The Xavier Institute for Mutant Education and Outreach, Central Park, New York City:
Bobby “Iceman” Drake sits in his room, laptop open, he stares at a dating site called “Single Not Stirred.” 'Latte? Check. Clear mind? Check. World-ending disasters on hold, at bay, or handled by someone else? Check. Time to do something for me...' Bobby muses. He starts to tap away at the laptop, and writes some words into his profile: “Hey guys, I'm Bobby, and I'm -” but he doesn't get any further than that.
'Well, people say I'm x-tra hilarious. I'm an X-Man. One of the originals, actually' Bobby describes himself as he slides along on an ice-slide within the Danger Room, wearing his black and red costume. He grins as he looks up at his opponent, who he describes as the time-displaced young version of him, here in the present. 'He's a cool guy. But not as cool as me..
The younger Bobby, who is in his fully iced snowman-like form fires some ice shards towards the present Bobby, who fires a large piece of ice back, which splats into the younger Bobby. 'C'mon, show me what an Omega Mutant can do!' Bobby challenges his past self, who recovers, and speeds along on an ice-slide near the present Bobby. 'Looking to steal some fresh moves from the youth, old me?' the younger Bobby asks. 'Stop calling me that' Bobby tells him. 'I'm Bobby. Not Robert. Not Bob. I'd go by “Bobert” for the right guy, tho!' Bobby decides as his past self fires some more ice shards towards him.
'Yow!' Bobby exclaims as one of the ice-shards strikes his shoulder. The younger Bobby jumps onto the ground, while the older Bobby's ice-slide comes to a stop, and he looks down at his past self who calls out 'Come at me – I triple dog dare you!' Bobby holds his shoulder as he drops onto the snow-covered ground.
'If we're being honest, this is my first time on a dating website, much less one for dating guys and I'm a little nervous because I have no clue where to start' Bobby admits. 'C'mon, make your move!' the younger Bobby shouts as he throws up an ice-wall between the two of them. 'Please. You're on thin ice!' Bobby calls up as he creates an ice-slide and rides it up and over the wall. 'Dad joke!' the younger Bobby exclaims, before Bobby drops down on him, grabbing his shoulder, he flips behind him, and smacks him in the back with an ice-bat. 'I'm really good at my job – as both a teacher and... trainer' Bobby decides.
'I win!' Bobby calls out as he encases his past self in a thick block of ice. The younger Bobby scowls and Bobby tells him 'I guess I'd still be a winner if you had gotten me... but past tense?' Bobby suggests. 'Does that make me future tense? Present tense. Now Im just tense' Bobby jokes. The past Bobby breaks out of the block of ice and exclaims that it isn't his fault he hasn't learned martial arts yet. 'Well, you better shape up, then. Clock's a-tickin!' Bobby tells him. The younger Bobby switches to his human form and they walk together as they leave the Danger Room. 'Yeah, right! I've fought Goblin Queens just as many times as you now! I think...' the younger Bobby exclaims, brushing some ice off of himself. 'Fine, you get credit for one epic lick' Bobby tells his younger self. 'Several licks! If I didn't make that stupid ice wall, I would've won... hey bro' the younger Bobby smiles at Romeo, his Inhuman boyfriend. 'Sup, dude' Romeo replies, taking his boyfriend by the hand.
'Date night?' Bobby asks them. 'Date life. Not being star-crossed rules!' the younger Bobby exclaims. The older Bobby suggests that it might be time Romeo changed his name to “Reliable-eo” or something. 'I'm making you a dad joke jar' the younger Bobby tells his older self, before asking him if he wants to come with, even though they already have tickets, hopefully no one has bought the seats next to them.
'I'd like to say that I have a romantic side, finding the right guy to show it off to... that's taking more time than I expected' Bobby decides. 'You can get reserved seats now?' Bobby asks, before remarking that he can't think of anything less appealing than being third wheel to mini-me's movie date. 'Wait, no... the only thing worse would be if it was a Pauly Shore movie' Bobby realizes. 'Who's Pauly Shore?' his past-self asks as he and Romeo walk away. 'I'll tell you when you're older' Romeo replies, before calling out 'We'll talk to you later, Grandpa Bobby. Night!' Bobby waves at them and tells them not to send pics.
Bobby looks at photographs along the corridor wall. One of Wolverine, Rogue, Nightcrawler, Jean Grey, Cyclops and Storm drinking out of milkshake glasses, and he poking his head up at the front of the table. Another of Bobby at the front of a photo with his original teammates, behind him. Bobby decides that his friends would say he is a team player, and that his friends are also his family, they would agree with that. Suddenly, his cellphone pings as he gets a message. Bobby reads the message and goes wide-eyed – it's from his mother, who informs him that there is nothing to be alarmed about, but that his father had a heart attack scare and is resting at Midtown Presbyterian Hospital. Bobby races down the corridor.
'DAD!' Bobby exclaims as he bursts open the door to the room where William Drake is resting at the hospital. 'Bobby, you scared us' Madeline tells her son as she sits at her husband's side. Bobby looks at his parents and thinks that his friends are his family, and his family, well, they don't quite get him. 'But who does?' he wonders. 'At least he didn't slide in through the window' William mutters. 'I do what I can' Bobby remarks as he hugs his mother, asking her what happened to his father. 'It's nothing. Just periocard – periocard -' William begins. 'Periocarditis' Madeline announces, informing Bobby that his father had an infection around his heart, and the doctors don't know what caused it. Madeline then tells William that this is the last time they listen to his sister, making them come all the way to this hospital. 'And for years, I've been saying “You're gonna work yourself to death” and look – I was right' Madeline adds. William explains that it felt like a damn heart attack. Madeline stands up and tells Bobby that his father is all right now, he just needs to rest and take lots of ibuprofen. 'I'm glad to hear it' Bobby tells his parents.
