Deadpool (2nd series) #67

Issue Date: 
July 2002
Story Title: 
Healing Factor - chapter 2 :Buddy Picture

Gail Simone (writer), Udon – Erik Ko, Alvin Lee, Rob Ross, Eric Vedder, A-Zero, Ken Slu-Chong, TR2 & the RealT of Udon (art team), Dave Sharpe (letters), Mike Raicht (assistant editor), Mike Marts (editor), Joe Quesada (editor in chief), Bill Jemas (president)

Brief Description: 

Deadpool and his friends celebrate the million dollar he made with his last job. He gives both Sandi and Ratbag some of the money and notices that the girl has a black eye. The shrinked Rhino is now attached to Deadpool’s key chain much to his annoyance. Deadpool takes another job, namely protecting a certain music act from a freak sending hate mail. The singer is Dazzler and it turns out that the whacko is not a mutant hater, but a disco hater. The little Rhino totally drools over Dazzler, while Deadpool and her do not get along. During the show it is discovered that the mad stalker is sitting in the giant disco ball that’s hanging from the ceiling. He has a rifle and Deadpool leaps in front of Dazzler to catch the bullets with his own body. The little Rhino goes to the control panel and causes the ball to spin faster and faster until it crashes down. Dazzler thanks her savior (the Rhino) with a kiss and dedicating the song “I will always love you” to him. Later in his penthouse, Deadpool continues to make fun of the little villain who angrily demands the growing gas. Deadpool sprays him with a liquid, though it’s not the gas but cheesy wizz. He then plays a game of baseball with the Rhino who ends up in the aquarium and gets eaten by a piranha. Still he survives and slams into Deadpool’s ankles, breaking them. Deadpool stuns him by shooting at him and them flushes the miniature Rhino down the toilet. Meanwhile Sandi has discovered a bag of peanuts with “Air Muenchen” printed on it. With help from her friend Taskmaster, she tracks down that Deadpool and Ratbag must have encountered the Black Swan and that’s the reason for Wade’s neurological problems.

Full Summary: 

