Hebei Province, China, the year is 1900 and Cable lies face-down in swamp, with Deadpool resting one foot on the back of Cable's head. Deadpool declares that he was just minding his own business, traveling through time to re-write key portions of American history, when all of a sudden this white-haired dude, who he has totally never met before, and a bunch of teenagers show up to give him grief. 'Fight, fight, fight, time jump, time jump, time jump... hey look, you want the nitty-gritty, go pick up Deadpool vs. X-Force #1 and 2. I'm not going to reverse-spoiler for you' he remarks, adding that they are in China in the year 1900, around the time of the Boxer Rebellion, and he has a dog collar around Cable's neck that inhibits his every move. 'We cool?' Deadpool asks, while Cable's muffled response through the water is full of expletives.
Deadpool looks at the controls to the collar, 'Okay, let's h, this is see now. Where was I...' he begins, as he presses one of the buttons, and instantly, Cable stands up, splashing water around. 'You... son... of... a...' Cable utters, while Deadpool exclaims 'Oh, this is awesome!' He then starts clicking away at the control device, and Cable moves around, following the commands of the controls. 'See, I've got it now!' Deadpool exclaims. 'Lefft! Left! Left! Right! Left!' he orders Cable, before he bursts into song. “I don't know but I've been told” he sings at one side of Cable, before ducking over to the other and echoing those words. Energy seeps out around Cable's left eye.
'”That gray hair makes you look old” Deadpool sings as he presses another button, causing Cable to raise his bionic arm to salute Deadpool, who moves over to the other side and repears his song. Cable stands in the middle of the swamp, with Deadpool continuing to sing, when suddenly, he notices in the bushes nearby some resistance. 'Time to make some people dead!' he exclaims, adding that he has been wanting to try this one all morning, and presses the red button on the control. Cable raises his weapon, 'Damn you, Wade, don't make me do this...they're innocent soldiers! This is not our war!' Cable calls out, before he starts to open fire on the resistance. Cable drops to his knees: 'Oh, you missed all of them? What the heck is wrong with this thing?' Deadpool wonders as he examines the control, unaware that Cable was able to use his telekinesis to bend the bullets up and over the soldiers' heads, but he realizes that he cannot let this mercenary know that he is still in control of his mutant powers, not until he learns the truth about Wilson's time-hopping mission. 'Talbot sent you back... to save his grandson... why are you... wrecking history?' Cable asks. 'Grandson? Dude, I'm a merc, not a nanny!' Deadpool replies. 'Then why did Talbot send you back?' Cable asks. 'So America could kick ass! Hoo hah!' Deadpool exclaims, adding 'Okay, lemme explain it to you nice and slow, ya big lummox...'.
In 1777, Cannonball and Boom-Boom are on the battlefield at Germantown, Pennsylvania, instructed to make sure the American rebel army loses the battle. 'Have you noticed that musket balls are a little bigger than bullets?' Boom-Boom calls out as she tosses some of her plasma time-bombs about. 'Don't distract me. I'm having an ironic moment right now' Cannonball replies as he blasts through the air, alongside an actual cannonball that was shot from a nearby cannon.
Deadpool tells Cable that the Americans eventually won the War of Independence, but that was not good enough for Franny Talbot, no, the Americans have to dominate the Brits from the beginning and take over the empire and all of its awesome military might.
In 1863, Domino and Warpath are having to contend with a now high-tech army. Warpath smashes his way through the troops, while Domino fires her weapons at the strange robots used by the army.
Deadpool tells Cable that in the Civil War, where it is important that the ultra-powerful union loses, and the confederates take control, of the ultra-advanced war machines of the US government.
Back in 1900, members of the resistance crouch behind some reeds and observe Deadpool and Cable, as Deadpool remarks 'Anyhoo, now the confederate-run US-of-A is getting their global empire on, and preparing to tackleb the next big impediment – the Empress of Peking herself, who rules over the most heavily fortigied city on Earth. Deadpool slowly reaches back for his weapon, and bringing it forward opens fire, 'Which means it's time for #$%&$##$%%&%#$%$' as he opens fire on the resistance soldiers. Now it makes sense to Cable. Francis Talbot doesn't regret his war profiteering, nor the death of his grandson. He sent Cable back here so he'd be killed and out of the way, and he sent Wade Wilson back to change history and transform America into a bloodthirsty, war-mongering super power, giving Talbot vast wealth and unchecked power. Deadpool, kicks, shoots and slices his way through the resistance, and holding up the control asks 'Hey, why am I doing all the killing myself, huh?? Hup to it, soldier! I have a feeling we'd make a pretty kick-ass team -' he begins, before the controls explode in his hand. He looks over to Cable, who has telekinetically removed the collar from his neck, and glares back at Deadpool. 'But... but... you could do that this whole time?' Deadpool asks. 'You seem to be the chatty type. I knew if I played along you'd tell me everything. 'You're going to hurt me now, aren't you?' Deadpool replies. 'Yes. Very much so' Cable responds.
