Obb walks into Funtzel’s office and says that he just talked to Orksa and she hasn’t heard from Deadpool. He also mutters that he thinks she took his keys for some reason. Sitting behind his desk, Funtzel says that he just got done talking to her too. He tells Obb that Orksa brought up the point of what would happen if Deadpool actually pulled it all off. They set it up for Deadpool to get killed but if he is a hero then it would be worth a lot of money for the business.
Obb is a little shocked and asks Funtzel what he is saying. If Deadpool gets killed then they are no worse off than before, but if he succeeds then they are a LOT better off. Everybody loves a hero. Looking at a picture of Deadpool and Orksa on the desk, Obb says that he knows what Funtzel is saying.
Obb suggests that he should go help Deadpool. Funtzel is surprised and asks how Obb is going to do that, given they don’t know where Deadpool is. Obb says they don’t know but he is pretty sure Orksa knows. He asks Funtzel if he can borrow his car and then he follows Orksa as she pilots another spaceship to go see Deadpool.
In the orbit of the mining planet, Id the Selfish Moon asks Deadpool if he can hear him. Speaking into his radio, Deadpool says he can. Id says he will shake his bones to dust but Deadpool just mocks him. Id asks Deadpool if he knows what he will do. Operating a console on his ship, Deadpool tells him he knows what he hopes Id will do. Id angrily says he will consume him. With a space helmet on, Deadpool steps off his ship and on to the planet surface. He muses to himself that he won’t be the only thing Id will consume. Standing next to the robotic drill, Deadpool says he hopes he likes the taste of Ongulian drill-bomb with a little nuclear-fission on the side.
A voice gets his attention and Deadpool turns to see Obb. Climbing out of his space ship, Obb asks Deadpool if he has it right. Id will blow the planet to dust but by then Deadpool will be on his rocket, leaving the nuke behind. Id inhales the dust which will mostly be Uranium-235, which is what the planet is named for, along with the nuke. Then, once Orksa picks him up in the tow truck, they blow the bomb remotely.
Deadpool asks Obb why he is there but the alien points a ray gun at him and asks if that answers the question. Deadpool asks if he is there to shoot him with a ray gun and Obb replies he is. Deadpool tells him that he needs to understand something first. Obb looks down at his hand and to his amazement his gun is gone. He looks up to see Deadpool holding it and pointing at him instead. Deadpool tells him that guys like Obb don’t shoot him with anything, especially ray guns.
Deadpool tells Obb he is going to get back to making the biggest, raddest nuclear bomb ever created. This will blow up in a few minutes, so Obb will want to be getting his butt out of there and going home. Deadpool presses a button on a remote control and the drill starts working. He is a little surprised at how fast the drill digs down. Behind him, Obb screams that he can’t go home and Deadpool asks if he is crying. Obb tells him real men cry but Deadpool replies that they don’t. Obb says they do when they are in love. Deadpool backs away a little and says that he understands the attraction but Obb and him aren’t ever going to happen. Kneeling on the floor, Obb says that he is talking about Orksa. Obb confesses that he has loved her for as long as he can remember.
Deadpool tells him to go get in his space car and be with her. Obb is a little confused and says that Deadpool just married her. Deadpool says he forgot about that and Obb angrily asks how he can forget he married the most incredible woman in all the known galaxies. Suddenly, the two are interrupted by a huge rumbling sound as the ground starts to crack around them. Deadpool turns back to him and yells that he forgot because he is in a stressful situation right now.
A huge chunk of the crust falls away into a chasm and takes Obb’s ship with it. Deadpool swears and tells Obb that the rocket he intended on escaping in barely fits him in let alone Obb’s tubby butt. With a tear rolling down his cheek, Obb replies to just leave him there. Deadpool is confused but Obb says he would rather be dead than alive and alone. As the ground trembles again, one of Deadpool’s inner voices asks to clarify if they are doing the hero thing anymore.
Deadpool’s rocket takes off and leaves the planet’s orbit as Id blasts it apart. Amongst the debris of the planet, Id asks who’s laughing now. He laughs and decides it’s time to celebrate. He inhales all the dust and debris, including the nuke, and gets high off it.
Orksa radios out to the rocket and asks Deadpool if he is there. Deadpool replies back and Orksa says she can see him and she will be there in a second. As Orksa’s ship nears the rocket, she asks him if he is alright, as he sounds strange. He weakly tells her he is fine and he can heal from anything. Orksa’s ship grabs the rocket in a tractor beam and pulls it back to base. She asks why he sounds depressed, as he should be happy and proud of himself. She asks if anyone else could have done what he did.
Back at his base, Funtzel looks out at the hanger bay door to see Id torn apart in an enormous explosion. He excitedly tells Orksa, who has just arrived back, that Deadpool actually did it. She tells him she knows and opens up the rocket capsule. Deadpool falls out but he is missing his arms and legs. Covered in blood, Obb also clambers out of the capsule. Orksa asks him what he did to her husband. He replies he didn’t do anything and then adds that he did chop off one of his arms because Deadpool asked him too. It was the only way they would both fit in the rocket.
(flashback)
On the planet, Deadpool, minus his right arm and both legs, hands Obb his katana and wearily tells him he will need help with the last one.
(present)
Orksa angrily asks Obb what he was doing there in the first place. Funtzel tries to get her to calm down but she continues and said he could have died. He doesn’t know what to say but Orksa grabs him and hugs him. With tears coming from her eyes, she tells him he could have died. As Deadpool lies in a pool of blood on the floor, his inner voices say he could have died and that he was a lucky bastard.
(Days Later)
Deadpool, with only his mask on and bandages on his arms, sits up in bed. Commander Kak enters and tells him he looks much better. Deadpool asks what he wants and Kak replies he is there to thank him. Deadpool says that he paid him, so he doesn’t have to thank him. Kak said that they paid him to destroy Id. He is thanking Deadpool for teaching him a lesson and saving him. If it weren’t for Deadpool, he would have made a decision that would have haunted him for the rest of his life. He was out for vengeance for so long he forgot what he was avenging.
Deadpool tells him avenging is a tricky business and he was smart to hire a stone-cold pro like him to handle it. He tells Kak he did and then gestures for him to leave the room. Kak asks what his problem is and Deadpool asks him if he knows how David Hasselhoff sold all those records in Poland but nobody in the States took him seriously. That’s how he feels right now. Kak says he has no idea what he is talking about, so Deadpool creaks it down for him. In space, no one can hear you win.
Deadpool says he just saved two civilizations and the only thing he gets for it is to be the poster boy of a repo business. On Earth, he would be huge and he would be a hero. Kak tells Deadpool he thinks he is a hero but Deadpool tells him he doesn’t care what he thinks. Kak asks if it is because he is not like Deadpool, to which Deadpool replies that no one is like him. Kak stares at him for a few seconds and then leaves the room.
(The Next Day)
Bidding his farewells to the repo crew, Deadpool tells Orksa and Obb they should be together. Orksa gets excited but then tones it down to try and sound cool. Deadpool asks how they get space divorced and she replies that first Obb would need to kill him. Deadpool points out he already did that and so Orksa says that alls she would need to do next is kiss him. Obb tells him they already did it. Deadpool goes to leave and tells Funtzel he is stealing one of his cool cars.
As Deadpool drives through space in his new car, he sets his destination as Earth. One of his inner voices asks what they are going to do when they get home but Deadpool tells it to ask him in a month. His other voice is dismayed that it will take a month to get home but Deadpool says that with all the double shipments he loses track.
