Nextwave #7

Issue Date: 
September 2006
Story Title: 

Warren Ellis (writer), Stuart Immonen (penciler), Wade von Grawbadger (inker), Paul Mounts & Dave McCaig (colors), VC’s Joe Caramanga (letterer), Sean Ryan (assistant editor), Mike Marts (consulting editor), Nick Lowe (editor), Joe Quesada (editor in chief), Dan Buckley (publisher)

Brief Description: 

A Beyond Corporation robot invokes the dread Rorkannu, Lord of the Dank Dimension. It wants to hire the dimension’s Mindless Ones. Rorkannu accepts a hundred dollars, but demands some girls as well. Nextwave head to Shotcreek, Colorado on board the stolen Shockwave Rider, where the Beyond Corporation Marketing Plan says some kind of ‘magic deal’ will go down. They arrive to discover the Mindless Ones rampaging through town. The team helps out the local law enforcement, and manages to wade their way through the creatures. Unfortunately, there are more where they came from, and countless others continue to pour into this dimension, some deciding to skateboard a while instead of killing innocents.

Full Summary: 

(Shotcreek, Colorado)

One of the Beyond Corporation’s broccoli-based robots is alone inside a small derelict-looking shack. He is on a mission, and no ordinary mission that usually involves chasing and shooting at Nextwave. It chants an incantation whilst standing before a strange marking on the floor. “I blind the Vishanti. I shred the shade of the Seraphim and scatter them. I put the moons of Munnopor to the torch. I have made your mark in the blood of French Canadians. You cannot deny my contract. Listen! I summon you!”

In an eerie blue flash of fire, a figure appears; a figure that looks remarkably similar to the dread Dormammu. He informs the robot that it has invoked Rorkannu! He is the dread lord of the Dank Dimension and prodigal scion of Paltine, ruler of all he does perceive. The robot says hello and hands him its business card. It explains that it has come to their attention that he controls an unusual natural resource in the Dank Dimension - the Mindless Ones. They’re big hunched-over guys who fire death stuff from their faces. Beyond Corporation would like to rent them.

He asks Rorkannu what he wants for them. The dread lord leans back and flexes his muscles, as if to castigate the robot at being asked such a stupid question. Instead, it leans in towards the robot and replies, “Girls… cash also works.” The robot only has a hundred dollars on him, but it’s enough for the dread lord. He takes the cash and does the flexing muscles thing again. He is pleased with his quarry. He adds that the girls he likes are those ‘Suicide girls.’ They appear on a website; girls with tattoos and piercings. He likes those. No blondes, he adds.


The Shockwave Rider splutters its way through the air. Aaron is supposed to be fixing the craft, but instead he in the back with the Captain getting drunk. The Captain feels pretty bad about being taken out during the last two interceptions. He discusses his name with Aaron who doesn’t even feign being remotely interested in what he has to say. The Captain explains that he has tried numerous names in the past. He was Captain Power for a while but then he got sued - something about a cartoon. Then he changed it to Captain Ron and got sued. He changed it to Captain L. Ron and got beaten up by Tom Cruise.

After that, it was Captain Universe but that was taken, and then Captain Ultra. He was a plumber who broke into his house and left a horse’s head in the water tank as a warning. Captain Avenger was taken, and so he tried Captain Avalon. Avalon was his mom’s favorite Roxy Music album and one which was playing when he was conceived, but there was already one of those, too. He tried Captain Marvel, but there have been like eight of them. One of them was an adult movie star with a yellow lightning bolt tattooed on his…

Anyway, he scraped the bottom of the barrel when he tried Captain Kerosene, but there already was one. He wasn’t Captain Rectitude, but he was pretty much all the other captain’s at one time or another. So, in the end he gave up and stuck with simply, The Captain. Then some marine-looking melon-farmer tracks him down and says he was The Captain first. He had to pay him money in the end. He asks Aaron if he’s boring him. “God, no,” replies Aaron, as he jams a pipe from the beer barrel directly into his body so he can get drunk more quickly.

On the Shockwave Rider’s bridge, Monica and Elsa are having a chat. They are a couple of hours away from Shotcreek. Beyond Corporation’s Marketing Plan is a little vague about what can be found there, but they feel they must investigate. It has something to do with a ‘magic deal,’ and they wonder what that might entail. Monica relates a few tales about being hit on by several of the male Avengers, including Thor and Ant-Man. She says the only one who didn’t hit on her was Captain America. She doesn’t think he likes girls. Elsa thinks that’d be cool. It’d explain why there’s always someone dressed up as him at gay pride marches, too.

(Shotcreek, Colorado)

The little shack where Rorkannu appeared begins to glow, and an eerie rainbow-colored light is emitted from the doorway. Slowly, the Mindless Ones appear, lurching forwards mindlessly into the town.

(on board the Aeromarine, H.A.T.E.’s flying headquarters)

Dirk Anger is alone in his thinking room, eating something that can only be described as pink gunk. He’s been in there three days now, and wants to resign from life. His assistant contacts him, informing the general that they have a fix on the Shockwave Rider. They’ve also had a communiqué from the Beyond Corporation. They’ve gone ahead with the magic deal without them, and they’re testing the product live in Shotcreek.

