The fringes of the cosmos… playground of the death.
Thanos travels to a home on a rock, that’s floating in outer space. He calls out to his beloved. He explains he has traveled across the ages to call upon her, taken his astral form and risked his very existence only to deliver her a gift. He adds that each comet in the bouquet he holds is responsible for the destruction of a world, a civilized world of no less than ten billion sentiment lifeforms. He claims that those people’s deaths were exquisite. He wants her to accept this gift of affection and admiration to her dark work. But nobody responds. Thanos stares in front of the house, begging for an answer because he knows is beloved is there. He wonders what dire chore could be more compelling than a suitor as romantic as him. He thinks that perhaps she is washing her hair or something.
However, Death is not amused. Normally, she would be, as Thanos and his idyllic bumblings have provided her with eons of distraction. But not today. Today, she-who-is-the-end-of-all-things is preoccupied with the thoughts of a mere mortal. She so rarely involves herself in temporal affairs, aside from the obvious. But once in a millennium, there is born a shinning star in an otherwise empty universe of souls. One who captivates her interest, garners her respect, even arouses her. This is the tale of such a being. A man who stops Death in her tracks, a man who now stands on the edge of it. Death goes to sit on her bed and stares into her viewing pole. There, she witnesses Deadpool fighting.
Maine…
T-Ray makes Deadpool, imprisoned in handcuffs, watch how not he, but T-Ray and Mercedes, pull a badly injured, past-version of Deadpool out of an ice-cold river. Wade refuses to look at this any further. T-Ray thinks that’s only natural, explaining that Wade lived so long with a lie that he got a physical aversion to the truth. Mercedes begs T-Ray to stop, reminding him that it was he who killed her and not Wade. Wade asks his enemy to stop this nonsense, as they all know what really happened that day. T-Ray asks Mercedes to listen to Wade. Mercedes refuses. She explains that T-Ray is destroying her husband, there at their home, killed her and has now returned to further torture her husband.
T-Ray wants Mercedes to stop living Deadpool’s lies. He explains he brought her back so they could be reunited in vengeance against the man who killed them both. T-Ray claims that he is the real Wade Wilson and wishes Mercedes a happy anniversary. Mercedes refuses to believe it. Wade panics and shouts. T-Ray can’t tell Deadpool how long he has been waiting to hear him scream. He thinks this is going to be fun. He claims that the story he is about to tell will be the truth. This is the alpha and omega of it all. This is why T-Ray exists.
He reveals that the Wilsons did rescue a man from the icy river. He did betray them. This is what Deadpool and Mercedes know so far. And it’s true. They also know that the man was a low-level mercenary. A murderer. A misanthrope who made his living destroying lives. Until he failed at a very important task for very bad people over the Canadian border. While being chased and shot at by security guards, this failure like so many in his young lives, was devastating to the mercenary. He had to run, and change completely.
T-Ray claims that what Mercedes and Deadpool do not know, is the name of this mercenary: “Jack.” He asks Deadpool if that sounds familiar. Deadpool wants to be asked again after he uses T-Ray’s lying tongue to clean the third stall at Grand Central Station. T-Ray explains that Jack was a human chameleon, who had made change a life habit, like an art form. He underwent plastic surgery and had false credentials. And technology were his tools to make old mistakes vanish. He takes out Wade’s image inducer out of his utility belt to prove his point. He adds that no horror was permanent if one could not start fresh. So, Jack started over every chance he got, by stealing lives that were still clean. T-Ray uses the image inducer to transform Wade into Jack’s personality.
T-Ray further explains that, upon waking up in the Wilson’s cabin, Jack found himself trapped by the blizzard outside. Jack realized how badly he had made a mess out of things. He could smell death watching him. Time was short. It was time to change again. To kill Jack before anyone else could. And to become someone else. Someone with the perfect life off in the wilderness with the perfect wife: someone free. While helping around the house doing chores and having dinner with the Wilson’s, Jack waited for the perfect moment to strike.
