Bellweather Technologies research facility, Sierra Nevada Mountains:
Officially it doesn’t exist. Special Agent Rhona Flemying, a pretty blonde in black body armor, approaches the facility, to find the guards on the ground, out cold. She figures they never had a chance. She sees a small familiar vehicle. Suddenly, she hears noise from inside the facility.
Inside, the flying armed guard fires his guns at Fantomex. He shouts at him to give up the gun he stole from the lab, and he’ll let him crawl out of here with at least one testicle. He’d love to stay, but he has a pressing engagement with his manicurist, is Fantomex’s reply.
He asks for EVA’s help over comm-link. She is surely not cross about what he said. He can’t say something like that to a lady and not expect her to get upset, his sentient ship admonishes him.
The guard snarls he has bitten off more than he can chew. That battle suit he is wearing is a tenth of the national debt alone. And he’s just the night watchman!
If he’d known she’d take it that way, Fantomex continues the spat, he wouldn’t have said it. He makes her so mad! EVA fumes. Say the magic word, she demands.
He tosses a grenade, for which the guard mocks him, warning him in about one second he’s gonna have more holes than a Lilith Fair.
He’s sorry, Fantomex sighs. EVA comes bursting in right at the guard. Has she ever let him down? she asks.
Fantomex has finally managed to find the safety on the exotic, organic-looking gun he stole and fires it at the guard. He needs to come here more often, he muses as he enters EVA, they have such fine toys. Can they go home now? EVA asks. She is dying to see him in those new boxer briefs.
Agent Flemyng jumps and uses her suit’s special gloves to hang on to EVA’s hull.
Inside, Fantomex examines his acquisition while EVA frets about him. He is well and truly Donald Ducked, he admits, hoping that wine is the shipwrecked 1907 Heidsieck he asked for. He figures the gun is alive. EVA tells him to settle in for Two Broke Girls.
Agent Flemying has found the emergency exit and enters. She points her weapon at Fantomex and threatens him.
How nice of her to visit, he remarks. And she brought a gift! He already has one, he points out as he kicks the gun out of her hand. He was hoping she’d finally take him up on that dinner invitation but he wishes she’d called ahead. He got her something, too. He presses a parachute into her hands before pushing her out of the ship. Good riddance to bad rubbish, a jealous EVA scoffs disgusted.
Three days later, US Department of Justice, Washington DC:
Agent Flemying’s superior reprimands her for her failure to apprehend Fantomex. He asks for Grover Lane to be sent in.
A group of three people enters. Fleyming’s superior explains they are the department he’s placed in charge of taking this bastard on. Agent Stuart Stirling, a charming middle-aged man, Alexandra MacReady, a hot redhead in a skin-tight catsuit, and Richard Gaunt who looks like an old-fashioned gumshoe. Flemyng will act as a consultant.
Later in her own apartment, Flemyng swears. Suddenly, she notices an envelope being ushered under her door. The letter is from Fantomex, who apologizes, and offers her some rare flowers from his collection. In addition, he offers her a one-use only phone number, so call him. She turns around to find the window open and the flowers on her table.
The next day aboard a plane, Flemyng asks MacReady how many agents their department has. About thirty, she is told, But nobody like the three of them. They’ve worked together as a unit for about five years. She’s looking forward to working with Flemyng. In fact, there is something else she is looking forward to. She whispers something into Flemying’s ears. Disgusted, Flemying gets up and declines rudely.
She addresses Agent Stirling and shows him the message she got from Fantomex. Interesting, Stirling replies. He doesn’t know who to be more disgusted at: Fantomex for risking capture for the sake of someone like her or her for betraying his trust. He orders Gaunt to dispose of their babysitters with extreme prejudice. Gaunt quickly and efficiently kills all the other agents with his superstrength.
Stirling thanks Flemyng for making life a little easier. They have their own way of working. And the old plan just wasn’t up to their high standard. So they came up with a new plan. They just need a little more help from her admirer.
MacReady tells Flemyng when this is done, she will get her…
EVA complains that he is locking her out of this room. He replies he is working on a super, top secret project. She complains he is mean and tells him he should take a look at the odd gun he brought. It looks like it’s dying.
When he leaves the lab, outside waits a hologram of EVA in dominatrix gear. He’s been such a bad boy. Choose the form of his punishment. Not now, he tells her. The gun seems to have melted. EVA in a naughty nurse outfit remarks it’s going to die, isn‘t it?
It looks a bit peely-wally, as his beloved Glaswegian granny would say, he admits. He feels around in it. It seems lumpy. He tells her to prepare for surgery.
Metrodefense system, Antarctica:
The men inside the building hear an alert before a plane crashlands outside. The men discuss whether to check out the plane when they see survivors coming from the wreck who break in the door. Knock knock, Stirling mocks. He addresses one of the scared men as Professor Belanger and asks who is in charge of operating the device since Zheng was removed from the base. Nauls, the other man mutters.
Stirling orders his people to find Nauls and kill everyone else. As the other two massacre everyone, he tells Flemyng to what to see how small they all are. How vulnerable. What the fuck are they? she demand. The future, he replies.
Fantomex dreams in French:
He is a small boy and asks his mother whose gun is smoking if they are going to die. Of course not, she promises him. She won’t let anything happen to him. Not looking, he asks where his father is. He was supposed to be with them. Just a few more miles, she promises. They will be with him soon. She tells him not to be frightened. She will protect him. He doesn’t notice the motorbiker with the gun pointing at her.
Mama! he shouts as he awakes.
EVA informs him his portfolio just rose 100 million dollars while he was sleeping. Has she checked the blog? he asks. A small boy form Arapahoe, Nebraska, with terminal throat cancer wants to go to Disney World. Send the family one million dollars, he orders.
He enters a room with his art collection. Dressed as a sexy maid, EVA is pretending to clean. Some bitch from Australia called him a thieving bastard and called for his balls to be cut off, she continues. Send her a million too, he tells her.
Suddenly, somebody addresses him via comm-link. It is Stirling who thanks him for giving the code to Agent Flemying.
Fantomex tells EVA to wire that habitat for humanity project in Sudan 10 million dollars with the caveat that they turn the project director over to the angry locals. Now then… with whom does he have the pleasure? They’ll talk more soon, Stirling promises, but if he wants to see Flemyng alive and in on piece, he will do as he says when they speak again. The transmission ends.
He knows it’s a trap, right? EVA asks. And he knows they know he knows it’s a trap, right? Well, he certainly hopes so, he replies grimly.