(New York City)
As Peter Parker steps off a subway carriage onto the platform, a voice calls out to him. He turns to see a family huddled together and wearing “I ♥ NY” s-shirts. The father gives Peter a camera and asks him to take their picture. He takes the camera and smiles at the simplicity of its point-and-shoot design. Before Peter can take the picture, though, the camera is snatched out of his hand by Deadpool. He aims the camera at the family and tries to get them to say “Deadpool is the greatest of all time.” The family look confused as Deadpool takes the picture, after which he tosses the camera back to the father and tells Peter not to give up his day job. Dressed in a hoodie and baseball cap, he walks away and heads up to the street.
On the street, one of his inner voices asks what they are going to do next. Deadpool simply replies that they will find Spider-Man, and when his other inner voice asks how he tells it that they will get his attention. Before he can do anything else, though, he gets distracted by a hot-dog vendor.
Up in the Daily Bugle office above, Peter is staring out of the window at the hot-dog vendor on the street below. Robbie Robertson walks up to Peter and tells him he has tons of work for him to do. Surprised, Peter asks if he is serious and Robbie asks if there’s a problem. As Peter stares out the window again, thinking about Deadool, he worriedly tells him he hopes not.
As one of Deadpool’s inner voices ask how they get Spider-Man’s attention, the hero web-slings his way to a local deli. Spider-Man enters and calls out to Mr. Cheng, the owner. He stands at the counter with some groceries and calls out again, telling Mr. Cheng that he is leaving the money on the counter. When he doesn’t get a reply, he gets curious and goes investigating. He heads to the back of the shop and kicks down a door. He stands in the doorway, stunned, as he sees half-a-dozen bodies lying on the ground and blood spattered all over the room. He phones the emergency services and tells them there has been a shooting.
(15 Minutes Later )
Police cars and ambulances are parked outside the deli, which has now been cordoned off with police tape. Peter, now in his civilian clothes, goes up to one of the detectives and tells him he was the one who called it in. The detective asks if he knew the victim and Peter admits he did and that he was a customer. When the detective then asks if he was a front or back of the store customer, Peter gets confused at that and the man asks him if he knew about Mr. Cheng’s set up at the back. Peter says he didn’t know anything, even though he was in every day. The detective then asks if he saw anyone suspicious hanging around lately. Peter assumes he means gangbangers but the detective points out that this was a professional job. He then repeats himself and asks Peter if he saw anyone suspicious, which causes him to frown and grit his teeth at the realization he has.
Standing on a rooftop under the moonlight, Deadpool, now in costume, lets out a burp. One of his voices tells him he has some serious thunder brewing down there and the other voice suggests that it’s from the forty hot-dogs he ate. Deadpool apologizes and says he couldn’t help himself. Spider-Man hears this as he swings towards Deadpool and tells him he is sicker than he thought. Deadpool greets him with open arms and tells him he hasn’t seen him since Amazing Spider-Man #611. Out of curiosity, he asks Spider-Man how sick he thought he was.
Spider-Man completely ignores him and starts attacking him. After a serious of punches and kicks, which ends with a well placed kick to Deadpool’s groin, Deadpool kneels on the floor, stunned at Spider-Man’s speed. Spider-Man flings him off the roof onto another roof below and lands next to him. He advances on the merc whilst telling him how many kids, grandkids and great-grandkids Mr. Cheng had. He kicks Deadpool in the throat and says that he had a picture of his dead wife that he would move around the store all day so she would always be in the sun. Slumped down and dazed Deadpool asks who Spider-Man is talking about. Punching him in the face and then hauling him up by the scruff of his neck, he tells Deadpool that he meant Mr. Cheng, the man he killed tonight.
Deadpool’s inner voices start discussing if they killed anyone tonight. They become confused due to their swollen brain but suddenly remember why they are there. Deadpool says that they wanted to get Spider-Man’s attention. Spider-Man, still holding him up, says that he has it. A slightly delirious Deadpool tells Spider-Man to sock it to him but avoid the left eye, as it’s oozing something. Before he can do anything, Deadpool loudly passes wind. Disgusted, Spider-Man tells him he can’t do this and drops Deadpool. As he hits the floor, he loudly passes wind again.
As Deadpool comes around from unconsciousness Spider-Man asks why he didn’t fight back. Opening his eyes, he sees Spider-Man is upside down and tells him to get off the ceiling. Spider-Man has tied Deadpool up in a cocoon of webs and the merc hangs from the ceiling. He tells Deadpool that the cops are on their way but he wants to know why he didn’t fight back. Deadpool replies that he wanted to check out his moves because he wants to be more like him. He tells Deadpool that he doesn’t kill innocent shopkeepers. Deadpool says he didn’t kill Mr. Cheng but Spider-Man just starts to walk away. Deadpool shouts after him and asks what time he was killed because he might have an alibi.
Robbie is sitting at his desk whilst holding a piece of paper in one hand and a phone in another. Robbie stares at the piece of paper and recalls the dude with the scarred face had come in at seven; he remembers because the cleaning crew turned up at that point. He tells Peter that the man wanted him to run a front ad for one million dollars but he told him to get out. The man was just another nut who wanted to meet Spider-Man. Robbie stares at the piece of paper which has a big picture of Deadpool on it with his phone number and the words “Hey Spidey! Holla atcha boy!” As Peter hangs up the phone and pulls his mask back over his mouth, Deadpool tells him he can apologize after he gets him out of the webbing.
A webbing-free Deadpool tells Spider-Man that it seems they both have something the other wants. Spider-Man tells him that he’s insane… and wrong. As Spider-Man sends out a line of web with the intention to leave, he tells Deadpool to leave New York tonight. Before he can swing away, Deadpool asks him if it was a professional hit. When Spider-Man doesn’t answer, Deadpool takes it as a yes and asks to tag along with him, and in return he will take a look at it. When Spider-Man asks what makes him think he’ll see something he didn’t, Deadpool replies that he has a unique perspective. Deadpool holds out his hand and asks if he has a deal. Spider-Man thinks about it for a bit and then tells him that he can’t kill. As Deadpool agrees to the deal, his inner voices are stunned and assume he is lying. The two men swing away with Deadpool webbed to Spider-Man’s back.
They go to the deli and enter the back room. The bodies have been moved and chalk outlines and blood are all that remains. Deadpool looks around the room amazed and tells Spider-Man the angles are bonkers and if he didn’t know better he would say he did it. When Spider-Man asks why, Deadpool tells him whoever did this was jumping around all over the place. Before he can finish his stomach grumbles and Spider-Man tells him he shouldn’t have eaten so many hot-dogs. Deadpool tells him it wasn’t the hot-dogs and he won’t believe who did the hit. When Spider-Man asks Deadpool emphasizes that he really won’t believe who did it.
Elsewhere a group of young people are queuing outside a nightclub. One man, dressed in a baggy t-shirt, sideways baseball cap and jeans, goes up to the bouncer and accuses him of not letting him because looks like a gangsta’. A limousine pulls up and some beautiful girls get out and walk past everyone into the club. The guy shouts after the women that he will be in soon. The bouncer tells the guy he is never getting in the club and perhaps he should call his mother up. The guy becomes outraged and gets even more annoyed when he spots some beautiful girls escorting a white-haired monkey into the club. The bouncer tells him that they didn’t bring the monkey… he brought them. Inside the club, the monkey, dressed in a black suit and sunglasses, walks to a booth. A young woman who was talking to another man spots the monkey and loses interest in her current conversation and walks towards the monkey. She goes to the monkey and one of the other women with him tells her to sit down with them.
Deadpool tells Spider-Man that his name is Hit-Monkey. He’s a hitman… who’s a monkey. After a few moments of silence, Deadpool guesses that Spider-Man doesn’t believe him. When Spider-Man confirms this, Deadpool tells him to believe it because Hit-Monkey only kills people who have blood on their hands, so Mr. Cheng must have been somebody big. Spider-Man doesn’t believe that Mr. Cheng could be a killer but Deadpool goes on to say it could have been from years ago. Spider-Man starts to walk away but Deadpool tells him there will be more. He asks Deadpool if he has ever seen Hit-Monkey but he hasn’t… but everyone in his line of work knows of him. Spider-Man calls him a myth and refuses to believe he is real. Deadpool tells him to look around the room because he is real and he’s here.
Giving in, Spider-Man asks how they find him. Deadpool tells him they can’t, the best they can do is to find out who Hit-Monkey is after and hit him before he hits them. Spider-Man tells him it’s a good plan except for the killing part. Deadpool says he never said kill but Spider-Man just assumed that’s what he meant. Deadpool shakes Spider-Man’s hand and tells him it’s a deal. One of his inner voices asks if it’s a lie and Deadpool relies that it is. Deadpool starts to think and works out that Hit-Monkey wouldn’t have come for just one job. He will take down multiple targets and then disappear again. He asks Spider-Man if he knows of any high-profile guns-for-hire in New York right now. Spider-Man stares at him and says yeah… “You!”
