Wolverine and the X-Men (1st series) #38

Issue Date: 
January 2014
Story Title: 

Jason Aaron (writer), Pepe Larraz (artist), Matt Mila (colorist), VC’s Clayton Cowles (letterer), Nick Bradshaw and Laura Martin (cover artists), Tom Brennan (associate editor), Nick Lowe (editor), Axel Alonso (editor-in-chief), Joe Quesada (chief creative officer), Dan Buckley (publisher), Alan Fine (Exec. Publisher)

Brief Description: 

Maria Hill tries to talk with the X-Men at the Jean Grey School but they are still angry about the revelation that SHIELD owns Sentinels. When the discussion is over, Hill orders Dazzler (really Mystique) to liaise better. “Dazzler” makes the information about a Sentinel storage unit available, making both Wolverine and Cyclops decide to do something about that. In the meantime, Broo shows two new students around the school who are actually secret agents of “Dazzler.”

Full Summary: 

Outside the Jean Grey School, Wolverine is about to welcome two new students when a SHIELD heli-carrier flanked by smaller fighter planes appears in the sky. He unsheathes his claws and orders the two teenagers to run.

Iceman and Warbird join them. Iceman promises the newcomers, a pair of teens, that the building can withstand pretty much anything. The confused pair is ushered inside and get a shock when they are greeted by Broo, who identifies them as the Bricklemoore twins. He explains he is their orientation guide.

Joey Bricklemoore, who has three faces, announces there was a flying aircraft carrier outside. He thinks the place is under attack. Unfazed, Broo admits that that’s possible but they try not to let a little thing like that ruin their day. Shall he show them where they hold their math classes? That’s his favorite part.

Outside, the main team has gathered, wondering if SHIELD would attack the school. Warbird offers that she has guns in her classroom that could take them down. Nobody does anything until he gives the signal, Logan orders. What’s the signal? Warbird asks. Snikt snikt stab, Iceman ventures.

Commander Maria Hill, followed by Dazzler, strides towards them, promising they come in peace. Angrily, Wolverine gives her thirty seconds to explain why he shouldn’t stab them full of holes.

She gets they are angry, she begins. And disappointed, Beast adds. Rachel shouts SHIELD sent Sentinels against the X-Men. Hill explains what happened at Cape Citadel was an unforeseen mess. Her people did not pull the trigger on those Sentinels. They are still working to explain how they deployed. The X-Men are still angry since the Sentinels were owned by SHIELD. Hill points out the X-Men have almost blown up the Earth several times. From the outside, it’s hard to see what is going to happen. That’s why she has one of the X-Men as her mutant expert.

She’s not one of them anymore, one of the X-Men replies. Dazzler insists they all want the same thing here. Really? ‘Cause he wants people not to drop bombs and Sentinels on him and his friends, one of the X-Men replies dryly.

Wolverine demands what Hill wants. She got more bombs up there that she’s looking to drop on their crazy mutant heads? She always has more bombs! she snaps. She has bombs they have never heard of! She has bombs Tony Stark has never heard of! But she is not here to drop them. And neither is she here to apologize. She isn’t their enemy. Unless they choose to make her their enemy! They are very happy that Wolverine has final decided to grow up and do more with his life than just stab people and get brainwashed. The X-Men have all been great heroes over the years, and she respects that. But they also terrify her. Her and everyone else outside their circle of insanity. They traipse around through time all nilly-willy. They die and come back to life like it’s nothing. They fight each other more than they fight the bad guys. They are a hot mess always waiting to happen. So until the day they stop being so weird and crazy and dangerous all the time… a day she knows will never come… she will be watching. SHIELD will be watching.

Logan snarls she should be scared of them. Because they have gotten really good at destroying Sentinels over the years. And the people dumb enough to use them. So they’ll be watching too!

Glad they got that settled, Hill replies grimly and asks Dazzler to come along.

Once they are gone, Iceman complains that Wolverine promised when opening the school everything would be like old times. What could go wrong? He never said that, Logan points out. Well, that’s the way he heard it, Bobby insists.

Storm worries when even SHIELD has turned against them it makes a place like this school more important. A place where the children are safe and free to grow up however they choose. Safe? Has she seen their school before? Bobby scoffs.

Rachel remarks the SHIELD agents had high grade PSI-shields. But she could sense they were agitated. Beast agrees. Blame Scott Summers. This is their fear of him bleeding over. Warbird asks why they don’t just kill him. Is there a reason that is not an option?

