Deadpool, sitting on a large, green throne and at the same time gets praised by clowns, enjoys the look-a-like “Loki hat” he got from his newfound dad. Wade thinks he ought to thank him for that. Loki, noticing that his son is thinking about something, suggests a penny for his thoughts. Wade was thinking about how nice it would be from Loki if he would just send him and Death back home (no offense, of course). Luckily, Loki hasn’t taken any. He explains that, as the son of Odin, he doth understand this revelation must seem a passing strange unto him. While looking at Death in her holding tank, Wade jokes that Loki actually looks like a “passing strange” (not that there is something wrong with that, mind you).
Wade thinks it’s fine if Loki wants him to believe that he is his father, but he wants to see Death released. Loki promises that will happen, in due season, for it doth serves him that Death should recline thusly. Wade wants a promise from Loki that he will let her go eventually. Loki thinks that’s only natural. He confirms to Wade that he is his son, and therefore cannot deny him anything… once he has completed a mission. (Wade knew this would happen) He thinks that’s fine, wanting to know who needs to get snuffed.
Loki claims it’s nothing like that. He explains that, from age to age, his house hath stood in the shadow of the most high Odin, and that long he has been denied his rightful place in the world. And he wants Wade to finally change all of that. Wade agrees to do that, and again asked who needs to get snuffed. Loki remembers his son saying often that he always knew, even as a child, he wert not like mere mortals. He did know, instinctively, of his true destiny! Of the Weapon X rejects, alone didst Wade survive whole. And, though men hath called him insane, Wade knowest such is merely divine revelation at work within him.
For Wade alone knowest the truth of all these matter is: none of this is really happening! Loki confirms there is a man… a typewriter. Wade asks if that means Loki is his father. Loki believes a better question would be: how does Wade know he is not? Wade thinks about it. He jokes and asks Loki if he can keep the hat. He can. Wade smiles to his “dad” that he’s in and he can make his play.
Next thing Wade knows, he is teleported into rush hour traffic in the middle of the Manhattan streets, and observes his ‘uncle Thor” in action, while he flies into the rescue of people trapped in an on fire Chrysler Building. Wade wonders what it’s like to be Thor: being admired all the time and people calling you a Thunder God. He rescues some people and safely gets them on the ground, but a helicopter gets in too close and the people it had rescued fall down. Thor grabs them as well. He notices a weird plant on the building and throws his hammer against it. On that moment, the entire building collapses!
Wade simply knows that his father is behind all this. Once the smoke clears, Thor desperately searches for his missing hammer, because, if he stays removed from it longer than 60 seconds, he’ll revert into a normal human being and become mortal! Wade notices the hammer, and pushes some people aside so he can grab it. He reads the inscription on the hammer, “Whosever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor!”
Thor notices Wade looking at his hammer, and panics. He quickly runs towards it, but Wade picks the hammer up. He gets struck by lightning bolts, and so does Thor! Thor gets transformed back into Jake Olson, not believing that this is possible. Wade feels funny, like he ate something bad at Taco Bell. Wade pushes the hammer onto the ground, and a few moments later… is transformed into Thor! He soars up into the skies and feels all better now.
Jake tries to follow Deadpool, with the bystanders not understanding why “Jake” is so upset at Thor taking off. Jake defends that isn’t Thor and runs after him. Wade decides to take some time to enjoy his new powers and Thor-outfit. He levitates in front of an apartment building and stares through the windows. He notices a woman coming out of the showers and asks her, by her leave, if she haveth any Grey Poupon. The woman screams, and Wade jokes that she must lose o’er much in the translation.
Wade goes back into the sky, and tries to figure out what happened. He now hast the hammer and the power of Thor. Wither goes he anon? Enjoying the big hammer and the cape, Wade knoweth just the move he ought to make. At a nearby Taco Bell, he orders 37 Gorditas and some chips. He goes to a carnival and gets the highest score at a local game, thanks to Mjolnir. He even uses the uru hammer to punch a strike during a baseball-game.
He decides to pay Avengers Mansion a visit. He yells at a lurking reporter, shouting that she needs to get herself a life. He rings the doorbell. Justice tells Jarvis that he’ll get it, confident that no reporter or tourist could have gotten past the guard. He wonders who it could be. He uses his powers to open the door, and freaks out when he sees who’s standing in front of him. Deadpool proudly shouts “Avengers Assemble!” (he waited all his life to say that). He tells Justice to follow him, ready to go avenge something.
