Somewhere in the universe, the Landau, Luckman & Lake base…
Here lies the division of the intergalactic holding corporation, whose employees on occasion dabble in endeavors outside their corporate charter. This is one of those times. Zoe Culloden and Overboss Dixon are standing in a large, black room and Dixon reveals a simulation of planet Earth.
Dixon quotes: “And the kindly Earth shall slumber… lapp’d in universal law.” Tennyson said that. He mocks Zoe that he does read. She never doubted it for a moment. Dixon thinks it’s really remarkable, when one considers it. The Earth… one insignificant dust ball… populated by a herd of kindly, slumbering dolts. And yet, an entire universe lives or dies by its revolutions and the actions of a less-than-reputable mercenary. It’s unfathomable. That’s fine by Zoe.
Dixon asks Zoe to forgive him. He always feels the need to wax rhapsodic after a thorough tooth cleansing. He’s minty fresh now. He asks Zoe if her man is on board. Hesitant, Zoe has to confess she doesn’t know. Dixon thinks that perhaps Zoe didn’t hear him correctly. That question begged an affirmative response. Zoe understands, but Deadpool is a… special case. He still needs some messaging and a little more time. He has to be ready before he gets to learn the truth. Dixon knows Zoe has been Deadpool’s sponsor. After years of guiding him, Dixon can’t believe that Zoe is telling him Wade Wilson still isn’t ready.
Zoe knows. Dixon reminds Zoe she has dallied about too long about this. Landau, Luckman and Lake are in the dark about the Mithras Project for now, but the smoke screen can’t last forever. Zoe wants to know if her boss really thinks it’s a good idea to keep the three L’s out of the loop. Dixon claims that even though he may work for them, Zoe works for Dixon. Time is rapidly running out, and Dixon wants Deadpool to be brought in, and suggests that Zoe fills him in about the Mithras Directive – all of it!
Zoe doesn’t think that Deadpool is ready for that yet. Dixon thinks he has to be, and shows Zoe a vortex, which means that the flashpoint is coming. After all, all of their precognitive forecasts point out that Wade Wilson is the one. Zoe wants to know what Dixon is going to do when Deadpool proves not to be ready for his destiny. Dixon refuses to answer that, and orders Zoe to just go get Deadpool so Dixon can do his job.
San Francisco, the Deadhut…
Deadpool is calm. He’s in a peaceful place. Chamomile and light rock stylings all around. But, he can’t handle it anymore with Blind Al and angrily shouts, wanting to know… WHEN SHE IS GOING TO START TALKING BACK TO HIM?! This subservient Mister-Belvedere-In-Drag routine is really starting to kick him off. Al calmly responds that she has packed her master’s backpack and asks if she should go over to Q-tip the buckles next. Deadpool puts his uniform on, and recalls that he snapped a while back and knows he shouldn’t have put Al in the B-O-X like that, but he suggests that she just has an Alzheimer over it like the nice old lady she is, so they can go back to their special friendship. Al simply hands Wade his backpack, and mentions that she took the liberty to alphabetizing his ammo!
Angrily, though meant in a sarcastic way, Wade calls her a wretched demonspawn. Wade puts his teleporter belt on, telling Al it’s fine if she wants to be that way. He doesn’t care, as he’s off to save the world again. He teleports away, leaving a silent Al behind. Wade suddenly teleports back inside, thinking that Al just said something bad about his mother. Al defends that she hasn’t, certain that Wade’s mother was a lovely mother. Upset about it, Wade tells Al that’s fine and takes off again.
Meanwhile, at the Swiss Alps…
Dr. Killebrew sits alone in his house, playing chess with a robotic rat he created himself. And… the machine beats him! Suddenly, an evil voice calls out to Killebrew. He recognizes the voice as… Ajax! He sarcastically apologizes for breaking in like this, and it breaks whatever’s left of his heart to see Killebrew defeated by a rat. But, with all kidding aside, Ajax suggests that they catch up on old times, and talk about invasive surgery, Weapon X and of course… Deadpool!