Wolverine decides Storm is right. They are not gonna change the world by punching and stabbing people. They’ll save it with those kids. The school is all that matters. Leave SHIELD to him. He asks Rachel to take over his lit class today. He’s gonna punch and stab some people.

In their flying car, Hill muses this went better than she thought. She expected a lot more… punching and stabbing. Dazzler figures there is plenty to come. Hill tells her to get ready to take some punches. This is her damn mess. And she hired her to avoid messes like this. It’s bad enough that Cyclops has his people on the slow boat to Apocalypse Now Island. But now he’s managed to turn Wolverine and his band of teenage time bombs against them. Dazzler is her mutant liaison. Liaise! And if she can’t liaise any better than this than maybe she should put her back where she found her.

Dazzler replies she didn’t press the button on those Sentinels. She isn’t taking the fall for that. Hill wants her to fix this? Then give her what she needs and get out of the way! She always worked better as a solo artist.

Hill tells her she has more than enough rope to hang herself with. Dazzler replies she knows how to handle this.

At the Jean Grey School, Joey Bricklemoore still looks outside nervously as Broo continues his tour reminiscing that down this hallway where he met his best friend Idie Okonkwo. During the first day when they were attacked by Krakoa and the Hellfire Club. He’s the school grounds now, by the way. Krakoa. Not the Hellfire Club. Although there are a few around, as well.

Joey nervously asks that this place seems to get attacked a lot. There must be all sorts of defenses in place. Indeed, Broo agrees. A student opening his locker is suddenly attacked by the Danger Room. Broo explains it’s everywhere on the school premises. He would suggest always going to the restroom while in a defensive stance. But don’t worry. They will soon see this place the same way he does.

Joey recalls the brochure called this the most amazing school on Earth. The brochure was wrong, Broo replies as he takes them to the atrium. This is the most amazing school in the universe! The Atrium is the heart of the school, he explains. The student lounge is here as are tributes to various celebrated X-Men of the past and present. Those vending machines disperse the most nutritious vegetarian snacks in the known galaxy. He may have had something to do with that. Down that way they’ll find the anti-gravity elevators up to the floating towers.

Eye Boy joins them. His looks make Joey nervous. Eye Boy explains he is the reporter for the Grey School Gazette. Once they are settled in, he’d like to interview them both. Joey replies he isn’t sure they want to talk about this. Eye Boy replies they won’t have to. All he has to do is look at them to know their story.

Kid Gladiator lands and dramatically reminds Eye Boy that he gave him the greatest story this school will see for a thousand years. Grand hero of the cosmos, Kid Gladiator, prince of the Shi’ar, returns to this backwoods barbarian planet to single-handedly save the hapless Earthlings from the forces of Thanos!  And he buries his story on page 3! It was a busy week, Eye Boy shouts, with the Hellfire Club and Broo coming back to his senses and all those X-Men from the future. Kid Gladiator is not mollified and demands next issue’s cover.

Shark Girl, Idie and Sprite join them in in identical sport uniforms. Eye Boy announces they trounced the Latverian Academy. Front page! Kid Gladiator groans. They get front page for kicking a stupid ball abroad. He could kick that ball into the sun! Not her ball, Shark Girl growls.

Kubark grabs Trevor and flies up with him. He demands an entire issue devoted to his exploits! Kid Gladiator’s top ten punches! Has he told him about the time he pummeled the Hulk! Put him down and he’ll think about it, Trevor offers. He’ll put him down once he sees reason, Kubark retorts.

Sprite remarks she has never heard of this Kid Gladiator person. Idie asks her not to tell him that. Joey asks Idie to tell that shark person not to look at his sister like she’s some kind of snack. She looks so yummy, Iara explains.

Genesis saves Eye Boy and announces SHIELD came by today. Sprite shrugs that there are always famous people coming by. Thor came to her religion class last week. Though he mostly spoke about beer. Evan explains SHIELD may be trying to shut them down. Idie replies SHIELD doesn’t scare her half as much as midterms. Is it true Dr. McCoy might be making them dissect a Predator X? Broo shudders at the thought of all that meat and blood and feels faint.

So how long did they say they’ve been mutants? Trevor asks Joey, who replies they didn’t say. But not very long.

