First Story
Westchester
Obnoxio the Clown shows up at the X-mansion, wearing tattered clothes, carrying a worn out satchel and smoking a cigar. The taxi driver that brought him peels off, angry he didn’t receive a tip for the $50 cab fare. Obnoxio yells after him that if he wants a tip don’t bet on horses.
Obnoxio walks towards the front door. He stares down at the address he wrote on a roll of toilet paper and thinks to himself how low he’s sunk. He’s not enthused to be providing entertainment for some girl’s birthday party, but “the old guy” offered him so much money that he couldn’t resist. He even called off on his regular night of shark fishing.
Unbeknownst to Obnoxio there’s a figure staring at him from behind a tree. The figure worries to himself that the clown will ruin his plans.
Inside, the mutant alarm system begins blaring. Xavier notes the signal alerting them to a nearby mutant presence. He hopes that whatever’s going on won’t ruin the surprise birthday party he has planned for Kitty. He even hired Kitty’s favorite clown from “Crazy” magazine to drop by for entertainment.
Suddenly, part of the Cerebro system overloads and causes an explosion that knocks Xavier over in his wheelchair onto the ground. Scott comes rushing in and finds his mentor unconscious on the floor. He wonders if this incident marks the beginning of an attack. He checks the back-up systems, which are still operational. He activates the security systems on the control panel and assures himself the X-Men are ready for an assault.
Outside, Obnoxio is at the door ringing the doorbell. He threatens to huff and puff and blow the house down if nobody answers. On the word “down” the floor mat opens up and Obnoxio drops through. He reminds himself to get the one he has back home fixed.
Inside, the X-Men gather and Cyclops fills them in on what happened to the Professor. Nightcrawler asks if they’re under attack. Wolverine informs him someone just registered getting thrown in one of the detention cells.
Outside again, the man who was hiding behind a tree finds a small access window to the mansion. He’s excited that the clown set off all the alarms and hopes he’ll distract the X-Men long enough. The mysterious figure morphs into a pile of strawberry ice cream and slides through the window crack. He tells the X-Men to beware for here comes the Eye-Scream.
In the sub-basement, Obnoxio is dazed, head spinning from the fall. He curses and thinks he broke his funny bone. He makes a joke that when Xavier told him to drop by he didn’t think he meant this. He starts going through his joke bag and finds some CO2 cartridges mean for his seltzer bottle. He jams a couple of them into the air-conditioning intakes and sticks the cherry end of his cigar against them. His plan works as the CO2 cartridges explode outward, making a large enough hole for him to step through.
As soon as he walks out he finds the X-Men waiting. He calls them the Legion of Super Pests. Cyclops tells him to stop where he is. Wolverine demands answers and Ororo threatens him with the power of Storm.
Nearby, Eye-Scream watches as the events unfold. He sneaks up the stairway while the X-Men’s concentration is on Obnoxio. He ponders his plans to destroy the X-Men for it’s their fault, with their flashy powers, that his power looks so ridiculous. He thinks that with them gone everyone will think his ability to change into any flavor ice cream will be admired by all.
He finds the entrance to the Danger Room control booth, something he heard about through the mutant grapevine. He turns the dial on his unstable molecule chest refrigeration unit and melts under the door.
Meanwhile, the X-Men converge on Obnoxio. Cyclops warns them they need to act as a team and plan, but Wolverine tells him to stuff the speeches. Obnoxio whips out a unicycle and rides away from the attack. Colossus, Cyclops and Wolverine miss Obnoxio and run into the wall. Colossus gets right back up and grabs Obnoxio’s hand. He thinks he has him, but receives a super-charged buzz from the buzzer in Obnoxio’s palm that sends him back to the floor.
Nightcrawler teleports in, blocking his path, but Obnoxio has something planned. He tosses some sneezing powder at him. Nightcrawler begins sneezing and teleporting over and over.
Up in the Danger Room control room, Eye-Scream watches the melee below. He’s amazed at how the clown is holding off the X-Men. Eye-Scream activates the Danger Room switch, which causes a mechanical hand to reach out and snatch Obnoxio from the battle. It drags him inside the Danger Room and Obnoxio comments that Xavier will be receiving a high bill for this one.
Cyclops tries blasting the outer door down, but it’s no use. Xavier created it to withstand his blasts during training. Storm voices her opinion that Obnoxio might not be the enemy they all think.
Inside the Danger Room, Obnoxio dodges a bunch of flamethrowers. He whips out the ol’ seltzer bottle and renders them all inoperable. Then laser beams and steel spikes test the clown’s mettle. He tosses some cream pies at the lasers, shorting them out. He thanks his years of training with Mack Sennett.
As if that wasn’t enough water starts pouring in on all sides. Soon the room is filled. Obnoxio starts losing consciousness. He thinks he might have one last chance to save himself.
Back outside the door, Storm emphasizes the need to get in there and save the clown, whether he is a friend or a foe. Wolverine starts hacking away at the entrance with his adamantium claws causing cracks to appear. Cyclops urges Kitty to stay back, not knowing what will happen.
Wolvie busts through and a tidal wave of water comes pouring out with Obnoxio on top, body surfing, and wearing an air-filled rubber chicken over his head. All the X-Men are knocked off their feet. Wolverine yells at Obnoxio to get up. Obnoxio starts flopping on the ground pretending to be a fish and takes offense when the X-Men don’t buy into his gag. Wolvie picks him up from off the ground and pins him against the wall. He brings up his fist to stab him, but Xavier sends out a mental command to stop. Xavier tells them all to report to the Danger Room control booth immediately.
When they arrive Wolverine tells Charles they have the intruder and asks who the guy frozen in ice is. Xavier tells him it’s the real troublemaker. Cyclops throws it in everyone’s face when he reminds them how earlier he told them they should plan things first. Xavier agrees and explains that their enemy is actually Eye-Scream, and after regaining consciousness he analyzed the situation and remotely lowered the temperature in the control room to below freezing. He then adds that Obnoxio the Clown is there at his request and wishes Kitty a happy birthday.
Obnoxio tells Kitty he’s her little gift. Kitty puts her hands to her face in shock as she completely forgot it was her birthday. Obnoxio takes the moment to spray whip cream on the top of the frozen Eye-Scream and plop a giant cherry on his head. He tells them the “Eye-Scream” sundae is on him.
Kitty giggles and asks him if he’ll be entertaining at her party. After hearing her giggle he gets mad, reminded of why he doesn’t like birthday parties. He squirts water from the flower on his lapel into Kitty’s face. He tells them to forget it. Wolverine gets angry again and pops claws. The Professor tells him to calm down. Wolverine curses and swipes his claws through the air.
Obnoxio leaves and tells the X-Men the next time they want laughs to hire the “Sugar Babies.” He also suggests they get Eye-Scream a job at Baskin Robbins.
