Deadpool (2nd series) #15

Issue Date: 
April 1998
Story Title: 
New Year’s Evolution (or: How To Get Ahead In Business Without Even Trying)

Joe Kelly (writer), Walter McDaniel (pencils), Anibal Rodriguez (inks), Chris Sotomayor (colors), Comicraft (letters), Miranda Emerson (colors), Digital Chameleon (enhancement), Matt Idelson (editor), Bob Harras (editor-in-chief)

Brief Description: 

Zoe manages to convince Deadpool to follow her back to Landau, Luckman & Lake. There, Wade is welcomed by a beautiful woman and a blue dwarf. Wade has to take a number and wait for his turn in the waiting room. There, he meets another inmate of L, L & L, though the guy isn’t very talkative, much to Wade’s disliking of course. He tries his best to get Herbert to talk, but then his head explodes! Zoe goes to inform her Overboss Dixon and Noah about the fact she finally got Wade to the base, and they go to meet up with him. Wade, freaked out after seeing the explosion, tries to find an exit. He finds a restricted lab where two scientists are performing experiments on a big, monster-like creature. He quickly closes the door and meets up with Zoe and the others. On that moment, another explosion takes place! The monster, Doris, has escaped after gaining her strength by seeing a little light. Everyone runs for their lives, with Dixon warning Wade not to kill Doris. Zoe finds Doris’ file and informs Wade that Doris is a phototism-biomangler class two and can be shut down by just being covered back into darkness. Wade turns off the lights, and Doris falls down. But nonetheless, he kills Doris, as he doesn’t think that people should play God like this and wield powerful weapons. Zoe convinces Dixon not to imprison Wade for this, as nobody was supposed to be in the lab anyway and the three bosses from L, L & L are probably going to be just glad their newest employee, referring to Wade, stopped this disaster. Dixon agrees and thanks Wade for his help, hoping that he’ll meet them again and hear their offer. Meanwhile, Blind Al decides not to escape from the Deadhut, even though she has the chance, having made up another plan to turn Wade to the good side. After a quick shower, Wade returns home, discovering that Al has completely cleaned it and cooked dinner! Al sarcastically says goodnight to her ‘master’ and angrily slams her bedroom door. Elsewhere, in Canada, a lone woodsman named Todd is attacked by Ajax. The manic rips off Todd’s robotic arm and, in return for his life, Todd informs Ajax that he only has been in touch with one person from their past: Deadpool. Ajax smiles, killing Todd anyway and smiling that Deadpool won’t live much longer.

Full Summary: 

The out-of-time operation base from Landau, Luckman & Lake…

One of the scientists of the organization walks through the base, carrying some lunches with him. The guards let him pass, and the scientist enters the gigantic lab. He hands over the lunches to his co-workers, and one to Monty. Though the scientist is disgusted by Monty’s disgusting look, he did remember the mayonnaise this time. Monty’s pleased, guessing that means he won’t choke himself to death this time. He gathers his children, the other scientists, around, informing them that they’ve got quite the mystery on their hands, and Monty sure hopes today will be a messy treat for everyone.

The Golden Gate Park, present time…

Deadpool recognized Zoe stepping out of a transport portal. He wants to know what she’s doing there, reminding her of the terrible day he just had fighting T-Ray all over the place. He doesn’t feel like listening to Zoe’s usual “follow your destiny” speech. Zoe claims that was in the past. She’s talking about the future now: Wade’s one-shot chance to become a hero. Hearing the “H-word,” Wade moves back. He isn’t playing that game anymore. He’s through with trying to be that part in life. It’s like the Candy Man sang: “I gotta be me, now give me back my eye.”

Zoe steps back inside the portal, telling Wade all his answers lie behind this door. Wade has heard that joke before, not buying Zoe’s nice words. Zoe reminds Wade that he lost his teleportation belt during his battle against T-Ray, so he has no choice but to follow her if he wants to get out of the park. Wade hesitates, but realizes Zoe is right and enters the portal, which soon closes. As they go, he reminds Zoe of one thing: T-Ray only borrows his teleportation belt until Wade has got his pride back. As they move upwards, Wade mentions that he wants to know where they come to the part where he gets to cut Zoe’s insides out, as he’s feeling fragile today. He thought he’d warn Zoe, just in case so he won’t have to embarrass himself. Zoe tells him to shut up: they have arrived.

