- PROLOGUE -
The world is not singing today. It’s cold. Secretive. Fetid silence. T-Ray does not approve that. He is a busy man, who has no time for games. The world hoards her mysteries, believes them inviolate. Perhaps to the livestock they are, but not to T-Ray. He will make the world speak, tear at the flesh of the world, find the heart inside, even the smoke.
T-Ray stands in a dungeon. He looks at a tarot card and puts it on fire. He places a goat in a circle, and throws the flaming card at the poor animal! It completely burns up.
Divination… T-Ray knows what the world surrenders itself in, is music. The sweet song of the dying. It’s a song made for Wade Wilson, and T-Ray… is coming for him! It’s time.
Later, at the Hellhouse…
Zoe gets an “it’s time” message on her beeper. She asks Noah, over intercom, if there was anything else on the message. Just ten more pages of the same, Noah claims. He mentions that the bigwigs are starting to get worried and asks Zoe what she wants to do. First, Zoe wants Noah to make sure to edit Monty from now on before he sends brain-mail, as these handheld units can only support so many Megabytes of melodrama. Second, she wants Noah to prepare a bodyslide to the last known location of Theresa Rourke, aka Siryn. Zoe will be ready in half an hour.
Noah understands, but mentions that Montgomery seemed to imply that this needs to be addressed immediately. Zoe jokes to give Monty a Kit-Kat then and to keep him still, as there’s something she has to put to bed first… permanently. She takes on a serious look on her face, and notices Typhoid Mary talking to Patch.
Mary is getting tired of the waiting and asks Patch if there has been any word from Deadpool yet. Patch claims there hasn’t been a peep from the guy, but suggests that Mary forgets all about Wade Wilson, and to give an old dog like Patch himself a chance to teach Mary a new trick or two. Mary likes the way Patch barks, but she thinks his heart couldn’t handle it. Patch doesn’t think his heart has anything to do with it. Mary smiles and walks away, telling Patch she’ll see him around.
Zoe thinks it’s time. Or so they say. But if it is the real deal, if Wilson is due to evolve, there’s no way a freak of nature like Typhoid is going to ruin that, at least not on Zoe’s watch! Zoe follows Mary, and arrives in a pitch-dark room. Zoe has already lost track of Mary and admits the woman has been trained well. Her visor isn’t picking up Mary anywhere. She panics, and calls to the Central, ordering an Expediter priority override. She wants them to scrap the delay on that bodyslide. She needs to get out of there as fast as possible, fearing Mary must have procured a teleporter! Zoe really freaks out, fearing what might happen if Mary gets to Wade first, and teleports away.
As Zoe is gone, Mary merges from the shadows. She jokes that an uptown girl like Zoe shouldn’t even hang out in a place like this. She hears there’re filthy pickpockets about, not to mention scoundrels looking to get into more than pockets, too. Mary wants to know who Zoe really is. Mary knows the woman has been eyeballing on her ever since she entered the Hellhouse alone, besides the obvious societal custom of female competition, also wants to know why she’s so interested in Deadpool. Mary finds a photo Zoe must have dropped. She picks it up, and thinks that somebody must have forgotten to tell her it’s her birthday, as life is grand. Mary takes another look at the picture, and recognizes Deadpool… and Siryn!
- End Prologue-
Deadpool and Weasel are enjoying a joy ride. Wade jokes that it’s almost enough to make a body wanting to go redneck, and asks Weasel if he agrees. All they need is a gun rack, a few jugs of moonshine and a couple of Daisy Duke cut-offs and they could have themselves one heck of a hootenanny. He suggests that, after they find Siryn, they put some fishtails on their jeep, strap a jet engine on the back and call it the Deadmobile! Then, they could dress Weasel up in a domino mask and speedos and start calling him Pool-Boy.
Weasel doesn’t think so, as spandex make his butt look big. Wade corrects that Weasel is a perfect candidate for a nice, snug thong. Wade asks his passengers at the back if they don’t think Weasel would look great as a crime-fighter underwear model. The passengers try to answer, but their mouths have been duck taped! Wade forgot that those boys were bound to that military thing: don’t ask, don’t tell. He bets John Wayne is rolling over into his grave.
