Bob, Agent of Hydra, is dressed in a parrot costume that Deadpool has made him wear. He is stood outside of the changing rooms to a beachwear shop, talking to Kalani, who is trying on outfits. From inside the changing room, she asks if it’s really necessary but Bob tells her that it’s Captain Mr. Wilson’s orders. He tells her that all the crew members must be in uniform… just look at him. Suddenly remembering that Kalani is blind, he apologizes for the remark.
Still inside the changing room, she tells him not to worry, as she has heard that a lot. She says that if wearing this get-up means his mercenary friend will save the island from the pirates, then it’s worth it. With that, she opens the curtains and steps out, asking Bob if she looks as uncomfortable as she feels. Bob stares at her wide eyed as she stands there dressed in a bright, pink, sexy pirate costume.
Deadpool suddenly enters and quietly gets Bob’s attention. He gets up close to Bob and tells him not to look but the chick over there has been giving him the sexy face ever since he walked in. Bob looks to where Deadpool is pointing and sees nobody there except for a scantily dressed female manikin. As Deadpool tells him off for looking, Bob points out that it’s a manikin. Deadpool tells him he knows but he was thinking of asking her to join his crew in the hope that it will make what’s-her-name jealous.
(Later)
Deadpool, Kalani and the manikin are in dinghy that is being rowed by an exhausted looking Bob. As Deadpool talks to the manikin, Bob tells him they would get to the boat faster if they used the motor that it attached to the back of the dinghy. Completely ignoring him, Deadpool quietly asks him if Kalani is looking. When Bob points out that she is blind, Kalani speaks up and tells them that her hearing works just fine. Deadpool suddenly exclaims “hey,” which causes Bob to cower down, afraid that he will be beaten with the teaching stick. Instead, Deadpool asks where his ship is. Kalani asks if he is asking her and when he says yes she suggests that maybe pirates took it. When Deadpool asks where the pirates would have taken the boat, Kalani says if she had to guess she would say…
(A Pirate Cove)
Deadpool’s boat is moored just off the beach in a sheltered cove. Standing on the bow of the boat with his crew around him, Wackbeard the pirate exclaims that it’s the raddest pirate ship ever. As he stands there admiring it, one of his crew comes up from below deck and calls Wackbeard by his name. Seeing the smile come off Wackbeard’s face, the crew member suddenly remembers that no-one is supposed to refer to him as Wackbeard. He apologizes and tells him that there is something he needs to see below deck. As Wackbeard heads off into the boat, he orders one of his other pirates to shoot the man who just brought the message.
As Wackbeard enters the cargo hold, a gunshot is heard from outside. He walks towards some other pirates going through Deadpool’s cargo and asks what is it he needs to see… but he stops mid-sentence and swears when he sees a treasure chest full of gold coins. His crew member tells him that all the chests are full of them. Wackbeard peers into one of the chests and muses to himself about all of these years of being taunted about his inability to grow a proper beard. He grabs a hand full of coins and throws them in the air whilst shouting “How do you like me now?”
He is suddenly distracted by more shouting coming from outside. Bob stands in his parrot costume on one of the cliffs overlooking the cove. He shouts down to the pirates on the boat and tells them they have made a fearful mistake of commandeering the vessel that belongs to Captain Mr. Wilson. Also known as Deadpool. Also known as scourge o’the…
Bob suddenly forgets his lines and turns to Kalani, who is hiding in the undergrowth, for a cue. Looking exasperated, she tells him “seven” and he continues his announcement, with his wings outstretched. Wackbeard and the other pirates look up at him as he tells them to prepare to be boarded. One of the pirates who had been looking through some binoculars tells Wackbeard that there is a vessel approaching. He takes the binoculars and looks through them at the vessel. He sees a figure standing up holding a sword on a dinghy. Wackbeard figures it must be the scourge o’the pool. The pirate who just handed him the binoculars tells him he must want his boat back. Wackbeard thinks that won’t be happening and tells his crew to see what this tub can do. His pirates go to the various guns mounted on the boats and fire them at the dinghy.
Covering their ears from the sound of gunfire, Kalani asks Bob if the plan is working. Bob looks down to the dinghy to see it being sprayed with bullets. The gunfire stops but the figure is still standing upright on the dinghy and still holding the sword. Slightly confused, Wackbeard orders the men to fire again. They do so with another loud roar of gunfire. After they stop a second time, Wackbeard looks through his binoculars to see the boat and the figure still there. “Un-freakin’-believable,” he mutters to himself and Deadpool’s voice comes from behind him saying he knows. On the dinghy, the manikin that Deadpool picked up earlier is now dressed in his costume and holding one of his swords. As a costume-less Deadpool, who is dripping with water, goes up behind Wackbeard, Bob turns to Kalani and tells her the plan is working.
Deadpool grabs a knife from Wackbeard’s belt and then kicks him in the face, sending him flying backwards onto the deck. He starts to advance on the other pirates with his knife as they arm their guns. He asks them if they want to do this the hard way, which causes the men to look confused at each other and point out that they have the guns. Deadpool tells them that here is the bad news and with that quickly cuts off their hands that were holding the guns. He points out that the good news is that they can now have hook-hands. He shouts “not you though” and quickly spins around and throws the knife at one of the other pirates who was lining Deadpool up in the sites of a machine gun. The knife impales the man and he falls down onto the deck below.
Deadpool turns to the other pirates and tries to come up with a witty one-liner. As he does so, Wackbeard slyly pulls the knife from the man Deadpool just killed. After Deadpool’s one-liner fails, he tells the remaining crew that there is some more good news… he is going to let them live. As the men huddle together, bleeding from their missing hands, Deadpool tells them they are going to spread the word that Jallarka is now officially a non-pirate zone. Before he can finish, though, Wackbeard creeps up behind him and slices his right leg off.
As Deadpool stands there, with blood gushing from his leg, Wackbeard asks if he had plans for that leg. When he tells him he was going to kick his ass with it, he asks the voices in his head for a judgment on his one-liner. As they pick apart the logistics of it, Deadpool mutters to himself. Wackbeard asks if Deadpool is talking to him. When he says he isn’t, Wackbeard orders his men to pick up some guns. But before he can finish his orders, his men jump overboard and swim to their own ship, moored a little way off. Wackbeard goes to the railings on the boat and shouts “mutiny” after them. Deadpool goes up behind him and tells him here is the kicker… and with that he uses his cut-off leg and hits Wackbeard with it, sending him overboard.
Deadpool tells his inner voices to see how he tied it all up in the end and made it work. His voices point out though that’s not what he should have been tying up. With blood still pouring from his wound, the voices tell him “the femoral artery…” just as Deadpool collapses.
As Deadpool regains consciousness, one of his inner voices wonders what it is he tastes. As he opens his eyes and sits up, he realizes the taste is corn chips. Deadpool is lying on a bunk within the boat with Bob kneeling next to him and a packet of opened chips on the floor. Deadpool holds his head and sees the open packet of chips. He swears and asks Bob if he gave him mouth to mouth. Bob tells him that, although the bleeding had stopped, Deadpool still wasn’t breathing so he figured... Before he can finish, Deadpool puts his hand over his mouth and runs to the nearby toilet and promptly vomits into it. In between heaves, he asks Bob how long he was out for. When Bob tells him he was out for maybe 2 hours, he asks what he missed. Bob nervously thinks about that for a second.
(Maybe Two Hours Ago)
Deadpool is lying unconscious in a pool of blood on the deck of his boat. Bob, now standing on the boat too, tells Kalani, who is climbing on board, to take the wheel, Bob goes to one of the guns mounted onto the boat and fires it at Wackbeard’s nearby boat. After some vigorous gunfire, he stops to view the damage but realizes he completely missed the boat. He goes to Kalani, who has taken control of the boat, and tells her that have to get out of here.
(Now)
Bob lies and tells Deadpool not much happened. Deadpool goes to Kalani, who is still at the controls of the boat, and asks where they are. She asks him why he keeps asking her questions like that because she’s blind. Hearing a thud, thud, thud sound she asks what the noise is. Deadpool tells her it’s a peg leg and then asks how pirate is that? She replies that it depends…is it a toilet plunger? Looking down at his missing leg and the toilet plunger he has replaced it with, he quickly replies that it isn’t.