Wade steps out of the elevator portal, and is amazed at what he sees: a big, outer space meeting room, which a tiny blue midget and his beautiful girl as a welcome committee! Wade thinks he really overshot Kansas this time! The girl welcomes Wade to the Research and Development Division of Landau, Luckman & Lake. They have expected Wade for some time now. The midget hands Wade a number and tells him to take it, and also offers the merc a fruit punch.

Meanwhile, in San Francisco at the Deadhut…

Al is still out of the Box, trying to figure out if she should stay in the current empty house or escape, now she’s got the chance. Al doesn’t know why she should continue to torture herself. Maybe she can go out and try to find Weasel and Deuce. She only has to take one step outside of the door and can leave Deadpool. Now, there’s a thought! But Al also realizes she could end up living with someone even worse, and had to live with the fact that she left Wade unchecked. She sits down, and thinks that debts stink.

Back to the L, L & L base…

Noah has gone to warn Overboss Dixon about current events, and Dixon is anything but pleased. He wonders what will happen if the three L’s find out about the Mithras Directive. Noah understands, trying to defend that Zoe is doing her best. Dixon is aware that Zoe lost control over Deadpool the second she let him fight that ridiculous T-Ray character. Luckily for Dixon, the three L’s are currently dealing with an issue in substrate nineteen or else they would be all over this mess. Dixon suggests they contact their aid about this, but then Zoe enters, telling Dixon he can guess three times about who she has in “Tank B.”

Meanwhile, below the base…

Monty notices on his viewing screens that it looks like they’ve got a visitor on their hands. Noticing who it is, Monty gets a more evil look on his face, thinking he better contacts his life insurance broker to make sure he’s getting paid.

Elsewhere, at the base’s waiting room…

Wade is recalling another time about his time in Bolivia, where he smuggled Microfiche out of the jungle. He had a hard time, as it later turned out those soldiers had some dirt on their hands. Wade’s companion doesn’t say anything and looks a little bit scared. Wade talks about the fact Seinfield got cancelled, and thinks it’s good for the guy, as now he can let the people beg for more. But Wade already heard they’re going to replace the show with something called “Faces of Death,” a show possibly starring Carmen Electra, just to keep the laughter alive.

Wade’s companion sniffs around, but still doesn’t say anything, which gets Wade annoyed. He’s just trying to make friends here and this doesn’t make it any easier for him. Now that Wade had the common sense not to bring up the weirdness of the guest, he’s done with it and tells the guy to face the misery he’s gotten himself into. Wade gently touches the guest’s neck, telling him to share his feelings. But then, the guest’s head explodes! Wade shouts that this wasn’t his fault!

At the same time, in the Canadian woods…

A woodsman called Todd is chopping up some wood behind his home, alone. He thinks he hears something behind him and throws his axe behind him. Turning around and not finding anyone, Todd thinks he has been losing it since the moment he heard the terrible news about Jacques. Suddenly, a pitch-black figure appears before Todd! It’s been ages since they saw each other. Todd screams, recognizing… Ajax! Todd screams. Ajax likes that, and starts ripping Todd’s body apart.

Back to the L, L and L base, the Overboss office…

Wade’s guest, Herbert, has been brought to Dixon. Noah and Dixon think that Zoe has gone insane by thinking that Deadpool agreed to stay where she left him, even if they agreed to. They leave the room, with Dixon hoping that Herbert has now learned to tell them when he feels an episode coming up, and he’s also going to pay for the repainting of the waiting room wall. Herbert sighs.

Elsewhere in the base…

Deadpool decided to scout the base a little bit. He now really appreciates his grasp on reality after seeing Herbert’s head explode. He hasn’t felt that weird ever since the time he caught Vanguard giving Sasquatch a back wax! He thinks he better leaves this whole “man of destiny” nonsense behind him and try to find an exit of some sort. Wade ignores a sign that reads, “do not open this door,” and does anyway.

He finds a secret lab, in which a scientist named Martin and someone else is performing experiments onto a big monster, trapped inside a giant tube. Martin freaks out, as he thought he had closed the door. Wade jokes that this isn’t the place where he left his pants, and quickly closes the door again, mocking he’ll find his way out. With Wade gone, the scientist hopes the monster didn’t notice the light. They are scared. Suddenly, the monster quietly opens its eyes.