Somewhere across the universe, at the LL&L operating base…
Deadpool arrives at the base and has received a map, but has the hardest time trying to find his way through the big building. Wade jokes that, if he was meant to understand this map, he would have been born a sextant instead of just sexy. He tabs on a bystander’s shoulder and asks him for directions. The man turns around, but, hey Wade recognizes the man, its… KASPLOSH! It’s Herbert, the guy with the exploding head thing. What’s left of Herbert’s body runs away from Wade, who swears that sometimes he can swear God is laughing at him.
Meanwhile, Monty, Zoe, Noah and Dixon are all waiting for Deadpool to start the meeting. Monty is bored, but Zoe tells him to shut up or they’ll put him back into the basement. Noah jokes that Wilson probably stopped along the way to rob a jewelry store or something. Dixon tells the boys to cut it out, as he’s certain that, if Zoe says Deadpool will be there, he will. She wouldn’t dare to waste anyone’s time, especially not his, because that would put him in a very bad move which could make him demote Zoe into the Chief Engineer of Floor Waxing! Deadpool finally enters, though covered in green stuff from Herbert’s explosion. He asks if anyone knows how to get brain spunk out of spandex.
Back to the Deadhut…
Al is still upset at Wade because he still won’t apologize to her for what he did to her by putting her inside the Box. But, she’ll teach him. She has made a whole lot of grown men cry, and is confident that Wade will fall for her sooner or later. She’ll teach him: Al has put all of Deadpool’s boxer shorts next to each other, thinking that will teach him.
Moving over to the Swiss Alps, where…
Ajax moves one of the chess pieces, but mentions that he has never been good at sitting still for a long amount of time. So, he has been doing what he does best lately: cleaning. The only difference is that he doesn’t work for the department anymore, but for himself. And he finds the work infinitely more satisfying. It’s now the Doctor’s turn.
A scared Killebrew tries to tell Ajax that he can’t do this, but the villain is confident that he surely can. After all, it’s what Killebrew built him for, and the Doctor is a true master of his craft. Hesitant, Killebrew claims that he isn’t like that anymore. Ajax doesn’t really believe that, knowing that one man’s true colors can reveal themselves once they meet the reaper’s eye.
Ajax stands up, and smiles as one of his soldiers hold Killebrew tightly. For instance, Todd the Bionic Bomb was more than happy to inform him that Deadpool was still active and working from outside the Hellhouse, and the only thing Ajax had to do was spare his life and not pull Todd’s other arm from his torso. When Ajax got to the Hellhouse, those people were more than happy to make sure that he would finish off the merc-with-a-mouth, and even shared their files they had about Deadpool’s past. So, Ajax learned about the day Killebrew once lured Deadpool to this place.
Killebrew is not afraid to die. Suddenly, the soldier gives him an electric shock! Ajax smiles that Killebrew might be right about that statement, but he is afraid to hurt. Ajax is confident that Killebrew will betray his own grandmother once he’s done with him!
Back to that place, somewhere in the universe…
Monty suggests that they start now. Wade jokes that that Bactine is really starting to work for Monty. Wade finds some spectacular looking binoculars, thinking they are going to do some woodworking. That’s cool, as he once saw Bob Vila build a Cedar gun closet that Wade is dying to copy. Wade notices that Zoe, Monty, Noah and Dixon have all put on similar goggles, and they tell him to stop stalling and just do the same. He does. Dixon shows Wade a device, which is a bio-electrographic projector capable of imposing 3-D images directly onto the optic nerves.
Wade thinks that’s cool and wonders if they can check out Captain EO on that thing, as he has heard that the Bubbles cameo rocks! Dixon presses a button on the device, and the entire room changes into a black space with planets floating around, and the floor can’t be seen anymore, which freaks Wade out! It even makes him call out to Aunti Em. He scardely jumps into Dixon’s arms, who asks someone to get him off. Zoe tries to calm Wade down by telling him they are now just standing in a virtual environment, which hare directly projected into their minds, thanks to the goggles they wear. Zoe can assure him they are still at the base. Wade calms down, claiming he knew this all along.
Dixon reveals to Deadpool, as he is aware, of an event of great magnitude is about to occur. Something is coming to Earth, something vital to the development of all of mankind. And according to Landau, Luckman & Lake’s Precognicians, by some cosmic, joke Wade himself is an integral component of its journey. Wade doesn’t think it’s a cosmic joke: it’s the coverage of the Winter Olympics. Now THAT was a cosmic joke. Zoe asks Wade not to make jokes now, and asks him to look at something.
