X-Men Unlimited (1st series) #35

Issue Date: 
April 2002
Story Title: 
<BR>Triptych (1st story)<BR>Unhappy Anniversary (2nd story)<BR>X-Men : The Untold Story (3rd story)

First story : John Smith (writer), David Finch (penciler), Livesay (inks), Matt Milla and Avalon Studios (colors), Randy Gentile (letters)
Second Story story : Jimmy Palmiotti (writer), Amanda Connor (penciler), Jimmy Palmiotti (inker), Paul Mounts (colors), Randy Gentile (letters)
Third story : Gail Simone (writer), Kevin Maguire (penciler)), Wade von Grawbadger (inker), Randy Gentile (letters), Andy Troy and Avalon Studios (colors)
Mark Beazley (assistant editor), C.B. Cebuski (associate editor), David Bogart and Lysa Hawkins (editors), Joe Quesada (editor in chief), Bill Jemas (president)

Brief Description: 

First story :

At Westchester High School, Joel Haines is being bullied because he is pro-mutant. Although a teacher rescues him, he agrees he brings it on himself. Outside Jean Grey arrives in a cab and is attacked by Sabretooth. School alarms go off and everyone heads for shelter except Joel, who goes to witness the fight outside. Joel climbs the wall of the school to see Sabretooth lunge at Jan, but she hits him with a van knocking him into the wall Joel was climbing. Joel’s parents, who have learned of the fight through the news on the television, have made their way to the battleside, but are not allowed past by police. Sabretooth gets up from being hit by the van and picks up Joel, using him as a hostage, however Jean tells him Joel is the reason she is there as he is a mutant she came to contact. Joel opens his eyes, which give of a green glow. The glow spreads across his body, engulfing him and also Sabretooth's head, knocking him out. Jean is impressed with Joel and gives him a card of the school. Joel's mom bursts past the policemen yelling at Jean to go away and hugs her son.
Second story :

Rogue is thinking about her past as she rides on Wolverine‘s motorbike through the countryside. Suddenly she is hit by a french fry from a group of Guys in a truck. One of them hits on her but when she shows she isn't interested they run her off the road, destroying the bike. As she comes to her senses she decides to follow them to make them pay for the damage. She catches up with them at a Strip club, where she asks for the money, only to get into a fight with them. One of the guys knocks over Wolverine‘s Drink, who also happened to be there. Wolverine pushes him away only for him to be knocked into a pit of mud-wrestling women by the man's girlfriend. Rogue realizes the fight is getting out of control so sets the sprinklers off, only to be confronted by Wolverine who tells her to leave. She waits outside and after a while a smug looking wolverine comes out. She tells him what happened, so he suggests she gets it out of her system and she destroys the guy‘s truck. Later they are driving home and wolverine wonders how she had got so far as Xavier doesn’t want her to fly near the school. Before Rogue can explain they pass the wreck of his bike.
Third story :

A group of actors are on the set of the X-Men film. They are complaining to the director, who isn't taking any notice and just wonders where Slab is. Slab arrives and they all pose for the promo posters when they realize Danny's Beast mask is on backwards. They start to film but are shocked by the fact they are only fighting one Sentinel foot. Apparently the film is over budget and that’s all they could afford. The director isn't very keen on Blake changing his lines. A group of gunmen storm the studio and hold the film as a prisoner of war for being pro mutant. Slab tells them he hates mutants but they don't care. They decide to shoot the girl so that the media are convinced, but Blake says they should shoot him instead as he is old and disabled. However he kicks the general in the groin and the rest of the actors attack the gunmen. Suddenly the x-jet prop falls from the ceiling landing on the gunmen. Slab used his sharpened claws to cut the wires. The director wakes up from fainting and Blake starts his speech but forgets his line. Somewhat later, the movie is playing in cinemas. The X-Men defeat the foot and Blake completes his speech. The real X-Men look on and are shocked how badly they are portrayed. As they leave, Wolverine attacks a cutout of Slab, who just happens to see it and confronts the grinning Wolverine.

Full Summary: 

First story :

Note: The Story is made up of three different points of view, each page is made up of three panels taking place at the same time. By the end the eventually merge into one page.

