Star-Lord (1st series) #7

Issue Date: 
July 2016
Story Title: 
Out of Orbit, chapter two: We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together

Sam Humphries (writer), Javier Garron (art), Antonio Fabela (colorist), VC’s Joe Caramagna (letterer), Mike Hawthorne & Jordie Bellaire (cover art), Kathleen Wisneski (assistant editor), Jake Thomas (editor), Axel Alonso (editor-in-chief), Joe Quesada (chief creative officer), Dan Buckley (publisher), Alan Fine (executive producer)

Brief Description: 

The Collector is using his prisoners, Kitty and Peter, as interview guests in his new cosmic show, trying to find out why they split up. To play for time, they spin outlandish tales, but Peter inadvertently hurts Kitty when he claims she took the name Star-Lord to make him look back. She refuses to say anything anymore. The Collector takes them back to their cages. He later takes Kitty out and offers her and Peter freedom if she tells him what really happened under four eyes. Peter, in the meantime, tries and fails to alert the Guardians.

Full Summary: 

Aboard the Guardians of the Galaxy’s ship, Rocket and Groot are playing a board game while Rocket pontificates on Kitty and Peter’s break-up, wondering what chance the others have if those two can’t make it. Neither of them knows what really happened between the two. When Groot tells Rocket, it’s none of his business (actually, he says: “I am Groot”), Rocket points out he is emotionally invested. He was to officiate the wedding, after all.

Meanwhile, Kitty and Peter find themselves prisoners of the Collector, who is trying his hand at being a cosmic reality TV show host, answering the question why the two of them broke up.

The audience (several of the Collector’s prisoners) is even less enthusiastic than the guests, until the Collector electrically zaps them.

The Collector turns back to Kitty and Peter and asks if there is some chance they will make up again.

He can’t even apologize, Kitty fumes. She’s got to apologize to him first, Peter claims. Kitty asks the Collector why he even cares. He explains he has amassed unique and exquisite items from across the universe. But now he wants more. And recently his eye has landed on Peter Quill.

He shows them an old recording of an 8-year-old Peter Quill who is asked who he is rooting for in the World Series. He likes spaceships, young Peter replies. Another recording shows older Pete with his old band, the Mile High Skachievers. Face it, he rocks, present Pete grins.

The Collector tells Kitty that her phasing power is inhibited. She glares at him. He announces he wants more. He wants a collection that reaches deep down inside people. Things they can’t even admit to themselves. Nothing is more valuable than that. Emotions, experiences and… exclusives. A piece of Peter’s life so rare only he could ever have possession of it. Video of the two of them reliving their big breakup.

Kitty calls him a creepy emotional vampire. She won’t drag out their personal lives for this pathetic, emotionally-stunted fanboy! Both of them are hit by punishing energy flares from their inhibitors. Peter whispers he has a plan. They need to stall. Just keep making things up. Keep him distracted. The Collector is powerful and extremely bitter. He probably hasn’t kissed anyone for thousands of years. He promises he’ll protect her. More like she’ll protect him, Kitty scoffs. She agrees but hopes his plan includes more than clicking his ruby slippers together.

Enough! the Collector shouts. He orders them to tell him all their secrets or pressing this button will separate their molecules one by one. Peter seems to give in. He starts to talk but the Collector stops him. It wouldn’t be a confession without reenactments. He calls in the Skrull members of the Starkat Squadron that captured them earlier – a troupe of Skrull actors.

As he was saying, Peter begins…

20 minutes later, he has finished a tale of Kitty walking in on Peter being surrounded by fawning heroines, such as Storm, Scarlet Witch and She-Hulk. When she hits him, he announces they are breaking up.

The audience is impressed. The real Kitty less so. This is ridiculous, not to mention insulting! she shouts. The Collector asks if she has a version of the story to tell. Oh, does she ever, Kitty smirks.

30 minutes later, she has finished her tale of how Peter realized that he has treated her wrong in every way, that she is the superior Star-Lord and that Kitty has found her true love in the arms of actor and jazz pianist James Grolflbloom.

The audience is agitated. Peter protests this isn’t what happened at all. What really happened was: She couldn’t handle his success. He was intimidated by her, Kitty claims. Peter continues, their schedules were not compatible. Kitty states that they were in different places in their lives.

The two shout at each other while the Skrull actors have sunk down, exhausted from trying to keep up. One of them calls for an intermission.

The Collector watches with a smirk as Peter fumes at Kitty calling herself Star-Lord. How transparent can you get? Someone had to pick up his slack and help people out there, Kitty counters. He accuses her of being fake. She doesn’t care about helping people. It’s a front to make everyone love her. She just wanted to make him look bad. Kitty is taken aback.

The Collector watches in exaggerated anxiety, as does the audience. Kitty looks away, clearly hurt. Peter tries to address her, realizing he went too far. Then what happened? the Collector presses. Kitty turns around, tears in her eyes, and calls him a jerk.

The Collector is ecstatic. And they said he couldn’t have a real talk show of his own. He asks Kitty to tell them how she is feeling right now. She refuses. Fry her like a pizza bagel if he wants to, but she is done.

He decides to finish the episode on this cliffhanger and orders the audience back to their cages in his menagerie. He addresses Kitty and Peter, informing them tomorrow he needs them to be forthcoming, emotional and healing. He then hits them with an energy blast again.

Soon, they find themselves in cages next to each other. Well, that was fun, Kitty groans. Peter tries to apologize and she fends it off. He tells her it got out of control and brought up memories of what really happened.

The Collector enters, wearing only a short robe. He trusts their dressing rooms are to their satisfaction? Peter threatens him but is ignored. The Collector wants to speak to Kitty.

He takes her out for a walk, offering to show her his collection. Would she like to see the enchanted axes of Puck’s three ex-wives? They are still covered in blood. Or perhaps see the browser history of Wolverine? He didn’t get to delete it before his death. It’s quite revealing.

Impatiently, she tells him she can phase and run away any time she wants. He is sure she won’t. Because he has Peter Quill. And even though they bicker and quarrel, he can see the truth. She is still in love with him. Kitty looks away angrily. He takes her to a chaise lounge and asks her to confess. Without the camera and audience. Just tell him and he will never tell a soul. And release the two of them. Besides, he’s a good listener. Wouldn’t it feel good to talk with someone? Perhaps, Kitty admits. And if she doesn’t? Then he’ll keep her in his menagerie forever. And kill Peter.

Shocked, Kitty replies that he wouldn’t. He’s like his biggest fan (in his own weird way). And wouldn’t he look great as a taxidermied trophy in his solarium? the Collector asks cheerfully.

Peter, in the meantime, sends an emergency signal through the comm device hidden in his boot but Rocket and Groot are too busy with game night to notice the signal.

Characters Involved: 

Groot, Kitty Pryde, Rocket Raccoon (all Guardians of the Galaxy)

StarKat Squad

Captain Albion, Dirk Anger, Doop, Gatecrasher, Hardboiled Henry, Starfox (all members of the Collector’s menagerie)

Written By: