Marvelous Adventures of Gus Beezer: X-Men #1

Issue Date: 
May 2003
Story Title: 
: “X” Marks the Mutant

Gail Simone (writer), Jason Lethcoe (artist), Hi-Fi (colorist), Dave Sharpe (letterer), Mike Raicht (editor), Joe Quesada (editor-in-chief), Bill Jemas (president)

Brief Description: 

Gus Beezer and some of his friends perform a skit of them pretending to be X-Men to his class. His classmates are not impressed, nor is the teacher, who faints when Gus knocks open the hamster cage and the hamster climbs onto her head. That evening around the dinner table, Gus’s friend Autumn tells his parents what happened at school, and when Gus’s little sister Tillie throws her food at their parents, they think it is Gus and send him to his room. Gus pretends that he is Wolverine again, and that his mother is Magneto when she instructs him to clean his room up. His sister goes into his room and messes it up again when he calls out to his mother to come and look at it. He is then “double extra seriously grounded”. On the way to school the next day, Gus tries to explain to his friend James about mutants, and later, phones the police, informing them that he is a mutant, he asks if they have any super villains he could beat up. He tells his friend Autumn that he must be a mutant, what with all the crazy stuff that happens to him. However, Wolverine, Jean Grey, Cyclops and Professor X soon arrive in Gus’s hometown after Cerebro detected a very powerful mutant. During recess, Gus is forced to contend with a fellow student who criticizes him about his skit yesterday, and on the way home, pretends to be the X-Men again with his friends. Arriving home, Mrs Beezer gives Gus and his friends some brownies and asks them to keep an eye on Tillie while she does the gardening. Gus shows his friends his comic book collection, and brags about the X-Men, except for Professor X, who he doesn’t like - just as Professor X and the others enter his room. Gus is pleased that they have come to offer him membership, while Autumn asks Cyclops if he is married. Gus wants to know all the things he can do as a member of the X-Men, before Professor X informs him that they are not here for him - but his sister. Gus is confused, as his sister is a baby and doesn’t even read comics, but the little girl display some psychic power as she levitates the brownies towards herself. Gus doesn’t want the X-Men to take his sister away, and stands up to them. The Professor explains that they don’t want to take her away and just want to make sure she is safe. As the X-Men prepare to leave, Wolverine tells Gus that he was brae standing up to them, and gives him his X-Men jacket, before they leave. One month later, Gus rings the police department asking if they can send some Sentinels to take his sister away for a day.

Full Summary: 

An unimpressed Wolverine holds the boy Gus Beezer up off the ground by his t-shirt. ‘Hello, X-fans! Boy, are you in for a cool story, all about mutants and hamsters and brownies, and…’ his voice trails off as he decides that he better not give away the sensational surprises in this issue. The boy introduces himself and welcomes readers to his comic. He explains that normally he only gets to read about mutants in his comics, and boasts that he has the best, coolest collection of crazy comics in his whole town, but that this adventure has real mutants in it. ‘One of those mutants happens to be this guy holding me up. His name is Wolverine. We’re great pals. He’s in this comic, too, so try not to upset him and just enjoy the book…okay?’

‘We are totally the X-Men!’ Gus Beezer shouts as he and his friends are dressed up as Wolverine, Cyclops and Storm. ‘And we’re here to defeat our nefarious nemesis, Magneto!’ Gus, who is pretending to be Wolverine, declares. ‘You’re in trouble now, bub!’ Gus tells “Magneto”, and asks “Storm” to attack. But the girl pretending to be Storm replies that Magneto has her in his magnetic grasp. ‘Cyclops, help!’ she calls out. ‘Wait… are you talking to me? I thought I was Wolver-clops’ the boy replies, confused. Gus steps forward and declares that he is Wolverine. ‘And you’re Cyclops’ he tells his friend, who apologizes and claims that he forgot.
‘This “battle” is quite unacceptable. I have no good lines!’ the boy playing Magneto complains. ‘And now, you get taught a lesson - X-style, bub!’ “Wolverine” exclaims as he shakes his fist at “Magneto”, who adds that he doesn’t even get to say “Bah”.

