On top of the citadel, atop an asteroid at the end of time:
Taking stock of the situation, Wolverine thinks of how the universe began with the Big Bang, and it ends in a Cosmic Crunch…
Speaking to Spiral, Wolverine asks her to verify: the whole planetoid is somethin’ called the citadel at the end of time. He also asks if it is the last stop on the cosmic express and Mojo is there messin’ with the track switches. Spiral admits that is about the size of it. Wolverine then asks Spiral if she figgers ol’ Mojo himself is down inside the citadel getting his jollies. Spiral replies that Mojo likes to be where the action is; he likes to watch. Wolverine recommends that maybe they should go downstairs and bark his shins up.
As he begins to put on his blue and yellow costume, Mystique asks him if he feels the need to get suited up like that. Wolverine tells her that he wouldn’t want it said that the universe ended and he was underdressed. He then tells the girls, Mystique and Spiral, to get on the scoot. It’s time to rattle Mojo’s cage.
As she climbs behind Wolverine on his bike, Spiral sitting on the handlebars, Mystique looks into the chasm of the citadel and asks Wolverine how he intends on riding into it. There aren’t any ramps, just enormous steep-sided craters. Wolverine asks her if she’s ever been to the state fair and seen a barrel rider. Mystique answers that she has not. Wolverine informs her to hang on then; she’s in for a treat. As they start to make their way down the chasm, Mystique tells Wolverine that she hopes he knows what he is doing. Wolverine replies that if he let that stop him, he’d never do anythin’. He then tells her to lighten up, they’ve got centrifugal force on their side and as long as they maintain enough velocity they’re perfectly…
He then points out that they’re not on a solid surface they’re riding on. When Mystique asks what it is, Spiral answers that it’s a jam. A master-work crafted by a million alternate existences of umpteen space-time jugglers. Before long, the lights go out. Once they do, Mystique asks what now? Wolverine tells her that they just rode into the shadow o’ the crater; he’ll just snap on the headlamp. With the light on, Spiral points out that they’re closing in fast on the rim and that they’re going to go over the rim of the vortex. Wolverine says that was the great mother of all time vortexes. As they continue to head through the hole, Mystique asks, if that was a time vortex, why weren’t they swept into another continuum? Spiral asks her if she knows anything about quantum chromodynamics and adds that it’s really quite simple… Mystique tells her to shut up. She wants to be able to hear herself scream before they go splat.
Just then a voice comes out of one of the speakers and tells Mystique to do that, but just to make sure she’s facing a holovision sensor. Spiral recognizes the voice as Mojo’s and asks him if he is getting all of this on digital laser. Wolverine asks where the fat geek is or if his is all just another one of his stupid movies. Mojo asks, “Geek???” He then tells Wolverine that he’s got some nerve and calls him a disgusting spined thing.
As they plummet towards the bottom of the chasm, Spiral points out that Mojo is just a projection on a giant high definition TV screen. Mojo corrects her and tells her that it’s an ultra gas-plasma to be precise. When they all bounce off the screen, Mojo tells them that he insists on QUIET ON THE SET! He asks how they can expect him to get a decent performance out of his ingénue when the supernumeraries are making such a racket.
On the screen below them, Wolverine notices Jubilee being held captive. As Jubilee calls out to Wolverine, he becomes enraged. He slashes out at the screen below him and tells Mojo to let her go and calls him a big-toothed fish-eyed lard-bucket. Out of the screen, a slew of plasma wraiths begin to emerge. One of them calls Wolverine, Spiral and Mystique pastlings/proto-plasmic proteins/set-crashers. It asks if Mojo/auteur desires their nullification with fear/pain/protracted suffering. Mojo informs the wraith yes, especially the protracted suffering.
In Canada, in the present, the stealth bomber carrying Albert, Elsie-Dee and the Hunter in Darkness leaves the burial ground. As is does, Elsie asks Albert what kind of tests he’s wunning on the skeleton now. Albert tells her that *bzt* spectro-scopic analysis confirms *bzt* adamantium claws. Also *bzt* adamantium bonded to internal structure of *bzt* bones. He *bzt* scanned the skull contours and *bzt* built a digitilized computer model. Now he’s *bzt* running the facial reconstruction program. It *bzt* fleshes out the bone and extra-polates the features.
