Excalibur (1st series) #43

Issue Date: 
November 1991
Story Title: 
Home Comforts or Who Exploded the Toilet?

Alan Davis (writer / penciler), Mark Farmer (inker), Glynis Oliver (colorist), Michael Heisler (letterer), Terry Kavanagh (editor), Tom deFalco (editor-in-chief)

Excalibur created by Chris Claremont and Alan Davis

Brief Description: 

Taking care of the Technet proves to be more challenging than the members of Excalibur first thought, particularly since the aliens insist on repairing the damage to the lighthouse. Captain Britain especially is annoyed by the new level of stress the presence of the aliens adds. As he has to temporarily share quarters with Nightcrawler, a dream of Kurt about Meggan again wakes Cap’s suspicion. After a string of unfortunate incidents with the Technet, Cap is about to explode and ready to leave for his London home when he causes another accident with the newly installed anti-grav elevator. Dizzily seeing Nightcrawler holding Meggan and misinterpreting the scene, he starts a brutal fight with Nightcrawler until Meggan gets them to stop, but not before Nightcrawler’s leg is broken. Confused about the men’s actions, Meggan flees with Rachel following her. The two men get a chance to talk alone. Kurt assures Brian that, while he has feelings for Meggan, he is not acting on them and she is true to Brian. Cap admits his feelings of not being good enough and his envy for Nightcrawler’s leadership talent ever since the team started. Suddenly, members of the Captain Britain Corps appear and take Cap into custody. Nightcrawler is left back, puzzled. On E’erath, Kylun and his rebel army free his lover, the Princess Sat’neen, who informs him that Necrom’s evil plans threaten all of creation.

Full Summary: 

Nightcrawler’s dream:

In his dream, Nightcrawler does his acrobatics in a gym and Meggan flies alongside him in perfectly synchronized movements. As she moves alongside him, her shape begins to change approximating his blue-furred look. Finally, sweating, they stare at each other and first hesitatingly, then passionately begin to kiss. Meggan, oh, Meggan, Kurt moans.


Oh, Meggan? another voice asks threateningly, as a strong arm begins to choke Kurt. Brian Braddock, Meggan’s boyfriend with whom Kurt is currently sharing their makeshift quarters, is not amused. He knew Kurt was up to no good, he accuses him, always hanging around Meggan. Oh, so helpful and understanding – oozing Teutonic charm — well, Kurt never fooled him!

Kurt teleports out of Brian’s deadly grip and protests that he was asleep. Yes, and his dreams betrayed him, Brian accuses him. Rachel flies in, demanding to know what the devil is going on. That’s what he’s trying to find out, Brian shouts, while moving towards Kurt. Rachel telekinetically keeps the two men apart and orders Brian to calm down.

Calm?! he cries. He was calm when they invited the Technet into his lighthouse. He stayed calm through six days of incessant noise and chaos as those lunatic aliens repair the damage their bomb causes. He’s been calmness personified, sitting there – in the sanctuary of his improvised sleeping quarters, quietly trying to read his book. Then Mr. Night-Creeper started talking in his sleep. Calling out Meggan’s name. Its obvious what’s been going on, isn’t it?

Rachel gives Kurt a questioning glance and Brian too glares, silently demanding an answer. That moment, Meggan and Thug come flying in from above, transporting some heavy device, Unaware of what’s been going on, Meggan gives Brian a kiss, wishing him a good morning before flying on. Rachel now questioningly looks at a somewhat embarrassed Brian, who decides to go downstairs to read his book, hoping that somewhere in the lighthouse he can get some peace and quiet.

As if on cue, there’s a high drilling nose. He runs to the source: a stumped Thug tried in vain to drill a hole in one of the Lightower’s walls, but finds his adamantine drill melted. He’s going to end up deaf as well as crazy, Brian fears. He can’t take much more. He’s too tired… and angry. He could move out but this is his home. He can’ let them win.

Meggan asks him over to come and see, explaining that the Technet have built a null-grav-elevator- it runs up the center of the tower. A machine on the observation platform projects an anti gravity beam down… Brian interrupts her explanation, curtly telling her he is not interested. She might fit in with these moronic aliens, but he just wants to be left alone. He walks downward ignoring Meggan’s hurt look. He doesn’t get his wish though as Scatterbrain attaches herself to him despite his protests for her to go away.

One story lower, Kitty is running an unhappy Widget through a diagnostics program to evaluate how Bert’s tinkering has affected him. She turns to chide Ferro2. She told him he could watch, not touch things. Ferro makes a suggestion, meaning he alters things at the computer station at superspeed before Kitty can shout a warning that he’ll overload things. Widget eeps and the screens begin burning. Kitty rescues Windget and chides Ferro for being an idiot. It took days to set up the brand new hardware to replace the stuff the Technet’s bomb wrecked. They are a menace!