Dirk asks his assistant what the means to him. She explains that the Nextwave Squad are en route to Shotcreek, and don’t know what they’re getting into. They estimate two hundred product units are on the loose in Shotcreek at this moment. Dirk’s face light up, as his assistant explains that they don’t even have to intervene. They can just watch these products kill the Nextwave Squad. She has prepared his special vibrating chair and everything. Dirk sweeps the gunk off the table in a physical display of joy. “Hot damn!” he exclaims. “Get me a case of vodka, eight loose women and a stomach pump! Stat!” Imma watch teevee!”

The Shockwave Rider chugs its way into Shotcreek. The Captain asks Monica what they’re looking for. She isn’t sure, but replies that they’ll know it when they see it. Aaron notices something on his monitor. There are bodies in the street. Monica asks if there are any emergency services at the scene. Aaron tells her that they’re where the gunfire is. Monica gives the order to go in, asking for Elsa to wear a flight harness and be loaded for bear.

The team exits the Rider and descends to where a line of police cars is blocking a street. The sergeant asks who the hell they’re supposed to be. Monica replies that they’re the help. She asks Monica to try and take a look at what they’re up against without getting her head blown off. Down the street, Monica sees a group of Mindless Ones heading their way. As they walk, they each fire destructive blasts of energy from what constitutes a face, and a police car explodes. One officer makes a run for it, only to be blasted from behind.

Monica is shocked. The sergeant says they aren’t equipped for this kind of thing. Maybe Monica can impress her or something. She doesn’t want to see anyone else blown up, and maybe she can find her husband in one piece someplace. Monica tells the sergeant to get the emergency services moving. Where they are is where they draw the line. She turns to her team and explains that they’re up against huge walking monster-things with death-ray faces. What are they waiting for? This is what they do. Nextwave head gloriously into action.

Aaron Stack uses his powerful extended legs to wade through the Mindless Ones, kicking them like an American football high into the air. As they tumble past Elsa Bloodstone, she likens them to clay pigeons. This is more like it. She takes a few shots at the first to arrive and, to her joy, she finds that it explodes. “Oh, my God,” she beams, “They explode! My life has taken on new meaning.” She makes sure many more do likewise.

Monica pours on her power, burning them as they approach. Being Mindless Ones, the others simply continue their path forward, almost oblivious to the danger. The Captain finds three of the powerful creatures walking towards him, menacingly. He wishes he could think of something funny to say, but instead he lets his fists do the talking, ripping the creatures apart. Tabitha Smith creates time bombs that plough straight through the creatures’ tough hides before exploding. Their bodies splatter, and Tabitha is covered in slime. “Ew ew ew ew ew! They shot their muck all over meee!” she whines. Aaron’s foot crushes an approaching creature. “Like that’s never happened before,” he quips.

Nextwave have done their job well. Though the street looks like a war zone, the Mindless Ones are finished. The Captain thinks that was easy. Monica replies that they were lucky. They weren’t expected. The sergeant wanders over and tells Monica that they drew their line and they owe them. But what about the rest of the town? This was just the leading edge. They’re all over the north side of town, and their numbers are increasing all the time. Nextwave saved half of Shotcreek, but can they do anything about the other half?

Monica motions down the street, asking if it heads north. She then asks the sergeant to move behind them at one hundred yards distance to receive the walking and the wounded. Nextwave aren’t done yet. She asks them if they’re up for a ground war. Elsa replies that they wouldn’t be riding with her if they weren’t.

North of the town, the Mindless Ones are having fun before their opponents arrive. One picks up a baseball cap and skateboards through town with several of his companions. Others steal a car and go for a joyride, as more and more creatures continue to pour from the shack.

Characters Involved: 

Elsa Bloodstone, the Captain, Monica Rambeau, Tabitha Smith, Aaron Stack (Nextwave)

Dirk Anger and his assistant

H.A.T.E. personnel and troops

Beyond Corporation robot


Police Officers

Mindless Ones

Story Notes: is a website that features tattooed goth/punk girls, amongst others.

Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future was a live-action television show from the late 1980’s which spawned a comic book illustrated by Neal Adams and written by J. Michael Straczynski.

Captain Ron is a 1992 movie starring Kurt Russell and Martin Short.

L. Ron Hubbard was an author, and founder of the Church of Scientology, of which Tom Cruise is a member.

Captain Universe first appeared in Micronauts (1st series) #8. At the time of this story, Gabriel Vargas is Captain Universe, as shown in Captain Universe/Silver Surfer #1.

Captain Ultra first appeared in Fantastic Four (1st series) #177.

Captain Avenger was a name used briefly by Rick Jones in a dream.

Captain Kerosene was a Marvel UK character, who first appeared in Plasmer #1 (1993).

The Captain’s horse’s head reference is from the movie The Godfather, in which a real horse’s head was used in a memorable bedroom scene.

Roxy Music is a British rock group with members including Brian Ferry, Brian Eno and Phil Manzanera. Their hits included Virginia Plain and Dance Away.

The Mindless Ones first appeared in Strange Tales (1st series) #127, and are generally associated with Dr. Strange. They came from the Dark Dimension, though as this Rorkannu character comes from the Dank Dimension, they appear to be the original Mindless Ones’ alternate dimension counterparts.

Captain America is definitely not gay, and has had several girlfriends over the years.

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