Jean Grey gets out of a cab outside the Westchester High School, Whilst inside in a corridor Joel Haines is being picked on by a school bully for acting / dressing like a mutant. A teacher walks past telling the bully to put him down, as he doesn't know where the boy has been. We also get to see inside Joel's bedroom, which is a typical teenager's room, however it is filled with many mutant related paraphernalia.
Suddenly the Cab explodes. The teacher tells Joel that because of the way he acts he is likely to be picked on. Jean Grey finds that it is Sabretooth that has destroyed the Taxi and killed the driver inside, whilst inside the school alarms are going off and as the kids panic the teacher tries to direct them to a shelter. Back at Joel's house we see that it is just an ordinary average american house.
Sabretooth threatens Jean. She telekinetically blasts Sabretooth over a fence and into a window. Inside the school, Joel starts walking in the opposite direction to where he should go. A teacher tries to get him to turn around, but he doesn't listen and the first teacher tells the second that he is a waste of space anyway. Joel runs outside. Meanwhile Joel’s parents arrive home, wondering if he is in.
Sabretooth gets up and throws a metal fence at Jean but she tears it apart with her power. Joel climbs a wall and sees Sabretooth lunging at Jean. At home Joel's parents see the fight on the news and call the school. There is an automated message about the fight, and they decide to get in the car and go there. Jean picks up a van and hurls it into Sabretooth knocking him into the wall where Joel is. The wall collapses, and Sabretooth is knocked over but he tells her that she is at a disadvantage, as he reaches to pick up the unconscious Joel. At the same time Joel's parents are speeding through the city, and Joel's mom thinks something is seriously wrong. They arrive at the scene and are held back by police as Joel's mom spots him.
Sabretooth is holding Joel up by his head, and tells Jean to stop and surrender to him. She tells him that he is playing into her hands as she was there to see Joel. Telepathically she shouts now and Joel opens his eyes, which are a murky green color and then engulfs him like a flame. Sabretooth screams as his head is burning green as well. He falls to the floor, and is knocked out. Joel can't believe he did it. Jean congratulates Joel, as his level of control was impressive for a beginner. He tells her his powers are based on touch and he wasn't sure he'd manage it. Joel's mom is still struggling with the police, as they won't let her pass till the mutants have cleared up there own mess. Jean gives Joel a card for the Xavier Institute, and tells him he is welcome whenever he wants. She asks him his name, which he says adding that he always liked the name 'the Puppeteer'. Joel's mum rushes past the policeman yelling at the “mutie witch“ to stay away from her son. Mrs. Haines hugs her son repeating “I’ve always known what you are ...“ while Jean walks slowly away.

Second story :

Rogue is riding a motor bike through the mountains near the Xavier Institute, thinking about her past and the fact that it is the anniversary of the day her power manifested putting her boyfriend Cody into a Coma. She thinks about what happened since, with being taken in by Mystique, permanently absorbing Ms. Marvel and later joining the X-Men and what it felt like to be alone. Suddenly whilst lost in her thoughts she is hit in the head by a french fry. A truck has drawn level with her and some drunken guys hit on her. She first ignores them but they persist so she shows them the finger. One of the men, Frank, tells the driver to turn right quickly, knocking into Rogue and her bike. She loses control and as the guys speed off, she ploughs the bike into a tree destroying it. As she starts to get her senses back she realizes that Wolverine is going to be mad at her as it was his bike. She decides to fly after the guys and make them pay for the damage.
After a short while she arrives at a Strip club called Bare Woods and she spots the truck parked outside. Going in through the back stage, she asks the strippers if they have seen the men, and it turns out they are at the foot of the main stage. Frank is laughing his head off when suddenly he is sent flying through a door. Rogue tells them she wants the money for the bike otherwise she is going to hurt them bad. They aren't buying it so she grabs one of the men, only to be grabbed from behind by a bouncer. Not wanting to make skin contact with him she digs her heel into his foot. The three men lunge at her but she uses the pole on the stage to swing on and kick them.
One of the men knocks over a man at the bar's drink. It's Wolverine, and he is not happy to be disturbed so throws the man back across the room. The man's girlfriend then pushes Wolverine into a mud pit, where he is attacked by a group of female mud wrestlers. Meanwhile Rogue is hitting the men with a pool queue, and deciding its getting out of hand, she grabs a lighter and sets of the sprinkler system. As the water sprays down, Wolverine and Rogue make eye contact and he tells her to go out side.
She curses her bad luck and waits outside for ages wondering what he is up to. After a while Wolverine comes out carrying the bikini's of the wrestlers, smirking to himself. She tells him what happened, to which he replies that she should get the anger out of her system, so she picks up the car and throws it into the floor, causing it to explode. Later Wolverine is giving Rogue a lift back to the mansion in his truck and asks her how she got out so far, considering that the professor had said no flying close to the school. As she is about to explain they drive past the wreck of his motorbike.