Monty’s place…

Monty recalls that, though with all his amazing powers and extraordinary physic, he can’t even predict how he himself is going to die. He has to the anti-sophistic degenerator to thank for that. It’s a wet-wired device, which dampens a precognitian’s ability to foresee his own future. But nonetheless, Monty thinks that surely Deadpool will be the dead of him. He asks his children what they think of that. He takes a look at two other people, similar to him, but covered in shadows and also locked up in weird looking chairs. They laugh.

San Francisco, the Deadhut…

Al still has no idea what to do. After spending a few hours alone, with no working TV since it’s broken and no other stuff to do, she goes to pack her suitcase. After looking at a replica of the American flag, Al sarcastically smiles. She knows what to do.

Back to the L, L & L base, where our hero Deadpool is Lost, Lost and Lost…

Wade gets caught by Zoe, Noah and Dixon. Zoe’s upset to find Wade, but he didn’t know Zoe meant that. He notices Dixon and asks the guy who he is. Dixon notices that Wilson is a lot smaller in person, but Wade jokes he’s got a big heart. Dixon introduces himself, but Wade jokes he can tell that, not understanding that Dixon is the man’s real name. Dixon gets furious and doesn’t think Wilson knows who he’s talking to. Wade has had enough and tells Zoe he’s out of there.

Zoe holds him back, not wanting Wade to ruin this for her. Suddenly, another explosion takes place! Wade really wants to leave now, thinking Zoe’s friends are sick. Zoe still won’t allow Wade to leave them and needs his help. They go down to level three, where they find out that Doris has got loose! Wade recognizes Doris: it’s the monster he saw earlier. And since nobody apparently is going to say it, he will: they sure smacked that poor little girl full on the chops with a shockful of ugly bricks! Zoe thinks that Wade must have been into one of the restricted labs.

Feeling a bit persecuted, Wade also fears that they are going to die. Or, perhaps Doris just wants to make nice-nice. But, on second thought, probably not. Dixon tells his soldiers to defend them, and they leave for action. Wade jokes that Dixon sounds just like Ricardo Montalban when he says something. Unfortunately, the many soldiers are no match for Doris and all are killed. Zoe is open for suggestions. Wade freaks out, and suggests that they just run and hide! Wade takes off, with a panicking Zoe trying to hold him back. Dixon thinks he’s working with nothing but amateurs, and orders one body slide and tells his secretary to stop working on that Deadpool contract.

The Tranquil Canadian woods…

Ajax has ripped off Todd’s mechanical arm, and doesn’t see the point what good a robot man is when he still can feel pain. Todd begs Ajax to stop, and promises to tell him who he has been in touch with, though it’s only one person. Ajax wants to know who: Latrobe? Hiraku? Todd mentions Deadpool’s name and that he has gone back to his mercenary ways. Ajax sarcastically smiles, killing Todd and promising that won’t be that way for long.

Back at trouble central…

Deadpool, Zoe and Noah are walking through the base for their lives, still followed by Doris. When waking up this morning, covered in snow, Wade didn’t think his life could get any worse. But Zoe proved him wrong and he sarcastically thanks her for that. Zoe tells Wade to put her down, as he’s carrying her on his back as they run. Wade does, and calls for a time-out, wanting to know what’s really going on.

Zoe mentions that innocent people are in danger, but Deadpool only seems to care about himself and doesn’t seem to have a sense of responsibility. Wade agrees, joking he left that part of himself into his other jacket. Oh no, wait, he just lost the responsibility thing after his butt got kicked by that weird Albino guy yesterday! Zoe doesn’t know what’s wrong with her: every time she thinks she’s making progress with Wade, he proves her wrong by doing this. She doesn’t think Wade is just a worthless piece with no spine. Wade resembles that remark.

Doris catches up with them, but Wade attacks her. Zoe and Noah continue to walk away. Wade, however, fights on and jumps onto Doris’ back, telling Zoe to go for backup. But, she and Noah are already nowhere to be found. They sure are chickens. They crash through a base, and Wade thinks he’d better just kills Doris. He takes out a sai and blade and is ready to do it. However, on that very moment, a small viewing screen opens and Dixon is on it. He orders Wilson not to kill Doris under any circumstances! Doris briskly stops and throws Wade harshly off her back.

He’s a bit dazzled at first, thinking his Gameboy is floating around again and that his mother needs to give him another shot. Dixon warns Wade that Doris represents the pinnacle of photoreactive bio-ordnance engineering. She’s worth a whole lot more than Wilson will in a thousand of lifetimes! Wade just knows that Dixon’s employees are getting killed. Dixon doesn’t care as they can be replaced, and warns Wade not to kill Doris. He throws the viewing screen on the ground, breaking communication and ignoring Dixon’s warnings.

