San Fransisco, Deadpool’s house. 11:59 PM…
Blind Al lies in bed. She thinks that this is ridiculous. She hasn’t been afraid of ghoulies bumping in the night since flapper dresses were in style, which, incidentally, she never took because they made Al’s butt look big. But tonight… Al knows that tonight is bad. Whenever Al did get the spooks, just one thing could unclench her gut and relax the steel cords in her back: nicotine. So, before going to sleep, Al lights up a cigarette. She jokes she needs this, as warm milk is for babies.
Of course today, lighting up a cigarette in bed at night is considered a healthy risk in more ways than Al cares to recall. But she doesn’t care about those risks, since she’s old. She has earned a night of living dangerously. Besides, in the grand scheme of things, what are a house fire and lung cancer compared to her problems? This just isn’t as relaxing when someone can’t watch the smoke swirl around.
Al is worried. She doesn’t know where Deadpool is. Normally, she wouldn’t care at all, as the more Wade is away the more Al gets to have time to practice her hobbies, like planning escape routes, but Wade hasn’t been himself lately. So, a mind starts to work overtime when he goes M.I.A. For a while, it looked like Wade was changing for the best, evolving so to speak, into something resembling a decent human being. It was no doubt due to the influence of a certain Irish lass with an angel’s face and a voice like Gideon’s trumpet. With any luck, that’s where Al hopes Wade is now. Reconnecting his tether to something good in this world. But of course, lady luck and Blind Al don’t get along too well.
Case in point: Wade got himself involved with some dizzy thrill-chick named Typhoid Mary not too long ago. Al doesn’t know what happened exactly between those two, but she has a feeling Wade’s burgeoning “good side” would have stood a better chance in a firestorm with a paper umbrella. Now Al really can’t sleep.
West Chester, the Xavier Institute…
Deadpool sneaks around the mansion. It’s completely empty - literally. Wade is obviously searching for Siryn, and gets an evil look in his eyes when he can’t find her.
The next day…
Wade doesn’t feel too happy. Blind Al wakes up, but she didn’t sleep well. Wade didn’t either: he had a nightmare about Kathy Lee, but he doesn’t really want to talk about that. Wade congratulates Alfred for the cranks she pulled on him the other day. Al doesn’t think that Wade looks too happy. Wade claims he’s laughing inside, but Al knows what they say about payback. He asks Al to follow him. Hesitant, she asks why.
Wade clicks on the lights, and proudly presents Al that it’s time for her to play… the Road-Trip Roulette! Wade thinks it’ll be exiting. Al asks Wade to leave her alone, as she’s still sleepy. Wade tries to get Al excited, as it’s been years since they had their last field trip. He really wants to go.
Al rather wants to talk about how Wade has been acting lately, but he doesn’t want to. Al spins the wheel. Wade is too exited, and thinks Al will feel bad when she has just lost her freedom by an inch. But instead, she has won a lovely trip to… the aquarium! Al gets angry, as the last time Wade let her out of the house, they went to the aquarium as well. And she hates that place! Wade doesn’t care, and also, they can’t break the rules. So, it’s time for them to have a little… ROAD TRIP!
Meanwhile, somewhere inside a complex, high-tech headquarters…
A team of costumed individuals have gathered. They watch a presentation on a viewing screen, which demonstrates that danger clearly lurks everywhere these days. And since the so-called heroes have been killed recently, victory and glory could be all theirs! Most of the members are exited, but one suggests that they take the day off, and go to the aquarium today. They could always safe the world tomorrow. Everyone agrees, and they take off.
Al still doesn’t like being there. She thinks that fish stink. So do most people. But, it does feel nice to feel the sun again and smiles a little. She feels that there are a lot of people around her, so maybe this trip won’t be so bad. Perhaps she’s just a little depressed because she doesn’t like fish that much.
