Deadpool (3rd series) #9

Issue Date: 
June 2009
Story Title: 
Magnum Opus (Part 3): Hard To Get

Daniel Way (Writer), Paco Medina (Pencils), Juan Vlasco (Inker), Marte Gracia (Colors), VC’s Cory Petit (Letters), Jason Pearson (Cover), Anthony Dial (Production), Jody Leheup (Assistant Editor), Axel Alonso (Editor), Joe Quesada (Editor-in-chief), Dan Buckley (Publisher), Alan Fine (Executive Producer)

Brief Description: 

At the derelict smelting plant, Deadpool has got Black Widow at gunpoint. After they flirt a little, Paladin intervenes and shoots Deadpool but the merc manages to teleport away. He rendezvous with Taskmaster at a warehouse and they come up with a plan which involves Taskmaster dressing up as Deadpool. Deadpool then hires a plane and puts his phone number on a banner flying behind it. The Black Widow phones Deadpool and both sides use software to pinpoint each other’s locations, after which the Black Widow sends the other Thunderbolts to Deadpool’s location. Deadpool, however, is flying in the plane and he blows their van up. He teleports back to the warehouse and then to where Black Widow is. After a short fight, he teleports away again and meets up with Taskmaster. The two men then split up. Deadpool stays on the street fighting the Thunderbolts and the Taskmaster hunts down the Black Widow. He finds her on the roof of the building, about to leave in a plane. He convinces her to fly away in the plane with him but, when he boards it, she traps him inside as the other Thunderbolts arrive.

Full Summary: 

Deadpool stands in a derelict smelting plant with a machine gun aimed at the Black Widow. One of his inner voices asks him if he just asked if the Black Widow has a boyfriend and then mocks him by asking if he is fourteen.

The Black Widow offers Deadpool some advice… most women do not respond well to sexual advances made at gunpoint. A little confused at this Deadpool says he has a knife if that’s better. He then gets it out to show her. Walking towards him, the Black Widow says she is not like most women and actually prefers a gun. “Freaky deaky” Deadpool replies. She gets up close to Deadpool, embraces him and whispers in his ear that he has no idea. She then tells him he never will and with that she knees him hard in the groin.

Much to her surprise, the Widow recoils due to a pain in her knee, at which point Deadpool draws a smaller gun out and tells her that is a gun in his pants but it doesn’t mean he isn’t happy to see her. She smiles at his joke and a confused Deadpool asks what that was about. She tells him nothing and to shut his mouth. He asks he if she is afraid he will make her laugh again and she replies yes and then tells him the answer is no. Confused, Deadpool asks “what?” and she repeats “no” and then tells him she doesn’t have a boyfriend.

Just as one of Deadpool’s inner voices gets excited, Paladin jumps out from behind him firing his guns. Deadpool is shot in the shoulder, causing him to drop the gun he was holding and he starts to run away. Black Widow orders Paladin to take the right side and flank him. One of Deadpool’s inner voices becomes excited at the prospect of being flanked but the other one points out that it’s not a good thing. Deadpool heads towards a ventilation tunnel and Paladin follows. Paladin readies himself at the corner of the tunnel and then quickly turns and aims both guns into it. But Deadpool is gone, only a pool of blood remains. The Black Widow tells him to hold his fire, summarising that he has teleported away. “Damn!” the Paladin exclaims but then comments that the Black Widow doesn’t have a boyfriend, huh? Walking away, she exasperatedly asks if he is fourteen.

In an unoccupied office building in lower Manhattan, Deadpool is sitting on a wooden crate, attempting to pick the bullet out of his shoulder using a hunting knife. She says him and her are so alike and that they are both into guns. As he flinches with the pain he continues and says that they both like kicking people. As he finally gets the bullet out, another voice tells him that they both have faces that make children cry. The voice belongs to the Taskmaster and he corrects himself and says that it’s just Deadpool’s that does that.

Deadpool retorts and says he is one to talk with that skeleton face on his… face. Taskmaster replies that his is a mask that he can take off, which causes Deadpool to swear at him. Deadpool continues and asks what kind of name is Taskmaster. He tells the man it sounds like something you would order off a late night infomercial. Taskmaster becomes to get annoyed and when Deadpool keeps mocking him, he starts to walk away. Deadpool hurriedly tells him to wait and that he thinks they can make it work. Taskmaster stops and asks if he means his plan. Deadpool corrects him and says he meant the Black Widow and him. He doesn’t care if Taskmaster leaves but if he wants to get paid… silly paid… then he should stick around. “And put this back on” he says holding out one of his spare costumes.