Justice, unsure who he’s looking at, asks Deadpool if they’ve met. Deadpool asks Justice if he knoweth not who standeth before him. He introduces himself as Thor. Justice is confident that isn’t true. Deadpool defends that he truly is Thor now, and suggests that they’ll simply say that the software has been upgraded. He mentions that whoever holds the sacred Mjolnir is Thor. Justice has to look that up. In the meantime, he wants Deadpool to show some I.D.
Wade jokes that there is a time for such things. He wants to know what super-villain doth they must battle today. But first, he wants Justin to high him to the nearest lavatory, as the son of Odin must take a rest. Jake sneaks through the gate, and attacks Deadpool. Jake shouts that he knows Deadpool is an imposter and demands to know how he is making this happening. He demands the hammer back. Justice doesn’t know who Jake is and asks for an identification. Wade drops the hammer. Jake ignores Justice and tries to pick the hammer up, but… can’t!
Deadpool thinks this explaineth much, actually. He tries to explain that none of this is actually happening and refers to the typewriter. Justice uses his psychokinetic nimbus power to trap both Jake and Deadpool, suggesting that they take this lunatic conversation outside. Deadpool wants to know what’s going to happen to their grand battles, and the bathroom?! Justice has heard enough and angrily punches them into the sky, making them land back into the city.
Jake has noticed that Deadpool still hasn’t answered his question. Deadpool thinketh Justice liketh them not (try saying that three times fast!). Wade wonders why people don’t think how a man such him could be worthy of the power of Thor?! He thinks it’s arrogant of Jake to assume o’er much. He thinks it worth it relative and that he is a relative of the house of Odin. Jake tries to get his powers back by hitting the hammer onto the ground, but nothing happens. This isn’t possible…
Deadpool jokes that mayhap Jake aren’t quite so worthy as he thinketh. And, he adds, since Jake knoweth so much, Wade wants to now why he know doth talks like Shakespeare? And he also wants to know what the deal with Marilyn Manson is. Jake gives up hitting the hammer, and angrily asks Deadpool if this is somehow more of Enrakt’s doing. He stops shouting, remembering that Deadpool said he was of the house of Odin. Wade thinks that the outhouse would mayhap be a more appropriate name for it, but confirms he is. Jake wants to know who Deadpool’s father is. Loki emerges from the shadows, and smiles that he is. He strikes Jake down!
Next thing Wade knows, he is back where this all started, at Loki’s lab. Wade notices Jake waking up in the holding tank he used to be in, and suggests that he breathes shallow and to try to ignore the taste of the green fluid in it. Jake angrily recognizes Loki, and asks him if what new bedevilment is this. He asks Loki if he hasn’t wrecked enough havoc these past days. Loki smiles to his dear brother that he hasn’t, and that it shall never be enough. He wishes to leave Jake with a token of his esteem. To give him the smallest taste of what he has suffered so much these many ages. To leave Jake to feel like he feels. To have Jake lose his birthright to another more worthy.
Wade jokes that would be him. Jake snoozeth and loseth. Loki thinks that’s well said. And now, he wants Wade to behold his beloved, and releases Death from her holding tank! Wade is thrilled and immediately hugs her, telling her it’s with exceeding joy that he casts his eyes upon hers. However, Death doesn’t say anything back and stares in front of her. Deadpool wants to know what’s wrong. Loki finds it alas, but he fears Death may now love another.
Death floats towards Jake, who shouts at the demon to get away from him. Loki smiles and tells his son that women are of twain minds. He remembers to have some… experience… with Death and is happy that this is happening. He congratulates his son, as he is now worthy for his spectre! He thinks that mayhap Death now loveth Jake, who writhes in disgrace. Jake defends that shall never happen, as he as the true son of Odin shall never bow for a villain like Loki.
Deadpool tells Loki to hold on a second. He realizes that this was all Loki’s plan all along, and that he carest only to destroy his brother rather than to embrace his son. Loki doesn’t know what harm there is in achieving both. Wade doesn’t believe anymore that Loki is his father. Loki defends that he is, but Wade jokes that he is. Loki again says that he is, so Wade tries to trick him and also says that Loki is his father. Loki walks into the joke and confesses that he isn’t Wade’s father. That is what Deadpool wanted to hear, and he angrily slams the trickster in his face!
