As Deadpool’s pirate boat drifts on the ocean, one of his inner voices wonders why they do it. When his other inner voice questions what it means, the first voice replies that it means why they hurt themselves. Deadpool is sat on the deck of his boat with a hunting knife in his thigh. Blood pours from the wound into a wooden bucket. The second voice says that it doesn’t hurt that much, at which point Deadpool utters a moan of pain. The first voice retorts and says that it does hurt.
The second voice concedes and admits it does but adds that at least it’s exciting. The first voice says they could get a hobby to avoid the boredom. The second voice replies that they shoot people to which the first voice point out that it’s not a hobby. Deadpool takes the knife out of his leg and stands up. As the second voice suggests fishing as a hobby, Deadpool picks up the bucket of blood and tosses its contents into the water.
The first voice asks what they are fishing for. As the fridge on the boat sits empty, the second voice tells it that they are fishing for what they need. The first voice poses the question, are they fishing for what they need or what they want? The second voice says that it’s the same thing but the first voice objects and says that it’s not… not to them it isn’t. Getting what they need would be easy and boring.
Within the boat, a number of pieces of fishing equipment such as rods and harpoons are secured to the walls. Nevertheless, a shirtless Deadpool dives into the water and rhetorically asks his inner voices if they know what is boring. Before they can answer, he replies “immortality.”
Becoming annoyed, the first inner voice asks how many times are they going to put themselves in ridiculously dangerous situations, most of which they create themselves, for little to no reason or gain. It then asks if that’s what they really want.
As Deadpool submerges in the water, numerous sharks swarm around him, attracted by the blood. The second inner voice suggests that maybe they just like the attention. The first voice agrees that they like the attention but asks who it’s coming from. As one shark swims towards Deadpool, his second voice says they like the attention from whoever is paying it. The first voice makes a realization that it’s tragic that they are the only mercenary in the world who would be happy if he were paid in attention rather that money. But what’s really tragic is what they do to the people that give the attention.
The open mouthed shark swims at Deadpool ,but before it can take a bite, Deadpool pulls out a gun and shoots it in the head, spraying blood and flesh throughout the water. Deadpool hauls the shark carcass on board the boat and lands it on deck with a thud. His first inner voice points out what they really want is what they can never have.
Deadpool replaces his mask and announces that dinner’s ready. He turns to see Death sat at a dinner table with a candelabrum in the middle. Death is nothing but a skeleton dressed in robes and holding a glass of red wine. Deadpool asks if she likes sushi but she points out that sushi actually means “with rice.” As Deadpool pours her some more wine, she says she read it on a menu at a teppanyaki place in San Francisco. When Deadpool asks if it was Tako Maki, he realized he went there too. Then it dawns on him that the Death he is seeing isn’t real and it’s just a hallucination.
Deadpool lies down next to the shark carcass and one of his inner voices asks what the plan is. Deadpool reaches his hand into the air and says that he doesn’t know. Maybe he will just lie here and let the sun cook his flesh into jerky, then watch as the seagulls pick him apart and take him away to strange new lands. Without its mouth moving, the dead shark suddenly speaks and sarcastically tells him that’s original. Slightly offended, Deadpool asks the shark what it means by that. It replies and tells Deadpool that’s its plan and he should get his own. Deadpool starts to protest that he is original and everything he does is original but the shark turns it around and tells him what he is… is alone.
Deadpool denies it and tells the shark he has friends… Weasel, Blind Al and Bob. The shark summarizes that it must be Deadpool’s friend too, since it gave him what he needed when he needed it. Deadpool becomes annoyed and tells it he doesn’t like being judged. The shark agrees and points out that being judged is the only thing Deadpool is afraid of. Deadpool denies it and tells the shark he is not afraid of that or anything for that matter. He says that he is ugly and weird and maybe his brain is deformed. His inner voices chirp up at being called deformed and get offended. He says that he accepts these facts though and that it’s not his problem… it’s other peoples. The shark tells him it is his problem and asks Deadpool how anyone can accept him for what he is when he never shows anyone what he really is. Deadpool says it’s not like he is the only guy running around in a mask.
Deadpool’s inner voices suddenly reach an epiphany with his last statement. Realizing what his voices are pointing towards Deadpool gets alarmed and tells them he has hung around with the spandex crowd before and it didn’t exactly work out. The shark poses another question… was that because they didn’t accept him or was it that he didn’t accept them? He is only going to get as much out of the relationship as he puts in. Becoming angry, he realizes that when he is getting advice from a big fish it’s time to… re-evaluate. When Deadpool asks how he starts, the shark tells him to get on the big boat. He looks up and sees a cruise liner has pulled up next to his boat and is in the process of launching a life raft. Startled, he wonders where it came from and why the people on board are staring at him. The voices in his head point out that it’s because he needs help. Finally admitting defeat, he decides to get on the big boat.
Later, on board the ship, the captain enters the doctor’s room where Deadpool is being kept and asks the doctor how he is. The doctor replies that he can’t tell, as his vitals are reading as normal, which is a lot better than they should be given his obvious physical damage. He points to an unconscious Deadpool, who is lying on a bed with tubes in his nose and a drip attached. Viewing him without his costume, the doctor and captain observe his deeply scarred body. Taken aback, the captain asks how long the doctor thinks he was out there for. The doctor says he can’t tell because he skin is so incredibly scarred… he was literally cooked by the sun but somehow survived. He goes on to say Deadpool is sedated and is having fluids given to him until the port call in the morning.
