Age of X-Man: X-Tremists #1

Issue Date: 
April 2019
Story Title: 

Leah Williams (writer), Georges Jeanty (penciler), Roberto Poggi (inker), Jim Charalampidis (colorist), Virtual Calligraphy's Clayton Cowles (letterer), Rahzzah (cover artist), Ema Lupacchino & Jason Keith, Inhyuk Lee; Carlos Pacheco, Rafael Fonteriz & Nolan Woodard (variant cover artists), Annalise Bissa (assistant editor), Jordan D White (editor), C B Cebulski (editor-in-chief), Joe Quesada (chief creative officer), Dan Buckley (publisher), Alan Fine (executive producer)

Brief Description: 

Inside the Department X kitchen, Iceman is in hysterics as he and Jubilee argue about the difference between baking paper and wax paper. They are supposed to be baking cookies to give to the X-Men as thank you gifts. Northstar mostly ignores them, reading a newspaper, while they continue to argue, until the Blob enters and reports that he has received word about Luke and Nezumi Sen. Iceman calls shotgun and ice-sleds out to the van Department X use as transport, only to find Northstar has already arrived and put himself in the front passenger seat. Blob, Psylocke, Jubilee and Moneta soon arrive and Bob reminds them about their motto – that everyone works for everyone, a part and not apart. They make the drive to a house within the middle of a forest, and on the drive, Moneta complains about 'grades always holing up in places like this, as it takes Department X hours to get her. She is scolded for using the term “grades”. Once inside the house, the Blob tries to get Nezumi to cooperate, but she switches to a large mutant rat form and runs from him, to the kitchen where Iceman and Jubilee are arguing. She heads in another direction, only to bump into Psylocke. Psylocke attempts to take Nezumi out, but Nezumi is able to deflect her psychic attack. They fight for some time, while upstairs, Iceman and Jubilee are attempting to capture Nezumi's husband, but are not having much luck as they continue to squabble about the baking paper. Psylocke accuses Nezumi of breaching the guiding principles that mutants live by, while Luke telepathically calls out to her, assuring her that he will find her, like he always does, before Iceman encases him in a solid block of ice. Moneta joins Iceman and Jubilee and performs her strange psychic ability on Luke, confirming that Luke and Nezumi violated the guiding principles, and she is disgusted. Iceman and Jubilee then debate whether Luke should be called “him” or “it” as they prepare to transport him to the van, with Iceman remdining Jubilee that Luke won't remember any of this. Blob has managed to drag Nezumi out to the van but is struggling to contain her. He asks Northstar to help him, but Northstar is still in the front seat, reading, and declines to assist. Nezumi pleads with the Blob and informs him that she is pregnant, before Iceman encases her in a block of ice. Blob, Iceman and Northstar are perplexed about pregnancy, unsure why anyone would want to be pregnant, after all, mutants are created in a holistic environment now. Jubilee is shocked to learn about Nezumi's prengancy, while Moneta is disgusted. Psylocke telepathically enters Nezumi's mind and confirms the pregnancy. The Department X clerks are unsure about how to handle this, but Moneta continues to speak very offensively about Nezumi, until a suddenly forlorn Iceman tells her that “retrograde” is a slur and to stop using it.

Full Summary: 

'Ha ha ha ha ha' Bobby Drake a.k.a. Iceman laughs as he sits on a kitchen bench, apron over his shirtless body, while Jubilee stands nearby, also wearing an apron, holding a large spoon, she tells Bobby to stop laughing and declares that she is serious. 'What did you just ask me?' she enquires.  'Is a baking sheet the same thing as wax paper?” Bobby laughs in response. 'What?' Jubilee asks. 'Is a baking sheet the same as wax paper?' Bobby repeats himself, raising his voice. 'What?' Jubilee shouts. 'Well, is it or not? You still haven't answered, Jubilee!' Bobby exclaims, while Jean-Paul Beaubier a.k.a. Northstar sits at the kitchen table, reading a newspaper and paying Iceman and Jubilee no attention. 'Is! A baking sheet! The same! As wax paper!' Bobby laughs between breaths. 'Lemme see that' Jubilee snarls, snatching a small card off Bobby, she looks at it front and back, before looking up at Bobby and telling him that the recipe says baking sheet. Bobby is still in hysterics, and continues to laugh while repeating the question.

