Present:
‘Not so fast’ the bouncer standing outside the “Café De Morte” exclaims as Hercules approaches him. ‘Excuse me, my friend, but I believe you might be mistaking me for a common delivery man, when that’s really not the case’ Hercules replies, carrying a large wooden storage crate. Hercules informs the bouncer that he is here to see his uncle, and introduces himself, before explaining that he is in a bit of a hurry. ‘So if you don’t mind…’ Hercules begins. The bouncer replies that he knows very well who Hercules is as he grabs Hercules by the wrist. ‘Good. Then you’ll know what happens to people who put their hands on - Zounds!’ Hercules interrupts himself as he shoves the bounder against the wall, only to discover that the bouncer is a zombie gangster!
‘Zombie gangster. Now that’s not something you see every day’ Hercules remarks. ‘Yeah, so? Wanna make something outta it?’ the zombie asks. ‘Actually, I just want to make a hole in your chest so I can open the door’ Hercules replies as he does just that - punches a hole through the zombie’s chest, and smashes the door opens. Hercules drops the zombie to the floor of the café and thanks him for his cooperation. ‘Now, where is my -’ Hercules begins, before looking up and seeing that the whole café is full of zombie gangsters. ‘Zounds!’ he exclaims, before muttering ‘I said that already, didn’t I?’
The zombies look up from their tables and from playing pool - and all all-out brawl begins. Hercules ditches the large wooden crate as he engages in combat with the zombies - tearing them apart, literally. One zombie bites down on Hercules’s fingers, while another tries to shoot the Olympian in the head. But neither have any effect, until suddenly, ‘You know, I’d like to say how nice it is when family drops in…but then we both know I’d be lying’. Hercules looks up and sees his uncle, Pluto, standing before him, flanked by several more zombie gangsters.
Hercules gets up and tells his uncle that he knows they have not been on the best of terms lately, but that a situation has come up that only he can address. ‘Let me guess…it has something to do with this’ Pluto replies as he motions to the wooden crate - which now lies smashed and broken - revealing Wolverine a.k.a. Logan, inside - only he is frozen in stone.
Elsewhere, ‘Look. See? What am I supposed to do with this? This was not what I was promised’ Polyphemus the Cyclops remarks as he holds up a Hand ninja, who vanishes in a green glow, as Polyphemus drops the remaining cloak down to Matsu’o Tsurayaba and Achelous the Minotaur, who holds the head of Eurytheus in his hands. ‘Not since thaN slut Helen started all that trouble in Troy has this world seen the likes of this…and you’re complaining you don’t have enough leftovers to eat?’ Eurytheus asks as a massive battle rages below them - soldiers and zombies fighting against the Hand operatives, while mythical ancient beings like the harpies and centaurs join in, the sky above a fiery orange-red.
‘OW!’ Polyphemus exclaims as several Hand ninjas start stabbing into his back. ‘Serves you right’ Eurytheus tells him. Polyphemus manages to shake his attackers from his back, while Eurytheus tells Achelous that when he had him ressurect these figures from ancient times, he never imagined they would be so whiny. Achelous the Minotaur tells Eurytheus that if he was dead for thousands of years, he might wake up a bit cranky. ‘Of course, I’m telling this to a man that’s just a head, so…still it’s a thing of beauty you’ve created here, King Eurytheus. Wouldn’t you agree, Matsu’o?’
‘Um…yes. Sure’ Matsu’o replies. But Eurytheus tells him that he does not sound very certain. Matsu’o explains that he has felt minimized by his position in the Hand, and has wanted to regain it - but not like this. ‘I’m only going to say this once, Matsu’o…cut the crap’ Eurytheus declares. ‘What? How dare you speak to me that -’ Matsu’o begins as he reaches for his sword, only for Achelous to bump Matsu’o aside, causing him to drop his sword and fall to the ground. ‘Easy’ Achelous warns Matsu’o. while Eurytheus then tells Achelous to take it easy and asks him to put him down next to Matsu’o, pointing out that they are old friends.
Achelous lowers Eurytheus downwards, and the severed head asks Matsu’o, ‘You think I wanted to be pitted in life against Hercules?’ ‘Look, I don’t -’ Matsu’o begins, but Eurytheus interrupts, remarking that to take on an Olympian god, to have devised twelve tasks to take down said Olympian god, to go so far as to hunt his children down even after his mortal death. ‘Look at where it’s all gotten me - I’m a head with not eyes in a box, for Zeus’ sake!’ he exclaims, before remarking that the thing is, he was destined to do it. ‘I took the best of what the gods had handed me in life and I ran with it. And that’s what you’re doing right here’ he tells Matsu’o. Eurytheus tells him that he is going to break the Hand down and take it over - because that is what he is destined to do. Matsu’o looks away as Eurytheus tells him to stop bitching and just deal with it already.
Back at the Café de Morte, ‘Your espresso, Mister Hercules’ a zombie waiter declares as he brings the hot beverage and places it on the table, where Hercules and Pluto sit, with the stone Wolverine standing at Hercules’s side. ‘What’s the matter?’ Pluto asks. ‘You drink it’ Hercules tells him, pointing at the drink. ‘Oh, for the love of - fine’ Pluto mutters as he picks up the cup, and begins to drink - before suddenly clutching at his throat, he falls on his face, which smacks into the table. ‘I knew it!’ Hercules exclaims as he gets up.
‘Knew what you idiot. If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already’ Pluto declares, before asking Hercules if he honestly thought there is a poison that could affect him, the God of Death. ‘Oh…yeah. Good point’ Hercules replies as he sits back down. ‘Now before I change my mind and do decide to have you killed…what is it you want?’ Pluto asks. ‘Remember how I owe you a favor, on account you allowed me into Hades during my new labours?’ Hercules asks, before announcing that he is here to pay up. ‘How so?’ Pluto asks, leaning closer.