Deadpool suddenly speaks and says he doesn’t want any mayonnaise as it’ll frighten the children. The two men smile at Deadpool’s delirious state and the captain asks what kind of drugs he is being given. The doctor tells him the good kind and says that there is no idea what is going through his head right now.
(delirium)
Thanos, dressed in a green, short sleeve shirt and wearing a flower garland around his neck, grabs Deadpool by the hand. He takes him through the crowd of other happy tourists onto the cruise ship. Deadpool protests that he doesn’t want to go because he will miss the break dancing competition. Thanos tells his it’s tough luck, as he is there to find love. On board the boat, they are greeted by Death, who is sporting a bob-like blonde hairstyle and wearing a smart suit. As confetti rains from the sky, she waves to the passengers as they come on. Deadpool remarks at how beautiful she is but is interrupted by Captain America dressed as a ship’s captain. He invites them to dine at the captain’s table. Deadpool realizes that Captain America should be dead and asks for some I.D.
Back in the doctor’s room, the captain asks the doctor if Deadpool has any identification. The doctor reaches into a bag and pulls out Deadpool’s mask and tells the captain it’s the only thing he had on him. Alarmed, the captain asks the doctor if he realizes who the man is. When the doctor admits he doesn’t, the captain reminds him about “the Skrull thing at the baseball stadium.” He goes on to say Deadpool is probably the most wanted and hated man on the planet. He tells the doctor to call the coast guard… he wants the traitor off the boat.
In Deadpool’s dreams, Cyclops and Spider-Man, dressed as crew members on the boat, grab Deadpool by the hands. Deadpool tells them to take it easy and asks where the love is. A voice calls out and tells him it’s over here. He turns to see Thanos and Death in an embrace. He asks Death if she is serious but she just tells him that Thanos has the moves. He tells her that he has the moves and, when he becomes the world’s freshest break dancer, she will be begging him to be her boyfriend. Spider-Man sarcastically tells him that he is going to make a splash as they stand next to an open railing at the side of the cruise ship. A canned laughter sound is heard and, as Deadpool starts deriding it and declaring himself funnier than Spider-Man, he is pushed off the ship.
As he lands in the water, his inner voices wonder if he is still hallucinating. As two coastguard boats head towards him, he looks around and sees the Golden Gate Bridge. He wonders of that really is San Francisco and the voices in his head confirm it is. As he stares at the city, he also wonders if it is really being attacked by well-known breakfast cereal mascots. When the voices tell him no, he realizes he is still hallucinating a little bit. With that, he starts swimming towards shore confident in the knowledge he will fit right in.
Later on, with the sun shining overhead, Deadpool roller-skates down a street. He is dressed in a small purple tank top and purple shorts and wearing sunglasses and a cap. With a big smile on his face, he shows off his scarred skin for all to see. One of his inner voices asks if this is supposed to help them fit in. Deadpool confidently replies “yup,” to which the voice asks how he figures that. He replies that he saw it on TV whilst the other voice comments that it’s awfully stereotypical.
The smile is wiped off his face when he realizes that a group of teenagers are staring at him. The kids laugh and one of them shouts over, insults him and tells him he looks dumb. His inner voices start arguing about whether to kill the kids. Deadpool finally reaches the middle ground and decides to break their arms, which pleases both voices. As he starts to make his way over to them, he wobbles a bit on his skates and puts his hands out to brace himself. As he does, so a girl suddenly gives him a high-five. He turns around to see the girl and a guy away driving on a moped. The girl yells to Deadpool and tells him he is beautiful and the guy says not to let anyone else convince him otherwise.
As they drive away Deadpool stands there stunned at what just happened. His inner voices realize that they were just called beautiful and a smile appears on his face. He decides to go celebrate his beauty with alcohol at a local bar.
When he walks into a bar named “The Fleet Tavern,” he realizes he is being stared at again. The bar is full of sailors and all have them have stopped what they are doing and are staring at Deadpool. He tries making small talk by commenting on how hot it is.
A short time later, police cars screech to a halt in front of the tavern and the officers set up a perimeter around the premises. One of the officers announces they are from the S.F.P.D. and demand he comes out with his hands up.
Inside, Deadpool is sat at the bar with a pint of beer as the bodies of the unconscious sailors lie around him. As he feels sorry for himself, he muses on the fact he has been there six hours and already he is propagated an offensive stereotype, got heckled by kids and created a hostage situation. He’ll never be anything other than what he is, so what’s the point? With that, he decides to give up.
Suddenly, his attention is drawn to the flat screen TV above the bar. On it, Cyclops, Emma Frost and Namor can be seen. Cyclops introduces himself and tells the audience not to be scared. He goes on to say that he has rejected Norman Osborn’s pogroms against mutants and they reject the hate crimes of Trask and his ilk. The United States wanted them gone, so they have. They won’t be pushed, prosecuted, persecuted or punished any further.
As Deadpool stares up at the TV, one of his inner voices realizes it’s like Cyclops is talking to him. Deadpool agrees and says that Cyclops is telling him what to do next. When his other inner voice asks what that is, Deadpool replies that he is going to join the X-Men.