'Oh, for Pete's sake' Jean-Paul snaps, looking up from his newspaper. 'What?' Jubilee asks. 'He's just messing with you, Jubilee' Northstar declares, but Jubilee tells him that she isn't sure, that she thinks Bobby genuinely doesn't know what a baking sheet is. This causes Bobby to burst into even more laughter, while Jean-Paul mutters that trusting the two of them to bake Department X's than you cookies for the X-Men was a mistake. 'No, it's not! Trusting Bobby was' Jubilee responds. Bobby's now removed his apron and is standing up, as Jubilee tells him 'A baking sheet, Bobby. A “cookie sheet”. A baking tray. Cookie pan?' to which Bobby laughs some more and as he wipes the tears of laughter from his eyes, he tells Jubilee that those are all different. 'NO, THEY'RE NOT!' Jubilee shouts, when suddenly, she falls silent, and turns, as do Northstar and Bobby, to the Blob a.k.a. Fred Dukes, who enters the kitchen and informs them that he just got a tip about Luke and Nezumi Sen, so they need to suit up and head out. 'Again?' Northstar asks, remarking that this is the third time with those two.

Bobby puts his apron back on and Jubilee asks him why he is doing that, as they are leaving. 'I wanna fight crime wearing it. Make it my thing' Bobby responds. 'Okay, I still call sh-' Jubilee begins, too late though as Bobby suddenly drops his apron, switches to his ice-form, 'I CALL SHOTGUN!' he shouts as he speeds out of the kitchen on an ice-sled, down the hallway where he passes Moneta who was about to bring a mug of coffee to her mouth, but cringes as Bobby's sled knocks her, and causes her to spill her coffee. Bobby sleds towards a van that is parked outside, but as he stops at the front passenger door, he finds Northstar sitting there, continuing to read the newspaper. 'I called shotgun' Bobby declares. 'And I got here first' Northstar points out. Bobby tells Northstar that he is disrespecting the rules of shotgun, and that is bad mojo. 'You don't hear yourself when you speak, do you?' Northstar asks, before the Blob tells them to get along. He adds that he knows this mission is one they have handled before, but he is always says “A good team is one where -” he begins, before Bobby, Moneta, Jubilee, Betsy Braddock a.k.a. Psylocke and even Northstar join in with him: “- everyone works for everyone. A part and not apart”. Moneta folds her arms, while Jubilee shoves her hands in her pockets and Psylocke stands with one hand on her hips. Bobby smiles, while Northstar doesn't even look up from his paper.

Later, Psylocke drives the van while Northstar sits at her side, and Bobby, Blob, Jubilee and Moneta are sitting in the back. Moneta asks why the 'Grades always hole up in places like this, as it has taken them hours to get here. 'They're hoping the inconvenience will dissuade us from coming, Bibitte' Northstar replies. 'Arretez! You know I hate it when you call me that!' Moneta exclaims, unimpressed. 'Bold words for someone who just used a slur to describe the people we're arresting' Northstar responds as he turns around and looks at Moneta. 'Bold of you to assume je me soucie!' Moneta snarls. Bobby asks Jean-Paul if the protege just cussed him, 'Alas, non. It means she doesn't care' Northstar replies, before the Blob informs everyone that they are here. The van pulls up at a house nestled within a forest near a lake. 'Let's go make the X-Men proud' Blob tells the others, but Northstar declines the offer, and states that he is going to stay out here and finish his book. 'Okeydoke! That should be fine... Luke and Nezumi have never given us too much trouble before...' Blob recalls.

But, once inside, the Blob finds himself confronted by Nezumi Sen, a woman with long black hair. He tells her that she doesn't remember him, promises that they don't want to hurt her, and asks her to cooperate. Nezumi kicks the Blob, and suddenly transforms herself into a giant rat. She snarls at the Blob, before turning and running away from him. The Blob reports that Nezumi Sen has bolted, that she is heading due east, towards the kitchen. 'It's the same thing, Bobby! The same! Except for wax paper!' Jubilee shouts at Bobby, who laughs. Nezumi decides against going into the kitchen, and turns and runs down a corridor, but she isn't watching where she is going, and slams into Psylocke, who contacts the Blob and reports that she has got Nezumi near the master bedroom. 'My psychic sword won't do her any harm' Psylocke announces, as psychic energy manifests around her hand, she looms over Nezumi and tells her to stand still, before she plunges the blade towards Nezumi, who suddenly switches back to her giant rat form, and bites down on the psychic blade.

'You parry with your teeth? How? It's a psychic sword!' Psylocke exclaims, as Nezumi begins to run away from her, only to find her escape blocked as the Blob bursts through a wall. 'Oh hey, Betsy' Blob remarks as Nezumi finds herself trapped between the two Department X clerks. 'Hi, Fred' Betsy replies, befor Nezumi lunges towards her, growling, she slashes out with her claws rat hand, but Betsy blocks the attack with her psychic blade, and slams Nezumi to the ground, while she asks Blob if Bobby and Jubilee have located the other one, Luke.