The choice was made in an instant. As many times before, Jack began to steal Wade Wilson’s life, right out from under his nose. Jack could get anyone to open up. He encouraged Wade to talk, to chat… to tell him everything. Even secrets about his work, life and wife. It felt nice to Wade to have a man around to talk to. A man who understood the “good life.” A man who could appreciate the heaven he and Mercedes had found. A man who understood peace. Jack absorbed it all, assimilating Wade while becoming him slowly but certainly. He even watched how Wade and Mercedes slept.
Finally, the snow melted. Reality was soon to creep in: Jack had to move on. The plan was simple. Mercedes would leave for the nearest neighbor to radio for help and Jack wouldn’t go to work. Arson. Two bodies badly burned. One alive, one dead. Our builds were similar enough. And Jack had suffered much worse than 3rd degree burns in his day. What was a year of painful rehab to a fresh start. But Mercedes forgot her wallet. In the middle of nowhere, the woman was concerned about getting a ticket.
The chameleon adapted. He could still have it all, if only she would go down easy. A bump to her head might even help the story. But Wade wouldn’t die. His knife plunged into Jack’s back. Wade remembered seeing this in the movies: the husband always making the last minute safe. But this wasn’t the movies… and Jack wasn’t an ordinary monster. The battle between Wade and Jack raged on.
Deadpool, in pain, denies all this. T-Ray angrily shouts that he knows Deadpool would like to do that, but he can’t. The story has to go on a little bit further as it’s going to be the best part. The part where has Deadpool has become undone.
T-Ray explains that even though it was unpleasant for Jack to kill Wade, it was business, as usual. Jack could move on once the deed was done, but he never meant to hurt Mercedes. It felt like hurting the wings of an angel. As life ebbed from Mercedes’ shell, Jack’s soul shattered at the same time. He was too much of a coward to kill himself physically, as penance, but did do it mentally. Jack abolished himself. He lost his mind.
T-Ray reveals that Jack did some really bad things before, but only to people he thought “deserved it.” He hurt the life of killers and such. But this time, Jack crossed a line he couldn’t uncross. And it broke him. He buried both Wade and Mercedes. And later on, he ran away. Only, one of the two wasn’t dead. One survived. And that person became T-Ray. Deadpool shouts that he isn’t listening, joking he is a Bumblebee and that his mom will be so proud of him.
T-Ray wonders what good survival is without something to live for. Why should he have crawled out of the snow? Why fight on? For revenge, of course. He quickly grabs Deadpool by his throat. Wade jokes T-Ray also could have come back for a nice scone. T-Ray notices that his enemy is still joking, even though everything around him falls apart. He is amazed by it. Deadpool corrects that what is amazing is that T-Ray is still in flashback mode! He jokes that Melville tells shorter stories, for Oprah’s sake. T-Ray, with an angry look in his eyes, agrees to spill the wrap-up.
He reveals that while Jack was stealing Wade’s car and wallet and that pudding Jack calls a mind was trying to forget where he was, his employers showed up. The ones who wanted Jack dead. On that moment, Wade found something to live for. With his last breath, Wade pledged his life to them if they would help him destroy Jack… and they listened. T-Ray was perfect for the employers. He was a blank state with no family and had nothing to live for. He was fueled back by black hate.
As the employers taught T-Ray their ways with guns and such, he realized the irony of it all. Jack had stolen his life, and he was about to copy his. But it wasn’t enough. T-Ray needed to know more. The company couldn’t teach him what he needed to learn, so he went freelance and sought out better teachers. T-Ray found them in Japan. He traded his soul and life for power. And it was good. Very good. It would be years before he would have the knowledge and the skills to realize his true revenge, but he was patient. And very good at what he did to appease his dark masters, who eventually taught him how to use the magic he now wields.
