Inside the CV pharmacy, more specifically the baby aisle, stands a red and black uniformed hero/mercenary/jack-of-all-nonsense known to most people as Deadpool. He asks the chubby clerk from behind the counter if he should go with the extra-triple-thick-absorbent or the shade-grown free-trade organic ones. The perplexed clerk asks if his wife has a preference. Deadpool just stares at the man, asking if he looks like the marrying kind.
Busting through the fourth wall, Deadpool introduces his location in Cooperstown to the readers and lets us know the clerk is calling the police on him. As he rips open a package of diapers he wonders what kind Sarah Palin buys. He then retracts this statement because at the time of “Messiah Complex” she didn’t exist.
Deadpool’s diarrhea of the brain is stopped when his blue tooth starts beeping. He takes the call, which turns out to be from Cable, and dives right into his diaper dilemma. Cable cuts him off and tells Wade he needs him now.
Cooperstown Memorial Hospital
Inside the NICU the Purifiers are going to town, lighting up anybody under the age of five and shooting everyone else that gets in their way. Cable wishes he could do something about it, but his only objective is to get the mutant baby in the nursery and keep her alive.
There are two Purifiers already inside the nursery with flamethrowers ready to fire. Cable opens the door quietly and fires a round into the younger of the two men’s temple. The older one gets a few rounds to the fuel tank. It blows up on his back and both men are engulfed in the flames.
Cable makes his way over to the baby’s bassinet. He places his hand on the outside glass and peers down into her face. Cable hopes she’s ready as they have a long road ahead of them. He scoops her out of the bassinet with her blanket in tow and places her into the crook of his elbow. He hears gunfire not far down the hallway and wishes he knew where the hell Wade was.
outside CV pharmacy
Deadpool exits the pharmacy swinging his bag of diapers, snapping his fingers and singing a song. One of the police officers waiting outside orders him to freeze. Deadpool can’t believe an Alaskan cop would say “freeze”, but nevertheless stops for a moment.
It doesn’t take much, especially with the whole costume thing, to make the officers believe he’s involved with the attack at the hospital. Ripping one of the diapers out of his bag Deadpool tries explaining he was only trying to buy some diapers for a buddy of his. He continues to ramble on, but the police have heard enough. Someone yells, “Light him up!” and Deadpool feels the electric fury of two tasers fired into his chest. His body stiffens from the force of his muscles spasms.
Cooperstown Memorial Hospital
Cable’s now down on the 4th floor, hunkered down in the corner of the stairwell. On the 5th floor a pair of Purifiers start making their way down the steps after hearing the cries of the baby. Another Purifier one floor below is on his way up having heard the same. Instead of risking the baby’s safety in a firefight Cable shoots out the wall in front of him and jumps out.
A four story fall appears to be no big thing for Cable. He lands on a parking spot below, his booted feet crushing the pavement on impact. All the while the baby cries, but there’s no time for comforting as the Purifiers on the ground quickly converge on their location.
The Purifiers begin blasting away with their weapons. Taking cover behind an ambulance Cable does his best to keep them at bay. It’s tough for him, like being in the middle of a war zone with a carton of eggs. Crouching by the wheel well amid a shower of glass Cable swears if Wade ever does show up he’s going to kill him.
Right on cue the Merc with a Mouth comes leaping into the fray, pistol in each hand, firing every which way. He tells Cable he should probably kill him after he saves him and the lump ‘o baby. Deadpool takes position in front of the ambulance telling Nate she looks just like him. Cable, never distracted from his targets, tells him the baby isn’t his. “Ah-- bloodwork pending?” Deadpool responds.
With his ally in place Cable tells Deadpool to cover him while he escapes with the baby. Wade’s all for it, but then asks who’s going to cover him. Cable doesn’t answer, taking off down the street with the baby. Deadpool begins to monologue about movies where guys lay down fire like crazy when their buddy asks for some cover. He wonders how come one guy out of the group can’t pick off the exposed runner. As an exploding care takes out the remaining Purifiers in the area he waits for Cable’s thoughts on the matter, but he doesn’t get any as Cable is way down the street already.
Stopped near the corner of a building Nathan hears Gambit telling his fellow Marauders they need to get the baby. He can’t believe how many people are after the kid. Cable ties the baby’s blanket into a knot around the straps on his chest, bundling her up inside. He knows it’s not too comfortable, but tells the baby he needs both hands. He then removes another weapon from his arsenal before hearing the loud voice of Deadpool calling his name.