The vortex from before is shown. Wade thinks the effects are cool, but aren’t they something from “Species II”? Wade sure hopes that it’s his destiny to score with Natasha Henstridge. Zoe reveals that they are looking at an alien lifeform. It’s unlike anything else in the galaxies, and, when it reaches Earth, everything will change. Monty foresaw its arrival nearly twenty years ago. In a matter of weeks, it will come into range of Earth’s observatories and deep space listening devices. He claims that they are at the dawn of something grand. The closer it gets, the more Monty’s premonitions crystallize, the clearer Deadpool’s role in this event becomes: he is the Mithras!
Gee, and Wade always thought he was the Walrus. Wade knows LL&L have aliens out the yin-yang in this place. What’s one more brain sucker to the party? Dixon suggests he answers this question with a question, and asks Wade if he has ever been to New York. Sure, Wade has been to the Big Grapple, the place that always sleeps. There’s even so much vice they rob a person twice! He loves it there. Dixon shows Wade another device, and tells him to look carefully. Once the creature comes to Earth, this is how the Big Apple will blossom. He presses a button.
Deadpool sees an entire city in his honor, and even a statue of himself in the middle of the street! Wade guesses that Giuliani’s quality of life really did the trick. Monty denies that, correcting that all this will be possible because of the aliens and the Mithras. Noah reveals that “Mithras” is the name of an ancient deity known as “the Light Before the Sun.” During times of darkness, Mithras is the dawn that paves the way for divine intervention: the Herald of the Messiah. And with those terms put in, Landau, Luckman & Lake believe that Wade Wilson, Deadpool is that Mithras. Wade tells the guys they are seriously reaching here. But, he can’t get enough of that good looking statue. Look at the size of that sword alone!
Zoe whispers to Dixon when exactly a statue was programmed into the simulation, as she didn’t approve of this. Dixon tells Zoe she’ll find out, thinking it will appeal to Wade’s need to become a hero. Zoe sure hopes her boss is right about this. Dixon explains to Deadpool, as he can see in this artist’s interpretation of Montgomery’s visions, the world will know prosperity as never before, and they will have Wade to thank for it. Dixon’s agents have searched the world over, monitoring “wards” who might have been the Mithras, but each time they have returned empty-handed until now.
Monty claims that the being will help them to transcend mankind’s flawed nature. Global enlightenment will result and a Renaissance will begin. Noah mentions that the being will mean an end to all wars, all prejudice and all forms of suffering. Zoe smiles that there are no other wards left as the search is ended. Wade is the one who will herald this Golden Age: he is the Mithras.
Wade is astonished. He jokes that this must be his lucky day then, but really thinks they must have confused him with someone else as he isn’t the guy you call for these kind of things. He’s more the guy who breaks someone’s fingers if needed. He can’t even make nice with one old lady. That’s it for Wade: he’s got to go take care of some business, and teleports away!
Back to reality, Monty thinks that went rather well, all things considered. Zoe leaves, sarcastically telling Dixon she’s glad that statue didn’t overwhelm him, and tells Monty to follow her, and he does. Noah asks Dixon if he should follow them but Dixon denies that, as he has made up his mind. The precognition is wrong. Wilson is clearly an idiot. In spite of Dixon’s pitch to Deadpool, there are other wards in the Program who still have an active status. He tells Noah to contact the next person in line. Noah wants to know what they’re going to do about the destiny. Dixon believes that great men forge their own destiny. They’ll use Deadpool to get to the flashpoint, but then he’s toast! He orders Noah to call in the second string.
The Swiss Alps – Check.
Ajax’ robot has spend some time torturing Killebrew, and he begs the villain to kill him. Ajax thinks it’s ironic, wondering how many times Killebrew heard those begging words back at the Workshop and ignored them. Killebrew wants this chess game finished, and him as well. Ajax refuses: he’ll unhook Killebrew for the day, maybe give him a nice bath and let him sleep it off, but the very next day and days after today, they’ll go through all this again and again. Killebrew hopes God will help him, but reveals to Ajax that Deadpool has a teleporting belt and his computer can scan his location. Ajax thanks Killebrew and tells Killebrew he can sleep now, and dream about Judas.