‘You’re looking at him’ Hercules reveals, motioning to the stone Wolverine. ‘I’m not following…’ Pluto admits, to which Hercules tells Pluto that he is going to allow him to turn Wolverine back. ‘Let me get this straight…you come here. You wreck my club. Beat up my men…and you claim you’re going to do me a favor by having me save your friend?’ Pluto declares, before announcing that, on second thought, he is going to have Hercules killed. The gangster zombies all turn and aim their weapons at Hercules, who replies ‘Have it your way, but…I’m reminded here of something you once told me, how you don’t celebrate holidays…you celebrate war’.
Hercules motions to Wolverine and asks Pluto if there is anybody who has ever been able to wage war on the scale of Wolverine. ‘To keep your realm of death filled with a constant flow of the newly dead? Who will fill the void in the wars to come, I wonder?’ Hercules asks. He tells his uncle to think carefully, asking if it is really in his best interests to have Wolverine silenced forever more. Pluto just frowns.
Soon, ‘For once, you being a murdering lunatic was of some use’ Hercules tells his friend as they leave “Café De Morte”. Hercules asks, now that is done, where they are going to find Eurytheus and Matsu’o? Wolverine replies that he doesn’t know, before admitting that he feels a little weird. ‘Having been stone like that. Now turning back. They don’t cover that part in “Clash of the Titans”, do they?’ Wolverine asks. ‘Oh, boy. “Clash of the Titans”. Here we go again’ Hercules mutters. ‘What?’ Wolverine asks. ‘You mortals and your “Clash of the Titans”. That’s all you know about Greco-Roman mythology’ Hercules declares as the men walk under some scaffolding. ‘What can I tell ya. It was a popular movie’ Logan points out.
‘Popular, perhaps. But accurate?’ Hercules asks, explaining that Perseus did not ride Pegasus, nor did he fight Calibos. ‘And don’t get me started on Bobo that idiotic owl…’ Hercules declares, while Wolverine picks up a scent, and quietly tells Hercules to keep yapping like he is doing. Hercules understands, and emerges from under the scaffolding, still talking about the movie: ‘And the Kraken. The monster’s name was Cetus, not Kraken. Do you know, even my fellow Olympians call it the Kraken now, that they have been poisoned by…’
On the rooftop of a building on the other side of the road, two ninjas are observing Hercules. ‘Wolverine…’ one of them remarks. ‘Where did he…?’ the other begins. ‘Surprise, surprise!’ Wolverine declares as he appears behind them, holding his claws to their necks. ‘Yes indeed’ a fourth person remarks - as they hold a sword to Wolverine’s neck. ‘Whew. You know, I’m not exactly Spider-Man, able to scale buildings and…’ Hercules remarks as he climbs onto the rooftop - where he finds Wolverine in trouble, and several other ninjas ready to attack. ‘So nice of you o join us, Hercules’ the ninja holding the sword to Wolverine’s throat announces. ‘I believe we all need to have a conversation’ the ninja announces.
And soon, Hercules and Wolverine are in a jet, soaring towards the island of Ithaca. Hercules remarks that Odysseus was perhaps the greatest master strategist the world has ever seen. Hercules tells Wolverine that if Eurytheus and Matsu’o manage to resurrect him, with the army the Hand claims they already have, then all may be lost. But Wolverine points out that they are not licked yet. ‘I mean, who’d ever thought the Hand would be coming to us for help, fer crissakes’ he points out. Soon, they land on Ithaca. ‘We’re about to find out’ one of the men remarks.
They make their way down to Odysseus’s temple. Wolverine tells Hercules to get ready. Herc replies that he is always ready. ‘Yeah, right’ Logan mutters. Entering the temple, they find the tomb. ‘Looks like we may have beaten ‘em to the punch’ Logan points out as they prepare to open the tomb. ‘Forgive me old friend. To have to desecrate your remains this way’ Hercules declares. ‘Hey, better us than them’ Wolverine tells his friend. ‘Or none of us’ Hercules remarks. Suddenly, ‘Step away from the tomb!’ Matsu’o announces as he stands over Wolverine and Hercules, sword ready.
‘This man’s body has not been violated’ Matsu’o declares. Wolverine unsheathes his claws and replies ‘Yeah, well you have. The Hand elders caught wind of what you were up to. They ratted you out, coming to me for help, of all people’. But Matsu’o explains that the Hand elders caught wind of what he wanted them to catch, and tells Wolverine and Hercules that they have been set up. ‘I’m meant to provide distraction for you here…while the real action occurs elsewhere!’
At that moment, off the coast of Jaffa, several ninjas swim down into a secret cavern. A large serpent like being also swims into the cavern, a bag tied to it. Achelous emerges in the cavern also, still carrying the head of Eurytheus and remarks that it is times like this that he truly appreciates being able to turn into a snake. Eurytheus mutters that it is times like this he truly appreciates not having lungs. As they approach a large open well, where several Hand operatives stand, Achelous asks Eurytheus if he is sure this is the right place. ‘How many giant tombs of sea monsters do you think there are?’ Eurytheus asks, and orders Achelous to have the men scale down and do their thing, as this is the place.
The head looks at a carving on the tomb and points out that the carvings depict the creature’s last battle with Perseus, after which Poseidon took his remains - ‘Still think we’re in the wrong place?’ Eurytheus asks as massive tentacles begin to rise from the well. ‘Oh, I’ve always wanted to say this’ Eurytheus remarks as the hideous, enormous creature emerges from the well: ‘Unleash the KRAKEN!’…