Ridiculous! Rockslide shouts at Quentin Quire, those prices are ridiculous! Then find someone else who can pull Danger Room deactivation codes out of Dr. McCoy’s head, Quentin replies. All he wants is to watch the football game without his TV killing him! Hellion complains he can’t take that biology exam. He needs to be sick a few days. How sick does he need to be? Quentin asks. He can get him the common cold, 72-hours diarrhea, Badoon pox…

Their esteemed class present hard at work, Evan mocks. “Hi, Quentin,” Broo shouts, to be ignored. Broo tells Joey that is another of his best friends. He must not have seen him. She still can’t believe Idie lets that guy kiss her, Iara scoffs.

Panicked, Trevor suddenly shouts Code blue, people! It’s the most feared teacher at school, he explains to Joey, a very angry Iceman who rushes in as a stomping icemonster. He hands out detention for Jia and Evan for public handholding and for Quentin Quire, just because, and then another detention for talking back.

He had no idea Iceman was so scary, Joey utters. He didn’t used to be, Broo explains, but then his girlfriend Kitty Pryde went to that other school. The one no one likes to talk about. He’ll show them their dorm room.

Suddenly, a voice announces Broo’s Danger Room exam has begun and steel tentacles try to grab him. Undeterred, he describes the way to their rooms. If they come into a room with a volcano in it, they’ve gone too far. And watch out for Bamfs! As Joey flees, Broo sighs wondering if he was ever that young and naïve.

In the library, Quentin’s detention is in progress because Logan needed him to hack SHIELD’S computer systems. He shows him hidden storage facilities hidden deep in the Rocky Mountains. Logan asks him to print it out. Quentin offers to send the info to his phone. Only phones he uses is at a bar in 42nd street, Logan snaps. So can he go back? Quentin asks. No, he’s good right where he’s at. He’s sure he’s done something warranting detention, even if they don’t know about it yet. Can he at least come with him and fight SHIELD again? Quentin begs. It ain’t agents he’s looking to fight, Logan grins.

Elsewhere in detention are Max Frankenstein and Manuel Enduque, who wonder if they will ever get out. Of course, Manuel figures, the day they burn this damn place to the ground.  Doop shushes them sternly.

On the heli-carrier, “Dazzler” is told they had a security breach. And did their friends at the Jean Grey School find what they wanted them to find? she asks. They assessed the location of their storage facilities. Traffic cameras show Wolverine is mobile. Shall they intercept? No, she smirks. Slicing up a few safehouses full of Sentinels should be just what the doctor ordered for their surly friend. Tell the facilities to stand down. Select crew only.

She is told the hacker also managed to siphon two million dollars from their mutant task force operation budget. That money has since been deposited into an off-world bank account under the name Carlos Danger. Note to self: kill Quire, she mutters. On second thought, put all the Sentinel storage facilities on high alert. They wouldn’t want to make things too easy for their friend.

At the New Xavier School, the Stepford Cuckoos announce they have something. Cyclops asked them to get what they could of SHIELD’s internal communications.  They just put a whole string of storage facilities on anti-mutant alert. Facilities that are buried deep underneath the Rocky Mountains. Sounds like just the place where one might hide Sentinels, Emma Frost figures. She suggests they mount up and—

It’s a trap, Cyclops interrupts. Of course it’s a trap, Magik scoffs. All the more reason to go in and rub their faces in it! Scott considers it too risky and orders them to protect the kids. Leave SHIELD to him. He can handle a few Sentinels.

Back at the Jean Grey School, Joey and Josephine are in their room. Joey has checked for listening devices. Josephine’s powers are wearing off. He tells her to take another injection. She reminds him the door is locked. He has no idea what it’s like to have a squid for a face. He protests that he has six arms and three faces and they have to get used to their powers. Don’t get too used, she warns him. If he thinks of himself as one of them, it might make things harder come time to do their jobs. Speaking of which, they’d better call in. She opens a secure channel on her comm device and calls “Dazzler.” They both reach for their guns as Josephine announces they are in.

Characters Involved: 

Beast, Iceman, Rachel Grey, Storm Warbird II, Wolverine
Broo, Eye-Boy, Genesis II, Kid Gladiator, Kid Omega, Shark-Girl, Sprite III

Cyclops, Emma Frost, Magik
Stepford Cuckoos

Maria Hill
Mystique (posing as Dazzler)

Joey and Josephine Bricklemoore

Story Notes: 

The other school remark refers to the New Xavier School where Cyclops’ team is based. Both the Sentinel attack and Kitty’ departure happened during the Battle of the Atom crossover.

“Carlos Danger” was the sexting pseudonym of American politician Anthony Weiner.

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