So, T-Ray bided his time and waited until he could find Jack again. By the time he had tracked Jack down at the Hellhouse, he had grown so accustomed to being Wade Wilson that he had reconstructed history. Jack saw himself as the victim who had been made cold and dead by a monster. And by that day, T-Ray had become a monster… a monster… with a plan.
Mercedes wants to know what’s happening, as she feels weird. T-Ray explains to Deadpool that he would give him an angel of his own. He would put him in jeopardy to force a bond between him. He starts casting a spell on Mercedes. Wade shouts at T-Ray to leave her alone but he ignores that. T-Ray explains that, once Deadpool’s heart was filled with love and hope and glow, when he was willing to sacrifice everything for his angel Mercedes, T-Ray would come back to toy with him. Wade freaks out when he sees what T-Ray is doing with Mercedes.
T-Ray explains that he would come back to torture Deadpool, and force him to watch how he takes everything away from him. Forever. He turns Mercedes into his image, complete with leather costume! Wade freaks out. T-Ray also hopes that Deadpool doesn’t mind that he brought an audience. Mercedes notices several people appearing in front of them, all looking angrily at Deadpool and wants to know who they are. Deadpool recognizes Widdle Wade, Makeshift and Rive and all the others. These are the people that he killed! T-Ray welcomes Wade into his life.
Deadpool crumbles, hoping that this isn’t real. He doesn’t remember there being so many people, and falls on his feet, not believing what he has done. T-Ray tells his beloved Mercedes to look at Deadpool. He explains to her that he has given her a new life, access to his own dark powers, and now he wants to prepare her for his final gift. Deadpool wonders when he found the time to become so bad. T-Ray claims that together, they will crush utterly the spirit of the man who has once destroyed their heaven. T-Ray asks Deadpool how it feels to know how close he came to actually turning over the whole tree. How close he became to becoming a good man with a good wife with a future, just to have it all torn a way by his very own monstrous path.
Deadpool starts to laugh, pounding his fists onto the snow, telling T-Ray that he’s killing him. Mercedes sarcastically smiles that Deadpool doesn’t seem so crushed to her. T-Ray can’t understand that. He has taken everything away from Deadpool and has broken him! The spirits of all the people he killed are there to tear him apart and still, he laughs?! Deadpool continues to laugh, joking he dropped his appendix. T-Ray demands to know what’s so funny!
Deadpool gets up and apologizes. He jokes that Grammy always said it was rude to laugh at stupid people. He agrees to tell “Wade” what he is laughing about: squirrels and coconuts. Deadpool believes that T-Ray spent his whole pathetic life working to whip together this little reunion like a Martha Stewart on acid, figuring to break his sprit, and for one second, it worked. T-Ray did it. He had him ready to leap up and impale himself on the nearest circus midget. But then something happened… a synapse fired open and Deadpool had what born-agains and alcoholics like to call a moment of clarity.
Deadpool asks T-Ray if he ever saw that old cartoon with the squirrel who’s trying to eat the coconut. It’s the one with Chuck Jones, he thinks. This squirrel finds a coconut and thinks that he’s hit the giant acorn mother load. Only one bad thing: he can’t crack the nut. It’s too hard. So he gets a jack hammer, he throws it down stairs, runs it over with a truck even but nothing happens. Finally, the little guy pushes this monster up a gazillion stairs all the way up to the Empire State Building and heaves it. Crack. Slowly, the shell peels back, and what does he find inside? Another coconut shell!
That squirrel is in cartoon hell. And Deadpool believes that squirrel is him. He explains that, every time he gets a shot at saving the world, or doing right or waving the truth and justice flag instead of gutting a guy, he does it. And every time, he gets the shaft for his trouble. Every time, there’s another coconut shell he has got to crack. But just like that squirrel, in another month or so, the cartoon reruns, and he tries again. T-Ray did messed up his head by showing him what a dirtbag he has been in his lifetime, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s still trying to be a better person today. He is giving it a shot.