Somewhere in the universe…
Deadpool tries to find his way out of the base, but fails to because it’s so big. He just wants to go home and maybe watch some Jerry Springer. Zoe meets up with Wade, and orders everyone else staring at him to take off and give them a few private moments. All of the creatures leave, but Wade is angry and points his gun at Zoe. Zoe tells him there’s no need to get hostile, but Wade believes otherwise. He has just seen the Twilight Zone, and he’s certain she’s got the wrong man for the job she wants him to do. A guy like him isn’t even allowed to walk on the same street where Avengers Mansion is located. Heck, Wade can’t even keep his own house in order! He guesses that this thing just didn’t work out as Zoe planned it.
Monty shows up, not really believe that. But on all accounts, he does believe that Wade is a loser. Wade knows, and tells Zoe to listen to scab-boy there. Monty calls Wade a self-pitying, self-centered, self-defeating loser, who can’t even keep an old lady in line. Monty doesn’t know the woman’s name, but is certain Wade knows whom he’s talking about. Wade angrily pulls Monty up from his chair, demanding what he knows about Blind Al. Zoe tries to call for backup, but Monty thinks there’s no need. He doesn’t know much about Alfred, but does know Wade did something to her, which he greatly regrets. Something that’s eating him up alive.
Wade warns Monty not to get into his personal live, as that results into death, for anyone. Monty laughs, as he didn’t even had to go a little telepathic powers to go into Wade’s “personal” live to see he’s in pain. Monty tells Wade that this little thing he’s supposed to do for Landau, Luckman & Lake is his one chance to do something right and turn everything around. But first, Wade has to believe in himself and then Monty will show him how…
Suddenly, Monty’s eyes turn all weird. Zoe panics. Wade wants to know what Monty’s doing, hoping he won’t throw anything up over him. Zoe explains that Monty is looking forward. Monty promises Wade he’ll tell him some things he might not understand right now, but soon will and then he’ll have to believe. Monty claims that Wade will close the door to the sharpest edge of his soul and open a bitter heart. The kiss of Death will mean a lease on live to a walking ghost. Finally, in the coldest circle of hell, the devil will teach Wade mercy. And for a brief moment, he shall believe. When these three events transpire, Wade will know that Monty can see through the veil of time, that he speaks the truth. Monty asks Wade if he’ll put him back into his chair now, or kill him.
Zoe is startled and mentions to Deadpool that Monty isn’t supposed to give him a glimpse of someone’s future, as it could cost him a lot more than his job. But she hopes it meant something. Wade gently puts Monty back into his chair, not sure if what he just heard meant something. Perhaps it was all just a lot of fortune cookie nonsense, but he doesn’t know that for sure. Wade thanks Zoe for the Imax movie she showed him, but want to leave now, telling her that she has her Mithras person if what she said was true. He teleports away, leaving an angry Zoe behind. She stares at Monty, who thought that by telling him what he just said had hoped he could make Wilson stay.
Later, back at the Deadhut…
Al hears some hammering, thinking her master is nailing another steak onto the ceiling. She goes to Wade, who denies that. Instead, he’s… hammering the entrance of the Box closed! He explains to Al that something happened to him today, which opened up a lot of good doorways, and it made him see that he doesn’t need this room made into a wall anymore. So, that’s why he’s closing it down permanently, as the Box was actually only accidentally created on purpose. Plus, Wade means this from the deepest of his blood pump: he wants his buddy back and tells Al he’s truly sorry for what he did, and wants to forgive and forget.
Al mentions that she’ll never forget that Wade put her into the Box into the first place, and he’ll have to do a lot more than this before she forgives him. However, he sure has taken the right first step. Al is thrilled and jumps into Wade’s arms, kissing him. Wade smiles, happy that things worked out okay and that Monty was right that, by closing the door, helped things. But this isn’t enough. Wade knows that he’s probably the biggest yuts on the Hebrew calendar, but promises that if Al has enough of this life, she can consider herself a free…
What?! Something starts to happen. Wade’s teleporter has flipped on by itself, and he fades away! Al tries to hold Wade back, desperately wanting to know if he just said that she was free. Not getting a response, she calls out to Deadpool again, but he is nowhere to be seen!