Looking at the skeleton on the table, Elsie asks if he cawbon-dated the skeweton. Albert replies that it’s too *bzt* recent. He had to *bzt* date by comparative rate of *bzt* soluble mineral leaching. He then informs them that the *bzt* reconstruction is complete. When the image appears on the screen, the Hunter growls at it. Elsie points out to Albert that the resembwance is cweepy but it can’t weally be Wogan. The skeweton wooks too old. Albert informs her that it’s *bzt* over two hundred years old, to be *bzt* exact.
At the end of time, Wolverine hops on his motorcycle as more and more plasma wraiths begin to come out of the screen on the floor. He tells Mystique that it’s time to blow this popstand and that dispersion is the better part of valor. As Mystique hops on the motorcycle, she corrects him and tells him that it’s dis-cretion. Wolverine tells her that too. As they drive away, Spiral tells them that she’ll hold them off while they get away. Wolverine thanks Spiral but mentions that he thinks they’re too many wraiths for even a six-armed gal. Some of the wraiths point out that the protein/soft-tissue pastlings are escaping along the vortex surface/reality interface. It calls out to its fellow wraiths to terminate their pathetic carbon-cycle life-functions and to kill/devolve/temporally dislocate them.
As they try to attack Wolverine and Mystique, Wolverine slashes at them with his claws. As he does, he asks the wraiths howsabout gettin’ sliced/diced/put on ice. Behind him, Spiral is holding her own. She points out to Wolverine that the underlings are just wasting their time. They have to get to the root of the problem. In no time, she catches up to Wolverine and Mystique and tells them that they have to stop Mojo. Wolverine tells her that’s alright by him. He’s always down for some universe-savin’…
He is cut off by Spiral, who tells him that he doesn’t understand. What Mojo is doing is preventing the Crunch. The vortex he created is stalling the big implosion of everything. Wolverine asks if that is because he wants more footage for his holo-vision movies? Spiral indicates that it is but that he didn’t think it the whole way through. He never does. If the Crunch doesn’t happen, the big bang couldn’t have happened. Without an end, there is no beginning. Wolverine replies ain’t that something. In order to save the universe, they have to destroy it.
From another location in the citadel, Mojo asks Jubilee if she hears them. They think that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Maybe he wants everything to end. Maybe he’s got it figured so that everything but he and a few selected entities blink off into nothingness. Maybe his new space/time skater, Abcissa can cut a few cosmic figure-eights that no one ever dreamed of. As they enter into a new section of the citadel, Jubilee points out that maybe he’s seriously missing a set of chairs from his dinette set. Mojo tells her that she can see who is holding the winning hand. He tells her that he’s afraid that her little hirsute friend is doomed, as is the entire universe unless, of course, he and she can come to an agreement. Jubilee tells him that Professor Xavier warned her about creeps like him. Mojo replies that he’s sure he did but asks her if she wants to hear his deal. Jubilee asks how yucked-out it is. Mojo answers that it’s not too unpleasant at all, she simply consents to being his slave.
In another area of the citadel, Wolverine, Mystique and Spiral continue to ride around the vortex. Spiral points out that the swirling images within the vortex are coalescing. One of the time-shifters or dimensional jugglers trapped within the vortex by Mojo is exerting enough will to make himself known to them. Wolverine recognizes him as Gateway and wonders what he is tryin’ to tell them. Spiral points out his bull-roarer and mentions that that’s no Aborigine-built whirligig. Wolverine notices that it is a stealth bomber.
As they drive by Gateway’s mouth Wolverine informs them that he’s tellin’ them the answer lies with Albert and Elsie-Dee. Spiral asks who?? Wolverine tells her that it’s a long story. Mystique asks what else he is trying to tell them. Just then, a cruise missile flies out of Gateway’s mouth. It flies inches away from Spiral, who recognizes it as just a projection, but the message has been made. Wolverine asks what a missile has to do with Albert and Elsie-Dee?
