Uncanny X-Force (1st series) #16

Issue Date: 
November 2011
Story Title: 
No Such Thing

Rick Remender (writer), Jerome Opena (artist), Dean White (colors), VC’s Cory Petit (letterer), Sebastian Girner (assistant editor), Jody Leheup (editor), Nick Lowe ( group editor), Axel Alonso (editor-in-chief), Joe Quesada (chief creative officer), Dan Buckley (publisher), Alan Fine (Exec. Publisher)

Brief Description: 

When what is left of X-Force infiltrates Akkaba, Deathlok is sent to stop McCoy in the World while Fantomex and Deadpool plan to take out Archangel. They are attacked by the Age of Apocalypse Blob and saved by the recovered Wolverine, who intends to go after Archangel himself while they recover. However, they are immediately attacked by the Age of Apocalypse Iceman, who freezes Deadpool and shatters him into pieces. Archangel shows Psylocke his plans. When Autumn Rolfsson protests what he has done to her son, he kills her. Psylocke attacks him and is defeated, though Archangel was only waiting for her to show her warrior spirit. He uses the Death Seed on her to make her his new Horseman and heir, Death. Meanwhile, Deathlok is taken out by War and Fantomex flees with EVA. Ultimaton and his secret project still hide in another part of the World.

Full Summary: 

In his bedroom in Akkaba, Archangel awakes in human form. The “Former” dreamed again and reverted him to his shape. A lovely bird with clipped wings. The dream is a ghost, the recollection of a dead child, still pining for his “true love.” He turns back to Archangel’s shape.

Next to him in bed, Pestilence awakes and calls his name. He orders her to collect herself. It is time.

Outside, McCoy and Ozymandias await him, telling him everything is ready.

Archangel figures he is not moved by low mythology such as love. He has seen the universal truth. He knows for certain there is no such thing.

Outside Akkaba, several guards talk, figuring there is some concern among some with the severity of their mission. He’s going to make them all rulers of a new world. As Norse gods to Vikings. Wiping out the unenlightened human race might seem an evil chore, simply imagine them as Neanderthals, one guard suggests, his back to the others, unaware that Deadpool, Deathlock and Fantomex have taken them out. There are occasions where even cold-blooded murder is merciful. Good to hear, Fantomex agrees, his gun pointed at him, he couldn’t agree more.

Inside EVA, Famine has broken free and walks up towards the unconscious Logan. EVA addresses him and is glad that Deathlok hasn’t killed him. He touches her and gives her bio-auditory cancer. Everything explodes. Famine tells the unconscious Logan to burn in hell as his children did, then walks away from the conflagration.

Archangel visits Psylocke, who is now in a prison cell. He apologizes but her outburst yesterday forced his hand. He doesn’t want her to miss this, he hints as he opens the cell. Play nice. Only until he gives her a reason to give up hope, she warns. Once she sees Warren Worthington is lost, she moves towards mean.

The three X-Force members observe that Archangel’s people are preparing the World. Fantomex tells Deathlok to go demolish it. He will need a map. Deathlok points out he downloaded the World’s current blueprint after Fantomex refused to let him destroy it. No one likes “I told you so,” Fantomex replies. He and Wade will infiltrate Ship and kill Warren.

As they scale the wall, Wade asks what this kooky alien world in Montana was. Fantomex replies that Warren and his unsavory friends are going to do that to the entire planet. Scorch it. Reseed it. They believe they’ll be worshipped as gods by the new species that rises up in humanity’s place.

He gets the allure, Deadpool muses. He never wanted to be God, but he used to try talking to him. He invited him to his home, lured him into his house. Thought they had a personal connection but he was liar. His bundle and harmonica should have clued him in. Harmonica? Fantomex asks. Homeless guy living in his cellar. They had a system… it worked for them until it didn’t. He forgot he was talking to a moron, Fantomex sighs. God or not, Deadpool reminisces, that enchanting drifter made the most mind-blowing stew out of night rain, potatoes and depression.

Sounds delish, the AoA Blob announces as he drops in on Fantomex. Dishing out depression is the business he’s in. Exactly the sort of thing McCoy brought him here to share.

He tries to grab Deadpool, who asks if he landed on Fantomex or is he in him. The Blob remarks Fantomex is having a ba-ad time. Let’s leave it at that.

Keistering dudes against their will? Deadpool states. He will never get an action figure with that power. “Hey kids”, he shouts, “do you love fat hairy men with bad can? You’ll love “new Blob.” He can fit three X-Men in his kung fu can! Human suppository not included.”

He doesn’t notice in time he is out of bullets, having been too busy shooting off his mouth. Blob grabs him, intending to eat him. This reminds him of a joke, Deadpool announces. What kind of soldier doesn’t need bullets? The kind that’s always shooting his mouth off. He grabs his sword and pierces the Blob’s tongue.

Free again, he crouches down, asking if Fantomex can hear him. Fantomex gurgles in despair. That wasn’t the murghle of a happy man, Deadpool figures.

That moment on a roof above, Famine begins his drumming, affecting the Blob, who immediately begins losing weight. As skinfolds hang loose, Deadpool remarks a bra is a tough decision in any man’s life but he doesn’t see any other option for him.

Famine has turned against his teammate because Wolverine, who was woken up by the fire, forced him to. Famine reminds him of his promise not to kill him. Wolverine agrees, cutting off his arms instead.

Elsewhere in the complex, Psylocke reminds Archangels she still loves him. He points out her love for Warren protected Archangel, allowing him to grow in the soil of Warren’s subconscious. Does it cause her pain to know he manipulated her? That her love was the reason he was allowed to hide and thrive?

