Peter Quill aka Star-Lord finds himself in unfamiliar surroundings. Not again! he shouts frustrated. He sniffs in an exaggerated way and announces he smells bastardized, beady-eyed, mud-slinging rat-eaters. Why does he smell Badoon?
He is in jail, a dark-haired man with a beard informs him. He introduces himself as Carmody and asks if Quill enjoyed his nap. His brain feels like a soggy burrito, Peter complains, then notices a shy Badoon child cowering in a corner. He asks who the kid is. Carmody doesn’t know. He was already here when Carmody got locked up. Keeps quiet. So how does the legendary Star-Lord end up in a Badoon jail? Happens more than he likes, Peter mutters. He remembers a girl…
Flashback:
Peter is in a bar flirting with a beautiful alien girl. He downs his drink, and the woman leads him away and shoots him once they are outside.
Present:
She sold him out to the Badoon! he realizes.
Quill tries to address the security camera while cursing the girl. They had a vibe going on! Carmody reminds him it takes two to tango. No one to blame but himself, really. Quill decides the Badoon put her up to it. Do they hear him? he shouts at the camera. They are a stain on the galaxy! Go back to their mud-planet with their sixty inbred brothers and sisters! His string of insults is interrupted when an armed pissed off Badoon guard enters asking what did he just say? Peter repeats his insult, to be hit in the face. He gets beaten up and the guard leaves again.
Carmody tells him to get settled in. Escape is impossible. Even if he gets past the guard outside, there are twenty battalions of Badoon soldiers just behind. Not to mention they are on a destroyer ship, light years away from any civilization. How does he know? Peter asks. Carmody explains he is a spy of the Spartax secret service. His mission was to gain intelligence on the Badoon armada. How did that work out for him? Peter deadpans. He’s stuck with him in a jail cell, Carmody replies.
Peter tells him to do his job. Let’s get out and kill as many of these slimeballs as possible. His duty is his mission, not a revenge fantasy, Carmody retorts. He’s waiting for his shot. He creates his own shots, Peter announces. What’s a prison for if not escape? He looks at his bracelet with the engraved letters “WWRRD?” - What would Rocket Raccoon do? Fake it till you make it, he decides.
Peter takes out his phone to place a holographic call to Kitty Pryde, who is shocked he‘s calling from jail. Again. Peter explains he needs a distraction. She’s got a cracking jazz tap routine, Kitty offers. He was thinking of something more from the lingerie department. Dream on, Kitty mocks. How about something crazy? She might have something from last Halloween, Kitty muses.
A little later, the guard hears panicked screams from inside the cells about a monster. He looks inside to have Kitty in a giant banana costume go Ugga chacka at him and Carmody lying on the ground, seemingly hurt. The guard screams hysterically and Peter uses the distraction to grab his weapon.
He locks the guard into the cell. Carmody and the Brood kid also run with Carmody holding the weapon. Annoyed, Peter tells the Brood kid to leave them. Carmody tells him the same. Peter is too high-profile and he has a mission to think of.
Peter almost runs into some Badoon guards when the kid points at the entry of a sewage shaft. Reluctantly, Peter follows and they slide down a chute, ending up in a hangar with a hot red ship called Bad Boy. Peter announces he is finally in love.
He is welcomed by Lydia, the board computer in the holographic shape of a smartass teenage girl. Peter finds the ship is state of the art. He asks Lydia if she can get them out. She only has enough juice for two of them, she replies. There are only two, Peter points out but is mistaken as Carmody has sneaked aboard as well.
Carmody tells him to ditch the kid. Moments later, Carmody is thrown out and the ship takes off.
Faster! the boy joyfully shouts, finally talking. Peter apologizes for giving him a hard time before and asks if he wants to take the wheel. The kid grins. And they both sing a rock song while cruising at high speed.
Sometime later, Peter has brought the kid to Donna’s orphanage and introduces the Badoon kid as Tiberius, named after Earth’s coolest most awesome space captain. The other kids are not convinced and remind Peter that he said Badoon are slimy and disgusting. Peter admits he was wrong. Ty is an orphan like him and them. He’s alone in the galaxy and needs to find a new mom and dad. Can he live with them until he does? The kids are still doubtful. When Peter then mentions that Tiberius flew his new spaceship and the kids are impressed.
As they play with him, Donna admits he is the first Badoon in her orphanage, but he’s welcome to stay as long as he needs to. Peter thanks her. Donna teases him that under all the swagger he has a heart like all of them. She tells him he’s welcome to stay and they share a moment, until he sees Tiberius eating a banana, which reminds him of something or someone. Peter quickly apologizes and returns to his new ship.
He calls Kitty and asks where she got such a ridiculous costume, and Ooga-chaka? He said scary, not cockamamie. She recalls the look on that Badoon’s face was priceless. He admits he doesn’t know a banana could look this hot and thanks her. He doesn’t have a lot of people he can count on.
Kitty replies it was fun to be a space adventurer with him. Even if only for two minutes. She’d come save him any time. Promise? He asks and moves in for a kiss.
Heads up, pervos! Lydia shouts and they jump apart. She reminds Peter that time ran out. Kitty mutters remember when she thought his ship was cool?
Does he still want her to plot that trip to Earth? Lydia continues. He’s coming to visit? Kitty asks. Not exactly, he admits, he is coming to Earth but this ain’t a vacation. There’s something dangerous he’s gotta do. Unfinished business to take care of.
And somewhere, in the snowy mountains of Earth, sits Thanos the Mad Titan…