Before they know it, the space around them goes completely white. Mystique calls out that they’ve been nuked, but Wolverine replies that it’s just an amazin’ simulation, just like the missile. Spiral adds that it had all the wave characteristics of an anti-matter explosion. She adds that a real one might trigger a chain-reaction that could initiate the Crunch. Wolverine points out that the image of Gateway is gone, like somebody turned him off. Mystique says that somebody is more than likely Mojo.
Behind them, Mojo follows on a flying disk. He asks Jubilee what it will be? Her worthless freedom in exchange for Wolverine’s life? The rest of her boring, useless existence in trade for the continuance of everything for eternity? Jubilee asks if she can think about it for a sec. Mojo tells her that time’s a wasting and sics his wraiths on the trio.
At that point, Wolverine mentions to Spiral that what they are doing is just stalling for time and time is running out. He grabs Mystique and tosses her over to Spiral, telling them to go back and fetch the missile. Spiral asks what… She is cut off by Wolverine, who tells her that he’ll figure out what to do with it when he gets it. He tells them to just get vortexin’ and find that cute little android and her good-lookin’ pal. As they leave, Jubilee calls out to Spiral that she can’t run out on her Wolvie! Wolverine jumps off his bike and tells Jubilee that Spiral did the right thing. He adds that there’s a lot more at stake there than just the ol’ canucklehead like everythin’ that ever was and ever will be.
With that, he begins to slice his way through the hordes of wraiths before him. Jubilee points out to Mojo that Wolvie is gonna go through his wraiths like a baloney-slicer on “high.” Mojo informs her, his soon-to-be-thrall, that he will never deplete his stock. Wraiths are an egregiously plentiful, predatory and cheap as actors. Soon, they’ll overpower him and drag him into a null-time forever. Unless, unless she says the word and submits. Jubilee calls out never, no wayyy. Mojo tells her that she will; he can prove it. He asks her if she hade the teeniest inkling who Abcissa really was. She is the Jubilee who said yes. With that, he removes her mask to reveal her face to Jubilee. Jubilee calls out no, but Mojo only replies que sera sera.
In Canada, Spiral and Mystique arrive on the bomber where Albert, Elsie-Dee and the Hunter are. Mystique asks her how she found it so fast. Spiral informs her that Pierce built the two androids with body shop components. She adds that she imbeds a tracer in all of her work. She then tells Mystique that they need to get started before they start to forget. Mystique asks forget? Spiral tells her, of course, you can’t retain memories of the future. As they pass, the Hunter and Albert protest but don’t say anything. Elsie tells them both to back off. She tells the tawdy twowwops aren’t doing diddwy with her cwuise missile until she finds out what’s twanspiwing there. Mystique tells her that they need the missile to save Wolverine in the far future. Elsie answers that that doesn’t twack.
As she points over to the skeleton lying on the table, she asks, if Wolvewine is in danger in the future, how come he’s dead in the past? Spiral mentions that thing is just a relic from an alternate time string. She adds that if it’s so important to her, she’ll send her back to unravel it, but first they hand over the missile.
Afterwhen, Mojo is trying to convince Jubilee to be his slave. He promises that he’ll save Wolverine; he really will. Of course, he’ll send him back to a nasty primitive time peopled by savages. Just then, the cruise missile appears out of the vortex. Wolverine notices it and comments that the ladies came through for him.
In Canada, Spiral mentions to Mystique that they sent the missile ahead and sent the two androids and their friends back… but wonders why they did that. Why did she leave the vortex to the future open? As Mystique looks over the skeleton, she asks if it is the remains of who they think it is. She adds that she’s sure she knew all those things, but the memories are fading like last night’s dreams. The more she grasps for them, the faster they waft away – gone. Spiral tells her that they were dreams, dreams about the future.