As their boat sails away, Deadpool points out to Bob that Wackbeard’s ship is following them. He then orders the boat to be turned around so they can blow their faces off. When Kalani asks what he is going to use, Deadpool tells her guns. She tells him that they don’t have any bullets and Bob confesses that he tried blowing their faces off but it didn’t go so well. He says he went down into the hold to get more ammo but found out there wasn’t any more because Deadpool had got rid of it all to make room for the gold.
Deadpool admits that he thought that decision might come back to haunt him. Bob points to a torpedo strapped to the wall and tells Deadpool they still have that. He tells Deadpool that, if anyone can do it, he can. Deadpool puts his arm on Bob’s shoulder and tells him he appreciates the fawning but torpedoes are only good against big vessels and Wackbeard’s ship is too small. Deadpool suddenly realizes something and walks onto the deck. He looks out to sea, realizes it looks familiar and tells Bob they are back in business. Bob approaches Deadpool and tells him, with all due respect, that it’s nothing but endless..!!! Deadpool cuts him off and reminds him of three things. One is he can do things other people can’t. Secondly he can see things other people can’t. And three… he is supposed to be talking like a parrot. With that, Deadpool removes him peg leg and hits Bob with it, just as Kalani comes out of the control room and tells them that they are out of fuel.
Putting down his binoculars, Wackbeard realizes that Deadpool is out of fuel. He turns to one of his crew and tells him to kill the engines and to keep out of range of their guns. The crew member asks him why they don’t just attack… they know their gunner can’t hit anything. Wackbeard tells him he doesn’t want to risk sinking the boat with all the gold on it. He will give them a few hours to consider their situation and then he will hail them over the radio and offer safe passage back to Jallarka in return for their gold. He crew members, now with bandaged up hands, ask if he thinks they will go for it. Wackbeard asks why not… They are stupid. When one of the crew mentions Deadpool, Wackbeard tells them he is just a land-lubbing amateur who has watched too many movies, they are dealing with Captain Crunch not Captain Kirk.
Meanwhile, Deadpool and his crew have armed and loaded the torpedo. Once it is ready, he gives the order to fire. After nothing happens for a few seconds, Kalani asks if something is supposed to be happening. Deadpool tells her to wait for it. When she asks what she is waiting for, Deadpool tells her the best way to explain would be in a flashback.
(Days Ago)
Deadpool is talking to the Russian men who sold him the boat. He tells them he sunk the nuclear submarine they sold him.
(Now)
The torpedo that Deadpool has fired wasn’t aimed at Wackbeard’s ship. Instead, it heads to some craggy rocks underneath Wackbeard’s ship. In the dark depths, the torpedo ironically hits the center of a radiation symbol on the ship’s hull. The small ting sound of the impact is followed by a colossal explosion complete with a skull and crossbones shaped mushroom cloud. The tsunami created by the blast picks up Deadpool’s boat and he and his crew ride the wave to safety.
Later on, the three of them are on a beach where Deadpool’s boat has been stranded, looking worse for wear. Kalani tells him that destructive tsunami wave aside, he saved Jallarka from the pirates. She turns and plants a big kiss on Bob’s cheek, much to both men’s surprise. She asks Bob if there is any chance of him giving up his seafaring ways and staying with her. He thinks for a moment and then remembers his wife back at home. He turns to Kalani and tells her that he’s married, much to her disappointment. He then asks Deadpool if he can get a ride home but Deadpool tells him no. He will have to make his own way home. With that, he throws one of the treasure chests full of gold on the sand and tells Bob that should help.
As Deadpool walks back to his shipm Bob asks what about him? As he tries to push his boat back out to sea, he tells Bob he is over the pirate and mercenary thing… and also over the having-more-money-than-he’ll-be-able-to-spend thing. To tell the truth, he actually liked helping somebody for once… Maybe he will do that next.