The oblivious Deadpool proceeds to tell Nate the coast is clear even as the Marauders quickly surround him. “Oh #$%@,” Wade spouts when he realizes what’s going on. Scalphunter puts him into a headlock while Omega Sentinel grabs his arm. Wade tells Nathan he still has him covered, that is, until his throat gets ripped out. Wade finds it ironic that Scalphunter didn’t try to rip off something else. Then, as Cable makes a break for it, Deadpool’s thigh bone is snapped.
A bit later, a better insulated Cable has made his way into the Alaskan mountains. No longer is he walking on pavement, but snow covered hills. After finding a partially fallen tree Cable takes shelter from the wind and snow under its outcropping of roots. Without the formula, clothes and diapers Wade was supposed to bring Cable is worried. Add to that the baby won’t stop crying. She has to stop at some point, he reasons.
Resuming his journey Cable is eventually caught up to by Deadpool who was trying his stealthiest to be Cable’s silent guardian. Carrying the bags of supplies over to Nathan he’s a bit put off he was discovered. “You just don’t want to change a diaper,” Cable deadpans.
Popping a squat in the snow, Deadpool asks how Nathan knows what the baby wants. Cable reminds him of Maslow’s hierarchy of basic needs: food, warmth, shelter, sleep, and says he’s just going down the list until he finds the right one. What if it still cries? Wade asks, suggesting toys might help. As Nathan applies the last Velcro straps to the diaper he points out she’s an infant and doesn’t need toys.
Deadpool raises his hand and asks if he can hold the baby. Cable tells him “no” before Wade can even finish his sentence. Not done with the questions, Deadpool wants to know why the baby is so special. He’s being paid to help, not ask questions, Cable replies. He then wraps the baby back up in the blanket and tells Wade he has to play this one close to the chest.
“Uhm, Nate--,” Deadpool panics, but Nathan is oblivious to him going on about how things were set in motion a lot quicker than he thought and how he now has to improvise to keep the baby safe. “I haven’t told you everything about why I traveled to the present, there’s something--,” Nate starts, but is successfully cut off by Deadpool, right when a large shadow falls over him.
It’s one of the Predator X’s and it looks hungry, its tongue whipping out the side of its mouth. Deadpool thinks it’s upset it didn’t get an invite to the baby shower. Ignoring his comment Cable tells him to take up a flanking position. Instead, Deadpool whips out a knife and tells Nathan he’s got this one, after all it’s why he’s being paid.
So there Wade stands, face to face with Predator X. “You ain’t so bad,” Deadpool repeats over and over again, only stopping after being swallowed by the large beast, his knife flipping through the air. Despite the crazy turn of events Cable doesn’t have time to react, only run. He takes off through the trees hoping to slow the creature down. As he gains a bit of leg room he lets loose with a volley of gunfire, strafing the beast’s chest and head region. He knows it wants to feed on the baby and he’s not about to let it happen.
Predator X just stops suddenly, crunching up its body in discomfort. Cable knows his gunfire wouldn’t have made it do that. It starts making gagging noises and then pukes Deadpool out onto the snowy ground.
The Merc with a Mouth is covered in digestive juices and parasitic looking creatures. He starts freaking out in disgust thinking to himself he’s going to need to take five showers. When a bit of the liquid leaks into his mouth he decides he needs a shower in his mouth too. Then Wade starts hacking. He lifts his mask over his upper lip and spits out one of the parasitic worms, much to Cable’s disgust.
Wade turns to Nathan and tells him to run. Cable suggests climbing the mountainside instead and they do. As they run for their lives Deadpool suggests he didn’t agree with the genetically engineered beast, but Nathan tells him it only eats mutants. That explains the smell, Deadpool remarks, saying it smelled like the boys’ room at the X-Mansion right after one of the students is in there.
It doesn’t take long for Predator X to recover from its regurgitation. It quickly closes the distance between itself and its target. Cable’s about to tell Deadpool what to do if he doesn’t make it, but Deadpool reminds him he has this one. A quick beeping sound emanates from within Predator X and when Wade presses a button on a remote control the midsection of the beast explodes from within.
