The Wrecking Crew stand ready to fight Deadpool and Spider-Man. Thunderball greets the two and threatens Spider-Man specifically, after which the Wrecker sarcastically asks who the other person is with him. Deadpool answers that some people call him Deadpool. Some call him the gangster of love. Some people call him Maurice, ‘cause she speaks of the pompatus of love. To this, Spider-Man adds that they asked.
Introductions made, the Wrecker turns to Tombstone, who is standing behind the Wrecking Crew, observing, and tells him that he didn’t need the entire Crew to fight these two. But, hey, it’s his dime. This said, the fight begins as Bulldozer charges at Spider-Man, who jumps out of the way. Simultaneously, Thunderball swings his wrecking ball at Deadpool, who remarks that he loves Thunderball’s threads – kinda like Absorbing Man-meets-Deion Sanders. Deadpool also continues to try and remind the Crew who he is.
Nearby, as Spider-Man is about to land on the ground, the Wrecker swings his crowbar and hits him so hard he catapults high into the air. As the distracted Deadpool watches this, Bulldozer charges into him from behind. Stunned but still conscious, the mercenary kneels on the ground as a large round shadow appears over him. He just manages to dive out of the way as Thunderball’s wrecking ball comes slamming down. Deadpool then leaps towards Piledriver with his sword raised high but the man catches it between his hands before it hits him. Pressing the advantage, the Wrecker then slams Deadpool across the face with his crowbar, ripping his mask open and spraying blood everywhere.
(interlude, “real” world)
Commenting on the page of the comic book on which the scene of Deadpool fighting the Wrecking is printed, a voice exclaims that’s gotta hurt. Another voice shouts for the man, Andrew, to come to dinner. Andrew replies back to his ma to cut him some slack. It’s Wednesday! His books just dropped! Leave him alone!
(end interlude)
Groaning from the blow, Deadpool collapses on the ground as Spider-Man finally lands nearby face first. Seemingly victorious, the Wrecker grabs Deadpool whilst telling him that his crew’s tandlged with Norse gods. Thyey never had a rat’s ass a chance. He then holds Deadpool up as Bulldozer charges into him. Piledriver then moves in for the finishing blow but, just as he is about to hit him, his arms is caught by webbing. Spider-Man then fires some more webbing at the Wrecker’s eyes, blinding him.
Spider-Man and Deadpool stand back to back as the Wrecking Crew regroups. Deadpool quips that this feels very “Lethal Weapon,” to which Spidey asks “one or two?” There was a sequel, Deadpool rejoins. He then asks back if Spider-Man has an ace up her sleeve, to which Spidey that he is a fly-by-his-pants kind of guy.
Just as the Crew begin attacking again, Piledriver and Bulldozer are hit by energy blasts and are thrown into some nearby scaffolding. The Wrecker and Thunderball look on confused but still up for the fight. Spider-Man and Deadpool look behind them as the Punisher arrives on a glider whilst being equipped with a mixture of Unicorn’s, Green Goblin’s and Klaw’s weapons and costumes. Deadpool exclaims that he never thought he would be happy to see the Punisher as the man glides forward and throws a pumpkin bomb towards the remaining Crew.
As the bomb releases a green gas, the Wrecker scorns the heroes, calling them both a buncha minor league wannabees. As Deadpool repeats aloud “wannabes,” the thinks to himself he has two books our right now, to which his other voice adds another next month. A moment later, Deadpool points out that the Wrecker doesn’t look so good as the man’s speech starts to slow down. Spider-Man points out that Hobgoblin’s Jack O’Lanterns have a very powerful knockout gas in them, to which Deadpool comments that it’s a very Golden Age trick. Very Steve Ditko. When Spider-Man acts confused, Deadpool dismissed with a “nothing.”
After the Wrecker and Thunderball fall to the floor in a daze, Deadpool picks up the Wrecker’s crowbar and smacks him across the face with it, knocking the man out completely. Deadpool then tells the Punisher to pee on the Crew, to which Spider-Man quickly objects.
(Meanwhile)
Tombstone runs up to a motorcycle on which sits his bodyguard and in which Conrad is sitting in its sidecar. Calling his henchman “D,” Tombstone remarks that they’re going to need to catch up later and then promptly throws his bodyguard out. He then drives off on the bike, leaving him standing there, exclaiming that Tombstone could have just asked. Just then, Deadpool shows up behind him, which causes the man to flee. Incredulous, Deadpool asks the overweight man if he’s really going to try to outrun him, to which the completely out of breath “D,” who has gone but a short distance, offers to take Deadpool to Tombstone.
Tombstone and Conrad arrive at a helicopter. Tombstone drags Conrad along and yells for him to hurry up. Conrad fights back, which causes Tombstone to ask if he has lost his mind. Finally having enough, Conrad starts yelling, saying that Tombstone has lost and he has won and that he doesn’t care if he gets killed anymore. Tombstone pulls out a gun and points it at Conrad, telling him to say what he just said again. Conrad says he doesn’t care and yells at Tombstone to shoot him! He’d be doing him a favor! End this nightmare for him!
