Deadpool (2nd series) #66

Issue Date: 
June 2002
Story Title: 
Healing Factor - chapter 1 : I Forget

Gail Simone (writer), Udon - Erik Ko, Alvin Lee, Rob Ross, Eric Vedder, A-Zero, LTRZ (art team), Dave Sharpe (letters), Mike Raicht (assistant editor), Mike Marts (editor), Joe Quesada (editor in chief), Bill Jemas (president)

Brief Description: 

Sandi and Ratbag tie Deadpool to a table and pull on his limbs. Their painful plan is to put his broken bones in their right positions so that his healing factor can properly restore him. However, his brain is still screwed up as he doesn't remember his encounter with the Black Swan, his aim is totally off and he confuses guns and doorknobs all the time. Deadpool and his friends are unaware that an assistant of the Black Swan is spying on them. Later, Wade takes on a new assignment. A rich old man wants him to get the Rhino's horn, as he wants to have sex with his beautiful young blonde bimbo wife. While Deadpool tries to capture the Rhino, he receives a higher offer from Mrs. Whittaker who doesn't want her husband to regain his youth. But it's already too late as the Rhino is now mad at Wade. He hunts him through the town to Deadpool's gym, where Wade takes some heroes stuff from a trophy case. Most of it is useless, but he can use a canister of Ant-Man's shrinking gas to make the Rhino small. He then saws off the horn and brings it to the Whittakers, but also leaves them a "doorknob" to sort out their differences. Right after Deadpool leaves a "Bang" is heard. Wade keeps the miniature Rhino in a terrarium and makes fun off him, throwing him a cookie. He tells the villain to behave or he'll never give him the growing serum, though actually Deadpool doesn't have it.

Full Summary: 

Deadpool wakes up and sees a lamp above him. He becomes aware of somebody tying him up and he enjoys it. It's a woman and she smells really good. Deadpool thinks that many guys would pay a lot of money for this. Having finished her job, the woman apologizes for what she is about to do - it's Deadpool's assistant Sandi. She has tied Deadpool's feet to one end of a table, and now her and Ratbag are pulling the ropes she knotted to his wrists and his neck. Sandi knows that if Deadpool's healing factor heals his broken bones in his current state, he would come out disfigured, so she and Ratbag have to get everything in the right position to correctly heal together. Deadpool wonders what has happened to him, evidently something was done to his brain as he doesn't even remember what the last thing he remembers is.

Some hours later, Deadpool is physically restored and he thanks Sandi, while Ratbag brings him a cup of coffee. Unfortunately he forgot to mix it with water, but Deadpool drinks / eats it anyway. Elsewhere Black Swan's assistant Nijo is listening to their conversation. It seems that he has planted a bug either in the office or on Deadpool himself.

Sandi asks Deadpool how he got into that mess, but he still doesn't recall anything of his encounter with the Black Swan and he is not even bothered by it. He heads to the weapons room and gets himself a new image inducer and some guns, but to Sandi's concern he calls them "doorknobs". While Ratbag offers Deadpool some peanuts, Sandi wants Deadpool to see a doctor, but he tells her he is fine. Five minutes later, Deadpool discovers that he is not fine at all. Trying to throw the peanuts into a waste bucket, Deadpool realizes that he lost his aim and misses the bucket every time.

In his hotel room, Nijo calls the Black Swan and informs him about Deadpool's status. He points out that they could easily kill him now, but Black Swan doesn't want Deadpool dead. He wants to have a real revenge. He wants to destroy Deadpool's reputation before crippling and humiliating him and then let him live.

Somewhat later, Deadpool is in the penthouse of his newest client, Mr. Whittaker, an old geezer in a wheel chair. Seeing a collection of rifles at the wall, Deadpool comments about the "nice doorknobs", which young Mrs. Whittaker takes as a compliments for her surgically improved chest. The Whittakers, calling each other Poopsie and Boopsie, hug and kiss each other and Deadpool is disgusted by the blonde bimbo and the rich man. But finally Deadpool and Mr. Whittaker start to talk business, while Boopsie takes a sunbath. Mr. Whittaker asks if Deadpool finds his wife attractive and Deadpool says that she has got "great guns". Mr. Whittaker says that Deadpool must have noticed their age difference and explains that he needs vigor. Deadpool suggests to use Viagra, but Poopsie is a believer in alternative medicine and has something else in mind.

