Decree from the republic of Bobbyland:
X has stranded us on this stupid island full of monsters and I’m bored, so I’m coming up with laws… Bobby-style
1. Bobbyland will be divided into 6 sections: New Bobby (that’s the capital), Hankville, Jeanatropolis, Scottsylvania, Warrenburg and B.D. VIP (for when the Bobby needs alone time).
2. Since the trees here apparently wanna eat us, “shoot-first-ask-questions-later” is the norm when it comes to the shrubbery.
3. Sandwiches will be passed out like so: Bobby gets first choice (I want tuna), then Jean, then Hank, then Warren, then Scott (because I’m pretty sure he’s too boring to experience flavor).
4. When we run out of sandwiches and chocolate, we’ll eat Hank first. Then Warren. We’ll draw straws after that.
Professor Xavier sits in the Cerebro Chamber, having been telepathically searching his missing students for hours. But he can find no trace. There are several dead spots that his mind simply cannot scan. He still hasn’t worked out the system bugs of this chamber, but he doesn’t think the interference is from the equipment. There are no signs of a struggle or emergency… yet also no messages to say where they might be. He has taken for granted the ease with which he can usually contact the five. If they are in trouble he has no way to help them… He can only hope their training is serving them now somewhere in the world.
On the mysterious island, the X-Men sit huddled around a campfire. Angel transports to them the bags they left on the raft. Is that the one with the chocolate in it? Bobby asks eagerly. Sorry, Hank apologizes, he replaced Bobby’s candy with granola bars. Bobby shouts at him that he sucks and fires a snowball volley at Hank, who defends himself pointing out that they need nutrition.
Ignoring the commotion and protecting herself with a telekinetic shield, Marvel Girl asks Cyclops whether he still thinks that something is wrong with the professor. He doesn’t know, the X-Men’s leader admits. Everything seems normal when he communicates with them but then, afterwards, it doesn’t feel right. He asks them to pay attention next time and see if they notice anything odd. Warren yawns and unrolls his sleeping bag. For now he’s just going to study the back of his eyelids.
The five are fast asleep when, suddenly, Hank is startled awake by noises. Pale bug-eyed beings are searching through their belongings. Hank calls for the others to wake up but hey can’t see in the dark. All of them but Bobby get up. Cyclops lights the place u with his optic beam. Jean captures the thieves with telekinesis and Hank finds and lights the lantern.
He explains that the beings are clearly nocturnal, possibly even subterranean dwellers. Were they attacking? Scott inquires. Warren states that he believes they were just robbing them and shouts at one of them to give back that food. Jean tells him to let them have it. They are obviously hungry. They will be too, tomorrow, Warren pouts. They don’t need anymore enemies here, Jean replies and lets the beings go who quickly scarper. Jean should remind him of that when they’re eating their gloves, Warren replies.
The sun is going up and Warren notices that Bobby is still sleeping. He has headphones. He didn’t even wake up for that. Suddenly, without any notice, they are again contacted by Xavier. They have not reached the volcano yet? What is the delay?
Sorry, Warren apologizes sarcastically. They’ve been getting into this whole sleeping during the night thing and the sun just came up. “Insolence!” the Professor shouts. Is he suddenly not their Professor? Have they forgotten how important their work is? What’s at stake? Chastised, Warren apologizes. Bobby jumps to his friend’s defense. He didn’t mean it. They just woke up. Xavier too apologizes. He is tired from his endeavor on his side. He failed to correct for the time difference for the island and New York. Yet now would be an excellent time to infiltrate the volcano lair. He suggests they proceed quickly.
With Xavier gone, Bobby sarcastically tells Warren great way of getting them on Xavier’s list. As they pack their sleeping bags, Warren defends himself that he’s never seen Xavier so crabby. He still hasn’t, Scott states calmly. He doesn’t know what’s up but that’s not the professor.
It certainly seems like him, Hank points out. No, Scott’s on to something, Jean remarks. You know that ringing sound you get in your head usually before Xavier connects? She heard it, but not until after he appeared, when he was mad at Warren. It’s like that quality of… like when Xavier is looking for them, fading in and out until he connects. But then he cut out fast again, Scott agrees. And he said New York, when he’s supposed to be in Washington.
As they start walking, Warren asks if they’re thinking that wasn’t the Professor and that the real one is having trouble finding them. Scott agrees. The thing they are talking to is keeping them hidden. He thinks when it got mad at Warren it lost some concentration and the professor was able to get though. Of course, it’s all just guesses on his part. He doesn’t theorize often, Hank admits, but when he does it’s often right.
They approach another part of the jungle. So, Warren gathers, big Charles doesn’t know they’re out there and someone is trying to get them killed. What can they do? Just what Warren did, Jean suggests. Break his focus so Xavier can get through to them. In the meantime, they should go where he wants them to, so it looks like everything is according to plan. Let him think it’s working.
Hank is suddenly alert. There’s a wrinkle in the plan. A forehead wrinkle. They find themselves on the forehead of a huge, displeased monster. Bobby saves himself on an iceslide, as Angel makes a grab for Scott and Jean while Hanks tries for a waterlanding. The next moment, he holds fast to a tree branch as huge piranhas are snapping for him. No! No waterlanding! he decides.