Weasel reports that what he was able to tell from the Internet, Wade’s bonny lass Theresa was involved in a skirmish with those Operation: Zero Tolerance fascists just over a hill they see. But as they speed, Weasel accidentally drives over the hill! This is bad.
Four blown tires and a daring transmission overhaul later…
Wade starts searching for some clues on the floor, and really thinks Siryn and her friends were here. Though he can’t talk about subtlety. Those dweebs practically left a big “X” with a circle around it. From the looks of it, Siryn and co delivered unto some OZT booty a sermon of pain, then they either stopped to do the Macarena or they were airlifted out, as footprints are a little stale.
While Wade continues his search, Weasel tries to apologize for Wade’s behavior to their prisoners. Weasel mentions that Wade isn’t himself today. Normally, he wouldn’t go around stealing military vehicles and kidnapping MP’s, but he’s sort of in love. Of course, Wade also doesn’t normally leave witnesses alive either, so it’s kind of a mixed blessing for the prisoners.
Deadpool calls out to Siryn, but doesn’t get a response. Weasel takes it from Wade’s inspection of the lizard droppings have been a naught. Wade angrily punches a hole into a nearby practically-destroyed car, and Weasel takes that as “yes.” Wade is angry that there’s nothing there. Weasel is confident that they’ll find Siryn eventually, so why the aneurysm? Wade tells his buddy they have to find Siryn first, because if they don’t…
A person cuts in and promises that, if he finds Siryn first, it might put a cramp in their plans for having a wonderful live. Wade takes a look at what just fell off the ugly tree: T-Ray! Wade hopes the guy has got on like an SPF Three-Thousand Sun Block, because Wade would hate to see someone of T-Ray’s swallow complexion die of a painful festering melanoma… slowly. By the way, he jokes, Michael Jackson called and wants his skin back.
T-Ray thinks Wade must have missed the concert, as, from the damage, it looks like his songbird has quite the set of pipes. He wonders what Wade thinks it would cost to get a private performance out of Theresa? Wade gets furious and promises he’ll make T-Ray pay for that statement, but… he’s stuck in the car! Weasel asks T-Ray what he’s doing here. T-Ray mentions that he and Wilson have some business to conduct. Wade corrects that the only business they’ve got is an appointment to add some color to T-Ray’s face, like blood red, or black and blue. He still fails to get his hand out of the car.
Wade thinks it’s fine, and takes out his blade. As long as he’s there, he might as well enjoy himself. He suggests they play “Pin the Katana on the Merc.” Wade will go first, so he tells T-Ray to turn around and bend over. T-Ray knows Deadpool came back to the Hellhouse and that he broke heads on his crew. Wade should have stayed away. Obviously, burning off his face wasn’t a clear enough message that Wilson’s time was done, so know T-Ray is telling him… outright.
He tells Wade he needs to fade away. Disappear. Forever. Because if he doesn’t, T-Ray promises he will drag Wilson across that line he doesn’t want to cross… into the darkness. Kicking and screaming along the way. T-Ray makes a line into the dirt with his foot to prove his point. Wade angrily tells T-Ray he let him get away with a lot of baloney, because his grandmother always taught Wade to be kind to stupid animals what can’t help themselves. She also taught Wade to open beer bottles with his teeth, but that’s a different speech. So, he’s going to give T-Ray the chance to drop this. Right now. He has got more important things on his mind right now than smearing his whiteout hide with blood.
T-Ray wants to know what important things Wilson means? More hero games? More pretending to be something he isn’t? T-Ray knows that Wilson’s day with Typhoid scared Wade. He woke that part he tried to put asleep and Wade liked the feel of it. Wade suspects that T-Bird has been reading Dianetics again, because he has no idea what the guy is talking about. T-Ray thinks that will be the reason why Wade will lose. He has had enough talk. He is calling Wilson’s bluff. He can take him out if he can. He can cross the line.
Wade thinks that’s fine, and prepares to prove his point to Casper. He takes everything he’s got, and even though his family assets go “pop,” Wade manages to cross the line. Now, if somebody has some ace bandage, Wade can continue with the butt kicking. T-Ray doesn’t want to fight here. He suggests they skip it and fight tomorrow instead, at the Golden Gate Park. Wade wants to know why T-Ray wants to fight in San Francisco, so close to his home. T-Ray jokes he likes the city, as the weather is nice and lots of beautiful things to see. He suggests that Wade settles whatever things he needs, as, tomorrow, he won’t be able to do it anymore. He teleports away.
