Deadpool (2nd series) #16

Issue Date: 
May 1998
Story Title: 
Win, Lose or Draw Blood

Joe Kelly (writer), Walter McDaniel (pencils), Anibal Rodriguez (inks), Chris Sotomayor (colors), Comicraft (letters), Miranda Emerson (colors), Digital Chameleon (enhancement), Matt Idelson (editor), Bob Harras (editor-in-chief)

Brief Description: 

Deadpool is not having such a good time, even though he refuses to admit it. Weasel has walked out on him, having Wade just a letter, which reads to let him go and that he’s now a free agent looking for work. In return, Wade leaves a time bomb in Weasel’s now empty apartment. Upon returning home, Wade has an argument with Blind Al about her constant referring to him as her master and the fact she is a prisoner. Al just wants to hear Wade say he’s sorry for what he did to her and she’ll stop, but Wade doesn’t say anything. Later at Landau, Luckman & Lake, Dixon and Noah argue about Deadpool’s constant idiotic acts. Dixon isn’t sure if Wade is their Mithras and, if not, they’ll just have to kill him. But, in an attempt to define if Wade is or is not their Messiah, they send him on a mission to Greece to kidnap a man named Mr. G, who hasn’t paid his debts. Wade drags Bullseye along with him and, after the usual soldier killing and such, they both easily succeed at their job. Even though they aren’t real buds, as such a thing doesn’t exist in their line of work, Bullseye warns Wade to take a vacation and try to figure out who he really is, or else things won’t turn out good for him. Elsewhere, Patch is enjoying a fun time as business is going well at his Hellhouse ever since both Deadpool and T-Ray have stopped showing up. When an angry Ajax and his soldier enter, claiming they are after Deadpool and want him dead, Patch even pays the guy to make sure he succeeds.

Full Summary: 

Sirkos Island, jewel of the Aegean Sea…

“Summer lovin’, havin’ a blaaast… summer lovin’, happened so faaast. I met a girl, taught her to skiiii, met a boyfriend, broke both his kneeees!” Philistine has heard enough, and angrily informs Wade that radio contact seems to be working fine. Wade thinks that Philistine absolutely has no sense of culture. He was just trying to get them into the local spirit, that’s all. An angry Phil corrects the idiot Wade that they are in Greece, for God’s sake!

That’s exactly Wade’s point. How about that Olivia Newton-John, eh? Now that’s a Greek piñata Wade would love to stuff. Phil corrects that Olivia is Australian and not Greek, and that the musical “Grease” has nothing to do with Greece itself. Wade stands corrected: he thought Olivia was from New Zealand. That’s one thing he hates about Australians: always sounding like New Zealanders. They’re a deceptive kind of people, Wade thinks. Phil thinks so too, though the Australians did give them those lovely Koala bears. Wade hates Koala bears. He hates any kind of animal with pockets. Phil didn’t know, and asks Wade if he hates kangaroos, too. Especially kangaroos, Wade reveals. He doesn’t trust any animal that has more storage space than Wade has when he does naked.

Phil wonders what Freud would say about that. Phil changes the subject, telling Wade he should watch the time and wants to know what he’s doing in Greece, anyway. Just a few last-minute adjustments, nothing baaad. Phil can trust Wade: he isn’t doing anything fleecing ewe. Phil hopes Wade won’t screw up.

Deadpool takes out a suitcase. He covers himself with fake sheep fur and goes to stand in the middle of a sheep barn, in order not to get noticed. He takes out a big wooden shelf, and places it on the edge of a hill. He takes out a robe, and starts climbing down. Phil asks Wade how life’s treating him nowadays. Wade jokes it’s fine at the moment: he’s got a car, his two little blue pegs are going to Kindergarten and his uncle just left him 2,800 dollars to spend. The downside is, Wade lost all of his pink pegs so his wife is a rolled up toilet paper. But, he knows you can’t have everything in life.

Phil thinks Wade must be broken. He wants to cut back to reality, boring as that may be, and asks Wade how things are with that old woman he’s been living with, Blind Alfred. Wade, continuing to climb down, tells Phil he’ll put it this way: for someone who can feel the icy chill of death reaching for her each moment of the day, Al’s perkier than a Baywatch bikini! Every day is a yuk-fest when Al’s around. Ah the stories Wade could tell about Al… she just can’t get enough of him.