Iceman moves his iceslide into his direction and grabs Beast. The monster in the meantime is following Angel. Higher, Cyclops orders him. He’s trying Angel snaps back and recommends the two of them lose weight. It’s Scott, Jean immediately claims. He snacks!
Hank, in the meantime, is having trouble staying on Bobb’y slippery iceslide. The monster has almost caught up and Jean can already smell his breath. Scott asks whether Warren could stay ahead of it by himself. He’d never catch him if you two tubbos… Warren begins unkindly. Scott orders Warren to put him and Jean back on the monster’s head. Iceman steers his slide towards the monster’s head as well. And the four of them ride on the monster – the biggest ugliest taxi ever - while Angel flies ahead.
Some distance away, they see the volcano and Scott realizes that whoever tricked them wanted them to cross this land, because there’s no way they could make it out alive. He orders Bobby to create an exit ramp and then beats the monster off with a well-placed optic beam. They see the psychic effect announcing Xavier’s psychic presence. Cyclops orders them to follow his lead and act casual.
Xavier appears, asking if they have reached the volcano. He breaks off in surprise as his students are sitting relaxed in the grass. It’s their old pal Chuck, Scott announces. Chuckster! Warren echoes in greeting. What’s up? Bobby asks. They made it to the volcano? Xavier asks in astonishment. Oh yeah, easy, Jean remarks. They saw the bad guys Xavier talked about and beat them, Scott mentions off-handedly while Warren mimics the fight.
No they must be lying, Xavier announces. Why are they saying this? Why doesn’t he read their minds and tell them? Scott suggests slyly. How dare they? Xavier shouts. He’s their leader! He is the great and powerful Oz, Hank retorts. Silence! Xavier orders as his face begins to change to reveal his true shape… that of the mutant illusionist Mastermind… whom they last saw at the mansion …
“As their glorified coat rack!” Mastermind shouts. Every day his body suffers indignity while he is still painfully aware. That cursed alien, the Stranger froze his body, but his mind still functions. In fact his psyche is growing free of its physical restraint, able to travel the world at short bursts. In his travels he found this island, the perfect deathtrap for them. When Xavier left for Washington, he saw his chance to send them there. He knows it will soon claim them, though it takes all his energy to hide this area from Xavier.
Of course, he should have predicted this possibility, comes the voice of the real Xavier, as he has finally found them. Xavier’s head appears opposite Mastermind’s. He blames himself for not dealing with his physical form by now. He blames him as well, Mastermind hisses. Now that his power has grown, Xavier will pay for his transgressions. He is not paying for anything! Giant head fight! Bobby shouts as the two psychic constructs begin to battle on the mental plane. Warren shouts an encouraging Go professor. X! X! X! comes from Bobby. Go for the cerebrum, Sir! Hank helpfully suggests.
Finally, there is a booming noise and only Xavier is left. He explains that Mastermind is back in his frozen body but his time in stasis has let him expand his consciousness. He must move him to a facility that can negate his ability. Out of the mansion.
Can he tell where they are? Scott asks. Xavier explains that are on a secret reserve known to the world’s governments as Monster Island. Now who could imagine that would be the name, Warren states sarcastically. Xavier promises to take the jet and arrive soon. In the meantime, he asks them to stay alive. Warren and Hank wonder how long it will take him. Bobby asks what if this was really Mastermind who… Jean puts her hand over his mouth, ordering him to be quiet.
Jean is in her room, intending to update her diary about their odd trip to Monster Island, when the phone rings. At first, the voice on the other side sounds cold and mysterious like a Russian spy. Thees is Vanda… Maxeemoff. I am callink for Marvel girl. Jean realizes that the caller is the Scarlet Witch.
Wanda asks her if she wishes to… hang. What? Jean asks confused. Is that not the right term, Wanda asks equally confused. Jean realizes that Wanda just wants someone to pal around with, probably not having any friends in America yet. She agrees to meet her down at the shore.
Changing into a skirt, she heads for Warren’s room, asking if he has any extra money lying around. Busy at the computer, Warren notes there’s some on the dresser. She can help herself.
As the young women meet, Wanda is still in her costume. She admits that she doesn’t have any other clothes. Then their plans are made, Jean decides and drags her shopping. She shows Wanda a cute pink minidress, deciding that dress is her. This dress embodies everything about her personal character? Wanda asks seriously. Umm, yes. Jean decides.
Jean begins to understand that Wanda had never had a girl pal at all as a result of a pretty isolated upbringing and of course a super-fast overprotective brother doesn’t help things. After some fun at the beach and the fair they’re heading for burgers. Pietro checks on them at super speed to see if everything is all right. They are fine, Wanda stresses annoyed.
As Wanda finally begins to open up on the fair they hear shots. Three armed robbers in superhero masks are trying to rob the merchants. Is that American street theatre? Wanda wonders. No, this is American crime, comes Jean’s reply. They’ve got to disarm them. Wanda snaps her fingers and the men instantly lose their masks, have their weapons disassemble and drop their pants, much to the amusement of the crowd. Giggling, Wanda wonders if fighting crime is always this fun. It can be, Jean replies and suggests Wanda consider calling her next week to team up.