A cabin in the Canadian Rockies:
Dog Logan eats his meal when a light flashes and someone steps through a teleportation portal, an older one-eyed version of himself. Unsurprised, Dog tells him to pull up a chair. He knows how much he likes barbecued Wolverine.
The older man tells him enough stalling. He has the diamonds and all the weapons he needs. It’s time. He reckons he can decide for himself when it’s time, younger Dog replies. Yeah, and he just did, his older version replies. He’s come here because this is the day he’s been waiting for. This is when he finally stops being a miserable failure and proves his worth. It’ll happen in the Savage Land. A prehistoric jungle, hidden in Antarctica. His brother’s already on the way there.
Dog asks for more information. How he finally beats him. He wouldn’t be much of a Logan if he didn’t earn it himself, the older Dog replies. Has he forgotten everything their father taught them? Only thing the old man ever taught him was how to take a beating, he replies. No, he taught him how to give one.
Younger Dog points out he’s been to the future too. There’s no record of his death in this century or any other... does he ever make it home? He turns around to see the other man has left. Great. He grows up to be an *&%$/. Savage Land, huh? He guesses it does sound like the perfect place for a Logan family reunion.
The Savage Land:
Logan welcomes an unwilling group of students - Broo, Eye-Boy, Genesis, Glob Herman, Kid Omega, Oya, Shark-Girl and Jia Jing aka Sprite - to the Savage Land. Welcome to Survival 101! Pass, and they never have to take another class with him again. Fail and they may not leave this jungle alive.
Iara asks if the teacher just threatened to kill them for real? Welcome to his world, Quentin Quire replies. He threatened to kill him five times on the plane ride here. Jia Jing is happy. Threats of violence! Disrespectful students! It’s exactly as she always imagined American schools to be. Except for the dinosaurs. Evan asks if he did something wrong.
Wolverine explains if they are here it means they are trouble, or new. Or maybe he just doesn’t like them very much. In short, they are the kids at school with the most to learn. And they will learn, he can promise them that. They will lean the same way he did their age. They’ll either figure out for themselves what it takes to survive or something bigger will eat them. It’s as simple as that.
Right now, the Blackbird, their ride home, is hovering somewhere in the clouds above them on autopilot. In exactly twenty-four hours, it will land in this jungle. Only he knows where. Their sole assignment for the day is to follow him to that rendezvous point… that’s it. But not on their own. The only way to pass this class is to work as a group. Either they all get on that plane together or none of them do. And they’ll be here as long as it takes to get it right.
So where do they serve lunch in this place? Glob Herman asks.
On the plane ride, they got the only lesson from him they were going to get, Logan continues. He told each of them all they need to know to get an A in this class. All he taught him was to play five card stud, Trevor points out.
Logan tells them to consider themselves a pack. They hunt together, eat together, live together. If one of them fails, they all fail.
This is already the worst class he’s ever been forced to take, Quentin announces. And last semester he had physics with a professor who throws playing cards for a living. What exactly qualifies him, the world’s most famous mutant loner and disgruntled teammate, to teach them to be a pack? At what bastion of education did he receive his training?
Wolverine doesn’t reply. All they have to do is follow him, he reminds them. Then he slices at a dinosaur’s leg with his claws.
Flashback:
Hours earlier at the Jean Grey School:
Is he sure this is a good idea? Beast asks Logan. He reminds him their last field trip ended with the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants abducting Evan. And after their attack on Broo, they know the Hellfire Club is targeting their students as well. And God knows what Cyclops and his people are up to. Is this really the best time for something like this?
It’s exactly the time, Logan replies. If these kids don’t learn to stand together, then sooner or later one of ‘em is gonna wind up dead. And here he thought they started the school to protect them from danger, not expose them to more, Hank remarks.
He’d die before he lets anything happen to these kids. Besides it’s just the Savage Land. A jungle with some dinosaurs. Most of these kids could handle that in their sleep. Beast muses the scary part is he is right.
Logan continues that Genesis and Idie are showing some troubling signs of late, so they are in. Kitty recommends Glob Herman, though even she admits he may be a lost cause. And Quire goes without saying. Then there are the new kids. The transfers from Utopia seem to be doing all right but their three newest mutants have trouble fitting in.
Beast decides he wants one more name on the list. And so on a leash Idie takes the feral Broo along. Beast explains that he has reverted to a completely feral state. He nearly scared Idie to death when he emerged from his coma. Now she’s practically the only person he doesn’t try to maul on sight. Maybe some time in the fresh air with his fellow students might help trigger the return of his faculties. If he wants him in he’s in, Logan agrees. Besides, even like this, he’s more pleasant to be around than Quire.
Hank muses this has been a rough couple of months. First Charles and this madness with Scott, Then Broo. He was even sad to see that repulsive Shi’ar kid get taken away.
Logan promises to handle this. A little trip to the Savage Land is exactly what these kids need to get on track. Nothing brings people together like the threat of being eaten by dinosaurs…
The present:
The kids are fighting the angry dinosaurs. Shark Girl threatens to kill them all if they don’t get out of here. Quentin tells her to keep it together. She acts like she’s never been trapped in a prehistoric jungle before. It’s practically an X-Men rite of passage.
Trevor whines there is no trail. Wolverine covered his tracks. They are all going to die! Hiding behind, Iara he complains he never even got to kiss a girl… Don’t look at her, she snarls.
Jia informs them that she tried flying above the trees for a look around, but all she could see was more jungle for miles and miles. Also she was almost eaten by a swarm of flying crocodiles.
Quentin grimly admits Logan’s finally gotten good at shielding his thoughts. He can pick up nothing. Except lots of pea-brained creatures that want to eat them. He fires his telepathic rifle at a dino. The Tyrannosaurus eats a smaller dinosaur. Quentin suggests it go and kill anything that looks Canadian.