At that moment, in another room, Luke is backed up against a wall, and throws his hands up in an attempt to shield himself from the ice and plasma fireworks that are thrown his way. 'How could you think you could just bake cookies on wax paper and nothing else? A baking sheet is the same as a cookie pan or cookie sheet!' one of them shouts. 'Oh yeah? Well, let me just go write that down on my pan of paper!' the other retorts.

Blob looks up at the ceiling above him as he hears several thuds, and ice starts to form. 'I'll go check. I think they're upstairs' Blob tlels Betsy as he begins to climb the stairs. Nezumi gets to her feet and tells Psylocke 'You won't take me this time' to which Psylocke asks 'This time?' Nezumi lashes out with her tail, wrapping it around one of Psylocke's ankles, she trips her up and asks 'Don't tell me you don't remember', before Psylocke forces Nezumi to the ground and informs her that she has been accused of breaching the guiding principles. 'Now for your third offense of -' Betsy begins, before a powerful voice can be heard booming through the house: 'NEZUMI! NEZUMI! ARE YOU OKAY?' Both Psylocke and Nezumi cover their ears, as Luke runs through the house, followed by a beam of ice, he continues to shout: 'DON'T WORRY. I'LL FIND YOU AGAIN NO MATTER  WHAT. JUST LIKE LAST TIME. I'LL FIND YOU, NEZUMI!' Luke promises, as Bobby appears behind him, and ice begins to form around Luke. 'I'LL ALWAYS FIND YOU. I LOVE Y-' Luke utters, before he is completely encased in ice.

'Ow' Bobby mutters, rubbing his head, while Jubilee enters the corridor, rubbing her head, too and muttering 'That's a couple high-frequency ranges I'm never getting back'. 'WHAT?' Bobby shouts at her. 'I SAID -' Jubilee begins to shout back, before Bobby raises his hands and tells her to stop, that he is better now. 'MONETA!' Bobby calls out, causing Jubilee to rub her head again. 'You're fine' Bobby mutters at Jubilee, who tells him that she didn't need to hear high-pitched sounds anyway. Moneta enters the corridor and complains that she hates when Bobby ices them before she can confirm, as her fingers get cold. 'Did you hear something, Bobby?' Jubilee asks. 'They're psychic fingers, Jubes. I feel the cold in my soul' Moneta mutters as she extends her fingertips towards Jack's frozen body. 'Oh no! Not your soul!' Bobby mocks as he reverts to his human form.

'Yeah, yeah' Moneta mutters as she concentrates, then suddenly, she breaks her contact with Jack, going wide-eyed, 'Eugh! Degueluasse!' she gasps, before turning away from Jack's frozen body she exclaims that he is guilty, and so is the other one – she doesn't even want to know what she just saw – whatever it was, it is definitely intimacy violations. Moneta tells Bobby and Jubilee that she will go let Fred and Betsy know, while they load this out into the van. 'I think she just didn't want to help us lug Luke out of here, Princess Jelly Bean' Bobby remarks. Jubilee agrees with him, so Bobby tells her that he has an idea, explaining that he can make an ice chute, then they can scrape the guy up, adjust the ice and he can ride it out like a surfboard. 'Him' Jubilee replies. 'What?' Bobby asks. 'You said 'it” instead of “him”' Jubilee explains. 'He's a person, Bobby' she adds.

'Oh, for crying out loud. I meant 'it' like the surfboard. The whole enchillyada' Bobby replies as he grabs some roe. 'He's still a person, Bobby' Jubilee points out, hanging her head. 'Okay, well fine. How's this: we scrape up the guy, I'll adjust the ice and then I can ride him out like a surfboard' Bobby corrects himself. Jubilee takes one end of the rope and tells Bobby that he knows they can't do that, as Jack is in their custody now, and that means they are responsible for his well-being. 'Which reminds me – you made the arrest, so you still need to read him his rights' Jubilee tells Bobby, who asks 'Why bother?' to which Jubilee tells him that he knows why, that it is the right thing to do. 'Honestly, what's gotten into you? This is unlike -' Jubilee begins, but Bobby tells her that he means “why bother” as in Jack won't remember any of it happening anyway, as he is going to Cerebro.

