Deadpool (2nd series) #3

Issue Date: 
March 1997
Story Title: 
Stumped! (or: This Little Piggy Went… Hey! Where is Little Piggy?!)

Joey Kelly (writer), Ed McGuinness (pencils), Nathan Massengill & Norman Lee (inks), Richard Starkings & Comicraft (letters), Matthew Pain (colors), Digital Chameleon (enhancement), Matt Idelson (editor), Bob Harras (editor-in-chief)

Brief Description: 

Deadpool jokes around, trying to earn some money about how fast he can regenerate his cut off finger. After losing the cash, Wade gets confused, as… he fails to grow his finger back! Later, he receives a package from an old enemy, Black Tom Cassidy, and inside it lays Wade’s one-time severed hand! After a convincing from Blind Al, Wade goes to visit Siryn at the Xavier Institute, where he informs her about the hand. Theresa doesn’t know where her uncle is right now and, fearing for Tom’s life if she doesn’t help Wade out, she agrees to help him. The trace leads them to the Swiss Alps, where they are welcomed by none other than Dr. Killebrew. He reveals that the hand was just his way to lure Wade to his home, and he doesn’t even know where Tom is right now. Killebrew mentions that he wants to atone for his past criminal acts, for example for what he did to Wade back at the Weapon X Workshop. Killebrew cuts to the chase, and mentions that he wants to talk about Wade’s healing factor, and the fact that Deadpool is also… dying!

Full Summary: 

Deadpool is in deep pain. Behind him stand Patch, T-Ray and C.F., cheering for him, convincing him to take deep breaths and not to give up. Wade is in pain, and takes off his glove: one of his fingers is gone! Weasel, who sits next to Wade on the table, asks him to cut out the theatrics. Weasel jokes that everyone feels bad for him, and he sure could use one of those imported beers. Wade angrily asks Weasel to shut up, as he’s trying to concentrate.

Wade recalls that he lost his finger, thanks to the battle with the Taskmaster after he was rescuing Weasel from his clutches. He jokes that the least Weasel could to is pretend to be thankful and shut up. Patch tries to make a wager out of how fast Wade can regenerate his finger. He suggests to the other mercs in the room five bills for four and twenty. T-Ray doesn’t call that action. He throws down three thousand dollars because he thinks Deadpool can’t grow it back at all. Patch is confident that the finger will grow back; they are just betting how long it will take before Wade’s healing factor kicks in.

T-Ray tells Patch he can call him a sucker then, and demands that he takes the money. Patch does as told, and takes it. Wade kids around and shouts real loud, but finally concentrates and tries to get his finger back. But, something goes wrong. A small shiny thing comes out instead?! Wade suspects that this is a joke. But that can’t be, because he would only be kidding himself. T-Ray asks Patch for his money, and Patch pays him up. Patch tells Wade he can stop fooling around now anytime. T-Ray notices that Deadpool isn’t kidding anyone this time, and asks Wade if his thoughts are correct.

T-Ray mocks that exposed weakness sure does feel uncomfortable, does it? He suggests that Wade better starts to get used to it. Wade jokes that he’s impressed by “T-Bags” threat, and tells the man to just go home, and on the way rob a Quick-E-Mart and steal a bag of tic-tacs for his mouth, because T-Ray’s breath sure smells ugly. T-Ray walks away.

Weasel asks Wade what’s wrong with him. For starters, Wade is three thousand dollars poorer. Weasel knows that Wade used to be able to regenerate a whole limb in a manner of minutes! And he has also noticed that Wade has been dropping weight. Wade jokes that he’s trying to keep his girlish figure. He orders C.F. to fetch him a beer. Weasel is serious. He informs Deadpool that his healing factor is out of synch, and he fears that if guys like T-Ray see any signs of weakness in him, they sure won’t hesitate to finish Wade off.

Wade is touched by the way Weasel mothers him. C.F. arrives, and is mocking the bad way Deadpool always treats him, and angrily puts the beer down in front of him. Weasel tells Wade that he sure needs a mother. Or a wife or at least a girl. He thinks about that Irish girl Wade likes. Wade asks Weasel if he has forgotten what happened the last time he mentioned Siryn. But of course Weasel has, as his breath has returned back to normal. Wade notices that C.F. is holding a box, and wants to know what is in it.