Meanwhile, Doris has reached Monty’s place. He takes goodbye from his children, telling them they were really professionals and made his life a lot more fun. They laugh. He whistles to Doris, telling her he’s ready to die, as his accounts have been settled, said his goodbyes and made his peace with God. Doris makes herself ready to eat Monty, but then one of her teeth gets shot! Deadpool is the culprit, and he jokes that people hardly believe he has never been to dental school. Zoe meets up with him, having gone to find Doris’ file to find a way to beat her. She’s a photostim-biomangler class two. They made it to be dormant under night cover, so that in daylight she can do her thing. All they have to do is hit the lights and the crisis is reverted. Wade turns off the light switch, and Doris falls asleep.

However, then, gunshots are heard! Zoe quickly turns out the lights again, and finds out that Wade shot Doris nonetheless! Wade defends that Doris was never truly alive, so he just “dismantled” her. Besides, he would never just disembowel any stupid creature just for giggles. Monty wants to know why Wade did this when it could be avoided. Wade jokes that mankind simply was never meant to wield a weapon as powerful as Doris and sometimes they we just have to kill things. Wade asks Zoe if he saved the day. Zoe doesn’t think so and asks Wade why he would think that. Wade says it’s because nobody tells him what his life is worth.

Dixon angrily walks in, and wants his explanations, like, last week! Wade jokes that you simply can’t play God. If someone does, it always turns out into nothing but chaos and creatures like Doris and Frankenstein. And Wade thinks that the term “girl power” has gotten completely misunderstood and warped around Doris. Dixon wants Deadpool restrained. Zoe asks Dixon to hold up, and whispers into his ear that nobody was supposed to be in the R.D. Division to begin with, and the three L’s will probably just see a disaster reverted by their newest employee instead of seeing people clean up Dixon’s own mess.

He hates it when Zoe thinks faster than he does. Dixon agrees, and though he doesn’t like it thanks Deadpool for his help. He only accepts money in return, or back issues of “Legzz Quarterly.” Dixon takes off, hoping that Wade will meet with them later and hear about their offer, though Dixon doesn’t really like saying this. Wade jokes that maybe he will come back, and be Dixon’s special new friend. Zoe tells Wade to take it one step at the time, and they leave together.

Monty quietly watches them go. He feels a bit bad for not getting that sweet release he was hoping for. Though he’s certain his old bones will get a stimulation very soon. He welcomes Deadpool into the family, and hopes he will get out in one piece.

After a quick shower, Wade teleports back home to San Francisco…

Wade goes back home, and calls out to Al not thinking she’ll guess what happened to him today. Suddenly, Wade stops, and finds out that Al… cooked and cleaned the entire house!? Al says hi to him, and wishes her… “master” a good night. Wade doesn’t believe what he hears, and Al angrily slams her bedroom door closed. Wade is left alone, thinking this happened just when he was starting to forget what a yutz he is. He thanks Al.

Characters Involved: 


Blind Al

Dixon, Montgomery, Noah, Zoe Culloden (Landau, Luckman & Lake employees)

Doris & Herbert, Monty’s “children” (some of their inmates)


Todd (a Canadian woodsman)

L, L & L security guards & scientists (all unnamed)

Story Notes: 

The story is partly narrated by Monty.

Deadpool fought an intense battle against his archenemy, T-Ray, in Deadpool (2nd series) #13.

Wade’s comment to Bolivia probably refers to the time he spent there in Deadpool (2nd series) #1.

First time Ajax is named. He briefly first appeared last issue, in which he killed Todd’s friend, Jacques.

“Candy Man” refers to famous Rat Pack performer Sammy Davis Jr., who had a glass eye.

The “overshot Kansas” remark refers to the famous line of Dorothy in film “The Wizard of Oz,” in which Dorothy informs Toto that she doesn’t they’re in Kansas any more.

Seinfield was the famous and infamously famous sitcom starring Jerry Seinfeld, the last episode of which aired on May 14, 1998.

Carmen Electra is the actress and personality who initially became famous after posing in Playboy, which was followed by starring role in Baywatch.

Ricardo Montalban is an actor best known for his role as Mr. Roarke on Fantasy Island and Kahn Noonien Singh from the Star Trek TV and movie series.

Gameboy is Nintendo’s handheld game consol.

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