Black Swan is talking with his assistant Nijo on the phone and learns that Deadpool has defeated the Rhino and collected $250.000 for it, by rights Deadpool should be a gibbering idiot by now after what Black Swan did to his brain. Nijo tells that there are some signs of mental deterioration and the virus is possibly spreading, but the Black Swan is still angry. He gets even more annoyed when Nijo reveals that the client upped the fee and Deadpool got 1 million dollars for the Rhino job. He finally has enough and uses his strange power on another of his servants. The poor guy had been kneeling before Black Swan the whole time and was begging for mercy as he cursed in his master’s presence. Now, he’ll curse no more.
At his penthouse Deadpool, Sandi and Ratbag are celebrating and the miniature Rhino is standing on the table next to their glasses of champagne and the pile of money. Granted Deadpool doesn’t recall two days of his life, his aim is shot and he has recurring headaches, but who cares – he’s rich now and could order a pizza with a supermodel on top if he wanted. Wade puts many dollar bills in Sandi’s bag as her Christmas bonus, although it’s currently summer and again makes fun of little Rhino, telling him to behave himself or he’ll never use the growing gas on him. Deadpool points to a canister standing on a board out of little Rhino’s reach. Wade continues his generosity, throwing some dollars to the piranhas in his aquarium and also putting many more in Ratbag’s pockets.
Sandi answers an incoming call and tells Wade that a music promoter needs hired super-muscle. Deadpool says he will protect anyone besides Ricky Martin, and once Sandi made sure that it is another artist, he takes the gig. Deadpool tells Sandi and Ratbag to get back to the office and get it cleaned up, while he will take the “action figure” and his “doorknobs” with him. On his way out, Deadpool says that he was well aware of the black eye that Sandi was trying to hide all the time, and once he gets back they will talk about whoever gave it to her.
Elsewhere a man is sitting in a dark place with a rifle. He has never killed anyone before, but he is a fast learner. He knows he could still back down and go home but that would show weakness to the enemy.
Deadpool is driving in his Ferrari, with little Rhino now attached to his key chain and brooding. He threatens Deadpool, but he makes even more fun of him. Rhino wants to have some music, so he swings over to the radio and turns it on. Deadpool despises the disco music that can be heard and they soon arrive at a studio and Deadpool hopes they can establish a buddy relationship like Danny Glover and Mel Gibson in the Lethal Weapon movies. On his way in, Deadpool meets a woman in a very revealing cowboy outfit. She is Outlaw and was on the job before Deadpool, but she decided to quit when Cruise Minor, the manager, tried to touch her behind. As she leaves she slaps Deadpool’s butt, and he goes over to Mr. Minor, who has a big snake as a pet. Cruise apologizes for what he is about to do, but he needs to know if Deadpool has got what it takes. A curtain opens and half a dozen of hired muscle try to beat Wade up. Deadpool takes his keychain and swings the little Rhino around, hitting the opponent with the crowbar in the face, and then quickly deals with the other men. However the music act that Deadpool is supposed to protect tells him to stop – it’s Dazzler.
Shortly afterwards in Cruise Minor’s office, Dazzler says that she doesn’t need any protection as she could handle herself, but the manager reminds her that they might need Deadpool if the “freak” shows up that has been sending hate mails. Minor explains that everybody thought disco was dead, but now it’s having a revival and the kids are loving it – Dazzler’s got a whole new audience. Then they started to receive crazy stuff with the mail, along with threatening letters, all from the same guy. Deadpool guesses that it is a mutant hater, but he is wrong; turns out the freak hates disco music. Along with the hate mails, he sent self made comic books that show the negative effect of disco music and in the end the comic’s main character ends up dead in an emergency room after listening to much to Dazzler’s music. Dazzler’s show will start in 10 minutes and they fear that the wacko will attack tonight. During the whole conversation, little Rhino is sitting on the table and drooling at Dazzler’s chest. He asks her to sign his horn (and he no longer has the one on his head).
On the way to the stage, Deadpool asks Dazzler “handsome or rich ?”, and she has no idea what he is talking about. Deadpool explains that he is asking about her boyfriend, girls like her have either a rich or a handsome man or one who is both. Dazzler gets angry and tells Wade that she has friends that could kill him before he could even blink, but Wade touches a nerve saying that none of these “friends” are here and she has to rely on hired help. Little Rhino, still attached to the key chain, gives Deadpool a kick as he admires Dazzler.
The show starts and Dazzler is singing and skating in front of the crowd. Deadpool is watching the crowd and notes to himself that he can’t use his “doorknobs” since he might kill a civilian. Not that he cares, but he might lose his fee. The man with the rifle is still sitting in the dark place, thinking that his time has finally come. The Rhino sees a piece of mirror missing in the giant Disco Ball that is hanging from the ceiling and a rifle coming out of it. The wacko is sitting inside the ball ! Rhino tells Deadpool to throw him up, but with his aim screwed up, Deadpool misses and the little Rhino comes down elsewhere. Deadpool leaps in front of Dazzler and takes the bullets meant for her, commenting that he “was gonna use that lung later”. Meanwhile the Rhino has made it to the control panel and increases the speed of the giant strobe ball. It spins faster and faster and finally it gives in to the increased weight and crashes down. With the giant ball (and the man inside) smashing to pieces behind them, Deadpool carries Dazzler off the stage, despite her saying that she doesn’t need to be carried. Soon the concert continues, and Dazzler sings “I will always love you” for a very special person. After the show she kisses her savior, the little Rhino, and Deadpool thinks to himself that it’s typical – women always go for the short gray guy with the horn.
At Deadpool Inc, Sandi and Ratbag are cleaning up. Ratbag makes his usual comments, that might or might not carry some deeper meaning, and Sandi wishes that he could tell her what happened to him and Deadpool a couple of days ago. Suddenly she gets aware of the bag of peanuts that Ratbag has picked up from the ground. It has “Air Muenchen” printed on it. Sandi immediately calls the Taskmaster whom she recently befriended, and asks him if he knows anyone in the mercenary business acting from out of Germany and able to affect people’s minds. Taskmaster indeed might know someone fitting her description.
Back at his penthouse, Deadpool tells the Rhino that he ruined the buddy movie concept, while the Rhino says that Deadpool totally screwed up and almost caused Dazzler’s death. Deadpool gives the little Rhino a choice – happy trail (a mace for hamsters) or fun ball (a transparent globe). The Rhino is peeved, but Deadpool repeats his question, and the little guy chooses the fun ball, so he can at least follow Deadpool in the penthouse. They go to the kitchen and Deadpool again starts to talk about the buddy movie concept, with two guys at first hating each other, but then they respect each other and in the end become friends. The Rhino has enough and calls him nuts, he demands the can of grow-gas immediately. Deadpool reaches for the can and sprays the Rhino with the liquid, however he was lying – it’s not growth gas but cheesy wizz. Covered in cheese, the Rhino gets even more angry.
Deadpool thinks that the Rhino is too annoying to keep around, so he plays baseball with him. The fun ball ricochets of the wall in the penthouse and finally lands in the aquarium. The Rhino gets swallowed by piranha. When the fish starts to talk, Deadpool thinks he has gone over the edge, but it’s the Rhino inside, and he rips the fish apart. He then rams into Deadpool’s left ankle and breaks it. Before Deadpool knows what is happening, miniature Rhino does the same to the right ankle. Lying helpless on the floor, Deadpool grabs his gun, and fires at the little guy. Sure his aim is screwed, but who needs to aim when he has an automatic gun and lots of ammo. Finally the Rhino is knocked out by one of the bullets, and Deadpool grabs him. Deadpool crawls to the bathroom and flushes little Rhino down the toilet. Right then he receives a call from Sandi who tells him about what she learned from the Taskmaster. Little Rhino emerges in a waste treatment facility and is boiling mad.

Characters Involved: 





Cruise Minor, Dazzler’s manager

Miniature Rhino


Outlaw, a mercenary
a freak who hates disco music

Black Swan

Nijo, Black Swan’s assistant

Story Notes: 

Deadpool was infected with a neurological virus by the Black Swan in #65. Ever since his aim is shot and he keeps confusing guns and doorknobs.
Question : The Rhino destroyed Deadpool’s Ferrari last issue. Did he get a new one ? Possibly with the million dollars he made.
The “Dazzler Returns” poster in Cruise Minor’s office is a copy of the cover of Dazzler’s first issue.
The homage to the movie “Bodyguard” is obvious. Singer and Bodyguard do not get along, Deadpool takes the bullet meant for Dazzler, Deadpool and Dazzler copy the famous Kevin Costner carrying Whitney Houston from the stage (although there is no need to) and in the end she sings “I will always love you” (though for the Rhino).
Sandi befriended the Taskmaster in his recent limited series.

Issue Information: 
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