Wade thinks that Loki must think that he, as the son of… whoever, must be dumb. He doesn’t understand how he could use him so cruelly, (without meeting his discount is one thing), but to usurp the love of a good woman… is criminal! And thus does Wade decides to surrender his uru hammer to the man who is truly worthy. He throws the hammer against Jake’s holding tank, who grabs it and is glad this is finally happening. Jake suggests that now, the heavens better sing and that all of Asgard, Midgard and all the realms in between proudly proclaim that Thor is back!
But, Jake still doesn’t get his powers back! This isn’t possible! Loki apologizes towards his dear brother, but smiles he could not hear him o’er the singing heavens. He explains that the Mighty Thor is no more and that Jake is no longer worthy. And that he has been delivered into the hands of Death. All told, this is a busy hour. Loki points his attention towards his “son,” Deadpool. He uses his magic to trap him, explaining to Wade that he still needs some life lessons. And therefore, as his father, Loki promises he shall teach him those. He casts a curse on Wade, shouting that his life shall fall into ruin until he dost seeks his father’s forgiveness. Loki decides to leave now and teleports off, as his joy is full.
Jake thinks that this is all madness. Wade agrees, since of madness, he knoweth much. Jake wonders how he can’t be worthy anymore. He notices Death approaching him and angrily slaps her out of his sight. Deadpool tells Jake to calm down as Death is merely doing her job. He tells Jake to take deep breaths and to do what he does: remind himself that none of this is really happening. Jake screams. Wade jokes that Jake must be feeling better already. He tells Jake to repeat after him: “there is a man… a typewriter.”
Jake shouts at Deadpool to stop talking nonsense and to take him back to Earth. Wade picks up his hammer and, together with Death and Jake, travels back home. But, he understandeth not (which technically speaking isn’t anything new). Jake reveals that it’s like Wade always said: this is all an illusion, and that even the Eldritch spells of Loki can’t usurp the eternal power of Odin. But Loki can and most likely did conceal Mjolnir from Jake’s eyes.
They fly back towards the Chrysler Building. Wade reminds Jake that he has Mjolnir now. Jake agrees that it might appear that way. However, he thinks the son of the morning is persuaded and that, if his father’s words are true, all the others throughout the universe may be liars as well. He shouts that this day’s mockery ends now. He digs through some dust, and… finds Mjolnir?! Jake slams his fist on it, and demands that his mortal shell to be taken away from him, so the Mighty Thor can once again return. Lightning appears, and the real Thor returns!
Thor is glad that he, the son of Odin, is finally free of Loki’s foul trickery. Wade jokes that nobody could be happier than him. Thor explains that Wade’s “hammer” was a mere forgery, possibly the same that was forged of genuine uru metal by Harokin, who created it to confound him. He believes ‘tis a simple matter to such as Loki to borrow a spell that would enable the forgery to fly as Mjolnir, and the rest is simple cosmetics. He thinks its clear that Loki means to distract him momentarily from his current scheme against his father’s throne. Now, Thor thinks that what remains is to smite Death.
Deadpool refuses to see that happen and tackles Thor down. Thor warns Wade to get away, as his quarrel isn’t with him. Wade defends it is, as Thor means to harm the woman he loves. Thor tries to explain to Wade that Death is a spirit, like a shade composed of evil. Wade warns Thor not to speak about anything he doesn’t know. He also asks Thor if he can keep the fake hammer. Thor has had enough mockery for one day, and he and Deadpool start fighting. Thor refuses to go any further with this, and uses his hammer to smash Wade down! He faints.
A few moments later, Wade wakes up again and has been found by a hospital doctor. The doctor explains that he is glad to see Wade alive, as they thought they had lost him for a moment. Wade asks where Thor is, but the doctor claims they haven’t seen anyone besides Wade. Wade jokes he must have scared him off. Wade excuses himself, and decides to head back home.
Wade admits he doesn’t know if he can still call his motel room “home” after all that has happened. Both Death and Thor are gone… it is like none of this has actually happened. He remembers Loki’s curse. He wonders how bad it could be. He takes off his mask, and stares in a mirror and is startled to find out that… his face has been restored back to normal!