The girl playing Storm tells “Magneto” that they will never allow him to harm innocent humans. ‘Now you must face the fury of a raging hurricane!’ she exclaims, when suddenly, someone bursts into laughter. ‘Lame!’ someone else calls out. ‘Some “hurricane”!’ a third declares. Gus and his friends stop the act. The girl playing Storm holds up a small hand-held fan and wears a cape. The boy playing Magneto has a metal colander on his head and also wears a cape. ‘Uh, Gus… I think the class hates our skit’ the girl utters to Gus, who has three pencils stick between his fingers as pretend claws. ‘What? No way, Autumn! Impossible!’ Gus replies, boasting that the class is just amazingly agog at his daringly different drama. ‘I can’t see…’ the boy playing Cyclops calls out as he fumbles around, a ViewMaster stuck to his face pretending to be his visor.

‘Oh, no! Magneto’s using his magnetism on my adamantium bones!’ Gus exclaims, pretending to be under attack, and knocking himself against the table where the hamster cage sits. Suddenly, ‘Stop this at once!’ the classroom teacher orders. ‘Aww… just when I was getting mean’ the boy playing Magneto complains. ‘Gus Beezer! Just look at what you’ve done!’ the teacher exclaims, pointing her finger at Gus, asking him why he couldn’t do a nice skit like the other children? ‘Mrs Wendall! Your hair!’ Gus exclaims, and the teacher screams, realizing the hamster is on her head. ‘Get it off! Get it off me!’ she pleads, before fainting. Autumn tells someone to get the principal, and suggests that Gus pour some water on her to wake her up. ‘But I’m afraid I’ll drown the hamster’ Gus replies, holding the bucket of water.

That evening, at the Beezer household, Autumn has joined the Beezer family for dinner and sits next to Gus as she exclaims ‘Then Gus made Mrs Wendall have a seizure!’, to which Gus quickly replies that he did not, and adds that she said it was time for a long vacation anyway. Gus’s little sister smiles in her high chair, while Gus tells his parents that they are supposed to have a conference with Mrs Wendall, and reveals that he might have to buy her a new wig. ‘I’m really sorry’ he tells his parents. Mr Beezer looks at his wife and asks what they can take away this time. ‘I don’t know… it sounds like it was an accident. Maybe it really wasn’t his fault’ Mrs Beezer replies. Suddenly, three brussell sprouts hit Mrs Beezer in the head. ‘That’s it, young man. You are grounded!’ Mrs Beezer declares, picking her son up and carrying him away. ‘But, Mom, I didn’t do it! I’m innocent!’ Gus pleads. Mr Beezer turns to his young daughter, Tillie, and remarks that sometimes he worries about that boy. ‘Food yucky!’ the little girl replies.

Gus sits on his bed in his room. A poster that says “Mutants are people too” taped above his bed. He holds three pencils between his fingers, pretending they are claws, and tells his dog, whom he calls Zabu, ‘They wouldn’t do this to me if I really was an X-Man!’ The dog just yawns.
Gus then pretends to be Wolverine, boasting that he is the best there is at what he does. He pretends to leap out his window and declares that if he was Wolverine, he would head out for Canada and no one could stop him. ‘Hey, an igloo!’ he remarks, before remarking that he could hunt out his own food, and snarls at a pizza delivery boy. ‘And you’d better clean up this room, Gus. It looks like a pigsty. Get to it, mister!’ Mrs Beezer tells her son. Gus pretends that she is Magneto, and clenches his fists, ‘Command… to… clean room… sending me into… berserker rage!’

An agonizing hour of hard cleaning later, Gus mutters that cleaning is hard work, and hopes that his Mom won’t be quite to mad now. Just then, his little sister waddles into his room, asking him to play with her. ‘Not now, Tillie…’ Gus replies, before shouting out to his Mom, telling her that he is done and his room is spotless. Gus leans against his doorframe looking pleased with himself, as Mrs Beezer strides to him and tells him that he had better done a spectacular job] ‘I’m not kidding arou - Gus! What in the world?’ Mrs Beezer demands, hands on her hips, looking unimpressed. Gus is in awe, staring at papers, toys and socks strewn about the floor. ‘But…but…’ he utters.

Soon, Gus frowns on his bed, arms folded, he mutters that he doesn’t think there even is such a thing as being “double extra seriously grounded”. Tillie holds a doll up to Gus and asks him ti play again. ‘Not right now, Tillie. Go away. I’ve got a lot to think about’ Gus tells her.