'Well, it's going to be pretty hard to kick me arse – without a head!' Deadpool exclaims as he picks up a sword and lunges forward, preparing to decapitate Cable, but Cable blocks the blade with his bionic arm. 'Oooh, nice way to keep those body metaphors flowing there' Deadpool remarks. 'Can you just shut up?' Cable replies, as he slams his fist into Deadpool, knocking his foe backwards. Deadpool lands in the water, but opens fire with the gun that he holds, 'Come on! Will one of you bullets just stick a landing already?' Deadpool shouts, while Cable uses his telekinesis deflect the bullets with ease. 'Clearly I need bigger bullets' Deadpool mutters, tossing the gun aside. He piccks up Cable's gun, 'Crickey, does this thing shoot bullets or personal massage devices?' he jokes. 'Whoa...it's starting to vibrate! I was right!' Nate, you'rew one kinky mut-' Deadpool begins as the large weapon shakes in his hand, before the end of it is lifted up and smacks Deadpool in the face. Cable then uses his telekinesis to levitate the gun over to him. Deadpool lifts up the lower part of his mouth and blows some blood out of his nose, muttering that he thinks Cable broke his nose. 'Good news. Your nose is the least of your worries' Cable replies as he takes the gun and opens fire, blasting Deadpool to pieces – literally. 'Rest in pieces, Deadpool' Cable remarks as he puts the large gun back in its holster, before he time-slides away. 'My nose still hurts' Deadpool's remains utter as they float about in the swamp water.
In 1863, Domino opens fire on several soldiers, as she discovers that even the best of odds can be overwhelmed by sheer numbers. As one of the large robots prepares to fire at Domino, Cable arrives in this time period, and grabs Domino, pulling her to safety. 'This isn't what I remember about the Civil War...' Domino remarks as she runs alongside Cable, who tells her that he can fix the Time-Stream, but he needs her and Warpath to hold off both sides a little longer. 'Wait – why does it matter, if you can go back and fix the original moment where the timeline skewed?' Domino asks. Cable explains that it is too late for that, as that nutcase mercenary has screwed up too many things. 'This is all just triage until I can -' Cable starts to say, before Domino goes wide-eyed and exclaims 'Cable, move!' A large crab-like tank appears over them, and aims its cannon at them. 'Remember what I said, Dom' Cable tells his companion, who rushes back into the battle, while Cable leaps towards the tank, and there is an explosion as he time-slides. 'Domino? Can you hear me? Was Cable in the middle of... that?' Warpath asks via communicator.
In 1777, Boom-Boom is sitting down, clutching a wound on her right side which she received from musket fire. She is bleeding to death and wonders what it will be like to die in a century other than her own. Cannonball continues to blast his way across the battlefield and knows it is only a matter of time before utter exhaustion takes him out of the sky. Sooner than later, he is going to have to stop. But he grits his teeth and carries on.
Back in 1900, Deadpool's body has reformed. The scars that cover his body can be seen as he is naked save for his mask, gloves and some costume scraps that he has wrapped around his waist. 'And you were there, too, Nathan. And that annoying little mutant baby you always had strapped to your chest – wait a minute. Wrong continuity' Deadpool remarks. Deadpool sits on one of the blodies floating in the sawmp, “Fight, fight fight, time jump, time jump, time jump...” he mutters, before wishing that he gave a little more detail on this one. 'But I pretty much remember the deal' he decides, before kicking his time machine, it is broken. 'I know exactly what to do next' he declares, grabbing two swords he gets to his feet, and approaches another contingent of the resistance which has gathered nearby. 'And this time...nobody'd better get in my way!' he calls out. 'Mr Hot Pants is back! Destroy him!' one of the soldiers calls out – at least, that is the loose translation. 'Mr Hot Pants?' Deadpool asks as he starts to carve his way through the soldiers.
Deadpool makes his way to a temple, 'Yo. S'up. She in?' he asks two soldiers out the front. He enters the temple, where the Empress stands up from her throne. 'You have a lot of nerve showing your face around here, buddy' she declares, at least, loosely translated. Deadpool's mask is off, and he replies 'Like I said before, sweetness, I didn't come here for you. I came here for your throne'. The Empress goes over to Deadpool and slaps him: 'You said you just had to use the bathroom!' she exclaims. Deadpool puts his mask back on and tells her thsat he is not here to rehash old times. He then knocks her aside and goes over to the throne. He lifts up a panel and underneath it sits another time machine. 'I'm here to rehash old times using my backup portable time machine' Deadpool declares.
Germany, specifically the Burger Braukeller, November 1923, where Adolf Hitler is drinking some beer. He looks up and wipes his mouth as energy glows from a teleport. 'Hey, Adolf' a voice calls out. It's Deadpool, and he is wearing a new samurai-inspired costume, and is loaded with numerous weapons. 'Come with me if you want to live!'