Turns out that Whittaker wants to have the Rhino's horn to have it powdered. After advising Deadpool to best catch the Rhino unaware, as he surely would not be willing to part with his horn, he hands him a cellphone to stay in contact with him. Deadpool finds the Rhino playing poker with some guys and storms in with a chainsaw, however he gets kicked out of the window as soon as he entered. In midfall, the cellphone rings - it's Mrs. Whittaker who offers to pay him double - ($250.000) - if he quits the job. The last thing she wants is for her husband to rediscover his youth. Another call comes in, this time it is Mr. Whittaker, who says he is well aware of his young wife being on the other line and her intentions.

Deadpool sides with the old man and picking a rifle he storms into the house once more. He threatens the Rhino to hand over the horn or he would get ugly. Rhino and his poker friends laughs, however one of them recognizes Deadpool as the guy who did the Four Winds job (see last issue). Deadpool gets angry and shoots, however with his aim still off, he hits one of the poker friends instead of the Rhino, and gets thrown out a second time, crashing into a van. The cellphone rings another time, it's again Boopsie, now offering half a million to not get the horn.

This time Deadpool accepts and wants to drive home, but the Rhino comes out annoyed. Deadpool decides to run and fires his "doorknobs" a few times but again misses by far. The Rhino grabs a nearby car, actually Deadpool's own Ferrari, and throws it at the merc-with-a-mouth, who ducks commenting how he still has 140 more payments on the car. Seeing the mad Rhino marching towards him, Deadpool knows he has no chance and jumps on a bike passing by. He tells the surprised biker to take him to his fitness studio, with the Rhino hot on their trail.

Deadpool runs into the gym greeting his admirers and asking the man behind the bar for the key to the trophy case. However, he doesn't know what Wade is talking about and the Rhino already crashes in too. Deadpool rushes to the trophy case with all the Good Guy stuff, thinking that the good guys always win. He picks Iron Man's boot, one of Hawkeye's box glove arrows, a pair of the Hulk's purple pants and Ant-Man's gas canister, but then he realizes he has no idea how to use that equipment. Neither boot nor pants react to his voice commands "Hulk pants activate!", "Iron Boot, go!", and he gets grabbed by the Rhino and slammed into a wall. Deadpool throws the arrow, but it has no use.

The Rhino grabs Deadpool by the neck and he has only one weapon left - the gas canister, but his aim is still off. Deadpool decides to take a chance and aims right between his own eye. Like he suspected he again misses and instead the Rhino is bathed in shrinking gas. Immediately he gets very small and Deadpool ends up sitting on him.

Later, Wade receives another offer from Boopsie: $750.000 and something extra, which she whispers. Convinced that Mr. Whittaker can't top this he calls the old man to tell him that he won't deliver, but he again changes his opinion when he gets offered 1 million for the horn. Deadpool tells the miniature Rhino, who is held in a vice, that he is sorry and then starts to saw off the horn.

He meets the Whittakers at their penthouse and places the bag with the horn on a desk. Mr. Whittaker triumphs over his wife, and Deadpool says that they are seriously screwed up. Therefore he will leave a "doorknob" on the desk and gives them a choice. They can either fix their marriage or do some "permanent therapy" on the other one. Boopsie might have the advantage of youth and speed to get to the gun, but Poopsie got the longer range. Telling them to "choose wisely" Deadpool leaves and only a few seconds afterwards, he hears a "Bang!".

Back at Deadpool Inc., Wade tends to the Rhino who is held in a terrarium. He throws him a cookie and tells him to be nice or he'll never give him the growth serum. However Wade actually doesn't have it, but why spoil the fun and tell the little villain?

Characters Involved: 




Mr. and Mrs. Whittaker

Black Swan

Nijo, Black Swan's assistant

Story Notes: 

The Rhino horn has been valued for centuries by south and east Asian cultures for its mythical medicinal and aphrodesiac properties.

Issue Information: 
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