Wade, in disguise thanks to his image inducer, is exited about being here, especially since they’ve got a baby seal exhibit going on at the aquarium. He knew he should have brought his club, but Al refused to carry it in her purse. He asks Al if he can ask her something. Al confirms, as long as it doesn’t involve her interacting with any sea-life. Wade says it doesn’t. He asks Al… if she’s happy. He knows that Al’s life probably didn’t turn out the way she expected, seeing she has to life without personal freedom or her dignity and all that, but besides that, Wade wants to know if Al considers herself to be content with what she has.
Al jokes that her pantyhose still fit; she gets three squares a day and a leaky roof above her head, and can watch Matlock almost 24 hours a day. But, with the prisoner part being what it is, that blows everything away. She asks Wade the same question. That’s actually the ten-thousand dollar question. There has been a time when Wade could have answered that question without thinking, and would have responded that he’s never happy. But recently, there are days when he just wants to rip a heart out of a guy’s chest, and the other day he wants to help an old lady crossing the street. He fears that he’s losing it.
Al noticed. She asks Wade if he thinks it has anything to do with that psychotic witch he used to hang out with. Wade changes the subject, and surprisingly asks Alfred if she would want to be free again?!
Typhoid Mary enters. She hasn’t been here for a while, as she had to heal from the wounds Deadpool brought upon her. Typhoid angrily looks around, failing to find Wade. She notices a blonde haired woman staring at her, and asks what she wants.
Zoe responds it’s nothing, and smiles, saying that Typhoid can take her seat if she wants, as she wouldn’t want to stand in the way of true love. But in herself, Zoe thinks that Typhoid Mary isn’t good for Wade Wilson, and has to be removed out of his life.
Al doesn’t like that question. She thinks it’s time again for her to play the “try to escape and gain her freedom back” game, which she knows she always loses on the last minute. Wade claims to be serious. He promises that if Al can tap her way out of the park before he can track her down, well, she can keep walking then. Al asks what’s going to happen if she refuses to play. Wade jokes that if that happens, the next time they visit the aquarium, Deuce will have to pull Al in something with wheels.
She decides to play along. She fakes calling out to a policeman to escort her out. Wade gives her a head’s start. Once Al is gone, he hopes that she can make it out. He knows she can. She has to… before things stop being so nice around the house!
Elsewhere at the park, the team of super heroes are enjoying a show with dolphins. They are amazed about what people can do with animals these days, and keep on enjoying it.
At the same time, Al doesn’t know what she’s doing. She wonders how she’s ever going to figure out Wade’s problem if he keeps letting him get what he wants. Even though she used to like entertaining thoughts of escape, she hates doing this right now. But, she might as well try it. She asks Deuce if he can smell the way out back home. The dog points out that he can, and runs away, but… he leaves Al behind! She’s surrounded by idiots…
Wade stops counting. Al’s time is up. He turns off his image inducer, and becomes Deadpool again. He starts shooting around, warning everyone that he’s on a mission to prevent the world from having to suffer from… watching Free Willy 4! A lot of people start to panic, and try to escape from the madness.
Meanwhile, the heroes are having problems with a hot dog vendor, who think they aren’t paying enough. The heroes tell the man not to treat them like this, as they are heroes. They are… the Great Lakes Aven… Flatman stops. He can’t seem to get used to this. They got out of the Avengers franchise, and are currently known as… the Lightning Rods! And it’s their mission to track down, defeat and chase away evil everywhere!
Deadpool, sitting on a mermaid statue, has begun his search for Blind Al. He thinks it would go a lot smoother if everyone would stop running and screaming. Suddenly, he gets kicked into the turtle pod by… Mr. Immortal! He threatens Deadpool to stop his evil doings and to drop the guns. Big Bertha approaches Immortal, mentioning that she doesn’t like the Lightning Rods name much… it doesn’t sound like a battle cry to her. Mr. Immortal wants to worry about the PR problems later, as soon as the bad guy has been turned in.