Betsy announces their love will bring him back to her. He sighs exasperated. She sounds like Xavier. Obsolete, disrespected Charles Xavier, father of children who abandoned and ignored his dream as soon as they were faced with the harsh difficulties of maintaining it in the face of adversity.

She still fights for his dream! Betsy protests. No, he tells her, she kills people. Ironically, if she had followed Xavier’s principles, there would be no X-Force, no clandestine hit squad helping him to kill in secret. Each murder brought Archangel one step closer to domination of Warren. Without X-Force, he wouldn’t have been able to acquire this! He shows her the Life Seed.

Betsy muses she wants to go home… to forget this. She knows part of him wants it too. Were things so good? he asks. She always romanticises the past as soon as the future begins to hit her. What does he want the Life Seed for? she asks, He promises it’s not a bad thing and decides to show her.

In the meantime, Fantomex has freed himself and drops into the water. Kicking Famine off the roof, Wolverine orders Fantomex to wash and shut down the World. He will take care of Worthingon.

Elsewhere, Archangel announces that the World rises and the citizens of Akkaba rejoice. They and their ancestors have waited hundreds of years for the new age---

What has he done to her son?! an angry Autumn Rolfson interrupts him. She orders him to call it off. He’s not going to make her son into a monster! Genocide is performing the position of his namesake, Archangel informs her. His name is William! she shouts, pointing a gun at Archangel. He reminds her he is the blood heir of Apocalypse. He’s not like him, she bawls, he’s just a boy. He promisedher he wouldn’t lead him down that path. Archangel cuts her apart with his wings. He only promised he would serve evolution. Die, knowing she has raised a great hero.

Furious, Betsy calls him a son of bitch. He explains she could have swerved the boy’s thinking from serving evolution. And Betsy realizes he sounds like Apocalypse. He agrees. There is a reason for that. He is the Apocalypse.

Fantomex dives up from the icy water, deciding this was the worst thing that could happen to him today. Compared to that, from here on out, no matter what else happens, it’s all going to be a strawberry cakewalk.

He couldn’t have picked a worse time to say that, Deadpool realizes as the Age of Apocalypse Iceman grabs him in an ice fist. The giant iceform explains the man says all he has to do to live in his paradise is kill them. Prepare to face the true unbridled power of the sinister Iceman! How about he just calls him Ballhog the betrayer? Fantomex suggests.

Wolverine telepathically contacts Psylocke, who is still arguing with Archangel. Wolverine informs her that Archangel wiped out an entire town, killing thousands. If they don’t stop him, he’ll do it to the entire damn planet! If she gets a shot to put him down, do it!

Betsy grabs a gun and fires at Archangel. She’s sorry, she states. Don’t be, he tells her after deflecting the shots with his wings. She’s revealed the warrior he was waiting for… revealed his bride!

In the World, an impatient McCoy explains to Genocide that the doom fountain will exponentially multiply his internal furnace. Plug in. Discharge. Cause genocide. Have nap time.

Elsewhere in the World, Ultimaton and his sleeping charge still remain hidden…

Singing a nonsensical song, Deadpool attacks the giant Iceman, cutting his iceslide. Iceman mocks: A lone dolt and a sword against the harnessed fury of an ice elemental! Seems like the polite thing would be not to rub it in, Deadpool suggests. Iceman freezes him. Horrified, Fantomex watches him shatter from the cold.

Archangel carries Psylocke to an altar-like slab where Pestilence already stands waiting. Archangel remarks his host has felt deeply bonded to Psylocke since the first time they met. A fateful evening in the Hellfire Club. She was there with her idiot bull of a brother. He can remember Warren’s life. He understands their bond. He wouldn’t do anything to his heir because he understands such a bond must go both ways. Together they will rule tomorrow, Archangel and his Queen Death!

Wade is in millions of pieces dropped across his ice lava lake, Iceman tells the running Fantomex. Dead in a pool. Get it? As Fantomex flees, his second brain begins to dictate the recent mistakes in ascending order of severity. Number one: having ever left the World. Fact: if he hadn’t left the World, he’d never have been brought to the attention of the X-natives. Young master Worthington wouldn’t have learned of its existence.

Desperately, he frees his weapon while giant Iceman begins to grab at him.

Number two: motivations hinging on an unrequited attraction to Elizabeth Braddock. Without which he would see this is an untenable conflict and would flee! Brain II suggests perhaps he should listen to it now, take his exit from the battle. And for the first time in many months, he listens as he calls EVA to his side. Should she open fire? EVA asks. He tells her to save her energy. They are leaving!

Deathlok threatens the Dark Beast, ordering him to tell Genocide to step away from the big-boom machine. McCoy complies. But War attacks Deathlok from behind.

Via tachyon transmission Deathlok communicates with future Deathloks from various timelines. No future has replied back in hours… there is only silence. No future… no life… only War.

Seeing EVA fly up, Wolverine swears: perfect time to go yellow, le Pew! He should have seen this… He is attacked by the giant Iceman who informs him he isn’t going to ruin this for him. Not after all he’s been through. He saw his home dimension! They fought and fought against this, and all they did was die! Everyone he loved. Everything that ever mattered to him – dead. He’s owed some luck! And he is about to get some! Wolverine tells him and jumps towards him.

Archangel has laid Betsy on her stomach and begins to push the Death Seed into her back. She is the true and only… His queen. His Death!

With the threat of Deathlok removed, Genocide is getting ready. Onward to the experiment! McCoy announces. The end of all life on Earth!

In EVA, Fantomex sits despairing…

Characters Involved: 

Deadpool, Fantomex, Psylocke, Wolverine (all X-Force)

Deathlok (X-Force ally)



Famine V, Pestilence VI, War VI (the Final Horsemen)

Dark Beast


Age of Apocalypse Blob and Iceman


Story Notes: 
Issue Information: 
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