The next day, on their way to school, Autumn tells Gus that she doesn’t see how he can be sure he is a mutant. ‘What is a mutant, anyway?’ James, the boy who was pretending to be Cyclops yesterday, inquires. ‘James, you have got to read more comics’ Gus replies, unimpressed. He explains that mutants are people that are born with terrific powers - like wings or mental powers or junk that like. As they enter their classroom, James tells Gus that his father says mutants are bad. ‘A few are bad, like the Brotherhood. But some are cool, like the X-Men! They help protect all mutants, and normal humans, too’ Gus explains. Mrs Wendall wears a large hat on her head and frowns at Gus, who sheepishly bids her good morning and tells her that her hat is lovely.

At the lunchtime recess, Gus puts some coins into a payphone and tells Autumn that it all adds up - crazy things keep happening around him, so he must be a mutant. ‘Did you ever think that maybe you’re just really, really, klutzy?’ Autumn suggests. Gus speaks down the phone: ‘Hello, police department? I think I’m a mutant. Do you have any super-villains I could beat up for practice?’ he asks. ‘Hello? Hello?’ he calls out when he gets no response, and decides that it must be a bad connection. Autumn looks sceptical, while Gus exclaims ‘Wow, me a mutant! Maybe I’ll even join the X-Men! Fly around in their brain-bendingly awesome jet plane!’

And, that afternoon, on the outskirts of town, a jet takes off into the air, and shortly, lands in a neighborhood, where Cyclops tells Professor X that this hardly looks like the place to fund such a powerful mutant. ‘Potential mutant, Cyclops’ Professor X remarks, while Jean Grey announces that it does appear as if this potential is displaying some powers at a very young age. Wolverine walks out of the jet as Professor X tells Jean that according to Cerebro, somewhere in this small town is a mutant so powerful that it is best to proceed with caution. Wolverine tells the Professor that if this mutant really is as powerful as he says, then it never hurts to be prepared, and his pops his razor-sharp claws.

‘Go away!’ Gus shouts, as he hangs upside down from some jungle gym bars during final recess. ‘Not until I’ve told you all the errors in your little “play”’ an older boy tells Gus, who puts his hands over his ears. ‘For example, you were using spoons for Wolverine’s claws and they weren’t even adamantium spoons. And the real Cyclops doesn’t have a 3-D viewer taped to his head and…’, but Gus screams and tells Dunbar that he netter go away, otherwise he will use his mutant chaos power. ‘You? A mutant? Tis to laugh, Gus Beezer’ Dunbar replies. ‘That’s it! It’s chaos time!’ Gus exclaims, before he suddenly falls off the bars and hit’s the ground. ‘Well, that was certainly a fierce mental attack’ Dunbar remarks. ‘It’s hard to balance when you’re using psychic powers. Ow’ Gus responds.

After school: ‘Boy am I glad that day is over’ Gus tells Autumn and James as they walk home. Autumn tells the boys that she heard the hamster is making a nest out of Mrs Wendall’s old wig. Gus crosses his arms and asks if they can quit talking about the hamster. ‘Come on, sourpuss…race ya to your house! Storm versus Wolverine!’ Autumn exclaims as she starts to run away. ‘No fair! Head star!’ Gus complains, while Autumn tells James to come on, as they are racing. James smiles, ‘You asked for it! Here comes Wolverclops!’ he calls out. ‘It’s Cyclops, ya goof!’ Gus scolds his friend.

Soon, ‘Wolverine wins again!’ Gus declares as he arrives at his front door. To find his mother waiting for him. She greets the kids and tells Gus that his sister is in her playpen. She asks him to keep an eye on Tillie while she takes care of some gardening in the back. ‘But, Mom! I just slaved though a deathly dull day of school! Why do I have to baby-sit?’ Gus complains. ‘Because otherwise you don’t get brownies’ Mrs Beezer replies, holding out a tray of brownies. ‘Thank you, Mrs Beezer’ James and Autumn say in unison as they take a brownie each. ‘Auggh! Betrayed by my so-called “friends” for chocolate goodness!’ Gus mutters. ‘What did you say, Gus?’ Mrs Beezer asks. ‘Nothing!’ Gus replies charmingly. ‘Better not have, or I might suddenly remember that your double extra seriously grounded’ Mrs Beezer declares.