Wade isn’t impressed and calls out that he will give T-Ray exactly what he deserves: one big goodbye kiss and Wade kicking the guy’s tail… from the inside! Weasel asks Wade if he is really going, because it’s obviously a trap. Suddenly, Zoe appears. Wade recognizes her and thinks he must be stuck in a re-run of “This Is Your Pathetic Life.” Next thing you know, his kindergarten teacher is going to pop up and throw tarts at him. Weasel hopes that the girl isn’t T-Ray in a dress, because he so likes her. Wade tries to ignore Zoe, and takes out his sword trying to cut his way out of the truck.
Zoe claims they have to talk. Wade thinks this must be popular today. Zoe should have been here ten seconds ago, they could have themselves a little talk show. Zoe warns Wade that T-Ray is setting him up for his fall. Weasel agrees. Zoe doesn’t know the man personally, but knows his reputation and that there’s bad blood between him and Wade. She also thinks that if Wade accepts his macho-challenge, there won’t be anything left of him to mail home. Wade jokes he better goes to sign his death will then. He’s all trembling.
Deadpool reminds Zoe of her own words, that he’s made of something special and is going to be a good guy. He drags Weasel away, who asks Zoe if he can give her his phone number. Wade claims that the good guys always win. He tells Zoe she can go back to LL&L and polish her crystal ball or something.
Zoe warns that fighting T-Ray won’t help Wade win Siryn’s heart or make him a hero. Zoe reveals that Wade did made progress in becoming a hero, but the end isn’t in sight just yet. He’s in a major state of flux. LL&L saw the whole thing Wade went through with Typhoid Mary. She knows the reason why Wade is searching for Siryn: he’s falling apart. And he wants her to stabilize him, like he always needed her to do. She wants Wade to tell her she’s wrong. It must be obvious that T-Ray has been waiting for Wade to flake out this before confronting him.
They already know how this is going to end, which won’t change unless Wade comes with her. Wade doesn’t believe it. Zoe claims that Wade has a lot of potential, but he’s never going to achieve it if he’s going to let others treat him like this. Wade thinks that Zoe is doing the same thing and doesn’t see how she dares telling him how to live his life. Zoe thinks that somebody has to, as Wade isn’t doing a good job himself. He isn’t thinking clear.
Wade angrily grabs Zoe by the throat, threatening that she’s one sentence away from being in a body bag unless she shuts up right now. He claims that his head is crystal clear. He may not be the most together merc in the world, but he is lucid. Second, T-Ray isn’t Zoe’s problem, it’s his and in about twenty-four hours he won’t be anybodies problem. End of story. Nobody is messing with his head. Not Mary, not T-Ray and most definitely not Siryn. Wade is his own person. He’s good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like him. Only thing he’s a little hazy about is why Wade left Zoe live this long, knowing she’s all over into his business. Oh wait, he remembers: it’s because he won’t know where to find Siryn.
Zoe warns Wade to forget about her and doesn’t know where she is. Wade doesn’t believe that, as Zoe knew Wade was here and the reason. So, Zoe must know. If not, Zoe’s going to have an incentive to find her. Zoe can hardly breath and warns Wade about it. He knows, but doesn’t care.
- FLASHBACK TIME! -
Währendessen… ganz woanders…(ein anscheinend zusammenhangloser Ortswechsel…)
Gerry sagt zu Jeder Weiß warum neue Coke vom markte Genome werde. Es verursacht gehirnkrebs. Teil einer Lyberischen Verschwörung. Weiß denkt er ist dass ist unglaublich. Wirklich, ihr kann’s gar nicht fassen.
Gerry sagt wenn sie denken, das ist unglaublich, sollten sie mal hören was sie mit den Kaffeebohnen machen, die sie da Trinken. Er bittet der Pastor wie Spät. Er seht Ja, es ist kurz vor Mittag. Was war der Über Kaffee? Ach mist, Gerry sagt, er muss mich bellen. Hab’ ‘ne art Verabredung morgen, und er will nicht zu spaßt kommen. Wir sehen uns nächste Woche, abgemacht? Gut, der Pasteur seht, aber bevor Gerry gehst, was das mit dem Kaffee? Ach, Gerry seht, ist’ sowieso zu spaßt fuhr sie. Vergessen sie’s, sagen sie ein paar extra gebiete und genießen sie die seit, die sie noch haben.
- END FLASHBACK -
Deadpool has returned home to San Francisco. Al thinks that Wade is out of his mind. Wade denies that, but does think he’s out of dill weed though, and clean underoos, too. Al tells Wade he’s dreaming if he thinks now’s the time to take down T-Ray. Wade corrects that if he was dreaming, Al would be Cindy Crawford and he would be really skeeved, so Al shouldn’t go there. Wade wants to know where Al hid his magnifying glass, so he can read a map he found and find Siryn.
Al doesn’t know what she would be doing with Wade’s magnifying glass. Wade thinks Al might have thought it was a big lollypop. Or trying to set Ross Perot on fire. Al thinks that Wade just misplaced it, like he accidentally-on-purpose misplaced her glasses once. Wade would never do that, he claims, and Deuce barks in a way he’s right. Al asks Wade if anyone ever told him he gets exponentially more annoying when he’s desperate. Wade defends that he isn’t desperate. This is not just desperation. He’s just a little jittery, that’s all.
Wade suddenly smells something… someone has been here! Al claims not to know what Wade’s talking about. He knows otherwise: someone has been into his home! Al still claims otherwise, but Wade angrily picks her up and throws her into a chair, demanding that she doesn’t lie to him. Wade didn’t notice it before, but now he does: someone clearly has been here. Al broke the rules and she knows what that means: she’s going to be punished!
Al slaps Wade into his face! She has had enough. Al explains she hit Wade because, this time, she is too scared to do anything else. He finally put the scare back into her. She asks Wade if he didn’t notice what’s been happening to him lately: playing all the escape games, the arguments with T-Ray, his temper? For heaven’s sake, Wade has been going into the Box, and he almost never goes inside there anymore!
Al points to a locked door and the Box lies behind it, to prove her point. Al thinks that all this hero business Wade has been pulling up with lately has been driving him crazy. Nobody wants Wade more on the straight and narrow more than Al does, but she asks Wade if he knows what he’s doing to himself.
Wade admits that his head has been a little dizzy lately, but because of that he has to find Siryn, because she knows what he’s all about and he needs her help. Wade thanks Al for the little chat they just had, and thinks she’s alright for being just a bag of old bones. But, in case this was all just a clever plot to get out of her punishment, Wade tells Al to remember what happened to her the last time she broke the rules. He sarcastically knocks a few times on a wooden wall, and teleports away. Al goes to sit down and relaxes, hoping that Wade will Siryn soon and that Weasel will never come back there.
Iowa…
A travel group stands in the middle of a green field with circles in the middle. The spokeswoman explains that what started out as a simple Hollywood set, now really turned out to become A Field of Dreams. And if the visitors hold their I.D. cards ready, they can go visit the gift shop. Both Siryn and Warpath are part of the tour group. Siryn tries to brag James to join her on the tour, but he isn’t interested. James admits that it’s an okay film, but they’ve got a lot of road to cover up if they want to go to Nebraska in this same month.
Siryn just wants a break for fifteen minutes and isn’t suggesting to put off the search for Michael Whitecloud any longer. She thinks it would be nice to see what the world is like without them being attacked by government organizations. James suggests they just take a break for just five minutes, but Siryn doesn’t want to hear about that. Siryn takes off alone, joking that she won’t let James look at her Polaroid pictures afterwards. James thinks that the girl is going to be his death some day. A voice corrects that he knows a better way for James to die.
Warpath turns around, and recognizes Deadpool! Wade, having used his image inducer to look like a Jamaican citizen, jokes that they haven’t seen each other for a very long time. James would recognize Wade anywhere even when he’s using his image inducer. Wade jokes he always wanted to come to this place, as he’s got a thing to visit the places after seeing a Costner movie: he even went to Chicago after “the Untouchable.”