Deadpool is bathed in blood and flesh and decides he may have to take ten showers, with a sandblaster and a chainsaw loofah. He then walks toward Cable with the remote displayed proudly in his hand. Nathan asks what he did and Wade explains he left a little yummy in his tummy and jokes the creature won’t be bellying up to the all-you-can-eat X-gene buffet anytime soon.
The unlikely duo eventually make their way to a long-abandoned mining area, complete with some ramshackle buildings, a pulley system and a mine cart filled with rocks. All the while Deadpool continues to pester Nate with a question barrage. They all involve the baby like, who her parents are, won’t they miss her, why is she so important. He even asks if Nathan’s sure he grabbed the right one.
Cable remains tight-lipped, not even turning to face his old partner. Deadpool tells him to start coughing up some answers or else the X-Fans are going to be bugging him like crazy for the next 24 issues. Cable turns, his eye glowing fiercely, and tells Wade she’s the reason he came to the present. His mission is to protect her, he states. Wade holds out his hand emphatically, wanting more details. Instead, Nathan tells him to hold on.
The ground shakes and Deadpool and Cable take position back to back. Deadpool can’t believe something else is going down. He thought when Cable asked him to help out with the baby they’d be kicking back with beers and snacks watching TV. Nathan tells him to take cover and bolts, but Wade keeps going on about his fantasy baby-sitting job with Cable. It’s not until another large shadow falls on him that he stops to see what’s going on.
“New programming accepted. Destroy all mutants…,” the gigantic Sentinel bellows as it stands a few feet behind Deadpool. It ignores Wade and starts firing away at Cable with its hand-fired repulsor rays. ZZOK! ZZOK! ZZOK! Cable can barely keep ahead of the relentless barrage. Trees splinter all around him as the Sentinel fires wide.
Deadpool tries getting the “recycle bin’s” attention, but it ignores him completely. Deadpool’s inner mind reminds him he’s not a mutant. Deadpool accuses himself of being racist.
Cable, meanwhile, finds himself some cover behind a small, rocky knoll. He wishes he could timeslide, but his chronal regulator is busted. He looks out over a rock for a place to hide and sees Deadpool walking calmly away.
Nathan doesn’t have much time to wonder where he’s going as the Sentinel quickly locates him. He takes off running and finds cover behind a downed tree. He fires a half dozen rounds at the Sentinel’s head, but it accomplishes nothing. The Sentinel fires back destroying the tree just as Cable takes off.
The baby won’t stop crying. If the baby would just stop crying, give him a few seconds to think, he would come up with a way out of this mess, Cable thinks to himself running through the snow. He then takes cover behind a small hill and reloads his rifle. The Sentinel is on him quickly and prepares to fire again, but a timely “Yoo-Hoooooo…” from Deadpool grabs the Sentinel’s attention.
Standing out in the open wearing various skeletal remains from Predator X is Deadpool. He growls at the Sentinel telling it he’s Predator X and he eats mutants. The Sentinel analyzes Wade and detects unknown mutant DNA. It categorizes Wade as dangerous and determines he must be destroyed.
It is mission accomplished for Deadpool, but now he has a giant-killer-laser-beam- shooting-robot chasing him. Not only that, but he’s also in a fight with his inner monologue who refuses to help him figure a way out of this mess. Luckily, the Sentinel steps on a snow-covered building and isn’t prepared for its collapse. The off-kilter Sentinel can’t stabilize itself in time and crashes to the ground. The old adage pays off as the big boy fell hard and broke into pieces. When Nathan rushes over to check things out he finds Wade swinging on a rope. He tells Cable he’s going to need some baby wipes.
After Deadpool gets himself out of the collapsed house Nathan breaks him the bad news; they have to split up. Deadpool was just starting to enjoy teaming up with him again, but Cable tells him he won’t be able to follow where he’s going. He promises it won’t be goodbye, however.
“You swear?” Deadpool asks, specifically questioning if Nate’ll meet an alternate version of himself in some big crossover event over thirteen issues from now. Nathan doesn’t respond to Wade’s fourth wall theatrics, only turning to walk his own path. Deadpool begins soliloquizing about the end of the Cable and Deadpool comic, the lack of Deadpool comics that will be on the stands, and his idea for four monthlies, various minis and variant covers all featuring himself. “…hell, there should be a whole Deadpool Corps!!!” he yells.
The snow begins coming down again. Cable stands on top of a large rock sheltering the baby from the wind and snow. He looks out over the horizon and proclaims, “One minute before dawn, kid. We’re doing fine.”