Evan shouts this is their chance to show Professor Logan that they are no screw-ups. Glob Herman decides he’ll take this over Algebra any day. Idie tries to stop Broo from eating a dead dinosaur. Find Wolverine! She orders. Indeed, Broo seems to follow a scent.
Iara asks Quentin if Broo is some kind of alien dog. He informs her he used to be quite the little teacher’s pet. Hardly ever shut up. Until one of their enemies shot him in the head. Has no one mentioned how people are always trying to kill them at this school? They should probably put that into the orientation.
They follow Broo. Hours later, they arrive at a pile of dino guts, which Broo wants to eat. Idie tries to remind him he is a vegetarian. It’s not so bad once you pick the maggots out, Herman remarks as he grabs a piece of meat.
She’s starting to see why everyone wants to kill them, Iara announces disgusted. She will figure this out on her own. Trevor reminds her of what Wolverine said. They have to stick together.
Evan sulks that he’s always tried to do what’s right. It’s not his fault he is such a failure. Calling him “Kid Apocalypse,” Glob Herman tells him to stop whining. Cut the crap and turn into a super-villain already. They all know it’s gonna happen sooner or later. He’s never going to… Evan retorts. Oh God, is he crying now? Herman asks. He is seriously going to be the worst Apocalypse ever!
Quentin silently sighs. They are all going to die… unless the only person here who’s not an idiot saves the day. Calling them all morons, he orders them to listen up. This is what they have to do to stay alive…
Flashback to hours earlier on the plane:
Quentin is listening to music on his MP3 player when Wolverine cuts the cord of his headphones. Oh good, he grins, he’s not busy. Got a minute? Shouldn’t he be flying the plane? Quentin asks. The plane knows its way to the Savage Land. How fitting, Quentin scoffs. He and his new pet should fit right in.
The one time Broo sneaks out of the school, that’s what happens, Logan points out. What does that tell him? That a bullet in the head can do wonders for someone’s personality, Quentin grins. So it appears there’s hope for Wolverine yet. It tells him they cannot afford loose cannons anymore, Logan replies. The stakes are too damn high.
Quentin reminds him he didn’t come to the school out of his own free will. Logan points out, Quentin had his chance to get away. When the X-Men were under the control of the Murder Circus, he could have taken off, but he didn’t. Much to his regret, Quentin claims. He’d never admit it, Logan continues, but he thinks Quentin needs the school. He is only a big fish when he’s in the little pond. Real life never has worked out so great for him, but school, that’s what he’s really good at, and that’s why he’ll never leave. Wouldn’t dream of leaving the place. Not until he’s left it a heap of smoldering rubble, Quentin announces.
Wolverine shows him a box with the results of the students council elections. One of the last things Xavier did before he died was publicly nominate Quentin. It seems the sympathy vote has helped overcome the fact that most of the other students hate his guts. As it stands, there’s a tie between Quentin and Anole. But Logan hasn’t voted yet…
He wouldn’t… Quentin begins. Wolverine puts in his vote. Professor X challenged him to finally start living up to his potential. He hopes Quentin doesn’t plan on letting him down. Congratulations, Mr. President. His term starts as soon as they land.
Present:
Quentin speaks to the others, explaining the situation. They are trapped in a hidden prehistoric jungle in the South Pole. As detentions go, he’s been in worse. And they’ve still got hours to outsmart Wolverine. If they can’t do that, none of them deserve to leave this place alive. But first they need to make camp. Kid A and New-girl-with-wings-whose-name-he-hasn’t-bothered-to-learn - he addresses Evan and Jia - take to the air and find a safe spot. Shark Face and Broo look the most like animals so they are probably the best trackers. Go and find something edible. By normal standards, not Glob’s. Eye Boy and Glob can gather wood for a fire. That means pick up sticks. Try not to hurt themselves. He asks Idie for some blocks of ice to cool everyone down. He’ll be building some sort of telekinetic shelter. X-Men, disperse or whatever!
The others just look at him. Like she’s taking orders from a kid with pink hair, Iara scoffs and leaves. Genesis flies off, muttering he isn’t a super villain. Sprite follows him. Idie decides she and Broo are leaving. Confused, Quentin bursts out he thought… she kissed him!
That was a mistake, she informs him, and Broo suffered for her sin. She can’t leave him ever again.
Quentin protests he’s school president. They elected him! Just wait until he legalizes student executions!
It’s not so bad, even with maggots in, Glob Herman decides, causing Eye-Boy to puke.
Quentin decides to stick to mind control in the future.
In the air, Jia asks Evan where he is going. He replies he’s going to fly in a grid, find Wolverine. First he’s heading north. He’ll show them that he’s the greatest hero ever! That sounds very noble, but he realizes they are flying east, right? she points out. Genesis realizes being the greatest hero ever turns out to be more difficult than he thought.
Iara has decided she will eat Wolverine’s face when she finds him. Then she chides herself to keep it together. Just track his scent and try not to eat anything that talks.
Herman shouts that stuff is not sitting so good in his tummy. He needs a bathroom. Seeing his intestines, Travis throws up again.
Idie wonders if they should just stay here. This could be the private hell they deserve. No rules to break. No temptation. No sin.
Watching Quentin, Herman and Travis from a tree, Logan muses his teacher of the year award will have to wait for another year. He wonders what qualifies him for a teacher for troubled kids. He, the kid that stabbed his own father to death, the father who murdered his own kids…
He decides to round them up again and in the future leave the teaching to people like Hank and Ororo while he sticks to doing what he does best, which is still nothing more than…
Something slices though his line and he falls, to be expected by Dog Logan who leers: “Howdy, little brother! Hope I ain’t interrupting anything…”