James asks the merc what he wants. Wade warns James to calm down or else he’ll hit his face with a bazooka. He just wants to talk to Siryn in private. James defends that X-Force, including Siryn, just went through a lot with Operation: Zero Tolerance and Wade shouldn’t bother her. Wade thinks OZT is a mutant problem and not his and besides, Terry came out okay. James mocks that thoughts like that let the Holocaust happen. Wade thinks James is calling him a Nazi now. James isn’t, but warns Wade that he’s still a lifetime away from even getting close to Terry and he doesn’t even know why he’s bothering. Wade smiles, apologizing for the green shirt James is wearing, mocking that it looked new.
Meanwhile, Siryn is enjoying the tour and can’t believe James is actually missing it. Though she has to prevent herself from turning back to him and pull him along. Suddenly, a blast can be heard, and James falls right in the middle of the tour! Though he has survived the blast, Warpath is furious and demands a payback to Deadpool! Siryn hopes James didn’t just say “Deadpool.” Unfortunately, he did. Wade thinks James must remember another Costner movie: “Dancing with Wolves,” referring to him being an Indian. James gets upset and defends himself by giving Deadpool an old fashioned Indian punch in the neck! Wade falls on the ground, with James mocking that the actual term for his people is “Native American.”
Wade quickly gets up again and attacks again. But on that very moment, Siryn decides to cut in and uses her sonic scream attack on Wade! He falls down again, thinking he’s hearing doorbells ringing. James tries to warn Terry about Wade, but she wants him to handle the crowd while she deals with Wade, suspecting what’s going on. Wade mocks James for listening to him, and is glad that the guy with the George Clooney wanna-be haircut has finally took off. He thinks it’s a good thing Siryn dropped in like this because he was about five seconds before kicking in the Indian’s butt.
Siryn asks Wade to shut up for a moment, wanting to know why he attacked Warpath with no good reason. Wade denies that he was attacking and was trying to enjoy a nice tour day like everyone else. Terry gets impatient, and with using her powers, angrily demands to know what’s going on. Wade gets all puppy eyed, just wanted to hear from Terry that she likes him, as a friend. Terry doesn’t buy that and knows Wade came here looking for mischief. She starts walking away, not wanting to kiss it all up to him again. Wade tries to hold her back by telling her he came all this way just to find her. He begs for her help, as some bad things have been happening to him lately.
Terry stops, but tells Wade that maybe if he had turned on a TV, he would know that she too went through some bad things with OZT. And now when she had the chance she was trying to simply enjoy herself, and now Wade came in ruining that with his bad jokes. Terry tries to walk away from him. Wade tries to apologize for the bad timing and tries to make Siryn understand that he has been losing his grip on himself.
She doesn’t believe it and tries to ignore Wade, but he gets upset and out of control. He grabs Siryn tight and starts yelling at her, begging for her help. Terry looks scared at Wade and he lets go, apologizing for it. Terry isn’t interested in hearing about it, and walks away, leaving Wade behind, alone. He tries to tell Siryn that he needs her, but she has already made it back to Warpath and the watching crowd.
Later that night, a police car arrives. He got a call about a suspect near the gift shop, but doesn’t find anything and departs again. Once the car is gone, a drunken Wade merges from the bushes. For some reason Wade can’t remember, he has lost his shoes and is now… Shoeless Wade Wilson!
He starts laughing at a gopher, and opens another beer can. He feels sorry about himself, with him having cancer and a face that looks like the bottom of a litter box. So he tried to use his image inducer to make him look more pleasant to look at, but he’s still not beautiful on the inside, which people don’t seem to like besides the fact he’s a super-merc with a lot of money and a blind butler. Once a can is empty, Wade throws it at the gopher, which runs away. He goes to sit down.
Suddenly, a female voice calls his name. Wade thinks he must be losing it because he hears the grass talking to him. Then, Siryn enters! Wade thinks she must have returned to gloat on him some more. Terry claims she hasn’t, and has changed her mind and is now willing to help Wade out. She moves closer to him, and Wade thinks this must be his lucky day. Suddenly, they kiss! Terry claims to have come to the conclusion she now knows Wade needs her, and… Wade wants her to say it . Siryn concludes that she needs Wade as well.
Deadpool and Siryn kiss again, and start making love in the middle of the field. “Guh.”