Third story :

Blake, Ashleigh, Bert are all talking at once with the director who is not listening to any of them. Ashleigh is complaining about her outfit being to tight and Bert is talking about problems with the props. Blake starts wittering on about having to wear a codpiece once, whilst the director wonders where the hell Slab is. Lockheed tells Ashleigh that her butt looks great in the outfit and Wolverine arrives with two women at his side. The director, happy that he has finally arrived, asks everyone to get into there places ready for the poster. All the actors stand in their 'poses' as the director shouts 'X-Men Assemble' only to realize that Danny who is playing the Beast has his head on backwards, and calls for makeup. Thad complains to Bert that the makeup is making his face look splotchy, whilst Danny complains that he can't see plus had a hit show once. Bert tells Thad to quit fast food to make his face better as he pokes Danny in the eye with a brush. The director tries to make Danny feel better by telling him that he is the glue holding the picture together ( and that he should Grrr more).
The director calls for everyone to be ready for the battle scene, only for Ashleigh to complain that they are fighting a giant sentinel foot. The director explains that they are over budget, so the rest will be added later. Danny meanwhile grrrr's some more. Ashleigh tells her self to rise above it, whilst Thad wonders if the sentinel wouldn‘t look strange with one foot. The director tells him that if he jumps around a lot, no-one will notice. They start filming again, Lockheed talks like Jar Jar Binks whilst Slab tells them to aim for it‘s only weakness, the foot. Blake starts preaching about Mutants and over acting, as if in a Shakespearean play, as the director shouts cut. The director tells him that his line was only telling Shadowcat to get to safety, but Blake thought his sounded better.
Meanwhile outside the studios a van has pulled up with six men inside. One of them is referred to as the General and he is barking orders as the rest of the men put balaclavas on. Back inside Blake is fighting the foot's mental powers, and Slab is about to join the fray. The director is in awe at the work he is producing. Suddenly there is gunfire and the men from the van have burst in. The General reads a statement saying that the film is promoting mutant loving and the film has been taken as a prisoner of war. Danny grrr's, and Lockheed wets himself. Slab thinks that there is a mistake as he hates mutants as well, but the General pushes him aside as a traitor. Ashleigh is scared, and Danny still can't see what's going on behind his mask. Blake thinks they should make a stand, but Slab doesn't want to get involved. The General reports that the media want evidence of their commitment, so decides that they should shoot the girl. Blake tells them to take him as he is old and disabled. The General thinks he is very noble as Blake wheels up to him, and then kicks him in the groin and runs away. Danny and Thad jump one of the gunmen. Danny recalls that it is just like the time he got into a fight with a transvestite. Ashleigh hits another over the head with Lockheed. Lockheed's puppeteer suddenly feels naked. As the men regroup the X-Jet suddenly falls on them. Slab had cut the lines.
The director comes around from having 'low blood sugar' as some of the film crew start beating up the gunmen, who are unconscious. Lockheed's puppeteer tells Ashleigh that he is really in love with her. The director wonders whether they should change the script and use what actually happened, but its dismissed by one of the crew. Blake checks the camera's are rolling and starts a speech about being a team, but forgets his lines.
On a film screen The X-Men knock over the sentinel, well at least the foot, and save the day. Blake finishes his speech about them being a family, and the team laughs at Lockheed's reply. The Real X-Men are in shock at what they are seeing at the cinema. Beast wants it to stop and Cyclops can't believe they can't sue. As they leave Wolverine chops the head off the cardboard cut-out of Slab, only for him to come out and challenge him. Wolverine gives a grin. Cut !

Characters Involved: 

First story :

Jean Grey


Joel Haines

Jeff Haines and his wife, Joel’s parents

several police officers

school kids and teachers from Westchester High School.

Second story :



Frank and three unnamed friends

Bouncer and several Strippers from the Bare woods Club

Third story :

Danny B. as The Beast, Blake Lanceton as Xavier, Ashleigh McLaire as Shadowcat, Slab Stonewall as Wolverine, Thad Toddly as Cyclops (all actors)

Bert the Make-up Guy

Unnamed Director

General, Number 1, Number 2, Number 3, Number 4, Number 5 (terrorist group)

Beast, Cyclops, Storm, Wolverine Professor Charles Xavier (all X-Men)

Story Notes: 

The second story with Rogue happens prior to Rogue becoming part of the X-Treme X-Men Team in X-Men (2nd series) #109.
The actress playing Shadowcat is a black female with long white hair (or a white wig). Apparently for the movie the parts of Storm and Shadowcat were combined into single role.

Issue Information: 

This Issue has been reprinted in:

Written By: