Kitty Pryde is a jerk! Peter Quill aka Star-Lord tells Gamora aboard his ship which is a mess and has seen better times.
Peter Quill is a jerk! Kitty Pryde tells Rocket Raccoon on a planet.
Clearly disgusted by the state of their surroundings, Gamora reminds him he said that three times. It rolls off the tongue, he replies and offers her a beer and an explanation, which she declines.
She took his team, he complains. Which he left, Gamora reminds him. She’s parading around as Star-Lord, he continues. Because he left, Gamora reiterates. Well, he’s back, so she can knock it off now. Patiently, Gamora points out they are his friends. He is acting like a child.
Rocket assures Kitty that he agrees with her one thousand percent. He’s a gorknard of the highest order. So can she please ditch the coveralls and come home?
Kitty claims the Kymellians need her help with their farm project. Isn’t that what the Guardians do – Helping those in need? He reminds her that the Kymellians are a fancy, wizard race. They can lift mountains with their minds. They built a utopia. They don’t need her on her knees in the dirt. They are humoring her.
Gamora asks if he moved out of the Guardians’ ship because he was afraid to see Kitty. Peter claims it’s because he’s a single guy now. He needs someplace to take the ladies without tripping over Groot when he’s molting. He needs a place where he can relax with a woman…
What woman would come back here with him? she scoffs. Insulted, he claims halfheartedly that plenty of women would love to be with him, would love him as he is.
Rocket pleads with Kitty to return. Game night isn’t the same without her. She was the best gamemaster. She demurs. She needs to… Needs to what? Rocket demands. Pretend she’s busy, so she need not face her real problems? Maybe she just deserves to live someplace where she doesn’t have to run into her ex when she gets out of the shower (or whatever that weird steam thing is), Kitty shoots back. Isn’t it enough she’ll be on a team with him, even though she hates his stinking guts?
Peter admits he brought no women here. Is she happy? Not particularly. Gamora points out both his term as king and his relationship with Katherine didn’t end well. Kitty’s a jerk! he replies automatically. Has he considered that maybe he is the jerk in the situation? she asks. He doesn’t know, Peter admits.
Rocket assures Kitty he knows break-ups are bad business. How does he know? Kitty demands. Has he ever been dumped? Surprised, Rocket asks Peter dumped her? They just assumed it was the other way around. She doesn’t know, Kitty admits.
Gamora suggests he apologize. Peter forcefully expresses they are never ever going to get back together. Gamora orders him to get his act together and send Kitty a message. Peter stares at his comm device. No, it’s over.
Rocket suggests they talk. Kitty refuses. They are never ever getting back together. He orders her to send Peter a message. Kitty stares at her comm device. No, it’s over.
Later, both are back at work. Both refuse attempts by others to distract them. Both sit alone at their dinners. Both are alone in bed thinking, staring at their phones. Finally, Peter gets up excited when Kitty has sent a message, asking him what he’s doing.
Sometime later they lie in bed, avoiding to look at each other, each secretly berating themselves. They both begin to talk at the same time. Then when Peter insists she start, Kitty sharply asks if he is afraid. Who, him? He has the heart of a lion Peter replies… “and a lifetime ban from the San Diego zoo,” they both finish laughing.
Mollified, she asks what he was going to say. Is she going to stop pretending to be Star-Lord now? Peter asks. He realizes he put his foot in mouth. Is that what he asked her over for, Kitty demands. Hey, she messaged him first, he points out. He replied! she shouts. She came over! he shouts back. She’s not “pretending” to be anything! It’s not enough to be the “galaxy’s sweetheart,” he fumes. She’s gotta steal his job, his cool name… Kitty snaps that he abandoned Star-Lord. He abandoned the galaxy. Worst of all, he abandoned… Both their phones ring and Kitty tells him to leave her alone.
A little later Lydia, his ship’s A.I. sarcastically suggests that went well. She told him to block her number, Peter fumes. How dare she run around as Star-Lord making him look bad. Lydia suggests she may just be trying to help. Peter is sure it’s cheap and petty. On Earth, they do cheap and petty things all the time. It’s pretty much their jam. Anyway, they are here. An old friend from Earth called him.
He enters a satellite to find Tony Stark. Tony thanks him for coming and reveals he has a mission of utmost importance. He has discovered the Brood are staging a massive invasion of the galaxy. Hey, that’s where he lives, Peter jokes.
Tony hands him a device. He needs him to deliver the Pen-Ultimate Nullifier. It is a weapon of penultimate power. He needs him to deliver it to Hanky Pym. However, he reveals that the emission is too dangerous for one Star-Lord. So he also hired the other one.
Enter Kitty, who is as surprised and displeased to see Peter as vice versa. They both protest. He looks better in that jacket, Peter points out. Kitty retorts she took the Brood down as a teenager. Tony shouts if they want to sit here bickering or save the galaxy? Both of them calm down and are now united in telling him he needs to take a chill pill. They leave, unaware that “Tony” is really Raksor the Skrull.
They reach a fortress in space that looks like a giant frog. Doubtful, they enter, only to be attacked by what looks like past versions of themselves. Both Kitty and Peter consider it cathartic beating other versions of Star-Lord, until the real Peter gets taken out by energy blasts. Horrified, Kitty shouts his name. With her not paying attention, she falls victim to one of the Kittys.
They both awake, tied to their seats, to be welcomed to the galaxy’s hottest show – Kiss and Tell, the host being the Collector, who promises they will be making broadcast history.