Mr. Immortal introduces himself to Deadpool, and warns him that he’s under civil arrest. Deadpool can think of a thousand jokes right now. But, he notices that his attacker’s name is “Mr. Immortal” and wants to try out something: he shoots the hero! Big Bertha, Flatman, Doorman and Dinah Soar show up, and immediately tend to their friend. Deadpool has had enough of the battle, so he teleports away.
San Francisco, Deadpool’s house…
Weasel rings the bell, but nobody answers. He knows that he’s into deep when Deadpool finds out he has been visiting Blind Al while Wade himself is causing havoc somewhere. Weasel thinks his life sucks. Suddenly, Deuce arrives! Weasel is surprised, and realizes that Deuce never leaves Blind Al’s side, unless…! Oh, no. Weasel tells Deuce to lead, and bring him to Blind Al.
Al hears all the tumult, and thinks Wade has made it to the five hundred count and must have started the hunt on her.
The Lightning Rods have started chasing Wade through the park. Flatman notices that Bertha is getting tired, and suggests that he takes over. Bertha refuses: Deadpool is hers. It’s time to get physical! Wade freaks out when he hears those words, refusing to let the physical contact with the fat lady happen. He doesn’t even care that he runs through a shark tunnel, and destroying all the aquariums in between.
Flatman doesn’t like that Bertha always takes over control every time Mr. Immortal gets shot. He is the deputy leader! Doorman asks Flatman to shut up, as he’s apparently upsetting Dinah. Dinah flies up into the sky. Deapdool notices, and in an attempt not to get sucked into the water, he hangs on to her legs flying into safety.
Unfortunately, the other Lightning Rods aren’t that lucky, and get caught by the water. Meanwhile, Mr. Immortal has already healed, and his longs have also practically recovered. He calls out to his teammates to continue the attack, but then, the water takes him, too! This wasn’t the best day to usher in a new area…
In the sky, Deadpool attacks Dinah by covering her eyes. She tries her best to push Wade off her back, but fails. Wade jokes that Dinah’s parents must have been at least first cousins, and that with this attitude of hers will never be able to find her a handsome Hawkman. Wade notices Al below him, sitting on a bench in the bird reservoir. He thinks Al must have forgotten that she is the blind one, and couldn’t escape. He jumps off Dinah’s back, and lands in front of Al, shouting that she belongs to him again. Al thinks it’s about time. She wants to go, as Columbo is about to begin.
Outside the aquarium, Weasel has almost arrived, but he’s almost out of breath from the hard running, and has to stop for a while.
Deadpool hesitates. He realizes that Al wasn’t even playing the game. He gave her a chance to earn her freedom back, yet she didn’t take it. Why?! Al doesn’t know… maybe because her seeing-eye mongrel abandoned here, so she got stuck, or perhaps she knows Wade never manages to match his socks without her.
The Lightning Rods have found Wade again, and jump off the water. They think he’s using Blind Al as a hostage, and order the vile scum to get away from her. Al doesn’t know what’s going on, but asks if the newcomers actually called Wade a “vile scum.” Wade jokes that his opponents are more pathetic than Weasel.
This battle is so sad that Wade doesn’t even want to waste any more time on it. He asks Al if she wants to go home and have some yogurt. He takes Al closer to him, and starts teleporting away.
Doorman notices, and still thinks Wade is getting away with his hostage. Mr. Immortal thinks they’ve only got one chance: Doorman has to teleport the woman to safety, and initiate plan 227: the Fastball Special! Flatman changes his face into that of Colossus, and Doorman, a la Wolverine, and jumps at Wade and Al.
But as Doorman activates his powers, both Deadpool and Blind Al get sucked inside his stomach, and disappear! He immediately gets sick. Big Bertha transforms back into her other form of Cindy Crawford, and tends to her teammate, thinking they need to get him to a doctor. An upset Weasel arrives, and his devices have picked up trans-spatial distortions. The Lightning Rods fill Weasel in about what happened, and he suspects he knows what happened to his friends.
Deadpool and Blind Al… are lost in time!