Wade remembers (not to say he’s having a flash-back)…

Wade remembers the day he was packing his suitcase for his trip to Greece, and Al was sitting in a chair, listening to his rambling. Not getting any kind of response from Al, Wade doesn’t want to hear that Al has lost her hearing ability, too. One handicap is bad enough. If there’s more, it’s up to the glue factory with her. Al still doesn’t say anything. Wade mentions that was just a joke. Al, with a serious voice, tells Wade that she, the prisoner, wishes to be excused.

Wade has had enough: this is just ridiculous. He wants Al to stop calling him “master” and referring to herself as “the prisoner.” If not, he’s going to leave right now and leave the TV stuck on Spanish S.A.P. when Al is trying to watch Matlock. Al corrects her master that Wade already broke the T.V. Wade recalls, and claims he had been meaning to fix that. Al asks if she, the prisoner, has angered the master. Wade says ‘yes’ at first, but then hesitates. Al starts walking away, but Wade tries to hold her back. Al apologizes and mentions that she’ll put herself back into the Box.

Wade angrily grabs Al’s arm. He tells her that the thing that’s been happening to them lately; that’s just wrong. He tells her they are a team. He knows he might have pushed it a little too far the other day, but he wants to get over it and asks Al what he has to do. Getting an intense serious look on her face, Al tells Wade she wants to hear him say that he’s sorry. Hesitant, Wade doesn’t say anything. Al thought so, and walks away from her master, hoping he’ll have a nice trip.

Greece, back to reality…

Deapool jumps onto a wall, and discovers that below him, two guards are wandering around. He gracefully jumps down and kicks one of the guards down, but the other survives and starts shooting at Wade. Phil asks Wade if he’s got any regrets in his life. Wade, claiming he has none, jumps across another wall and heads into the depth below. As Wade lands, more soldiers start surrounding him. Phil wants to know if Wade is now under a contract with Landau, Luckman & Lake. Wade isn’t, as their relationship is still in the courtship, but he thinks they really start to love him as they practically begged him to do this job.

Wade remembers yet again…

One of their employees welcomed Wade at the base and informed him that he’s now also part of their 401K Program. Wade isn’t sure if he has ever been on one of those Programs, but jokes he once had a squeaky door on an Iron Maiden once, and used some WO-40 on it. The employee claimed those two things are similar. The employee gave Wade a pen and told him to sign a paper, plus the fact that he smells funny. Wade defends that isn’t him and that he still got the stench of that monster on him, which he killed a few minutes ago.

What Wade doesn’t know is that both Dixon and Noah were watching him. Dixon still thinks Wilson is an idiot, but Noah defended that Wilson’s going to be their idiot now. Dixon still isn’t convinced that Deadpool is the champion the forecasters believe him to be. He needs more proof before he can declare the Mithras on Wade Wilson. He asks Noah what they’ve got in the G17 Hextet.

Noah explains that LL&L has got three Earthbound holdings, an office complex and a senator or two. Of course, the Mithras Directive has far more interesting resources there, and Noah asks Dixon to which one he is referring. Dixon wants to know who gave Noah the permission to have a smart lip. Noah hesitates, unsure what to say, but tries to apologies. Dixon adds that he would expect such a thing from Zoe, as her temper leads to a lose tongue, but Dixon doesn’t like hearing this from his most trusted employee. Noah understands.

He informs Dixon that their clandestine preparations in G17 will come to fruition shortly, and Deadpool can be send there without him learning too much at once. Noah wants to go get Zoe, but Dixon doesn’t. He explains that Culloden has been spending a considerable amount of time with Wilson, almost adopted him. That of course has its advantages, but he thinks it might be better to keep her out of the loop on the details on this particular matter.

Noah understands and starts taking off. But, he wants to know what they are going to do if Wilson turns out not to be the one they hope he is. Dixon thinks that’s simple: they’ll improvise the world into a grand new age and then dispose of the bodies. Both Deadpool and his adoptive sponsors included. Dixon tells Noah to leave now, as he’s not in the mood for company and the fact he’s got a Sitz Bath in ten minutes.