Brian smirks, starting that he doesn’t want to tell her he told her so. Then don’t! Kitty shoots back. She spoke in haste… She was tired, she amends. She still thinks they were right to take the Technet in. She’s going downward for a nap. What does he do now? Ferro asks helplessly. Brian cattily suggests he go ask Nightcrawler. He has all the answers.

Trying to shoo Scatterbrain away, he walks on further downward, where he sees Bodybag sneaking towards the curtained-off area where the girls are making their temporary sleeping quarters. He sees Bodybag attacking something and hears Kitty screaming. At once, Brian attacks trying to tear Boybag off… the remnants of Kitty’s teddy bear.

Oh no! Brian screams the next moment. Funny Kitty tells him sourly. He’s just acting concerned so she’ll say it was a mistake to let the Technet stay. Blazes to her silly toy, he replies. He dropped his book and lost his page!

Silly? Kitty exclaims. It was a gift from Alistaire… Ferro2 interrupts as he grabs the remains of the teddy and asks Kitty about the composition. He examines the label to ascertain that the material Bodybag ingested … he’s allergic to some manmade substances. N…y…l…o…n, he deciphers. Relieved, he states that, fortunately, it wasn’t synthesized long-chain molecules. They cause a particularly violent reaction. He swells up, froths at the mouth… Bodybag begins to do just that as Brian impatiently informs Ferro2 that Nylon is a polymer. Polymer? Ferro asks. Polymers are synthetic long chain molecules, you blithering morons! Brian shouts. That’ll teach him to mess with her teddy, Kitty remarks without any pity as the swelling up Bodybag runs into the bathroom which moments later explodes.

Feelin’ better? Ferro2 asks concerned. Bodybag gives an answer in an alien language. Y’didn’t, Ferro exclaims. Another reply. They did. What’s he saying? Kitty asks. Ferro translates that two entities materialized in the bathroom, transformed into energy and blasted through the window. It’s… it’s… now it’s Kitty’s turn to explode (metaphorically). It’s devastated! she shouts. They’re making stupid excuses when the only bathroom in seventeen miles is totally devastated!

Furiously, she reminds them that they promised to repair the bomb damage but they’ve added to it… her computers, her teddy, the toilet… They’ve exploded the toilet! Scatterbrain has left Brian to now latch onto Kitty’s violent emotions. They were crazy to take them in. Brian was right, Kitty continues. Brian, you were right, she tries to tell him. Brian? But he has already left walking into the cellar with his book and secretly gloating.

Downstairs, he wonders if he should get rid off the rubbish which is already beginning to smell. Tomorrow, he decides. He enters a room in the basement to finally get some quiet reading done. He switches the light on to see the surprised Numbers and the Dragon they freed from Nazi Excalibur during a tender moment. Brian makes a quick apology. Numbers tells him it’s unnecessary. He too sought solitude. Unexpected female encounter. Ravishing beauty. Overwhelmed self. Joy oh joy. The dragon giggles. Numbers asks Brian to extinguish illumination on exit.

Brian apologizes again, wondering if he’s going insane as he switches off the light and leaves, only to see that Scatterbrain has found him again. Why is she following him? he demands. Chinadoll turns up and advises him that shouting is wasted. Scatterbrain hasn’t the intelligence to understand. As she begins to go through the rubbish, she explains that Scatterbrain savors Brian’s anger. Radiated emotional energy is her food. She’d better find another food source, Brian states firmly. Unusual appetite, Chinadoll agrees, but each to own taste. She has found what she looked for. Maggot-infested rubbish and begins to slurp at it.

Totally disgusted, Brian flies upward, announcing that they have won. He’ll return to his London place. Chinadoll shouts after him to be cautious, that the Null-grav elevator is test-activated now. Brian’s own power of flight combined with the null-grav elevator cause him to lose control and smash right upwards into the null-grav projector. Rachel can barely contain the damage and Kurt smashes into Meggan.

Brian looks up, seeing woozily how Nightcrawler is holding Meggan’s face, asking if she is all right. Misinterpreting, Brian punches Kurt, shouting he’s gone too far this time! Kurt evades his next blow and uses a judo move to toss Brian to the ground, telling him there is no need for this. Brian punches him in the stomach, calling him a snake. Have it your way, Kurt decides, as he punches back.

Kitty joins the others, suggesting they break this up. Rachel decides that this has been brewing for a long time. It’s out in the open now. There has to be a resolution. Only Meggan can’t understand why they are fighting. Uncouth macho barbarism, remarks China Doll as the Technet too have come to watch the battle.