C.F. doesn’t know; a courier just dropped it off. Wade slices the box open with his sword, and hopes that it’s finally those rocket skates he ordered from the Acme Company! With the last pair, Wade jokes, he almost broke his legs when he had put them on. But he swears he’ll get that Road Runner someday. Wade takes a closer look in the box, and is horrified when… he finds his former hand?! There’s also a note attached, which reads that Wade is sure hard to find, and the sender thought that Wade might want to have this back. And the note came from none other than… Black Tom Cassidy?!

Wade is furious and curses the mutant for all that he is. He wants to taunt him for a change. C.F. notices how angrily Deadpool has become, but is glad that at least he’s going to take on someone else for a change. He wants to know what Black Tom did to Wade anyway. Wade angrily puts his fist into C.F.’s mouth, and will show him what Black Tom did. Tom had some hired goon cut of Wade’s hand so Tom could keep it for himself. Wade thanks C.F. for the delivery, and shoots C.F. through his mouth! C.F. managed to survive though and, with his final breath, tries to gather his strength back. Weasel jokes C.F. that it’s not about him: Wade has just a concept for not killing the messenger.

One teleport later, in the sunny San Francisco…

Wade is at the attic and angrily searches for something, which he can’t find. Blind Al enters, and jokes that it’s a miracle Wade finds anything in this mess. Wade asks her to zip it, as he isn’t in the mood. Wade informs Al about the hand-thing, and that he wants revenge. As soon as he finds that stupid Rassum Frassum Intercontinental Coordinate Translator so Wade can set his teleporter so he can zip over there.

Al asks if it is a smaller than a breadbox, with lots of buttons and digital readout. Wade confirms, and asks Al if she has seen it. Al smiles, and says she hasn’t, since she is blind. But she has a better idea: why doesn’t Deadpool go to Westchester instead and ask Siryn about her uncle’s whereabouts. Wade gets even angrier, and asks Al why he would do that. Al says that a) Siryn might have a cab or plane which might transport them to Black Tom, or b) Wade has been spying on Theresa for months now so he can finally talk to her, or c) he’s going to screw things up with Siryn anyway so why no do it in style?

Wade tosses Al in a playful way up in the sky, and thanks the old lady that her idea is crazy enough that it might work. If so, Wade will have killed Black Tom spend time with Siryn and have his hand back all in one glorious day! Al hits the ceiling and is disoriented when she falls down. She asks Wade in which way she has to go back. Wade lies that Al is pointed to her bedroom, and just has to make one giant step. Al, not realizing she’s standing in front of a lot of stairs, thanks Wade for his help.

Westchester, the Xavier Institute…

Siryn sits at her room, studying the fast-ball special technique from Wolverine from a handbook, and thereby learning how he and Storm managed to penetrate the Master Mold’s chest cavity. Theresa sighs. She has been reading the book four hours now, but has the hardest time keeping it in her head. She has still so much to learn if she wants to remain the junior leader of X-Force, but, she jokes, nobody said it would be easy. She thinks she might slip into her uniform instead and go practicing in the Danger Room, right after she has given her eyes a chance to recuperate.

Somebody knocks on her door, and Theresa asks them to go away, unless Meltdown has blown up the Playstation again. Someone shouts that there’s pizza. Theresa thinks that it’s James. The voice says its potato and cabbage pizza. Theresa recognizes the voice, and doesn’t think it’s James. It’s Deadpool! Theresa gets a smile on her face, obviously happy to see him. But she laughs at the pizza-delivery get-up Wade wears, and she wants to know what’s up with that.

Wade mocks that he isn’t wearing a “get up.” He describes his clothes as a masterfully crafted disguise so he could sneak into the mansion unnoticed. That is, his teleporter would have worked too, but Wade has heard that the Beast is such a sucker for a man in uniform. Theresa touches Wade’s hand, and tells him to come in. Wade feels all funny and feels still in love with Theresa, but doesn’t say anything.

Siryn notices something wrong with Wade’s hand. Wade says its nothing, and hands over the pizza to Theresa. She thanks him, but still wants to know what happened to his finger. Wade changes the subject and notices all the books lying around, and asks Theresa if she isn’t turning all geek to him. Theresa denies that, but still wants to know what happened and what Wade is doing there. Wade claims that he just teleported half across the country because he thought Theresa might need some fresh air, hit the town, and take a little road trip. He turns off her computer but, since she hadn’t saved her files, everything is gone now!

Theresa defends and shouts that Wade can’t just come in there and wreck havoc on her studies like that, and fool her with his shenanigans. Wade asks Theresa if she has just cursed him in Irish. Besides, he wants to know, since when is homework more important than playtime? Theresa defends that it is more important since the world fell apart, and everything became more dangerous for mutants. She tells Wade that of all people he should understand what it means to have all the sense in life being torn away.

Wade understands. The light bulb has turned on. Ding. He guesses it’s okay for Theresa to call him to help break out of a mental institution, but when he asks something in return, she won’t do it. He understands. Theresa tries to apologize, but Wade keeps on mumbling, and tells Theresa not to bore herself to death. Theresa apologizes, as she’s just under a lot of pressure right now. She opens the pizza box, and is startled when she finds Wade’s hand! She wants to know what this is all about. Deadpool mentions that this is his cute little way to tell Theresa that they are going on a fun road trip. Theresa wants to know where to. Deadpool gets angry, and shouts that they are going to pay Theresa’s uncle, Black Tom Cassidy, a little visit! And he calls shotgun!

Later, somewhere nestled deep within the Swiss Alps…

Theresa and Wade step out of his car. She thinks to herself, and sarcastically congratulates herself on the fine leadership. She only sneaked out of the mansion with a maniac merc without telling a soul. But she fears what would happen to Tom if she didn’t agree to come. But, she wonders, if Deadpool really wants to kill Tom, why did he tell her about it in the first place?

Wade cuts the silence and tells Theresa that if there’s going to be one thing she’ll remember her uncle by, it will be the moment he guts him and has stuck his head on a pike. They walk for a while, and arrive nearby Tom’s cabin. Theresa wants Wade to promise her that they’re going to walk inside and talk things out like civilized people. Wade promises, as for Theresa, he would promise anything. She thanks him for that. But, behind his back, Wade holds crossed fingers! And the last one to dismember Tom is a rotten egg.

Siryn doesn’t know if Wade is telling her the truth or not. Deadpool quickly runs towards the cabin and, while singing, prepares himself for Tom’s death. Theresa has heard enough, and tackles Wade down the ground, with Wade’s feelings being tested. Wade jokes that Theresa can’t help but love him. Theresa corrects that at this moment, the only thing she feels for Wade is about anything the opposite of love.

Suddenly, they are welcomed by none other than… Dr. Killebrew! He thinks it’s about time that they showed up, as they are late for their appointment. But luckily, Killebrew has some time on his hands. He welcomes Deadpool, as it has been a long time since they have seen each other. Wade jokes and tells Theresa to look, as it’s the quack who “cured him” back at the Weapon X Program. Wade warns Theresa to be careful, thinking this must be some sort of master plan of Tom.

Killebrew asks Deadpool and Siryn to come inside and drink some hot chocolate milk, as they must be freezing outside. Wade has heard enough, and wants to know what’s going to happen next. Black Tom jumping from the ceiling? Ninjas coming after him? The Juggernaut bursting through a wall? Killebrew corrects Wade that they are in his home now, and that he doesn’t even have a clue where Black Tom is right now. Wade doesn’t believe that. Theresa takes a look inside a box, and thinks that Killebrew might be telling the truth, and finds… Wade’s glove!

Deadpool recognizes it, but is confused. The glove used to live on his hand, which Tom is using right now to scratch who knows what. Killebrew reveals that it’s just a copy. One of the thousands he has sent to seedy joints around the world where mercs and other thugs hang around, hoping that one day it would receive Wade and that he might be coming back for revenge. And now that he has finally arrived, Killebrew asks Deadpool to sit down so that they can have a little talk. Wade honestly doesn’t know what on Earth they should be talking about.

Killebrew reveals that he wants to discuss Wade’s health and healing factor, and what they did to him at the Workshop. Wade recalls that name. Siryn cuts in, as the last thing she remembers is that Killebrew and Wade went off to fix his healing factor. And she thinks Killebrew is as useless now as he was then. Killebrew asks Siryn if Wade told her he left his side the moment he dropped him of before he even got the chance to help him. Wade gets furious, and shouts “the Workshop?!”