And, in Gus’s room, the kids start to read some comic books. ‘So these Sentinels…they hunt down mutants?’ James asks. ‘Yeah’ Gus replies. ‘But don’t worry. The X-Men always stop those dumb robot dudes’, before remarking that the one X-Man he doesn’t get is the bald guy, Professor X. ‘I mean, he’s like completely and undeniably lame’ Gus declares. Suddenly, ‘Ahem’ a voice calls out, and Gus turns to see Professor X, Jean Grey and Cyclops standing in his bedroom doorway. ‘Pardon our intrusion, but your door was open’ Professor X points out. Gus grins and leaps to his feet, ‘I knew it! You’ve come for me! I knew you would!’ he exclaims. ‘Oh, man. What do I take with me? I should take my toothbrush… should I take my homework? What am I thinking!’

Wolverine enters the room too, and James looks at him, while Gus declares ‘Wow, me an X-Man!’ before asking if he can visit his Mom and Dad, and whether he can take his fearless guard dog, Zabu? Autumn starts talking to Cyclops, and introduces herself, before asking Cyclops if he is married, but gets no response. ‘Excuse me, young man…’ Professor X begins, but Gus excitedly asks if he can bring his comics. ‘It’s only a couple thousand or so…’ his voice trails off as he thinks of himself wearing an X-costume, while Professor X calls out to him, but gets no response again. ‘Can I drive the plane? I hardly ever crash on my bike!’ Gus claims, before Professor X appears in his thoughts. ‘Young man. Please pay attention’ the Professor declares. ‘Whoa! You’re talking in my head! That is so awesome!’ Gus declares as he starts to dance about, asking the Professor to make him cluck like a chicken, and to make him sing show tunes.

The Professor slaps his forehead and sighs, before telling Gus that he is sorry, but he seems to be under a false impression. ‘We’re not here for you’ the Professor announces. ‘What? But… but I thought…’ a horrified Gus starts to reply, before Jean Grey announces that they are here for Gus’s little sister, Tillie. She asks him if his parents are here, as they would like to talk to him. ‘Tillie want brownie!’ the girl calls out from inside her playpen. ‘My sister? But… she’s just a baby! She doesn’t even read comics!’ Gus declares. ‘Brownies - come!’ Tillie calls out, and the plate of brownies starts to move towards her. ‘Oh, man. Mom and Dad are going to freak’ Gus remarks, while Tillie starts to eat the brownies.

Suddenly, Gus asks the X-Men if they are here to take away his sister, and tells them that they cant have her, as she is just a baby. ‘My Mom told me to watch out for her’ he adds, as he, James and Autumn stand in front of the playpen. ‘Mighty touch talk, little bub’ Wolverine smiles. The Professor assures Gus that they are not here to take her, and that they just wanted to make sure she was safe here. ‘As long as you’re her older brother, I’m sure that she will be’ the Professor adds.

Soon, the kids are out on the street, ‘Wow! The real X-Jet!’ Gus exclaims, while Cyclops tells Autumn that he is really sorry, but that he is married. Wolverine removes his jacket and hands it to Gus, telling him that it was pretty brave protecting his sister like that. ‘I’d say, even if you ain’t a mutant, you could be an honorary X-Man’ he smiles. ‘Whoa!’ Gus exclaims, and Jean kisses him on the cheek, seconding Wolverine’s notion. ‘Blurble blurble glah!’ Gus utters. The kids watch as the X-Men leave in the X-Jet and James announces that he has to read more comics. ‘That. Was. So. COOL!’ Gus exclaims.

One month later, Gus is wearing his X-jacket, and is on the phone to the police. ‘Yeah, yeah. I’m calling about my sister. See, she’s this really powerful mutant…’ he begins. ‘How do I know? Well, she can mess up my room in two seconds flat! She can steal my dessert from across the room!’ he adds, before asking the police if they have any Sentinels or something to come and take his sister away, just for a day. ‘No? What kind of police station is this?’ he complains, before hanging the phone up. He turns to his sister, and tells her that he better learn to get used to her. Tillie smiles and tells Gus that her diaper is stinky and that he has to change it. Gus just screams.

Characters Involved: 

Cyclops, Phoenix IV, Wolverine, Professor X (all X-Men)

Gus Beezer

Mr & Mrs Beezer

Tillie Beezer

Autumn & James

Mrs Wendall


Story Notes: 

Gus Beezer is a character who appears in several other one-shots all released around the same time as this one - Marvelous Adventures of Gus Beezer: Hulk; Spider-Man; Gus Beezer & Spider-Man, all written by Gail Simone.

At the bottom of each page runs a second story, drawn by Gus Beezer, telling a story about his sister turning into a giant and how he saved the city from her.

Autumn is called Amber early on in the story.

Issue Information: 
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