Scatterbrain wants to latch on to Cap again, but receives an elbow in the mouth. Chindoll remarks that the food didn’t agree with her and suggests a change of diet. Only Ferro and Thug are into it, making bets on whether Nightcrawler’s smarts and agility or Captain Britain’s brawn will win the day. Thug gleefully predicts that Cap will kill Nightcrawler when his punches finally connect. Crying, Meggan asks Rachel to stop them; they are hurting each other.

But even as Rachel begins to respond to Meggan’s impassioned plea, Brian lunges with a ferocious speed that belies his muscular bulk. Kurt flips onto the blond giant’s back, barely avoiding rockhard fists and, with a burst of flame and brimstone, teleports them outside to the base of the lighthouse, then leaps clear, leaving Brian to continue his headlong charge with undiminished momentum. Kurt jumps after him, but seeing truly red, Brian punches again, his blows finally connecting.

Meggan suddenly cries for them to stop it. Please, she asks in tears. They are scaring her. She doesn’t understand why they are doing this. They’re meant to be friends. Crying, she tells Brian that Rachel explained they are fighting over Meggan, but she’s not a thing! Nobody can own her. She gave her heart to Brian and she loves her friends… like a family. They made her feel safe. They are all so much cleverer than her. She thought they understood… her powers make her be something she isn’t like the people she is with or what they want her to be. She can’t control it. She doesn’t even know what she should really look like. She can’t remember her parents… her real family. They made her feel safe… Now it’s like she’s done something wrong. Confused, she flies off.

Brian wants to follow her, but Rachel snarls at him that he’s said and done enough. She examines Kurt and announces that his right femur is fractured about six inches above the knee. She asks Kitty who tells her she can cope. Rachel should fly after Meggan. Rachel does just that. Kitty gives Kurt and Brian a disgusted look. Men! she states coolly and then phases inside to get a medi-kit.

The two men are left alone. Does his leg hurt? Brian asks after a while. “Ja,” Nightcrawler replies curtly.

Brian begins to apologize. He’s always had a volatile temper, positively volcanic when he’s tired. No… it’s more than that. When he was independent he felt competent, effective, in control. But since Excalibur teamed up, he’s had occasion to doubt his abilities. At times, he felt he could do nothing right. His pride was dented and his confidence eroded. He started to resent that the girls looked to Kurt for leadership, especially Meggan. It seemed to be more than friendship and when Kurt called out her name in his sleep…

Brian assumed the worst, Kurt finishes his thought. He’s been an irrational fool, Brian berates himself. Not so, Kurt admits. His instincts were correct. He found himself attracted to Meggan from first they met. Who would not be? Grim reality fails to taint her innocent enthusiasm. That zest for life is intoxicating.

Is he in love with her? Brian asks agitated. No, and Meggan is true to Brian, Kurt states. But he dreams about her, Brian accuses him. Sometimes she transforms into the embodiment of all he desires, Kurt admits. Once he almost kissed her. Understanding that she is an empathic metamorph does not make the fantasy easier to resist. His dream is a penance… an acceptance of guilt and shame… he fears his weakness.

Ashamed, Brian admits that he’s been a fool. He doesn’t know what to say. There’s a flash of light and a voice addressing him as Captain Britain 616 orders him to say nothing for anything he does say may be held in evidence against him. He is guilty of breaking morality code # 9222765 paragraph 476w and is summoned for immediate Court-martial on Otherworld.

It’s a group of other Captains of the Captain Britain Corps. Before Brian can protest, they teleport away with him, leaving behind a very puzzled Nightcrawler.

Meanwhile on another plane of existence: a bizarre procession winds its way across the frozen wastelands of Ee’rath. Necrom’s druid acolytes and their armored retinue flank a mystical sphere. Shackled within the princess Sat’neen, sole survivor of a regal dynasty – last of the mighty sorceress sisterhood, now a mere sacrifice destined for Necrom’s bloody altar. But the tyrant’s appetite will not be appeased as Kylun’s band of rebels attacks.

Seeing his hordes fall the Druid tries to slay Sat’neen, but is impaled by Kylun’s sword. Happily, the reunited lovers kiss amidst cheer. Kylun informs his princess that the army grows daily. It is only a matter of time until she wins back the throne.

Her throne is of no importance, Sat’neen informs him. Time is of the essence now. Necrom plumbs new depths of insanity with a sorcerous coup that threatens all creation. They will defeat him, Kylun assures her. They’re the good guys. The good guys always win. She looks at him doubting and prays he is right… or the whole multiverse will perish.

Characters Involved: 

Captain Britain, Meggan, Nightcrawler, Phoenix, Shadowcat (all Excalibur)



Bodybag, Chinadoll, Ferro2, Joyboy, Numbers, Scatterbrain, Thug, Waxwork (all Technet)



Princess Sat’neen

rebels of Ee’rath

Druid in the service of Necrom

Necrom’s warriors

Story Notes: 
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