At that moment, Deadpool appears in the background. Immediately, Tombstone swings the gun and fires at Deadpool, who dodges out the way. He then picks up Conrad and throws him into a pig pen, whilst telling the pigs to “come and get it.” Conrad yells for helps as the genetically modified pigs advance on him. Deadpool leaps into the pen to save him as Conrad kicks one of the pigs in the head. The pig’s head suddenly falls off, followed by the felling of a second as a sword plunged down through it. Deadpool then follows this by swinging his sword and killing the other pigs, noting that he’s having a real “Lord of the Flies” moment.”
Unfortunately for Deadpool, one of the pigs gets too close and bites his arm off, leaving only a stump with a splinter of bone sticking out. Before the pig can strike again, Conrad grabs Deadpool’s sword and stabs the pig through the head, killing it. When Deadpool tells him that he didn’t see that coming, Conrad tells Deadpool about the bet between him and Tombstone, that Tombstone could kill Deadpool. Conrad’s money was on Deadpool.
Hearing this, Tombstone snarls in anger but one of his gang convinces him to get out of there. As Tombstone heads towards the helicopter, Deadpool asks if that means that he killed all the people in the building for a bet, to which Tombstone tells him that’s how he rolls. Yeah, Deadpool agrees, like a punkass, gangsta wannabe.
Clearly angered, Tombstone ignores his pilot’s attempts to depart and asks what Deadpool just called him. Deadpool repeats himself slowly and further insults Tombstone by calling him a walking bottle of whiteout. Enraged, Tombstone starts to take off his jacket and advances on Deadpool. He throws Deadpool to the floor and tells him that, if he Wikipedia’d him, then he would have known that was a bad idea. Deadpool takes out him sword but it shatters against Tombstone’s forearm. Next, he just stands there when Deadpool shoots him point-blank in the head. Smiling, he tells Deadpool that was an even dumber mistake and then head-butts the mercenary.
As Deadpool lies unconscious on the floor, Tombstone bends down and remarks that his skin is diamond tough, which means his ass is invulnerable. Following this with a kick to the face, Tombstone begins to drag Deadpool away. Spotting Conrad nearby, Tombstone calls him a “cracker” and reminds him that their game isn’t over until it’s over. “You are so right,” the still-conscious remarks as he kicks out Tombstone’s legs from under him. Thanking him for the information on his powers, he jumps on the gangster and aims the sharp spike of bone sticking out his arm-stump at his eye. Deadpool guesses that Tombstone’s eyeball isn’t diamond-hard and that, if Deadpool drove the bone through it, Tombstone would die. Tombstone asks Deadpool what he wants, to which he replies that a confession will do. Tombstone says no-one will believe Deadpool, but just then Spider-Man, Daredevil and the Punisher show up.
(Soon)
John O’Shea is standing in his apartment, drinking some alcohol. Conrad walks in, looking disheveled but his father doesn’t turn around. Instead, he tells him how Conrad’s great-grandfather came to the country with nothing but a hunger in his stomach and a will of steel. He got off the boat and headed to the Brooklyn docks. “Big ups to Brooklyn,” Deadpool notes as he enters.
Ignoring him, Mr. O’Shea continues. He says how he worked at the docks, saved his money and bought small lots until, twenty years later, he had amassed a fortune. He tells Conrad that they are still living off the money to this day and that it’s been a blessing and a curse.
Holding a gun to Conrad’s back, Deadpool asks for the money that he is owed, after which Mr. O’Shea asks Conrad why he shouldn’t let Deadpool kill him and end his misery. Both Conrad and Deadpool are stunned by this but Mr. O’Shea persists. Conrad begs his father to pay Deadpool but his father asks what happens when Tombstone comes looking for his money in the future. Deadpool assures Mr. O’Shea that Tombstone has been sent to prison for a long time. Conrad continues to beg and says he will do anything that is asked of him; even marry that ugly Kennedy girl he’s been pushing on him!
His father pauses for a moment and then asks Deadpool to do two things for him. Firstly, he points Deadpool towards a briefcase full of money. Then he asks for him to let the police in on his way out. Deadpool tells him it was a pleasure doing business as he opens the door and lets some policemen in.
(Later)
Deadpool is standing behind Outlaw with his hands over her eyes. She asks if she can look now at which point Deadpool, after taking a moment to sniff her hair, removes his hands. She finds she is standing in a fully furnished apartment, complete with a couch that she loves. When Deadpool informs her that it’s her, that he bought it for her, she asks what does he mean. Everything, he replies. The couch, the Barcalounder, the apartment. Unable to take it all in, she asks if it is a joke. Not a joke, he tells her. He ruined her last place and got her bounced out of that crappy hotel. She has always been there for him and he wanted to do something nice for her. It’s not like he has that many friends.
Suspicious, she asks what the catch is; there’s always a catch. Joking, Deadpool asks, if the Punisher destroys his next place, can he crash there with her? The couch folds out into a bed. Embracing him, Outlaw tells Wade that she doesn’t know what to say. No one’s every done anything remotely like this for her before. A moment later, she lifts up his mask and kisses him. As she pushes him down on the bed, he tells her he didn’t buy the apartment for this. That’s why it’s happening, she replies as she takes off her top and gets on the bed with him. “Be gentle with me,” Wade coos.
