When Deadpool and Wolverine take a swing at each other, Deadpool believes that they both missed making contact and proceeds to point his gun at Logan. Realizing he can’t pull the trigger, he looks down and wonders what is happening, only to discover that the three middle fingers on each hand have been deftly sliced off by Logan’s claws. Deadpool laments ah crap, I really needed those.
Running away, Deadpool says to himself “stupid flipper-hands.” When he attempts to hold another gun, it slips out of his hands and knocks him in the face. He then thinks to himself Dear diary, in my mind I saw this all working out a lot more smoothly, you know. His mind replies no, they don’t, actually. Explain. Wait, who am I talking to? His mind asks if he’s a telepath. No. His mind tells him then he’s talking to himself. Oh, okay.
At that moment, Logan leaps towards Deadpool and is promptly greeted with a boot to his face. As Deadpool faces off against Logan again, he knew he’d be mad, but… He says to himself but he didn’t think he’d be smart and mad. Yeah, more or less. He was thinking more along the lines of…
In his thoughts, Deadpool sees the image of Wolverine in front of him as a bull charging towards him. His mind says that he sees. So the fact that he cut off his trigger fingers is…? Disturbing, yeah. He had plans for them. When Logan slices his gun to pieces, Deadpool says to himself that he had lots of plans. Still do. All kinds of plans. He then says to himself that’s why he don’t want anything unexpected to happen.
Somewhere else, a shadowy figure enters a room where a Captain America costume lies on the bed.
Step 1 – Meet Wolverein at end of cable car line – Check. Step 2 – Fight Wolverein – Check. Step 3 – Lay bait and escape – Check. Step 4 – Proceed to objective point gamma. Running down the street, Deadpool looks down at his fingers and tells them to grow dammit, grow! Reaching a metal trash bin, Deadpool thinks to himself Step 4 – Proceed to objective point gamma – Check. Attempting to unlock it, he mutters that he should’ve used… combination lock… When he finally gets it open, he thinks to himself he is stymied, he can’t use any of the weapons stashed there. Aloud, he again curses his flipper-hands. He then determines that he could use that if Logan were to stand right there.
Just then, Logan comes around the corner and narrowly misses being shot with a rocket-launcher. The rocket ends up hitting a car behind him instead, causing it to explode. Step 17 – Blow up car (make it look cool) – Check. Deadpool then quips fingers – who needs ‘em!?
Looking around, Deadpool wonders where Logan went to. Quickly looking to his right, he doesn’t see Logan there either. He could’ve sworn that he… You can’t swear. Huh? Well, you can but it just comes out like “$@%&” or “&*#$.” Really, wacky. He then asks what about his favorite one, can he say that. Not sure, give it a try. As he says #$*&*%, Logan kicks him in the head, knocking him to the ground.
Standing over him, Logan retracts his claws and tells Wade that he’s gonna bash his brains out. Deadpool stands up and asks him if he really thinks he’s got the chops for that, the karate chops. He then challenges Logan by motioning for him to come over with his pinky finger and telling him let’s see it, get his booty on the dance floor. As the car behind Logan finally explodes, Logan leaps at Deadpool and they proceed to duck it out. Each giving as good as they get. Finally, Deadpool says to Logan that he’s got a joke for him.
“So, this Mexican guy comes riding up to the border on his bicycle with two big sacks over his shoulders. He tells the border guard that the sacks are full of sand, but the guard doesn’t believe him. The guard detains the guy, then rips open the bags – nothing but sand. He even has the sand analyzed only to find out that it really is just sand and the sack is just a plain ol’ sack. Two days later, the same thing happens and it happens again two days after that. Every time, the guy on the bike is carrying nothing but sand. This goes on for seven years. It drives the border guard crazy, like really crazy. He loses his job because of it. So, one day, he tracks down the Mexican guy down and says to him: ‘I’m no longer a border guard, but I gotta know. What is it that you were smuggling? Because I know you were smuggling something.’ The guy smiles at him and says…” Before Deadpool can finish his joke, Logan connects with a kick to his face and knocks him backwards.
Standing over him, Logan prepares to give Deadpool the final killing strike with his claws. Deadpool thinks to himself so this is it. And he can’t think of a single funny thing to say about it. Oh wait, yes he can. He then finishes his joke – “bicycles sucker.”
Before Logan is able to slash him, a lady screams out behind them that her baby is in the burning car behind them. Logan stops in his tracks, drops Deadpool and heads over to the lady. Looking in the car, Logan sees a baby strapped in their seat. He tells the lady to stand back and proceeds to punch the window out of the car. When he does, he is hit with a back draft of flame. Picking himself off the ground, Logan yells out no and rushes headfirst towards the flaming car. When he reaches the baby, he discovers that it is mechanical and that it has a timer. When it reaches 0.00.01, the baby utters, “Uh-oh, pooh-pooh.” At that moment, the baby blows up, in turn catching Logan with the full blast.
With Logan out of the way, Deadpool walks up to the lady and gives her wad of cash. He says to her that she really sold it, even he believed her and he knew it was fake. The lady asks really? Deadpool tells her oh yeah and that he’s gonna give her a little extra to go get a headshot done. The lady asks if he means for auditions, wow. Does he really think she could do that? Deadpool tells her absolutely. He’s heard it all. People begging for their lives, death howls, and that scream of hers ranked right up there with them.
The lady asks “death howls?” Deadpool says yeah. It’s the noise that happens when people scream in pain right before they die. It’s really strong at first, but then it just kind of trails off because there’s not another breath behind it, you know. When the lady sees Logan staggering out of the fire behind Deadpool, she looks on in horror. Deadpool tells her that’s good too. Mortal terror, right?
When the lady runs off, Deadpool calmly turns around and says, “Hey, Logan,” and invites him to say hello to his “little friend.” With that, his fingers begin to regenerate. When they do, he pulls a gun out and proceeds to unload it into the charging Wolverine. He then flips him over his head and turns to shoot him some more. Before he can, however, Logan kicks the gun out of his hand and stabs him in his right side with his left claws. Not to be outdone, Deadpool takes a knife and stabs Logan in his right side with it and holds it there with his left hand.
As Logan calls out in pain, Deadpool says it hurts, doesn’t it. Logan then takes his right claws and jams them into Deadpool’s left side. Deadpool thinks to himself that his lungs are full of blood and he’s pretty sure his aorta’s been severed. He’ll be dead within seconds. He tells Logan “him first” and jams another knife through his neck. Spent, they both lean against each other, bleeding profusely as the fire rages behind them.