And at the end of the day, Deadpool is winning and he wouldn’t have things any other way. Except for Mercedes. And only her, what happened to her, Deadpool knows that wasn’t right. For that, he will always be sorry. He thinks he will always have a big fat hole into his soul. He knows it doesn’t make it any better, but he hopes Mercedes understands that the Deadpool that is now had to make big mistakes to make small progress. He explains that, when someone lived a life like his, the small victories are the ones that count. He just wants her to remember that, when is looking back in anger at this moment, that she has gotten a second chance there today. Deadpool suggest that she uses it and doesn’t mess it up like him or T-Ray has.
Deadpool shouts at the angry army of hell that he wouldn’t apologize to them if they threatened him to consign him to spend all eternity smothered in chocolate sauce and trapped in a Roseanne Barr/Star Jones sandwich. He is glad that they are dead. If he could he would kill them all again. If he would go back in time he would look their mothers give birth at them and even kill them once over! Deadpool explains that he wasn’t born this way: he was made into it, just like T-Ray was. And he didn’t bring his wife back to fall in love with her murderer just to torture the guy.
Mercedes can’t believe she has been brought back for this. She uses T-Ray’s powers for herself and pushes him towards the army of hell. She gives part of the magic to Wade and he starts fighting T-Ray with it. Deadpool wants to kill T-Ray with the magic, but Mercedes refuses to let that happen. She isn’t a monster like the two of them. She feels used and kicks Deadpool for killing her. She goes to stand besides T-Ray and explains that first, they will go rescue Ilaney from the hell they put her in, but isn’t sure what she’s going to do afterwards. T-Ray explains that there are a million more worlds out there and suggests they start on those ones. And, Deadpool can keep the Wade Wilson name: T-Ray doesn’t want it anymore, claiming it’s the name of a loser. Mercedes teleports herself and T-Ray away.
The army of hell starts running towards Deadpool and they begin to fight. Deadpool shoots his way through, joking that this is even better than he thought. The army quickly outnumbers him and starts ripping Wade apart, before everything turns black.
After having a nice dream about Heidi Klum, Wade wakes up in a blue suit in an Alice in Wonderland-like landscape. A voice thinks it’s about time he woke up, as she doesn’t like waiting. She jokes that it has been a while since they saw each other since Wade hasn’t died for a while now. And he looks good enough to eat. Wade recognizes Death, thinking he bit the big bite again. It’s funny, since it didn’t hurt as much as last time. This must mean he’s getting good at it.
Death claims that’s hardly the case. She jumped in the battle and stopped the clock for Wade as a welcome back present. But he doesn’t need to worry: he isn’t dead, it’s all just temporarily. She touches his shoulders, but Wade is confused and in the name of all Grim Reapers, demands an explanation. Not to be rude or anything, but he was looking forward to rest for a change. Death claims that Wade can thank his healing factor for keeping his body mostly intact, but more than that, the big wigs in the sky took a vote and decided Deadpool has to go back, and isn’t done suffering just yet.
Deadpool thinks Death must be kidding, as he hasn’t done anything but suffering lately. He thinks he has suffered quite enough. But Death doesn’t think so. He hasn’t even seen the last of it! There are big plans in store for him. People will even write tragedies about what Wade is about to go through. It’s all part of Wade’s “redemption file.” Death apologizes for it, but those are simply the rules. Deadpool feels sorry about that as he had a nice spot picked out for the two of them in the land of cancelled heroes. But he is confused: if he isn’t dead, he wants to know why he can see her.
Death reveals that Deadpool is dead for a 99% dead percentage. He’s dead for at least thirty days and, for as far as she can tell, he belongs to her. So she thought that maybe they could take a month and make out like pubescent rabbits. Wade agrees but wants Death to promise she won’t be gentle. She promises she won’t be, and they start making love in a beautiful grass field.