Greece, reality time…

While fighting the soldiers, Wade corrects Phil it’s not that he doesn’t like Daisy Duke, he means Barbara Bach did cut-off jeans what Marilyn did for steam vents, but he just didn’t like that Dukes’ reunion. Phil thinks that’s mean, as retro is back in and you have to look at Daisy as a document: a part of the times! Wade thinks it’s better to leave that document unread. He wants to leave it at a poll, as there are a lot of withered old broads who still look sexy and aren’t her. Phil asks Wade if the rumors are true that he isn’t welcome at the Hellhouse anymore. Wade doesn’t know where Phil gets his gossips, but he knows C.F., Fenway and the other guys just love him over there and would miss the joie de vivre should he be kicked out.

The Hellhouse, before Wade’s departure to Greece…

Patch is having a blast. Now that both Deadpool and T-Ray are gone, business is improving, as Patch doesn’t have to pay for so much needless repairs of destructions whenever those two idiots would set foot into his bar. If Patch would have known this would happen once Deadpool was gone, he would have paid T-Ray himself to get rid of the merc. C.F. and Fenway think that Patch has a point, though C.F. wishes that Wade would have said goodbye. Deadpool, having stood on a balcony alone, says he’s sorry but breaking ups are hard to do, and leaves without anything more.

With him gone, there’s a knock on the Hellhouse door. C.F. and Fenway go to open it, thinking it might be Deadpool again, since nobody has seen him for weeks. Suddenly, they both get knocked out! It’s Ajax and his soldiers! Ajax pronounces that he wants Deadpool, and knows that he has been in there. And, he wants Deadpool dead! Patch, happy to hear that, claims that any enemy of Deadpool is a friend of his, and even offers Ajax money to kill the merc-with-a-mouth.

Greece, once more with feeling…

Deadpool has finally made it passed the guards, though now has a giant locked door to deal with. He breaks the locks, though Phil warns Wade to be careful, as the man inside the room is very dangerous. Wade doesn’t care. He opens the door, and is quickly surrounded by lots of more soldiers. And at the end of the room sits Wade’s target: an old man wearing an eye patch, and he orders his troops to bring him Deadpool’s head.

Wade thinks it’s time that the soldiers meet his lovely assistant. They get suddenly struck down by razor sharp blades. Wade introduces his little friend: it’s Buh-Buh-Buh-Bullseye! Bullseye gracefully jumps down from a balcony, throwing dinner plates and forks at surviving soldiers, hitting them, and wishes everyone a good morning. Wade, preparing a gun, didn’t know that plate spinning was on the program. That’s just too much for him.

Bullseye corrects that he’s just trying to lighten up the place, and explains that whenever Greek people have a good time, they start smashing dinner plates on the floor. While Wade and Bullseye continue to throw more grenades and bullets at backup troops’ heads, Wade asks Bullseye if he ever told him the joke about that rabbi and the horse costume. Bullseye confirms, remembering that he never could sneak into a place whenever Wade was with him. He doesn’t know why, but whenever they are together Bullseye just has to laugh all the time.

Wade recalls that, like that time when he and Weasel took the job in Nairobi and laughed all the way, with Donnegal almost blew off Bullseye’s tiny toe! Bullseye gets angry and throws a sharp stick at Wade’s head. Wade agrees and ducks, with the stick taking down more soldiers. But he just can’t remember that funny look Bullseye had on his face at the time. Bullseye tells him to shut up as they are in the middle of a gunfight here. But Wade doesn’t want to. As they look around, Bullseye notices that they seem to have already won and that all the soldiers are dead. Bullseye recalls that, in the early days, he could always buy Deadpool’s family from under the mud if he had one. He wants to know what Wade’s pay rate is these days.

Wade whispers the big amount into Bullseye’s ear, but he refuses to believe that. Wade corrects that there’s three things in life he never lies about: payola, girls and lactose intolerance. Bullseye should never forget that. Now of course, said figure doesn’t include Weasel’s usual cut, although now, Wade sort of had to let him go. While walking to the praying old man, Bullseye wants to know what Wade means by that. Wade claims that Weasel just started to get all co-dependent on him, so Wade thought it would be best the geezer would take a hike.

Wade remembers (really, for the final time this time)

Wade went to Weasel’s apartment, only to find it empty but a shoebox. In it was a letter from Weasel, who begged Wade that, if he ever meant anything to him, to just let him go. Wade could even keep Weasel’s “William Shatner sings” album, not wanting it anymore. Wade, realizing he blew it this time, left the place, though not without leaving a time bomb behind.