'Hey, that's not nice' Blob tells Nezumi as she bites down on his arm outside by the Department X van. '%$&# you!' Nezumi retorts. Blob tries to hold Nezumi back as he calls out to Jean-Paul, informing him that this one has rat powers. 'Isn't that wonderful?' he asks. 'C'est fascinant' Northstar replies without looking up from his novel. Blob then asks Northstar if he wants to help him out here, while Nezumi continues to lash out at him. 'Non. But thank you for asking' Northstar responds, also without a glance. 'LET ME GO!' Nezumi shouts, before the Blob shoves her in the back of the van. 'Come on, Miss Nezumi, I don't want to hurt you. Please cooperate' Blob asks her, as she tries to resist being placed in the van. 'Please! Please don't do this!' Nezumi pleads, reverting to her human appearance. She tells the Blob that he doesn't understand, and asks him to let her go and she will swear that this will never happen again. 'Heh. That's what you said the first two times' Blob replies, but Nezumi cries and tells the Blob that he can't do this, as she is pregnant.

Nezumi turns as Luke is brought down to the van, 'Luke?' she gasps, wide-eyed, before suddenly, she is frozen in a block of ice. 'Did I hear her right?' Bobby asks as he and Jubilee move the ice encasing Luke towards the van. 'I – I don't know' Blob  replies, while Bobby asks if you can tell by looking at her. He and Blob look at Nezumi through the ice, and Blob asks Jean-Paul to come look at her. Northstar joins them, 'I mean, it's just not possible, right?' Blob asks. Northstar tells him that he thinks so, as there hasn't been a natural childbirth in years, that they have evolved past this. 'Mais, c'est possible... non, I don't want to say' Northstar suddenly utters. 'What?' Bobby asks him. Northstar remarks that even if now that all mutantkind are created in a more holistic, sanitary environment inside the birthing facilities, their physical capacity to procreate is still present. He points out that they have evolved past the divisive barbarism of love and “marriage”. 'Oh, you're saying...' Bobby begins. 'The...ah, organic architecture required for pregnancy is still intact' Northstar confirms.

Blob suggests that they should ask one of the ladies, but Norhstar reports that Betsy and Moneta are doing a final sweep. Bobby looks around and asks where Jubilee is, as she was just here. 'Jubilee? Jujube! My little Jelly Bean!' he calls out, before Jubilee emerges from some shrubs. 'Whatcha doing over in then shrubbery, Jelly Belly?' Bobby asks. Jubilee tells him that she had to use the facilities. 'Hey, speaking of how gyou do that – she said she was pregnant' Bobby tells Jubilee, who looks at Nezumi, 'What?' she asks, shocked. 'She said she was pregnant!' Bobby declares, before Betsy and Moneta arrive. 'Oh, good, there's more of you now. Welcome, ladies. Please, come one, come all! Step up! Witness the spectacle of pregnancy!' Bobby calls out to them. 'You're joking, right? Je reuse. That's repulsive!' Moneta exclaims, shocked.

Northstar asks Moneta if she confirmed guilt through Luke, to which Moneta utters something in French, adding 'Disgusting! Foul!' before the Blob asks her 'How did you – I mean, what were they – what did you see?' Moneta reports that she saw sweaty bodies, smushing – they were doing the open-mouth thing that sounded like animals. 'Let me see' Betsy asks as she telepathically links herself to Moneta – then goes wide-eyed. 'Oh' Betsy utters. 'She's... pregnant. We...' her voice trails off, before Northstar helps load Jack into the back of the van and suggests that they can't take them to Cerebro, as there is no protocol for this. 'Who cares? She's a freak who did this to herself!' Moneta mutters. 'She's still a person, rookie!' Bobby snaps back. Jubilee points out that even the hospitals wouldn't have a way of dealing with this, as they junked that system ages ago.

'So if some complication arose...' Betsy utters, her voice trailing off, before Bobby tells his teammates that they could be dealing with the first  pregnancy and murder in years. 'Bobby! That's not funny!' Jubilee exclaims. Bobby admits that he knows, before asking the Blob what they should do, but the Blob admits that he isn't sure. The horrified expressions of Nezumi and Jack stare back at the Department X clerks. Someone suggests that after they drop Luke off at Cerebro, they can bring Nezumi back to the office, de-ice her and make her comfortable, then deal with her one way or another. 'What a mess. As if I could hate the 'Grades even more...' Moneta mutters, to which Bobby suddenly turns away from the group, hanging his head, he tells Moneta that “Retrograde” is a slur – and she needs to stop using it....


Characters Involved: 

Blob, Iceman, Jubilee, Moneta, Northstar, Psylocke (all Department X)

Jack & Nezumi Sen


Story Notes: 

This issue follows Age of X-Man Alpha #1.

Psylocke, Iceman and Moneta all appeared in Age of X-Man: Alpha #1, while Psylocke and Blob have also previously appeared in Age of X-Man: Nextgen #1.

Moneta didn’t appear before Age of X.

From the French:

Bibitte: bug, insect

Arretez: Stop (polite form)

Deguelasse: revolting

Written By: