Uncanny X-Men (3rd series) #9

Issue Date: 
September 2013
Story Title: 

Brian Michael Bendis (writer), Chris Bachalo (penciler & colorist), Tim Townsend, Mark Irwin, Al Vey, Jaime Mendoza (inkers), Virtual Caligraphy's Joe Caramagna (letterer & production), Chris Bachalo & Tim Townsend (cover artists), Jordan D White (associate editor), Nick Lowe (editor), Axel Alonso (editor-in-chief), Joe Quesada (chief creative officer), Dan Buckley (publisher), Alan Fine (executive producer)

Brief Description: 

Alison Blaire, agent of SHIELD has entered the Medina home, wanting to speak with Fabio about Cyclops. Fabio's sister suddenly realizes who Agent Blaire is, and grabs a copy of the Dazzler record, and asks Agent Blaire to sign it. Mr Medina pulls a gun on Dazzler, so she puts her album on the record player and unleashes her mutant power. At the New Xavier School, the students are undergoing a relaxation technique, but David Bond has fallen asleep. Cyclops tries to get across the importance of training, and David is forced to demonstrate his powers by controlling the X-Men's jet. Mindee approaches her teammates sporting a short, dark haircut, which infuriates Celeste. Magneto reads a news report which reveals trouble in San Diego. The students realize their teachers are talking about Fabio, and they wonder who has him. Dazzler is holding Fabio in a cell in a SHIELD helicarrier. He panics and releases some gold balls. Dazzler asks him what happened when he was kidnapped by Cyclops, but Fabio assures her that he wasn't kidnapped. Agent Coulson tells Maria Hill, as they watch the interrogation, that Magneto has mutant-tracking technology. Maria realizes this could be a trap, but too late, as the X-Men and students Tempus and David Bond, who Cyclops has started calling “Hijack”, teleport into the helicarrier. Magik instantly teleports Maria Hill to a beach someplace else, and Tempus traps the SHIELD agents in a time bubble. Entering the cell to free Fabio, Cyclops is surprised to see Dazzler – even more so when she reveals that she is working for SHIELD. After an argument the X-Men leave, after Cyclops informs Hijack that they are aboard a ship “or something” and the Helicarrier appears to tilt in the air. Later, in her quarters, Dazzler is visited by Phil Coulson, who gives her some coffee – but it is drugged, and Dazzler collapses, as Mystique reveals herself. Mystique asks her not to take this personally, as there is a bigger picture.


Full Summary: 

Poor Fabio Medina. He's been a mutant for under a week, he has an uncontrollable crazy power to create gold balls out of his body. He was an X-Man for all of two days, went to hell, quit the X-Men, came back home here to San Diego where his family hasn't even had enough time to properly freak out about him being a mutant and being in the X-Men for all of two days when this agent of SHIELD came waltzing into his parents' house. And he knows he knows her from somewhere. She looks so familiar.

'I think you should leave' Mr Medina tells the blonde woman wearing a white SHIELD costume who introduced herself as Alison Blaire. He points to the door, while his wife, Gloria, tells her that no one invited her in here. 'You can't just walk in someone's -' she begins, while Fabio and his sister, Jennifer, stare at the woman. 'As I said, Mr and Mrs Medina, my name is Alison Blaire. Do you know what SHIELD is? Any of you? Yes? No?' she asks, explaining that she is representing them here. Alison explains that she is also a mutant, and tells Fabio that she knows he has been through a crazy couple of days. She would like to sit down and talk to him.

'Mutant? Why is everybody calling him a mutant?' Mr Medina asks. Fabio asks his father not to embarrass him, while Jennifer suddenly grins. 'Oh my God! I know you!' she tells Alison, before she runs out of the living room. 'Here we go' Alison mutters, before telling Fabio that she knows he is young and all of a sudden is in the middle of all of this stuff. 'This stuff that you probably don't really even understand'.

'This is – is this you?' Jennifer asks as she returns and holds something up towards Alison. 'This is suddenly a very important time in your life – you become a mutant and -' Alison stares at the vinyl record that Jennifer proudly holds up. 'This is you!' she exclaims, holding the image of Dazzler in all her disco glory. 'Yes' Dazzler admits, slapping her own face. 'Will you sign it?' Jennifer asks. 'Why do you have it?' Dazzler enquires.

'Get out of my house!' Mr Medina shouts, aiming a small gun towards Dazzler. 'Really?' Dazzler asks. 'Oh, no!' Mrs Medina gasps. 'You just walked in here – threatening us? Threatening my boy!' Dazzler hangs her head and tells Mr Medina that she is not threatening them. 'Dad!' Fabio exclaims. 'Sir, if you don't put that gun away -' Dazzler begins. 'I don't know you!' Mr Medina declares. 'She – she was on the MTV!' Jennifer calls out.

Mr Medina tells Dazzler that she has to the count of three. 'I know you've had an emotional day' Dazzler replies. Mr Medina begins the countdown. 'Dad!' Fabio exclaims again. Dazzler asks Mr Medina if he knows what a flash bang is. 'What?' he shouts back. Dazzler puts her record on to the player, 'Have you – ever played Call of Duty?' Dazzler enquires. Confused, Mr Medina tells her that he hasn't. 'Have you ever met a flash bang?' Dazzler asks. 'What?' Mr Medina asks. Dazzler warns him to put away the gun, or else he is going to meet one. 'Two!' Mr Medina tells her. Dazzler turns up the volume and outside, neighbors have gathered across the street – a brilliant burst of light seconds later sends them careening backwards, while inside, the Medina living room has been turned upside down even further, and Mr Medina is on the floor. 'Hate having guns pointed at me!' Dazzler exclaims, before calling to the agents outside, asking if somebody is going to help her clean this up. She looks down, to where Jennifer Medina is lying on the floor, clutching the Dazzler record sleeve.

Meanwhile, at the New Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters, the snow falls as Cyclops, Emma, Magik and Magneto stand outside with their students Triage, Tempus, Benjamin Deeds, David Bond, two of the Stepford Cuckoos and the time-displaced Angel – they are doing some relaxation techniques. 'Aaand release' Cyclops tells them. He turns to David, whose eyes are closed, and asks him if they are keeping him awake. 'Sleepy' David replies. Scott reminds David that he is an X-Man now, and training is important. 'I'm  an X-Man!' David exclaims, declaring that yesterday he was an ad illustrator who stayed up all night doing his thing. 'And now you're a mutant' Cyclops declares. 'Sleepy mutant' David points out. Cyclops tells him that training is important. 'Sleep is important too' David remarks. Scott turns to Emma and reminds her that they talked about this. 'Not every mutant is cut out for this line of work' he states. 'Work?' Triage asks. 'As in, we're getting paid?'

Emma tells Scott that David is the real deal. 'Show me' Scott asks. 'Show him' Emma tells David, who sighs, and asks 'Um, the plane?' 'Sure' Emma agrees. 'Okay, uh, big plane! Turn on and, uh, go up!' David orders and the X-Men's jet does just that. 'See?' Emma tells Scott, who admits that he is impressed. 'That will be useful in the field' he comments, while Benjamin Deeds asks 'We have a plane?' Someone tells David he can put the plane back now, 'Uh...' David begins. 'Put it down at least' they declare. 'Not on us!' someone shouts. 'Um!' David adds as he starts to lower the plane – over the others. 'Hey, whoa, could you please -' someone calls out. Cyclops tells David to clear his mind. 'I'm trying' David replies. 'Steady' Magneto remarks. 'Plane, steady. Uh, and down' David commands the jet. The plane is set down safely, 'Okay then' someone remarks. 'You'll get there' Magik tells David. 'Ugh! Embarrassed!' David exclaims. Tempus smiles at David and tells him that was pretty amazing, as he did hijack a whole plane, with his mind. 'Well, when you say it like that... sure' David smiles back.

'What did I miss?' one of the Stepford Cuckoos asks as she walks over to her sisters. 'The new boy almost dropped a plane on – Irma?' one of the girls starts to reply, before looking at her sister. 'What did you do?' the other asks, both staring in shock at Irma a.k.a. Mindee, who is now sporting a short dark-bob hairstyle instead of matching blonde shoulder-length hair the same as her sisters. 'Oh my God!' one of the girls declares. 'Don't freak out!' Irma exclaims. 'Freak out?' the other shouts. 'What did you do, Irma?' Celeste screeches, lunging forward to grab her. 'I cut my hair! Let go!' Irma calls back. 'How could you?' Celeste demands. Emma comes to Irma’s defense, and tells Celeste that she is allowed to cut her hair. 'I am shocked' Celeste exclaims. 'Really? We can't tell' Emma replies. 'We're the Stepford Sisters! We! Us!' Celeste declares. Emma and Irma turn away from Celeste as she stands with Phoebe and shouts 'We're identical triplets! We're supposed to discuss these things!' 'Oh my God' Irma utters, glancing back. 'Just keep walking' Emma tells her.

Irma explains that she is just trying a new her, and Emma assures her that there is nothing wrong with that. Irma asks Emma if she likes it, to which Emma replies that blondes have more fun. 'Well, I was blonde and I wasn't having any fun, so...' Irma trails off. Triage tells Irma that he likes it, and she smiles at him. 'Maybe I'll go red' Phoebe suggests. 'I hate you both' Celeste tells them, while Tempus has been watching them, and remarks that the Stepford Sisters are really quite off. 'You have no idea' Magik smiles. 'And that's coming from me' she adds.

'Oh no' Magneto declares. 'What is it now?' Cyclops asks. Magneto is looking at a hand-held device and replies that is is on the local San Diego news – they picked him up. 'San Diego? Damn it' Cyclops exclaims. 'Already?' Magik asks. 'I told you' Emma declares. 'But still... already?' Cyclops remarks, to which Magneto asks him what they do about it. 'Who?' Tempus asks. 'What's in San Diego?' Angel enquires. 'Oh, no. Fabio?' Triage asks. 'The little guy with the gold balls?' Angel replies. 'We can't just leave it like that' Cyclops tells the others. 'He doesn't know where we are' Emma points out. Cyclops tells her that he doesn't care about that, while Triage asks 'Who has him?' and Benjamin enquires as to what they are going to do with him.

'AAIIEEEE!' Fabio screams. 'Don't freak out' Dazzler tells him as he sits, hand-cuffed to a chair in a SHIELD cell. 'Anyway, as I was saying before your father flipped out on me...' Dazzler begins, introducing herself as Alison Blaire and explaining that she is an agent of SHIELD tasked with a very specific job of dealing with all mutant situations. 'And you, my young friend, are a mutant situation' Dazzler points out. 'Oh my God...' Fabio utters. Dazzler tells him that she knows he didn't create this situation, but he is a situation. Fabio asks Dazzler what she wants from him, to which Dazzler remarks that from what she understands, Scott Summers kidnapped him very soon after he first manifested his mutant powers. 'Where am I?' Fabio asks, panicking, he releases dozens of gold balls, some of which bounce against Dazzler, knocking her over. Outside the cell, Maria Hill and Phil Coulson are observing the interrogation. 'Gold balls, Miss Hill' Coulson remarks. 'Real gold?' Maria asks. Coulson tells her that he wishes – then they could retire. Dazzler tries to catch some of the balls and tells Fabio to settle it down, assuring him that no one is looking to hurt him here. 'Please. I want to go home!' Fabio declares. 'Huh. Look what you can do!' Dazzler exclaims as the balls stop materializing.

'What do you want from me?' Fabio asks. Dazzler tells him that they just want to talk ab out what happened when Scott Summers kidnapped him. Fabio replies that Scott Summers did not kidnap him – he came and saved him from getting killed by police officers and giant robots. 'He asked me if I wanted to go with him and I said yes' Fabio reveals. 'You kidnapped me' he points out, looking at Dazzler, who smiles back at him. Coulson turns to Hill and announces that it has just occurred to him – Cerebro. 'What?' Hill asks. 'The technology Magneto has to locate mutants' Coulson explains. 'Yeah?' Hill asks, while back inside, Dazzler tells Fabio that Cyclops did kidnap him, as he is only sixteen years old and is therefore a minor. 'If he took you to another country it's more than that. Where did he take you?' Dazzler adds, but Fabio tells her that he doesn't know. 'You don't know where he took you?' Dazzler asks. Back outside, 'Maybe Summers took the kid some so we'd pick him and -' Coulson suggests. 'Oh no' Maria utters. 'Maybe we shouldn't have him here' Coulson points out. 'Oh no' Maria utters again, while Dazzler asks Fabio if it was on an island. 'No. In the woods' Fabio reveals. 'He's in the woods?' Dazzler asks.

'Get them out of there! Shut it down!' Maria orders, while Fabio tells Dazzler that he is not telling her anything else. Hill instructs an agent to open the door to the cell, but it is too late, as a portal opens and Cyclops, Emma, Magik and Magneto appear, along with Tempus and David Bond. 'Too late...let the child go' Cyclops tells Maria, while Dazzler asks Fabio if Scott Summers told him who it was that attacked them with those Sentinels. 'He said you did' Fabio responds. Maria aims a gun at Cyclops and tells him that she has been dying to say this to him: 'You are under arrest!' she exclaims. 'You need a vacation' Scott replies. 'Don't you make a -' Maria begins, while Magik tells Hill that she hopes she has sunblock, and an instant later, Maria Hill is deposited on a sand-covered beach under a relatively clear blue sky.

