In a Pakistan-located HYDRA facility, Wolverine stands sneering over the decapitated corpse of Deadpool, with claws covered in his blood. Deadpool's friends, Weasel and Bob, Agent of HYDRA, look down by their feet at Deadpool's head in disbelief. Bob stammers out the obvious that Wolverine cut off his head, to which Wolverine sarcastically retorts, “What are you going to do? Adamantium claws.” Bob repeats that Wolverine cut off his head and now Weasel joins in the sarcasm, replying that they have already established that.
Wolverine explains that, with Wade's healing factor, he has twelve minutes before oxygen deprivation rots his brain. That is, rot it even more than it was, to the point that he won't survive. Bob incredulously asks how he can survive with his head cut off, but Wolverine tells him to pick it up and reattach it. He only wanted Deadpool out of the way for a few minutes so that he can show Penetrator something long and hard – and cold and sharp!
Wolverine launches himself at a surprised Weasel, who manages to point out that he deserves the silly entendre due to his name, but tries to explain that Wolverine doesn't understand. As Wolverine reaches the spot Weasel was standing, he slices through air and Weasel teleports behind him. Weasel explains as he teleports away from a determined Wolverine's slicing claws that it's kind of funny but they are pronouncing his name with a subtle but very important difference. Each time Weasel teleports to a new spot or Wolverine runs toward him, Deadpool's head manages to get kicked around as Bob desperately tries to grab it.
Let's talk about that, says Logan, but Weasel claims he doesn't mean that and teleports again. Bob finally reaches Deadpool's head and picks it up. Ew... he whispers. Wolverine sniffs the air and manages to predict where Weasel will reappear. He slices Weasel's teleport apparatus on his chest, which begins to malfunction and spark. A panicked Weasel pleads to an angry Wolverine that he needs to spell it with an “I” as it changes everything. Wolverine simply claims that Weasel is the lamest HYDRA sector commander he ever had the pleasure of gutting. In the background, Bob mutters about reattaching Deadpool's head to his body, but suddenly an army of HYDRA agents burst into the room, causing the head to fly into the air. Weasel, very grateful for the distraction, teleports away.
As Wolverine slices through an army of HYDRA agents in a ruthless fury, Bob crawls along the floor, calling out to Wade's head. One of the countless agents sees Bob and questions if he is the traitorous missing agent. Bob replies with a “HAIL HYDRA!” and receives many HAIL HYDRA!s back. As the body count rises, Deadpool's head continues to bounce around everyone's feet.
Wolverine continues to maim the agents with one crying out about his eyes. Bob is freaking out and curses his wife for all of this. As he is trying to sneak away, he stumbles upon Deadpool's headless body. He tells the corpse to come on and picks up the much heavier than anticipated corpse. He then proceeds to slowly make his way through the field of bodies, apologizing to the wounded screams of the ones he steps on.
Meanwhile, Wolverine is still in his claw-swinging berserker fury. A couple of agents are thrown into Bob, who drops Wade's body and manages to land right in front of Wade's head. Thrilled by his good fortune, Bob tries to reattach the head on the body while complaining that ten months ago he was mowing lawns. Just as he is congratulating himself on how cool this reattaching heads thing is, he realizes that he put it on backwards. “Oh. Crap.” With nothing to do but disgustingly turn the head one hundred and eighty degrees, the sound makes Bob rather queasy. The process of his head and neck re-growing its tissue continues to make odd sounds as Bob tries to think positively. “He is Switzerland,” he meditates, but how long is this going to take?
Weasel is back in the HYDRA lab, helping their scientists assemble more teleportation harnesses. He chides them on the placement of the tachyon generators and assures them it will only take a few more minutes. One of the agents points out that they don't have a few minutes, as a view screen illustrates that Wolverine is closing in fast. When Weasel questions how Wolverine knows he is there, one of the agents surmises that he is tracking the Penetrator's scent. The agent says they need a miracle.
Wolverine gets distracted at the sound of Wade calling him Jimmy-boy. Turning around, Wolverine meets a very angry Deadpool with katanas drawn. Wade suggests they try this one more time, now that he is no longer in a team-up mood. Wade thinks to himself that his throat is sore and realizes the strange dry sensation in his mouth is because he hasn't talked for a whopping ten minutes. He also hopes he didn't suffer too much “Drain Bamage.”
Wolverine blocks the katanas as Wade explains that he understands why Logan is doing this. HYDRA deserves all the entrail-splashing abuse Logan can dish out, but the Penetrator is his friend. Wait, no, he means that Weasel is his friend, and he happens to be sheathed in a protective coating that allows him to penetrate things. He elaborates this last point by stabbing Wolverine through the shoulder. Wolverine responds by stabbing him in the kidney with his claws, as Deadpool says he wants to start the conversation over again. “Shut up,” Wolverine yells as he throws off Deadpool.
Deadpool counters with a katana through Wolverine's gut. He understands that he lost track there for a second and says he bets it was frustrating for Logan, but it was certainly no picnic for Wade either. Deadpool uses his other katana to slice across Logan's chest but, when he comes down from the top, Wolverine catches the blade in his raised claws. Thus trapped, Wolverine manages to disarm Wade of both katanas and rams both sets of claws right through his shoulders. As he shoves Wade back up against the wall, he emphasizes the words “I. Said. Shut. Up.” Unperturbed, Wade recognizes that the slow way that Logan said it made it sound very scary and effective, but it would be scarier if he sung the “Boy from Oz” soundtrack.
Snarling right in Wade's face, Wolverine says he has a news bulletin on his “friend.” Weasel has been putting the pieces of his new plan together for weeks, as he has seen the S.H.I.E.L.D. reports. Wade explains that Weasel is not an agent of HYDRA but was stranded there when he hit the place a couple months ago. When Wolverine asks why he left him there, Wade replies that he got Bob... Besides, Wolverine shouldn't make this about Wade; how does he know that Weasel wasn't being forced to do this? Logan says that Weasel had used a signature code to hack into fourteen corporate systems and shuttle materials all over the world. While Wade admits that that proves a little, he argues that it doesn't prove everything. Wolverine further explains that the S.H.I.E.L.D. surveillance Weasel was under proved that he had been working on the Penetrator armor for years, but simply needed HYDRA's juice to get the materials he needed.
While Deadpool admits that Logan seems to have a solid case, Wade knows for a fact that his pal Weasel ain't no agent of HYDRA. “Yes I am Wade...” Both Wade and Logan turn around to find Weasel in his armor, still sparking and surrounded by many agents, also wearing the penetrator armor. Weasel proclaims that using the unique Penetraitor technology, HYDRA will take over the world. Wolverine retracts his claws and Wade slumps to the floor, refusing to admit to him that this proves anything. When Logan calls him an idiot, Deadpool says that maybe he just has faith in his friends.
Weasel commands the legion of agents to power up their time and space folding armor and kill two of the biggest threats to HYDRA's success. HAIL HYDRA! they all chant as the energy crackles around them. Suddenly, the entire army vanishes without a trace and Weasel smugly comments that the fight is over. Wolverine just looks confused as Weasel and Deadpool high-five. Weasel explains to a still confused Wolverine that he tried to explain it to him before but he wouldn't listen. Weasel had planned all along for this to happen, except that he was supposed to give every single agent a harness. They all had pre-set coordinates with a one way ticket to Guantanamo.
As Weasel explains, Deadpool plays around with Weasel's silly looking helmet, pretending to be Darth Vader and quoting “your Schwartz is as big as mine.” Weasel continues to brag that he even pronounced his name with an “I” because the “PeneTRAITOR” planned to betray HYDRA all along. Even Wade figured it out. Bob comes around the corner, very proud of the fact that he made it and asking where everyone went.
Deadpool asks Wolverine if they're cool and Logan replies that it seems like a big coincidence that after letting his friend rot here for weeks, he decides to show up right when he is hitting the place. Deadpool puts his hands on the shoulders of his two buddies and simply says that, believe it or not, even homicidal maniacs can have a friend keeping an eye out for them.
Later, in Rumekistan by Cables' statue, Cyclops thanks Deadpool. When Wade questions the gratitude of his saving his own friend, Cyclops explains that he knows Logan would have been upset if he had eviscerated Weasel and found out later his true intentions. Wade says that Logan would have gotten over it and wonders why Cyclops didn't just stop him himself. Cyclops looks up at Cable and claims that Cable would have wanted Wade to have this chance to make up for the mistake of leaving his friend behind by saving him. Doing this thing for Cable makes it the least thing Cyclops could do. He walks off.
Wade stares up at the statue and tells it that he has a lot of friends now and it might take him awhile to figure out how that works. He stands silent for a little longer before adding that, while he will miss Nate, he has to move on. Besides, he jokes, Nate was never one for looking back, right? He walks away from the statue and heads over to a waiting Bob and Weasel. Weasel's armor is still sparking and Deadpool expresses concern. Weasel claims that Wolverine tagged it pretty good, but all Wade wants to know is if it will shrivel his boys. Weasel says it just some tachyon particles, but they should be--
A giant flash of light occurs and Weasel is standing alone. “--fine--?” he finishes. He stands dumbfounded and calls out to Wade and Bob. “Uh-oh."