Greece, to present time for a final time as well…

Bullseye grabs Mr. G, the soldier’s leader, and suggest to Deadpool that, after the old geezer paid his debtors, he’ll swing Wade this place as remuneration. Wade laughs, correcting Bullseye that like he already told him: this job is a freebie, and Wade just does it for the yuks. He’s got a bright new future, a big thing coming up. Even got some cool buds at home so he doesn’t need this place. Bullseye doesn’t believe that and starts yelling at Wade. Bullseye thinks Wade’s a complete Frankie Palatzo. Wade defends himself, thinking Bullseye must be on drugs or something if he dares call him that. That guy’s a loser.

Bullseye defends Frankie wasn’t always that way. Time before, he was a big hitter in Europe. While sticking Mr. G into a giant bag, Bullseye claims he’s serious. Frankie had everything: a car, cash even a skirt in every port. And, he was bulletproof. Unstoppable. Could make a guy want to kill himself by just him saying a word. Wade wants to know what made Frankie do the Elvis routine then. Frankie got too big, too fast. He got sloppy, botching a few hits. After losing those jobs, Frankie lost everything, all of his crew and friends. Now, he’s alone.

Punching Mr. G’s bag, Wade angrily wants to know what Bullseye’s point is. Bullseye wants to be honest here. They’ve got a big amount of respect for one another’s work, a chuckle every now and then and some real history, but in their business there’s no such thing as buds and pals. When Wade called him to “just hang out in Greece,” Bullseye at first thought Wade was looking to whack his head in. So when Bullseye asked around, Wade can imagine his surprised when he learned Wade hasn’t taken a single hit in almost two years.

Hesitant, Wade claims he has been busy. He’s been learning air conditioner repair with Sally Struthers. Bullseye doesn’t believe that, as he also heard about San Francisco and that weird Albino guy. Bullseye got the word that Deadpool got his butt kicked and that the floodgates are open. He has even heard that Wade hasn’t been to the Hellhouse ever since. Bullseye even heard that Weasel is now a free agent looking for work. Doesn’t take a genius to put the pieces together. So, Bullseye thinks that Wade is losing the edge, because he’s thinking too much. Because Wade doesn’t know who he is anymore. And what’s worse, he doesn’t even seem to want to find that out.

Wade, with a serious, angry look, asks Bullseye what he would know about that. Bullseye, taking Mr. G away with him, only knows this: Frankie started to think when things went wrong. Started to get all retrospective. It made him lose the edge, and then, Bullseye took Frankie’s life! Somebody’s got to be number one. Bullseye would hate it if, one day, Wade and Frankie would turn out the same way. Wade wants to know why Bullseye is giving him this advice, as like he said himself, they aren’t real buds.

It’s for the same reason Bullseye let Deadpool follow him to Greece to an assignment, which he could perfectly do alone. Same reason he doesn’t try to cash in on the price Donnegal put on Wade’s head six years ago. He gets an evil grin on his face. It’s because Deadpool makes Bullseye laugh. Bullseye takes off with Mr. G, telling Wade to take some time off and go on a vacation or something, or else things won’t turn out pretty for him.

With Bullseye gone, Wade thinks that he’s wrong about what he said. He knows perfectly who he is and what he’s doing. He activates his rifle, and lets a bomb go off in the distance. But, it hits just a pole and not the castle Wade is in! Wade swears, he hates it when Bullseye hits the mark…

Characters Involved: 



Mr. G and his Greek soldiers (all unnamed)

Through-out Wade’s various flashbacks


Blind Al

C.F., Fenway, Patch II (Hellhouse residents)

Dixon, Noah (Landau, Luckman & Lake operatives)

Philistine (one of their employees)

Ajax and his soldiers (unnamed)

Story Notes: 

At the beginning of this issue, Deadpool is of course singing the opening song of the popular 1978 movie “Grease,” starring both a young John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John.

Wade killed Doris, an experimental monster from Landau, Luckman & Lake last issue.

Deadpool and T-Ray fought each other almost to death in Deadpool (2nd series) #13.

William Shatner is the man who played Captain Kirk in the legendary Star Trek TV-series and relevant movies. He also enjoyed a brief singing career, which unfortunately (or fortunately) didn’t last long.

Baywatch was the world famous syndicated program about LA lifeguards, all of whom were attractive and evidently liked running, wherever they were going.

401K Program is a type of retirement plan in the United States and is employer-sponsored to those who qualify.

An Iron Maiden was a medieval German sarcophagus-like torture device, where its victim would be placed inside, completely constricted and restricted from movement.

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