Deadpool (2nd series) #29

Issue Date: 
June 1999
Story Title: 
Take My Wife… Please! (or: Cock-A-Voodle-Doo)

Joe Kelly (writer), Woods (pencils), Shelander & Wong (inks), Blanchard (colors), Richard Starkings & Comicraft (letters), Matt Idelson (editor), Bob Harras (editor-in-chief)

Brief Description: 

Deadpool looks at a sleeping Mercedes. He wonders what happened to them both, as they were happy when they were married. Wade doesn’t think he even deserves to be happy in life, and that he also doesn’t deserve to have Mercedes. As he walks outside the room, he stumbles into Monty, who was eavesdropping on them. Wade ignores that fact, claiming that they are all in deep trouble. In Morocco, Alestaire panics and flees towards America. Later that night, Monty reveals to Wade that, while he was doing research on the Mithras Directive, he went through Wade’s files and there was never a mentioning of Mercedes in his life, or that he was married. Not before or after the Weapon X mess. Wade can only remember a house in the snow and that somebody got killed, but is confused about it all. Suddenly, a zombie army attacks his house! As Deadpool fights, Mercedes dreams about the house she and Wade shared when they were married. She is approached by a mysterious villain, who wants to use her in his evil scheme. He reveals himself to be none other than Black Talon, and has his zombie army outnumbers Deadpool. He even manages to get a hold of Mercedes and sticks a blade through Wade’s chest. However, Wade survives the wounds and, this time, manages to fight so fast he breaks most of Talon’s bones, thereby breaking his power over the zombies, which all turn into dust. Before he faints, Talon whispers to Wade what he wanted with Mercedes. Monty wants to hear the truth. Deadpool finally remembers. He reveals that, years ago, while he and Mercedes were playing in the snow together behind their house, his wife was murdered, and that the only thing he could do about it, was nothing but watch it happen.

Full Summary: 

(the Bolivian jungle, Deadpool’s home…)

Deadpool stares at the sleeping Mercedes. It surprises Wade that she can sleep so calmly, like she did for the last twelve hours now ever since he rescued her in Atlanta. It seems like she truly trusts him, like he’s only getting eggs down the road at Gimley’s for the morning breakfast and knows about it, but confident he’ll come back.

Wade, without his Deadpool mask on, sits nearby looking at her, pointing his gun at Mercedes. He believes he isn’t prepared to deal with Mercedes right now, and that she isn’t supposed to sleep like an angel the way she is doing. Wade simply can’t accept the fact that Mercedes is real, believing he doesn’t deserve that much luck in life. Wade hesitates, before joking that apparently he’s still a sucker for a sleeping beauty. He thinks that, if someone looks up the word “sucker” in the dictionary, they’ll find a photo of his head next to it. He puts his mask back on and decides to go outside.

But as he walks out, he stumbles into Monty, who was apparently eavesdropping on them. Monty claims he was only trying to fetch a glass of water. Monty admits that he doesn’t know either who Mercedes really is, perhaps someone simply has been messing around with Wade’s genes and past without him knowing about it. Wade thinks that perhaps Mercedes truly is a nobody, or perhaps she truly is his wife. But either way, Wade believes they’re into deep trouble, up until their necks.


Alestaire takes goodbye from his many cats, since he believes he can’t be around in his office anymore after the green fog attack. He even curses the name ever since he heard the name of Mercedes Wilson. He enters his private helicopter and orders his pilot to head towards America.

(the Bolivian jungle)

A mysterious, hooded man stalks the house, confident that by the power of Baron Ghede’s blood, the font of power Mercedes possesses shall be his. He’s confident he and his friends shall succeed in the plan.

Deadpool tries to make some breakfast, but Monty refuses to wait any longer. He wants to address the problem immediately. He reveals to Wade that, when he was working on the Mithras Directive, he studied Deadpool’s history files, before, during and after his time at Weapon X. And there was never any kind of mentioning of a woman named Mercedes in his life. Monty shouts that Wade was never married!

After eating, Wade reveals otherwise. He explains to Monty that, before he had cancer and the whole Weapon X mess began, he gave into the love he had for a beautiful woman, who was named Mercedes, and thanks to her came closer to true paradise than he’ll be ever again. Monty finds it hard to believe that Wade would actually have preferred to live like a happy man once, instead of the merc he is today. Wade knows that the world is a broken thing and that bad things happen in it, and that heaven’s walls simply don’t have a place for monsters like him.

Wade also remembers that something bad happened, not much later than a year after he and Mercedes got married. Monty wants to know what it is, but Wade mumbles something about snow, a body he sees that isn’t dead. Wade stops talking, joking that he must be going crazy again. Monty wants to continue with the conversation, but Wade hears something behind the door. He walks towards it and angrily shouts he doesn’t want any visitors. But on that very moment, zombies push their arms through it! Wade jokes they could have just said “Avon calling.” Sheesh.

(Meanwhile, in Mercedes’ dreams)

Mercedes’ spirit form floats over her former home, in springtime. She realizes she must be in a dream. It feels weird being awake and asleep at the same time. The hooded man approaches Mercedes, informing her that it truly does feel weird and that she will learn the truth. Mercedes gets confused, but the man promises she’ll figure it out once they come for her.

Mercedes quickly wakes up and screams for Wade. But Monty is at her room instead, wondering if Blind Al ever had it this tough. He informs Mercedes that she needs to calm down fast, as there are some problems at the mansion. Mercedes wants to know if Wade’s alright.

Deadpool himself finds himself approached by the hooded man, who’s shouting that, by the power of the Living Loa, his zombie army can start attacking him! And the zombies do, with Wade freaking out that he’s being touched by the undead. Wade calls for a time-out, not wanting to go through the “I know what you screamed about in the House of Secrets last summer” routine. But then again, Wade realizes he is a merc with excellent fighting skills so he decides to start the battle against the zombies anyway. However, as he kills some of them, green blood gets spilled all over his uniform, and Wade quips he doesn’t get paid enough for this.

More zombies enter and outnumber Wade, holding him tight. Wade wants to know who the fake Cloak-man is and what he’s after. The hooded man reveals he wants Mercedes. Wade wonders if she got the Maltese Falcon stuck beneath her shirt or something, because it seems everyone has her on her top-ten list lately. The hooded man tosses his hood away, revealing his true identity of… the Black Talon!

Wade can’t keep himself from doing it. He takes a closer look at the Black Talon, and… bursts of laughter! Black Talon gets confused and so do the zombies, as Wade continues to laugh at the villain non-stop. Even the zombies have the hardest time not to laugh now, but Talon tells them not to say a peep. This makes Wade laugh even more, as the Chicken Head said “peep.” Black Talon refuses to take this kind of abuse and orders his zombie army to kill the mercenary.


While protecting Mercedes and holding a gun ready, Monty asks her how long she and Wade have known each other. Mercedes gets confused. Monty apologizes, as he’s just trying to break the ice, mentioning he didn’t have much chance to learn how to “small talk” at his former job. Mercedes understand and reveals that she and Wade have known each other for ten years now and that they were high-school sweethearts.

Mercedes also doesn’t understand why costumed men are trying to kill her. She starts to cry a little, as she hasn’t been safe since this whole nightmare began. She claims that she and Wade never parted ways and he can’t have any enemies since he’s a teacher for God’s sake! Unless that has changed since the last week, which was the last time she saw him.

Monty is confused when Mercedes mentions to have seen Wade last week. The zombies catch up with them both. Monty admits Wade never taught him how to fire or load the gun; he’s just trying to act big. Mercedes wants to know what happened to Wade. Monty tells her they’ll just have to improvise… and pray.

(main hall)

Black Talon has his zombies paint a green mark on Wade’s chest. In order for Mercedes to be truly his, Talon has to bond with Wade spiritually. Wade tells Talon to drop his Letterman act and just move on with his life. If not, he promises to make chicken soup out of Talon. Talon wished that if only Wade understood what Mercedes truly meant in life. Wade spits in Talon’s face. On that moment, Talon’s other zombies enter holding Mercedes captive. They both panic. Wade wants to know what happened to Monty and swears he’ll kick his bony ass for his failure. Suddenly, he recognizes Monty among the zombies, acting like he’s one of them and Wade finds that idea to be very clever.

Talon takes a closer look at Mercedes and thanks his dark masters for this wonderful gift. Wade shouts at him to stay away from her or else he’ll turn him into a chocolate chicken for lunch. Talon has heard enough useless nametags towards his directions and wants to finish it. He takes out a blade, and sticks it right through Wade’s chest! He screams in pain, with Talon concluding that Wade’s fate has been sealed.

Merecedes cries, demanding to know why Black Talon couldn’t just leave them alone. Talon claims that it’s because Mercedes is the most perfect creation, and that such a creation must be in the hands of a master who truly knows something about the dark arts, like himself. “Zombie Monty” jokes that brains are good zombie food and, unnoticed, crawls over to Wade.

Talon realizes what’s going on and turns around, noticing that Deadpool is still alive and that Monty freed him! Wade thinks there’s an Oscar in Monty’s future, and thinks it’s about time they have some deep fried chicken, and takes his gun out and shoots Talon! Wade walks over to his angel and asks Mercedes if she’s alright. She is, but notices that Talon’s blade is still sticking through Wade’s chest and worries about it. Wade claims it’s nothing and that it’s just a flesh wound, and that he’ll heal nicely. Which can’t be said about Black Talon.

Wade walks over to the villain and starts crushing his bones! Monty thinks that’s a nice trick, as Wade is crushing more of Talon’s bones all of the zombies eventually start to transform into dust. Mercedes cries and angrily shouts at Wade to stop killing Black Talon. He defends that he deserves payback for the blade, and if Mercedes doesn’t understand that Wade doesn’t know why he even bothered to rescue her and has her back in his life. Mercedes can’t handle that and runs away. Wade realizes his mistake, thinking he’s a genuine Casanova.

Wade walks back over to Black Talon, thinking that since he’s as good as Bill Gates is it’s time to start crushing bones again, though wants Tweety-bird’s opinion is about this whole mess first. Talon whispers to Wade what he wanted with Mercedes, and faints. Monty wants to know what he said. Wade doesn’t want to talk about it and tries to walk away, but Monty holds him back, demanding the truth. Wade explains that Black Talon’s power is to raise the dead back to live. So you can imagine his surprise when Mercedes popped up on his voodoo radar and he realized someone out there could do it better. Monty panics when he realizes what that means.

Hesitant, Wade reveals that, years ago, in the snow, “crazy” playing in the house behind that of his and Mercedes’… she got murdered. And all Wade could do about it, was nothing but watch!

Characters Involved: 



Mercedes Wilson

Alestaire Grunch

Black Talon

Black Talon’s zombies (all unnamed)

Story Notes: 

Black Talon is an old villain of the Avengers, who first appeared in Strange Tales #173.

“Avon calling” was the slogan for Avon Products, a door to door sales product line, selling cosmetic products.

“I know what you screamed about in the House of Secrets last summer” refers to the movie “I Know What You Did Last Summer,” where recently graduated teens receive notes with that message, informing them that they did not get away with accidental vehicular homicide like they had thought.

The “Maltese Falcon” is novel, which was made into two films, the most famous of which starred Humphrey Bogart.

Letterman refers to late night talk show host David Letterman.

Bill Gates is the founder of Microsoft.

Tweety-bird is a Looney Tunes character and eternal foil to Sylvester the cat.

Issue Information: 
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