Appointed by the U.S. government to enforce the Superhuman Registration Act as a bounty hunter, Deadpool has tracked down Daredevil, one of the superheroes opposing the act. He has followed him to an abandoned warehouse, hoping to find other renegade superheroes and finds himself surrounded by them. Deadpool analyses the superheroes surrounding him: Captain America (a super-soldier whom he respects and will regret beating), the Falcon (who “talks to a bird and glides around like a ballerina.” Wade doesn’t have any qualms hurting him.), Goliath (formerly known as Black Goliath, who “deserves death and worse” according to Wade), Daredevil (“Pajama-boy annoyance. Can’t hurt me Can avoid pain. A nuisance.”) and Hercules (“Freakin’ Olympian demigod” whom Wade considers a possible challenge).
Wade convinces himself that he can do this and jumps over Hercules while shooting at Captain America, though Cap blocks the bullets with his shield. Deadpool uses his speed to avoid Hercules and Goliath and notices that his advantage is that these heroes haven’t worked together a lot and the close quarters are hindering them. He slides between Hercules legs and notes, while looking up Hercules’ “skirt,” that Hercules advantage is his godly endowments. Deadpool manages to trip Goliath, who falls on Hercules, and then shoots Falcon with a tranquillizer dart. A moment later, Daredevil kicks Deadpool’s back, followed by Captain America, whose shield hits Wade in the face. However, Deadpool kicks back the shield to Captain America, who catches it.
Taking a moment to catch his breath, Deadpool “narrates” to Cap their situation. Two super-soldiers, poised for battle! A wary-controlled tension crackles between them like an electric pulse. As he rambles on, Hercules has heard enough and yells for him to silence his “prattling mortal sack of inanity!” He then tells Deadpool to prepare himself for… the Gift! As he hides behind Captain America, Deadpool sheepishly says that he hopes the Gift is a gift certificate from Victoria’s Secret. Hercules asks Captain America to step aside so that he can crush Deadpool, but Captain America tells Hercules to calm down. Deadpool is just doing what they expect him to do. Deadpool agrees, telling him that he’s just a pawn, but then shoots Hercules repeatedly in the face with his tranq-gun, telling him that he’s just trying to lull him. However, the tranq-darts have no effect on Hercules, except annoying him.
Hercules tells Captain America that all king’s courts have a jester, but he himself never had much patience. Deadpool continues shooting darts, but Captain America blocks them without even looking and asks the rest what they should do with Deadpool. Cable enters and tells them that Deadpool has a healing factor and will survive a beating by Hercules. Cable tries to convince Deadpool to join them, but Deadpool tells them that he has a badge. Cable offers him a bigger badge and Deadpool considers for a moment, but then rejects the offer and shoots darts at Cable. However, the darts bounce off Cable’s forcefield and hit Deadpool, who is quicklyknocked out. Cable tells the others to get a lot of duct-tape – at least a role for his mouth alone.
Some time later, the heroes have taped Deadpool to a chair and leave. Goliath still wants to step on Deadpool when he returns. Deadpool waits. He tries to speak, but the tape prevents him from speaking. Deadpool thinks to himself that it is a lot of duct tape, but that it won’t stop somebody who makes David Blaine look like a quadriplegic. He tries to move, but the duct tape prevents all movement. Deadpool thinks to himself that he has to pee. Deadpool waits… and waits… and waits… and waits. Deadpool thinks to himself that he now really has to pee.
Several hours later, Cable returns to free Deadpool. Deadpool tells him that he really has to pee. Cable is grim and cuts through the duct tape with an energy blade emitting from his techno-organic hand. He tells Wade that it is no longer a game: one of his allies was killed on the mission. Deadpool asks if a hero killed his friends, because he got a six hour lecture not to kill anybody before being sent after Cable and his allies. Cable tells Deadpool that nobody told Thor. When Deadpool responds that Thor is dead, Cable replies that nobody told Thor that either. Deadpool wants to know who got killed, hoping that it isn’t Wiccan or any of the other nubile Young Avengers. Cable tells Deadpool to stop and turns off his forcefield. Deadpool repeats that he has to pee, but then asks Cable why he dropped his forcefield. Cable responds by bodysliding the two of them away.
They appear within the Oval Office of the White House, currently occupied by the president. Taking note of their location, Deadpool states that there has got to have a bathroom there. Addressing the president, who is standing behind his desk, Cable warns him to tell his Secret Service agents not to shoot; his body is protected by a forcefield and he doesn’t want anybody to get hit by a ricochet. Deadpool begins to note that he thought the forcefield took a minute or so to reactivate after bodysliding, but Cable interrupts. Not having picked up on Deadpool’s statement, he president tells Cable to say what he has to say.
Before Cable can do so, Deadpool tells the president that he has to pee. Both the president and Cable remain silent for a second, until the president points him the way to the bathroom and sends an agent with him. Deadpool thanks him, whispering to the agent that he doesn’t need any help with it since he was fourteen years old and reminds him that he’s on their side.
Once Deadpool has left, the president asks what he should call him – “President Cable?” To this, Cable replies that, with the president’s penchant for nicknames, he was hoping for something more clever. Nevertheless, Cable quickly comes to the point: he has no problem with the Superhuman Registration Act itself. The president says he doesn’t need Cable’s approval, but will take it and asks if Cable wants to make that position public. Cable then tells him that he saw a good man die. The president calls it regrettable. Continuing, Cable says he believes that many more will follow if the Fifty State Initiative is passed, the first step to a totalitarian state.
The president asks him how he knows about the Fifty State Initiative and then sarcastically says that it must be because Cable is from the future. Cable responds that he had hoped others would have learned from the past like him. The Fifty State Initiative is a plan to put superhuman police officers in every state, which would result in a police state according to Cable, who warns the president that every time a ruling party has tried to cut freedom and rights in the name of protecting them, it has led to an uprising against the ruling party. The president isn’t convinced; Cable is talking about at least 50 years in the future, the president is concerned with November’s elections.
Suddenly, the secret service agents open fire on Cable, though his forcefield is automatically activated and he quickly takes out the agents. Next, military troops enter the White House and fire at Cable, but all collapse a second later when Cable downloads the Library of Congress directly into their brains. Now defenseless, the president asks if Cable will kill him. Cable responds that he wanted to ask the president to stop this madness, but that he now realizes that madness for one is a rational response for another. The president guesses that time will tell. Cable tells him that time won’t be kind to him. The president notes that the present hasn’t been kind either. Cable tells him that they will meet again, when the president is old and feeble and his successor six times removed signs a surrender.
The tension between the two is broken with the return of Deadpool, who reenters the Oval Office and looks at the wreckage, noting that the bathroom must have really good insulation. The president asks Deadpool if he is a licensed agent, which Deadpool confirms. Though he declines Deadpool’s offer for him to see his badge, the president does give an order. He instructs Deadpool to apprehend Cable – dead or alive! Raising his pistol, Deadpool tries to convince himself that he can do this.
