(Avengers Tower)
In his office in the Oscorp building, Norman Osborn instructs the Thunderbolts over the radio that they know what to do. As he peers through the blinds of the window out towards Avengers tower, he asks the team to let him know how it goes.
As Deadpool tries to flee from the Thunderbolts, the voices in his head ask if this could have gone any worse. They point out that he should have checked if Norman Osborn was in the Avengers tower before charging in to confront him. He spots an exit and runs towards it but one of his voices tries to warn him they are obviously steering him towards it. Before the voice can finish, though, Deadpool is intercepted by a large, muscular man wielding an axe and riding a hover board.
As a confused Deadpool wonders who he is, the man swings his axe, narrowly missing the merc’s head. Deadpool tries to guess who the man is as he starts firing back at him. First he thinks he is the Executioner and then guesses he might be the old Namor foe the Head-Hunter. The man yells that he is the Headsman and it will be the last name Deadpool hears. When Deadpool confesses that he has never heard of him the Headsman charges at him with his board and claims he almost killed Spider-Man. Deadpool grabs onto the hover board and flips it up, sending the Headsman crashing to the ground. Deadpool tells the Headsman that the list of no-names that almost killed Spider-Man is longer than his J Jonah Jameson.
With that, Deadpool takes out two grenades and throws them at the villain. The Headsman instinctively catches one of the grenades and then realizes what they are. Before they explode, though, the Ghost phases through the wall and grabs the man and tells him to drop the grenades. He does so as the grenades explode. The Headsman, unhurt, tells the Ghost that he needs to get one of those intangibility doohickeys and then thanks him for saving him. The Ghost replies that it is now the second time that he has saved him. The rest of the Thunderbolts group up with them and the Black Widow shouts at them to stop talking as Deadpool is getting away.
Deadpool, now on Headsman’s hover board, heads down a corridor towards some closed blast doors. The Paladin tells the Black Widow to take it easy, as those blast doors are Hulk-proof. With that, he aims a bazooka at Deadpool and fires. The explosion misses Deadpool and hits the wall behind him, creating a hole for him to escape through. Deadpool crashes through the hole into a lab full of scientists and experiments. The Black Widow chastises Paladin but he points out that although the doors were Hulk-proof; he never mentioned anything about the walls.
The Black Widow turns to Ant-Man and tells him that he is up as he leaps into the air, shrinking as he goes. Ant-Man flies around Deadpool but evades being hit as the merc swats his hands to try and squash the Thunderbolt. When he points out that ants can’t fly, one of his inner voices correct him by saying that many queen ants can grow wings. This causes the other inner voice to say that it should be Ant-Womaninstead.
Deadpool stops to ponder this for a moment and summarizes that maybe it is a woman under the suit, as that Ronin dude also turned out to be a woman. His voices shout for him to focus and Deadpool gets back on track of figuring out an escape plan. Before he can think of anything, however, he is stung by Ant-Man and sent crashing into shelves full of equipment. A nearby scientist remarks that Mr. Osborn will not be happy at this, as Ant-Man flies away.
Deadpool recovers himself and spots something in the rubble of the shelves. He asks the scientist what it is. He picks up a wrist-mounted device with a purple dial and thrusts it towards the scientist. He tells the scientist that it looks like high-tech and irreplaceable and that it will probably turn out to be an important plot device later on. He asks the man again what it does. The man, adjusting his glasses, looks at it closely then tells Deadpool it’s a short-range teleporter. An excited Deadpool slaps it on his wrist and tells the man he knew it was something good and that a teleporter was always part of the classic Deadpool schtick.
Black Widow and the rest of the Thunderbolts suddenly appear in front of Deadpool. “No! Put that down before...” yells the Black Widow, but she is interrupted by Deadpool. As he gets ready to activate the device, he yells at the Black Widow. Before WHAT? He escapes with this handy device and uses it to get the drop on Osborn and forces him to pay up for screwing his job up and making him look like an idiot in front of Nick Fury?
“No” the Black Widow replies… before the grenade explodes; she was hoping to save the device.
With that, she takes out a grenade and throws it at Deadpool. As it lands at his feet, a disheartened Deadpool can only mutter “oh” before it explodes, sending him flying out the window. As he falls through the air, he comments that now would be a good time to come up with an escape plan. The voices in his head chip in and say maybe it would have been better 5 minutes ago or even yesterday. He hurriedly tries operating the teleporter, which starts to crackle with purple energy. Just before he smashes into the traffic below, he disappears in an explosion of purple light. The Black Widow simply says “Mission Accomplished.”
(Derelict Smelting Plant, New Jersey)
In an abandoned smelting plant, Deadpool sits at a computer terminal talking to another person online. Deadpool greets the man with a comedic “hey good lookin’” and then asks him how the weather is in Connecticut. The other man, however, simply asks Deadpool what he wants. Deadpool tells him that he has a business proposition for him and that he has a major player for a hundred-million dollars. He says this guy owes him big-time but he is reluctant to pay up which is where he comes in.
Deadpool continues and says this schmuck made him lose face with Nick Fury and that he is not bothered about the money but now it’s a matter of principle. The man asks who the mark is and when Deadpool replies Norman Osborn the man asks Deadpool if he is insane. Realizing asking Deadpool that question is stupid, he rephrases it and asks Deadpool if he knows how dangerous it is to be discussing this with him. Deadpool then offers to discuss it mano-a-mano unless the man is having too much fun playing the good guy. With that, he begins to ready the teleporter.
