of the monstrous lady's head with his katana and her purple blood sprays over onto Bob's forehead. An unhappy Bob, purple blood dripping down his face, is now surrounded by the formerly beautiful women, transformed into monstrous, massively mawed creatures. Even Bob's fantasies never turn out right. Wade saves Bob in a maelstrom of flying katanas and purple blood, revealing that all of his fantasies turn out this way. He then laments that he is stuck here trying to find T-Ray, a guy Wade mostly hates because he hates Wade. He's doing it to save the multiverse, which was apparently disrupted by Wade killing T-Ray in the first place, and he can't even enjoy the only gals he's met in his entire life that have jaws capable of handling the wonder that is him.
Dr. Strange's astral form head appears in front of Deadpool, declaring that he must leave this realm immediately. A startled Wade asks why they weren't brought to their target. Bob suggests that they stay as long as Strange can give the girls a magic Valium or chocolate to calm them down. After Deadpool, exclaims that he wants chocolate too, Strange transports them with a transdimensional shunt.
The pair find themselves on the bucking deck of an ancient wooden boat in the middle of a storm. We're on a boat observes Wade, and me without my Dramamine. Bob babbles about how this has become more than a little terrifying and that he is on the edge of bewilderment. “Hold that thought for a minute Bob,” commands Wade, “because I think we're going to need a bigger boat...” A massive, green-scaled, sea serpent rises out of the ocean and stares hungrily at the comparatively tiny boat with its glowing orange eyes.
A muscled, bearded crewman holds tightly to a rope connected to the mast and commands in some foreign language for Bob to take it and pull with all his might. Bob yells back that he doesn't understand and asks where he can hide. Wade surveys the situation, draws his katana, grabs one of the ropes and slices it. Wait here, he tells Bob. When Bob asks where he is going, Wade swings up toward the top of the mast and replies, “To do something ridiculously heroic!” In the bird's nest, Wade stares down the massive face of the many toothed serpent. He calls out to the “H.R. Pufnstuf reject” to come here, and leaps katana first towards the beast as lightning flashes in the background. “I am sick of these $#@%%^S dragons on this $#@%%^S boat! I really can do better than that, I know, but it's tough juggling random acts of stupefying bravado with inane patter.”
Deadpool's katana plunges deep into the head of the scaled behemoth, and it crashes into the ocean. Wade stands on the corpse and yells to a nauseous Bob that if he barfs on Wade while he's saving their lives he'll be very disappointed. Bob understands but this has all been very upsetting. Even if Wade believes this to have all been an enjoyable rollercoaster ride through Mordor, he too is beginning to share in his confusion. The pair blink out in another teleport as Strange's voice explains that time grows short and they must hurry to their next destination.
Back in the Agency X building, mystical energy surrounds the rooftop. Agent X says that fireworks weren't on his schedule and Outlaw explains that is because there weren't any fireworks on the schedule. Sandi wonders why if Wade and Bob were sent to some magical dimension to stop the problem, then why are things turning all sparkly here? A strained Dr. Strange continues to communicate telepatically with Wade, explaining that bullets are useless against the elite protectorate of the exalted Brahl, so might he suggest using the katana blade instead? Wade unloads rounds of his handguns into an army of black plated multi-armed humanoid warrior beasts. Bob desperately tries to find a place to hide, while Wade discards his guns in favor of his blade.
“You're the martial arts expert,” admits Wade as he begins slicing away at the horde of creatures. Purple blood spurts from the beasts and coat his blade, which he points at the astral head of Strange. “Wait, come to think of it, you're not! What the heck is really going on here?” Strange replies that his task here is done and telerports him across several more dimensions. Wade stabs a giant worm creature in one, discorporates a gas monster with his katana in another, and finally refuses to kill a rampaging minotaur beast charging right for him. He says he likes a good brawl while Google mapping the otherworldly realms as much as the next guy but--
Strange recommends using his blade on the minotaur. A frustrated Wade trips the charging beast and screams for Strange to stop it! He is not stabbing, slicing or dicing one more rampaging fang-baring alien denizen with his blade until he came clean. The grounded minotaur grabs a terrified Bob who calls for help. Wade slices the arm grasping Bob's leg, declaring this as the last one.
Indeed it is, admits Strange. Deadpool says that he doesn't know if Strange understands but he is really trying hard not to be a savage, but fun-loving killer. Strange does understand and he apologizes that his responsibility required him to draw blood across the many mystic planes. Wade points his katana, soaked in the blood of the many savage creatures he has killed, at Strange. He wants to know what this responsibility is, as he thought finding T-Ray's body was the goal. That is only what Strange told Wade. He has known where the fallen blackmage's body was the entire time, he explains and he teleports Wade and Bob to said location.
At the base of a tall mountain, a long stairway ascends to the summit, Deadpool and Bob look up at the lightning strewn sky to see Dr. Strange floating besides a suspended, aura-surrounded T-Ray. “Holy George Perez-look at all those damn steps,” Wade exclaims. Bob pleads that there might be an elevator but Wade is focused on what the deal is if T-Ray is supposedly dead. Strange simply answers that they will understand once they climb to the summit. Upon reaching the pedestal that T-Ray's form hovers above, Bob collapses to the ground in utter exhaustion.
Strange explains that the sword used to kill T-Ray has been fluctuating between planes and the wound continues to leak ectotheric energies. In essence, by Wade stabbing T-Ray through the forehead as he sought to escape by a mystic burrow, he tumbled through various planes and the black magic energies he had barely begun to understand spilled from him like blood. This resulted in a fraying of the barriers he fell through, which much like toppling dominoes, has come to threaten the earthly plane. To repair the boundaries, a portion of life essence drawn from each realm was needed in order to replace that which T-Ray lost in his descent.
Deadpool claims he kind of understands everything that was just explained to him and iterates that he never meant for any of this to happen when he nailed T-Ray. He was just trying to save Sandi and Outlaw, but why couldn't Strange have explained all of this to him in the first place? Wade would have drawn all of the life essences needed if it meant saving the universe and being able to take the credit. Strange replies that he did not trust Wade would do as asked, for in order to save the world, the final destination of this long journey requires Wade to restore T-Ray to life.
Wade stares at the motionless T-Ray, black energies leaking from the wound on his forehead, and declares this choice as totally unfair. He points at the corpse and describes the convoluted back story of how T-Ray stole Wade's identity. Even though T-Ray claims the opposite is true-and that even though it is still open to debate depending on the writer you like best, Wade still prefers the version where he is himself and T-Ray remains not being Wade by being dead. A confused Strange looks at Bob, who simply shrugs his shoulders.
For the sundered barriers to be made whole, so too must the energy that caused the rupture be returned to a safe buttress, continues Strange. Wade's blade has the essence of the multiple mystic realms residing in it now and it must be plunged back through the gash Wade caused so it might fill the empty host with the restored black magics. Raising his blood soaked katana, ready to stab T-Ray in the head once more, Wade comments on how much this all sucks. After one last look back at Strange and Bob, he resigns himself to his fate and stabs the katana back into the wound. The mystical aura flares brightly and then hurls Deadpool backwards, temporarily discorporating Strange's astral self.
Strange's astral image reforms to find Wade and Bob looking up at a now empty pedestal. Wade asks if that did the trick? Is the universe saved? Strange confirms that it is so, until the next time it becomes endangered. Wade claims that he can only do one save the universe can't/must conflict at a time and Bob asks the obvious question as to T-Ray's whereabouts. A pensive-looking Strange answers that though his body is now whole, his spirit remains missing. It has gone to find balance... to seek its soul. What? asks a surprised Wade and Bob to each othe. They then both conclude that it sounds like their job is done and all's well that ends well.
With a motion of his hand and strange, pink energy enveloping Wade and Bob, Strange claims that their assignment is not yet concluded, as they were hired to atone for the problem Wade created. For T-Ray to be whole, his body and spirit is required. Okay but where are you… Wade gets cut off as the pair suddenly appear in a misty swamp. Bob comments on how disgusting it smells in what he can only assume is a backwater, sulfurous hellhole outer dimension. Deadpool denies this assumption by confirming that it is Louisiana. Drum beats permeate the air and Bob pleads to Wade to tell him that he brought drums with him. The drum beat gets louder and more vigorous, overwhelming everything until from out of the mists comes a voice welcoming them to the home of... Brother Voodoo!