At the citadel, Wolverine jams his claws into the cruise missile. As he does, he mentions that he can’t have it zoomin’ around any ol’ place. He’s gotta make this count like the last shot in a game o’ eight-ball, he’s gotta call the pocket he aims to sink. As he climbs aboard the missile, he tells Mojo that he’s it. Mojo tells him he’s bluffing and asks what about Jubilee, what about himself? Wolverine replies that, if they don’t stop him, everything they ever did will never have been. He adds that he reckons some o’ those good times were worth this. ‘Sides, he sure ain’t offerin’ any alternatives, if he catches his drift.
Mojo turns to Jubilee and yells at her. He tells her that he’s going to radically discorporate them. He tells her to save him, save herself but, most important of all, save him… He is cut off mid-sentence when Jubilee kicks him in the stomach and tells him to get real and to chomp a tic-tac while he’s at it. Just then, Jubilee notices that Abcissa disappears. When she asks if she did that, Mojo asks her back who does she think did it, the tooth fairy? She was from a time-string where she was compliant. Now they’re all doomed. Jubilee mentions that she must have hit his whine-center. She also notices that she is free from the chain and leaps off the disk and down towards Wolverine’s motorcycle.
In Canada, Spiral wonders why she left the vortex open. She wonders who or what was supposed to come through it. Mystique recommends that she should redirect it someplace where they have the facilities to deal with the unknown. Spiral replies that that is a good idea and then asks if there was a skeleton behind Mystique just a second ago…
In that other when, Wolverine continues to ride the missile towards Mojo. As he does, he slices through more of the wraiths. He asks Mojo if the leather zombies are the best he can trot out. They ain’t hardly worth the trouble o’ extrudin’ the adamantium. On the ground, Jubilee notices that the missile came out of the cosmic twister, so it must be a doorway back to their own time. She realizes that she’s gotta time it just right. Mojo tells Wolverine that he doesn’t need those ungrateful time-dancers to magick his way back out of harm’s way. He can time-shift himself just like that. He snaps his fingers but nothing happens. He mentions that he almost had it that time and that there’s not enough phase control. He then yells cut and smacks at one of his spheroid-droids.
Just then, Wolverine calls out heads up. He asks Mojo what it will be, a claw sandwich or a face-full o’ cruise missile? Mojo says to him to talk deal, he will give Wolverine 8% of ancillary licensing on holo-vision. Wolverine threateningly replies that he will give him 8%. At that moment, he is grabbed off the missile by Jubilee, who tells him that it’s time to go. As they head off into the twister, Earth to Wolverine, Earth to Wolverine is heard.
He is then told to “Wake up Stumpy. You’re bullets just got bumped.” Wolverine asks bullets? Nick Fury replies that his aces are the high-pair showing but the haircut just raised him a buck fifty. Wolverine looks around to find himself dressed in a black t-shirt and surrounded by Gambit, Beast, Nick Fury and the Thing, all playing cards. Gambit tells him c’est vrai, one hundred fifty dollars to stay in. Beast replies that everybody else is seeing him and asks if he is calling his bluff too.
Just then, Mr. Fantastic informs Wolverine that he has a phone call. It’s from Jubilee, collect. Xavier transferred it there from the academy. Wolverine replies figgers and excuses himself from the table. Gambit tells him not to get lost, not when he owes him a cool five thousand. Wolverine replies five large? He must’ve been in another dimension.
On the top of the Fantastic Four building, Wolverine asks Jubilee what the problem is. He adds that he was just thinking about her but he had some sort o’ weird memory lapse or somethin’. Jubilee tells him that’s really nice and all that and that she’s been having memory problems too. Right now, she’s in a teensy little bit of trouble. She asks if Wolverine could please come over and bail her out. Wolverine asks bail her out? What did the cops nab her for? Jubilee tells him that it was for driving without a license, speeding, resisting arrest, and customs zapped her because his stupid motorcycle didn’t have an import duty stamp. Wolverine asks import duty?? That’s a made in the USA Harley freakin’ Davidson. He doesn’t owe any import duty on that bike. Jubilee tells him that he does if the bike is in Tokyo, which is where she is.