'Ta daa!' Magik smiles as she teleports back into the SHIELD facility. 'Lovely' Emma smiles. 'Well done' Cyclops agrees, before turning to Tempus, who has trapped Coulson and the other agents in a time bubble. 'What do you do again?' David Bond asks. 'Time bubbles' Eva explains. 'They're all frozen in time? That's insanely cool'

Magneto stands at the controls to the cell door, and asks how many are in there with Fabio. Emma tells him she can see just one, but isn't sure who it is. The doors open thanks to Magneto's tinkering, 'I'm not done – oh' Dazzler utters as she turns to the door and sees Scott and Emma enter. 'Alison?' Cyclops asks. 'Scott' Alison replies. 'You're back' Cyclops remarks. 'I am' Alison confirms, to which Cyclops asks her what she is doing.


'What does it look like she's doing?' Emma snaps. 'You – you came for me?' Fabio asks. Magneto deals to Fabio's restraints and tells him to hold still. 'Hey, Emma' Dazzler calls out. 'Hey, Disco' Emma replies, before Dazzler turns to Cyclops and asks 'So, did you all go nuts together or did you all go nuts one by one?' Cyclops ignores her dig and asks her if she is working with SHIELD. 'Yes, why aren't you?' Dazzler responds. 'Because they are hunting us' Cyclops points out. 'For one' Magik mutters, to which Dazzler tells her that she looks good. 'You look like a betrayer of your people' Magik replies. 'You all know each other, huh?' Tempus asks, while Dazzler asks Cyclops what his plan is, what his mutant revolution is. 'The plan is to give our people a fighting second chance' Scott explains. 'The fighting second chance they deserve' Emma adds. Cyclops asks Dazzler if she is coming with them, to which Dazzler asks 'What happened with Charles Xavier?' Cyclops extends a hand towards Dazzler and tells her that it is terrible and complicated. 'Come on...' he begins, to which Dazzler goes wide-eyed, 'You think I'm coming with you?' she exclaims. Cyclops tells her that, right now, she looks like the Uncle Tom of the mutants. 'And that would make you what? The Sirhan Sirhan of mutants?' Dazzler snaps back, before the X-Men leave the cell, with Dazzler standing alone inside it. 'That wasn't very nice' Emma declares.

Fabio tells the X-Men that he can't believe they came to get him. 'Of course, mate' Tempus tells him as she stands next to one of her time bubbles. Emma announces that it is time to go, while David Bond asks why he was brought along. 'Well, Hijack, I wanted to see how strong your powers were' Cyclops replies. 'Are you calling me Hijack? Is that what? My super hero name?' David asks. Fabio interrupts, telling the others that there are about four hundred more SHIELD agents on this ship, so it is time to go. 'Let's see what you can do' Cyclops smiles at David. 'With what?' David asks. 'With this' Cyclops tells him. 'This what?' David asks. 'You're standing in it' Cyclops points out. David asks if they are on a ship, or boat or something. 'Or something' Cyclops replies, as the SHIELD helicarrier tilts in the air.

Sometime later, in her quarters, Dazzler sits slumped on her bed, when Agent Coulson enters and hands her a cup of coffee. 'Just so you know, we've all been there' he tells her, suggesting she not let it get to her. He adds that the coffee is terrible, to which Dazzler apologizes to him and asks him what his name is. 'You don't remember. Phil Coulson. I'm Commander Hill's right hand' he tells her, adding 'Not to be weird, but I'm a big fan'. Dazzler asks him if they got control of the ship back. 'Eventually. We are somewhere over the Caspian Sea' Coulson explains. 'Wherever that is' Dazzler mutters. She drinks the coffee 'I must say, this is -' she begins, when suddenly, her eyes glaze over. 'I told you it was terrible' Coulson smirks. Dazzler falls to the floor and the coffee spills everywhere. 'I meant what I said. I am a big fan' Coulson declares – as Mystique reveals herself, dropping the Coulson disguise, she morphs into her default form. 'I don't think I've ever told you that, Alison' Mystique muses. She adds that she knows this will be hard, and tells the motionless Dazzler not to take what happens next personally. 'There's a bigger picture' Mystique announces as she suddenly shifts her form into that of Dazzler!

Characters Involved: 

Cyclops, Emma Frost, Magik, Magneto (all renegade X-Men)

David Bond, Benjamin Deeds, Fabio Medina, Stepford Cuckoos, Tempus, Triage (all New Xavier School students)





Maria Hill

SHIELD agents


Mr & Gloria Medina

Jennifer Medina

Story Notes: 

Call of Duty  is a famous computer game. A flash bang is a tactical grenade in that game.

Dazzler travelled the multiverse in X-treme X-Men (2nd series).

The phrase "Uncle Tom" has also become an epithet for a person who is slavish and excessively subservient to perceived authority figures, particularly a black person who behaves in a subservient manner to white people; or any person perceived to be complicit in the oppression of their own group

Sirhan Sirhan was the Palestinian born murderer of Robert Kennedy who killed Kennedy because of his support for Israel.

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