As the Taskmaster puts on Deadpool’s costume, he tells the merc that he can forget about him going back into the Avengers Tower. Behind him, Deadpool pulls out a rocket launcher from one of the wooden crates that scatter the warehouse. He tells Taskmaster he has some great stuff. Taskmaster asks Deadpool if he heard him and, when he realises he isn’t listening, he takes the rocket launcher off him. He tells Deadpool that he does indeed have some great stuff and it’s all expensive. He informs the merc that he will be keeping track of everything he uses and the bill will be added onto his cut at the end.

Distracted, Deadpool mutters “whatever,” which annoys the Taskmaster. Deadpool finally confirms that he understands the deal as he finds a small box that peaks his interest. He gets a laptop out of the box and sets it down on a crate. He asks the Taskmaster if he has triangulation software loaded into it and, when he says it has, Deadpool tells him that he can make this thing work. Taskmaster asks if Deadpool meant the plan to squeeze Norman Osborn or if he was talking about the Black Widow again. Deadpool hesitates for a second and then tells him both.

In the Oscorp Diplomatic Suite, the Black Widow sits, with a drink in hand, in front of her laptop in a luxury suite. Paladin walks up to her and asks if she is doing some research on Deadpool. He then makes air quotation marks as he says “familiarisation with the target?” On the computer screen an image of Deadpool is displayed as she turns to him and tells him that’s exactly what she is doing. In a mocking tone, Paladin says “sure.” Black Widow gets right up close to his face and asks him if he has anything to ask her…. or is he afraid?

The other Thunderbolts, who have been watching the interaction, snigger. Just then a holographic image of Norman Osborn appears and gets their attention. He tells them that he is obviously disappointed that they let Deadpool escape and then tells them to cheer him up by saying they have a remedy to the situation. Black Widow informs him they have a plan of attack but the tracer Ant-Man put on Deadpool has been compromised. “Is that so?” Osborn replies and with that he looks out the window and tells them that perhaps they should call him and ask. As the Thunderbolts also look out the window, they see a small plane with a banner trailing from behind it that reads “BW ♥’s DP Call 212-555-4685.” With that Osborn tells Black Widow he believes there’s a question he would like to ask her. As Osborn ends the transmission, he tells them that he doesn’t want any disappointments this time.

With a small device in his hand, Ghost tells Black Widow that the triangulation is up and running. Black Widow then calls the number on the banner and Deadpool answers. He asks her if she saw the banner and she tells him she is looking at it now. She then tells him his voice sounds different. He quickly tells her they have a bad connection and he will call her back. With that he hangs up. Black Widow turns to Ghost and asks where he is. He tells her Broadway and Pine. At Broadway and Pine, the Taskmaster, dressed as Deadpool, sits at his triangulation device. He speaks into a phone and says Twenty-Third and Lex.

The Thunderbolts, who are at Twenty-Third and Lex, mobilise for action. Black Widow assumes that Deadpool is using a triangulation device too so she tells the rest of the team she will stay there. She tells Ant-Man to take the Oscorp van from the parking garage. Before she can finish issuing the orders, Ant-Man interrupts her and asks why he can’t take the Thunderstrike. She informs him that the Thunderstrike will bring too much attention to them and she doesn’t want Deadpool to know they are coming. She tells them that, when he calls back, she will keep him on the phone.

As the Thunderbolts leave the phone starts ringing. She answers and they say hello. When she says that it’s a much better connection Deadpool asks if it’s not too noisy. She tells him it’s fine and he says he just wanted to apologise for anything stupid he might have said earlier. When she says there is no need for an apology he replies “Cool. That’s cool. You’re cool.” He then tells her that he is nervous and his hands are shaking. He then asks her “what’s up?” at which point a loud BOOM gets her attention.

Over the radio, Paladin tells Black Widow they are under fire. Just then, the ground beneath their van explodes, sending the van into the air. Looking out of the window at the scene the Black Widow can only mutter “what the hell….?” On the other end of the phone, Deadpool asks if she is still there. He then tells her to hold on as he switches guns. He then hurriedly corrects himself and says hands… he meant hands.

On the street, gunfire rains down on the Thunderbolts as the crawl out the wreckage. Headsman crouches on the ground, bleeding from the knee. Paladin radios to Black Widow and tells her Headsman is down. Still in the suite, the Black Widow hears gunfire coming from the other end of the phone. She turns to see the plane with the banner overhead and gunfire coming from it and yells that Deadpool is in the plane.
In the cockpit of the plane, Deadpool denies it as he leans out of the window firing a machine gun down to the street below.

