In a Chinese restaurant located in Chinatown in San Francisco, Logan is finishing his meal. He then cracks open his fortune cookie and reads his fortune. It reads “duck.” Logan immediately removes his jacket and puts on the mask to his brown and tan costume. Scanning the room, he sees a roasted duck on a table next to the wall smoldering. Logan walks over to it and sees what looks to be a bomb inside of it. Out loud, he says “Duck?” Just then, Deadpool says “goose” and presses the detonator, blasting Logan back.
When Deadpool swings in, he says to himself Dear diary, today I am going to kill Wolvereen. He then slaps himself in the head and says aloud no, it’s Wolverine with an “I.” In his mind he says that Today, he is going kill Wolvereen Wolverein. He then thinks oh, for… and asks if he is really gonna ruin this for him, because that would really suck. He’s been dreaming about this for a long time and he knows just how he wants it to go. Seeing Deadpool, Logan asks him what he is doing there. Deadpool says what he is doing is calling him out.
In Deadpool’s mind, Logan appears scared out of his mind. In reality, however, Logan replies that Deadpool’s finally &*%$ing lost it. Deadpool then asks him if he’s scared or somethin’ and challenges him to throw down. To Deadpool, Logan looks frightened and is wearing a small brown, Elmer Fudd-type hat. When Logan pops his claws, Deadpool sees them as forks on his right hand and spoons on his left and asks him what he is going to do with them wolf-boy – toss his salad? Logan responds by slashing him across the face. Dropping down to his knees, Deadpool wonders how and says that he drifted, didn’t he. Logan tells him yup and proceeds to kick him across the face. Lifting up his mask, Deadpool spits out blood and says Dear diary, I think I might actually be crazy. He tells himself what, he’s not crazy, though aloud he says that he just has a vivid imagination is all.
As Logan turns to walk away, Deadpool asks him where he thinks he’s going. When Logan replies he has not time for this, Deadpool mutters “no time for this” and begins to unload his gun in Logan’s direction. He asks him if he has any time for this, or this, or maybe some of this with a little of this on the side. Logan is able to dodge all of the shots and when Pool takes a slice at him with his sword, he is able to dodge that too and tells Wade that he shouldn’t lose his temper, it makes him stupid. With that, he punches Wade in the stomach. However, when he goes to kick him while he is down, Wade leaps backwards and throws two items at Logan which, when they land, stick in Logan’s arm via spikes like a shuriken. Wade asks him if he wants to be a comedian and tells him the most important thing he should know is it’s all about timing. Logan looks down to see the devices sticking out of his arm have timers equipped. Both of them have 0.001 on them both. Less than a moment later, they go off, the blast throwing Logan through the air. The end result is that he crashes through the second floor window of a department store.
Wade says, “Figures. Shipping.” and gets on the elevator with an elevator attendant and tells him that he wants to go to the second floor. Nervous and sweating, the attendant pushes the button. As they make their way to the second floor, Wade tells him that he knows he should take the stairs, but c’mon, you should treat yourself every once in a while; life’s just too short. Reaching their destination, Deadpool looks out into the store and wonders where Logan is at. When the attendant runs out of the elevator, Logan stabs Pool in the shoulder with his claws from above and grabs him by the throat, pulling him up into the elevator shaft.
Up there, Logan unloads a flurry of punches on Pool’s face and backs him up against the wall. There, he presses his fist under Pool’s chin and pops his two outer claws. Before he pops the third middle claw, he asks Wade if he can guess what happens next. Wade pulls the pins out of four grenades and drops them on the floor. He then replies that, according to the manual… Logan replies, “Crazy son of a…” and rushes out of the store, grabbing a jacket on the way out as quickly as he can before the blast goes off.
On the ground level, the police have sectioned off the shopping center. The detective on the scene asks the lead policeman what they are lookin’ at there. The cop replies all the evacuees they’ve interviewed have stated that they’re not missing anyone, so they’re in pretty good shape, all-told. When the detective asks if there are any injuries or deaths, the cop tells him that some people got burned by the explosion, only one of ‘em seriously, but EMS is on top of that and adds that there are no deaths that they’re aware of. The detective asks if their guy’s still in there somewhere, to which the cop answers as far as they know, yes.
Just then, another cop runs up and hands the detective a radio and informs him that the suspect is on the phone with 911. Once the detective receives the radio, he introduces himself as Detective Michelin and asks who the person is on the other end of the phone. Deadpool replies, “Shaddup, see.” He’ll be the one askin’ the questions ‘round here, see? This building’s mine – yeah! An’ if any o’ you coppers try an’ bust in there, I’m gonna blow myself to smithereens, see. Ka-blooey! The detective starts to tell him that he can tell that he’s under a lot of pressure… Just then, Deadpool hangs up on him. The detective calls out to dispatch that he’s lost… Behind him, the SWAT team leader informs him to forget it, that’s all they needed to hear.
Once inside the building, the cops split into two teams. Eventually, one of the squads reports contact and proceed to toss a smoke grenade into the room. On the other side of the room, they spot their subject and before long open fire on him. Down on the street level, Detective Michelin hears the gunfire and asks the status and what is going on. The reply is negative contact. Michelin asks them to repeat that and the SWAT team repeats negative contact, as they have fired on a mannequin wearing Deadpool’s uniform.
Down in an ambulance, a mask-less Wade Wilson has taken the EMS personnel hostage. He pulls out a scalpel and tells them that he has some really, really bad news for them. Letting them sweat it out a bit, he finally tells them that they’re going to have to walk and lets them free. As the EMS personnel run away from the ambulance, one of the paramedics stops and tells Wade that she doesn’t know if she’s suffering from Stockholm Syndrome or what, but he really should get to a hospital – he’s got some serious injuries. Looking at his slashed up deformed face, Wade looks concerned.
Just then, Logan sheds his coat and tells the EMS worker that if she thinks those injuries are serious, she should stick around. Wade replies “zoiks” and tries to start up the ambulance. Before he can, Logan grabs him by the neck. When he does, Wades is able to start the ambulance and proceeds to floor it and take off. As he does, the momentum throws Logan from the ambulance. Driving down the road, Wade says to himself that this is gonna work, this is gonna work! Just then, Logan slams his claws through the roof of the ambulance much to the surprise of Deadpool. Wade slams on the brakes which throws Logan from the ambulance and smashes him up against a nearby wall. When he does, Wade quietly says that it worked.
On the top of the building, the younger worker asks the older one that he’s gonna do what? He can’t… The older one says that he’s gonna do it, okay. The younger one says no, it’s not okay. The older one asks him what if he gives him ten grand. The younger one asks if he’s serious to which the answer is yes, and hands him a stack of bills. The younger one asks him where’d he… The reply is, “Don’t worry about it.” He then adds that let’s just say that, with what he’s getting paid to do this, he can afford to be generous. He informs his partner that all he has to do is say that he don’t know what happened, he’ll take care of the rest. The younger one then asks him when do they… The answer is according to the schedule, right now.
With that, the worker presses the button which releases the piano onto the big red X painted on the ground. In the middle of that X – Logan. Looking up at the falling piano, Logan says, “You gotta be kidding me.” Having stopped the ambulance, Deadpool watches the piano fall and says, “Boo-yah, top that you stupid coyote!”