On board the Thunderbolt’s aircraft, the Thunderstrike, the team is talking to the holographic head of Norman Osborn. Osborn tells them that the watch-words for the new Thunderbolts were supposed to be Covert, Stealthy, and Invisible. Instead he got Wholesale Property Destruction. The Headsman tells him they had to make it look real. Osborn retorts by saying he almost took his head off. And then where would they be? No closer to finding out how much Deadpool told Fury about his operation.
Paladin says that he they had held back Deadpool would have sensed it. The Black Widow adds that Deadpool may be crazy but he is crazy like a badger. Becoming exasperated Osborn corrects her and says it’s crazy like a fox. He adds that at least he took the teleporter as planned. He then asks if Deadpool had been tagged, to which Ant-Man confirms he was. Black Widow tells him the micro-transmitter is pinging Deadpool’s location and they are on their way there. Osborn says that once Ghost has drained every electron from Deadpool’s communication rig then he wants a confirmed and clear kill. He adds that the lunatic is notoriously hard to kill. The Headsman says he will bring him his head to which Osborn says to make sure he does otherwise it will be the Headsman’s head that gets mounted on the wall.
As Osborn’s transmission ends Ant-Man says he had better motivational skills as the Green Goblin and the Headsman chips in and says if he wasn’t being paid an obscene amount he would kick his… “Enough” the Black Widow yells at them. She tells the men that Osborn is their commanding officer and that they may not like him but they have to show him respect. As she picks up a set of parachutes, she tells the team that each of them was handpicked for mission-specific skills but they shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking they are irreplaceable. If there is any dissent in the ranks, then there will be permanent consequences. The rest of the Thunderbolts acknowledge that they understand. The Black Widow then tells them they have a mission to perform and then instructs them to prepare for ballistic insertion. With that she leaps out of the plane and parachutes down to the ground.
She lands on one of the buildings of the derelict smelting plant and removes the parachute. She removes a small device and arms it so that it starts beeping. She then places it in the ground. She continues to do this with other similar devices and places them at various locations around the plant. Finally, she takes position with a sniper rifle and then radios to the plane and lets them know to stand by for the green light.
She says the tracers confirm the target is on site and that the teleporter scramblers are in place with a blind spot leading to the northwest. When the rest of the Thunderbolts breach the plant, Deadpool’s only way out is through her.
On board the plane, Ghost tells the Black Widow that an anti-material rifle will not stop Deadpool permanently. The Black Widow instructs him that it is no ordinary weapon and that it contains a biological anti-cancer courtesy of Oscorp Laboratories. Deadpool’s cancer would eat him alive if his healing factor did not replenish the dead cells. Eradicate the cancer and his healing factor will overwhelm him. Paladin comments that Norman Osborn has found a cure for cancer and that he managed to weaponize it.
In the smelting plant, Deadpool has geared up and has equipped himself with dozens of weapons. He is still talking to the man over the computer. He asks the man if the Skrull bio-data that was so vital to Osborn’s success just said “shoot her in the head with a large caliber weapon.” The man replies that it’s the first thing he would try. He then says “uh-oh” and asks if Deadpool can hear that? When he replies “hear what?” the man says he is picking up some radio chatter and wonders what ballistic insertion means. A worried looking Deadpool says “uh-oh” just as the Thunderstrike crashes into the building, sending him and the computer equipment flying.
The Thunderbolt’s emerge from the plane ready for action. On his glider, the Headsman shouts for Deadpool to show himself as he owes him a head. The Paladin comments that he was expecting a straight shoot-‘em-up and that sneaky isn’t Deadpool’s style. As a shrunken Ant-Man creeps across a keyboard, he tells the Thunderbolts to just lift the comm. gear and then flatten this place with a mini-nuke.
Just then, he is doused in bug spray as Deadpool reveals himself. Ant-Man grows to full size and clutches at his throat. Ghost yells that Ant-Man is down as he collapses. A sword then swipes through Ghost causing him to ask what kind of idiot uses a sword against an intangible opponent. Crouching on the floor, Deadpool says he was just checking and asks if Ghost can hear him. When he replies that of course he can hear him, Deadpool pulls out a small speaker-like device and turns it on. It emits a high-pitched squealing sound that causes Ghost immense pain and makes him go intangible.
Paladin realizes it’s a sonic bomb and shouts for Headsman to turn on the noise-cancelling device on his mask. Headsman swings his axe down at Deadpool but the merc jumps out the way. Paladin then fires his machine guns at him, but again he flips and dodges the bullets. Infuriated, the Paladin asks when Deadpool got this good. But before he can do anything else Deadpool kicks him hard in the chin, sending him flying backwards.
Outside, Black Widow yells for a sitrep and asks what’s going on in there. One of the Thunderbolt’s replies over the radio and says the tracer just went dead and tells her it was a set-up. Just as she realizes Deadpool had led them into a trap, he appears behind her and puts a gun to her head. He tells her that she got it in one and she wins the star prize… a hole in the head. She pulls off her mask and tells him to do it as he would be doing her a favor.
However, when Deadpool doesn’t pull the trigger, she asks what he is waiting for. Deadpool, now tripping over his words, starts mumbling and then finally tells her that she’s kinda hot and asks if she has a boyfriend. He starts swooning like a love-sick school boy as an unimpressed Black Widow just stands there.