Just then, he accidentally drops his phone out the window. One of his inner voices tells him that lying is no way to begin a meaningful relationship. The other voice chips in and asks if a rocket attack is? Deadpool says this is harder than he thought it would be, at which point one of his inner voices says that they says the hardest part is landing the plane. Deadpool says that that’s why he isn’t going to even try as he aims the plane for the nearby river. He pulls out another small device and asks himself what the address was. As the plane hits the water, he remembers.

At Broadway and Pine, Deadpool teleports in and asks Taskmaster, who is sat in front of the triangulation equipment, if he is ready. When he confirms he is, Deadpool rings the Black Widow back. Once he gets a reply, Taskmaster give him the thumbs up and tells him she is still there. Deadpool tells her he thinks they got cut off earlier, to which she tells him the only thing that will get cut off is his head next time she sees him.

Suddenly, Deadpool appears in front of her and says he missed that last part but he heard something about head? The Black Widow quickly gets out a pistol and fires at him but she misses. Deadpool kicks her in the head which causes her to drop her gun. She retaliates by kicking him in the stomach and then trying to punch him. As she gets close to him, he kisses her in the lips, which causes her to reel back and ask why he just did that. He tells her that it’s because he loves her, whilst imagining her as Death. Just then, Paladin radios in and tells Black Widow that the plane is gone and they are returning to regroup. Deadpool teleports away but just before he does so he says don’t think he didn’t notice she kissed him back.

Deadpool teleports back to Broadway and Pine and tells Taskmaster he is making progress but the rest of the Thunderbolts are coming back. He then says one of them needs to get out there and slow them down. Before he can finish the Taskmaster quickly says “not it.” Deadpool tells him that’s not fair but Taskmaster replies and says it’s totally fair. Ignoring what he said, Deadpool walks up to him and tells him they are going to sort this out the fairest way possible… with rock-paper-scissors. The two men start to play the game.

Thirty seconds later, they both teleport out onto the street but Taskmaster tells Deadpool that it was a tough break and then says he will go hang out with the hot chick. As Taskmaster leaves, Deadpool arms his gun and mutters how nobody goes “scissors” and that he must have cheated. Just then, he spots the remaining Thunderbolts and blasts Paladin in the chest, sending him flying backwards.

Still dressed as Deadpool, Taskmaster makes it to the roof of Twenty-third and Lex. Black Widow is up there preparing to escape on the Thunderstrike. Slightly out of breath after the climb up the stairs, he points a gun at her. He then pretends to be surprised that she is leaving and says he thought they were making progress. She tells him he is a sick man but he just says that she likes that about him, right? She asks who he is and he says some people call him the space cowboy… some people call him the gangster of love. When she tells him she hates that song, he lowers his gun, gets up close to her and tells her that she doesn’t.

Just then, he is interrupted by Deadpool over the radio. In-between the sounds of gunfire and fighting, the merc tells him that if he is up there making out whilst he is down here getting his ass handed to him then…

But before he can finish, a loud crunch sound is heard and then Deadpool gets back to him and says he is out and that he has three minutes tops. The Black Widow turns to him and says when they get here they will kill him. The Taskmaster replies “only if we are here” and then points to the plane. He tells her that she can always say he kidnapped her. Giving in, she walks to the plane and tells him to get in. As he walks up the ramp onto the plane, she closes the doors behind him, trapping him inside. Banging on the windows, he says he thought they had something. The Black Widow, now surrounded by the other Thunderbolts, says they do have something… they have him.

Characters Involved: 



Black Widow II, Paladin, Headsman, Ghost, Ant-Man III (O’Grady) (all Thunderbolts)

(via holographic projection)

Norman Osborn

(in Deadpool’s imagination)


Story Notes: 

This is part 3 of a 4-issue crossover with the Thunderbolts. The first issue was Deadpool (3rd series) #8 and the story concludes in Thunderbolts (1st Series) #131.

Deadpool was assigned with infiltrating a Skrull base in Deadpool (3rd series) #1-3. He was to upload data from the base to Nick Fury to aid in taking down the Skrull invasion force, but the data was stolen by Norman Osborn before it reached Fury. As a result, Deadpool wasn’t paid for his job and Osborn became a national hero when he used the data to kill the Skrull Queen. In the aftermath of the invasion, Osborn was put in control of S.H.I.E.L.D and he also took control of the Avengers.

Deadpool broke into the Avengers tower in issue #8 in the attempt to get the money he lost from Osborn. However, once he got to the top of the tower, he realized Osborn wasn’t there… but his new team of Thunderbolts were.

Deadpool has had an infatuation with the Marvel personification of death for many years. It began in the Deadpool/Death Annual ’98 and was also detailed in Deadpool (2nd Series) #61-64.

“Some people call me the space cowboy, some people call em the gangster of love…” are lyrics from the song The Joker by the Steve Miller Band.

Issue Information: 
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