Deadpool angrily pulls out his sword and puts it against Killebrew’s throat, wanting to know how he dares mentioning that place to him. Killebrew knows that it’s painful to think about. Wade tells Killebrew that he doesn’t know about pain… yet. Wade adds that he can’t make it through the night without jumping out of bed with a cold sweat drenching his body, the antiseptic stench of the Workshop in his nose, or the noise of that machine banging around in his ears. Wade has to bite the inside of his mouth to make sure he’s in the present, and not back there. Wade furiously asks Killebrew if he remembers what he did to his teeth. Killebrew freaks out a little, and remembers just that.

Siryn tries to calm Wade down, telling him that they won’t be able to work this out if Wade cuts off Killebrew’s head. Wade punches her back, telling Theresa that she doesn’t understand. He tells her that this is way over her head, as Theresa’s worst nightmare wouldn’t compare to what Wade went through back at Weapon X. Killebrew tells Wade that’s the reason why he brought him there. He is aware that Wade doesn’t owe him anything more than a painful retribution, but he wants to make amends for what he has done in the past. Wade wants to know the reason.

Killebrew explains that you reach a certain point in life where there are more days behind you than ahead of you, and that you begin to take stock for what you’ve accomplished. And in Killebrew’s case, he isn’t proud of most things. He explains that back in Weapon X, he was only following orders. That is no excuse, but a fact back in those days. And now that Killebrew doesn’t have orders anymore, he has a responsibility to set things right. He needs to help Deadpool. And he knows that Wade can most definitely use his help. Wade sarcastically congratulates Killebrew on the word choice, but there are simply some things you can’t ever make up for.

Theresa tells Wade that she can’t pretend to understand what’s going on here, or to know what Killebrew did to him in the past, but right now, she knows that Wade is holding the life of Killebrew in his hand and that the man is begging for it. She tells Wade that he isn’t in Weapon X being twisted into becoming Deadpool; he is there… with her.

Deadpool tells Theresa that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. He jokes that Killebrew makes Dr. Mengele look like a podiatrist and, in his presence, Wade has heard grown men cry to gods they stopped believing in years ago. He has seen the strongest backs broken and twisted. Wade himself screamed so loud he didn’t even recognize the sound of his own voice. That’s why Wade skipped out of the last treatment Killebrew offered him. He couldn’t bear Killebrew touching him again, as the man stripped him of everything.

Siryn tells Wade that sparing Killebrew’s life is a way to take something back from him: Wade’s own humanity. She bags Wade to listen to what Killebrew has to say. Wade listens and withdraws his sword, but only for Theresa’s sake.

Killebrew thanks Deadpool. And since he is aware that he’s on borrowed time, he apologizes but has to cut to the chase. He explains to Deadpool that it isn’t just his healing factor he wants to talk about… it’s about everything. Wade’s body is devouring him from the inside out. To put it bluntly: Deadpool… is dying!

Characters Involved: 



Blind Al

Siryn (X-Force)

Patch (Deadpool’s field handler)

Dr. Killebrew


various other mercs including C.F. (all unnamed)

Story Notes: 

Deadpool’s hand was cut of him so Black Tom could attach it to his own body, as seen in Deadpool (1st series) #1-4. Dr. Killebrew also first appeared in that mini-series.

Deadpool fought the Taskmaster last issue, and one of his fingers was cut off while fighting him.

The “Quick-E-Mart” is the cartoon shop from the Simpsons, owned by foreign shopkeeper Apu, with the best customer being Homer Simpson himself.

The “Acme Company” is the cartoon factory of the Warner Brothers cartoon figures, mostly used by Wile E. Coyote while trying to figure out a good way (but always fails) to capture the speeding Road Runner.

Siryn’s real name, “Theresa Rourke,” is misspelled as “Teresa Rourke” in this issue. Meltdown is one of her teammates in X-Force. James is the real first name of Warpath, another teammate of Siryn, who also has love feelings for her.

The Beast is a member of the X-Men, and known world widely thanks to his former affiliation with the Avengers.

Siryn called for Deadpool’s help in X-Force (1st series) #46, and Wade helped rescue her from the Weisman mental institution she was trapped in, in X-Force (1st series) #47.

Black Tom is currently in an unknown prison hospital, where his cousin, Banshee, sent him after defeating him in Deadpool (1st series) #4. Wade never heard this because he had already left with Killebrew when Banshee suggested this.

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