Bobby suggests that he is here now, so his parents can catch him up on all things good in the world of Long Island. 'You missed your mother's birthday' William frowns. 'Crud. I think that happened when I was literally saving a friend from Apocalypse. I can have an edible arrangement here in no time...' Bobby replies. William tells Bobby not to worry about it and suggests he get his mother a gift certificate to Bed & Bathworks, as she spends more time there than the new place. 'That reminds me – I forgot to return those curtain rods' Madeline remarks. 'Wait. “New place”?' Bobby asks. Madeline informs him that it was too big. 'And the neighborhood was getting... you know' she adds. 'And no one cared to tell me about this casual, life-changing decision?' Bobby asks. William tells Bobby that they are just one more stop on the LIRR and not to worry, as they put all his things in the new garage. 'I'll dispatch the X-Force to pick up all my stuff, thanks' Bobby jokes. 'Don't be a smart aleck. Ladies wont be able to tell when you're being serious or not' Madeline snaps, before asking Bobby if he has any new girlfriends. 'What ever happened with the green-haired one?' she asks.
Bobby rubs his head and starts to say 'Oh, things are complicated as usual... so much so that -' but he gets interrupted when there is a loud crashing sound. Bobby turns to the door, and asks his parents if they heard that. 'Sounded like -' he begins, but his parents, who are now holding each other, look concerned, and William tells Bobby that he doesn't have to make every fight his. 'You know I do, Dad... it's what I do' Bobby declares.
A woman runs down a hospital corridor, past hospital staff who just look at her as she shouts 'Somebody please! He's coming after me!' She exclaims that she wasn't doing anything, just showing some friends a trick – an instant later, she is knocked to the floor by a blast which strikes her in the back. 'There is nowhere left to run, abomination' an armed Purifier declares as he stands over the woman. 'Sanctuary! Sanctuary!' the woman calls out. 'Sanctuary is for churches, not hospitals, kid... but in your case, I'll make an exception' Iceman announces as he appears in the corridor in ice-form with large ice-spikes sticking out hid arms, shoulders and legs. 'Lemme ice this Purifier dude real quick, then we'll get you checked out -' Iceman begins, before the Purifier fires a weapon at him. Reducing his form to regular size, Bobby throws up an ice-shield, but the Purifier gets through it and slams his fist into Bobby's stomach. 'Two mutants!' the Purifier shouts. 'That little rat girl was supposed to be my saving grace...a sign of faith to show my allegiance, but lo – now I have two of your kind!' the Purifier declares as he takes another swipe at Bobby, a large spike sticking out of the gauntlet on his arm, which Bobby narrowly dodges.
'These dudes are whack-jobs. Run with the crowd and get off this floor!' Bobby tells the mutant woman as he covers the floor in ice. Ice-spikes suddenly rise from the ice-covered floor, but the Purifier is not harmed, and boasts that his suit was built to withstand Iceboy's parlor tricks. 'IceBOY?' Bobby exclaims, while the mutant woman runs with the hospital staff, 'Please don't die 'cuz of me...' she mutters, while one of the staff announces that the exit is down the hall. 'You don't even know who I am?' Bobby asks as he slams a large ice-spade against the Purifier, who suddenly grabs Bobby by his neck and tells him that he is an abomination. The Purifier holds a large metal spike to Bobby's face and tells him to stay still and that he will make this real quick. 'Ugh, your breath is heinous!' Bobby exclaims as he releases a ice-pulse, knocking the Purifier backwards. With the Purifier distracted, Bobby uses this as a chance to escape through another door, then turns back to it and covers it in his, sealing it shut. Bobby sees a man crouched nearby, possibly a doctor, and goes over to him, telling him to come with him, and promises him that he won't die. 'Pinky promise' Bobby adds.
Soon, there is an explosion, shattering the ice that covers the door. 'This game is over!' the Purifier shouts as he walks through the ice surrounding the corridor. From behind another door, Bobby can be heard: 'I'm in here, Terminator. Before our final standoff, let the civilians go!' He informs the Purifier that there are two doctors – live savers – in here. 'Please, they didn't do anything...' Bobby begins. The Purifier tells him to beg all he wants, but that nothing will change the judgment that awaits those they need to cleanse from this Earth. 'The Purifiers will persevere!' the Purifier shouts as he kicks the door down, and sees Iceman standing in the next room. The Purifier immediately opens fire, blasting iceman apart, while a doctor cowers nearby.
'The Lord has looked finely upon me today... I nabbed my first mutant! Once I find that little girl, I will be doubly righteous!' the Purifier boasts. 'Noobs always fall for the ice decoy trick' a voice from the shadows calls out, as Iceman steps forward and punches the Purifier through the air. 'Listen, I'm the guy who fought Magneto every time he was a bad guy!' Iceman declares, before encasing the Purifier in a block of ice, and exclaims that hr went toe-to-toe with the White Queen and got buffer for it. 'I'm frickin' ICEMAN, bozo!' Bobby shouts as he slams the ice-block against the wall, breaking it apart. 'Learn your X-Men' he suggests to the Purifier, standing over him and covering him in ice again.
Shortly, Bobby walks with the mutant woman down a corridor, and the mutant asks him if that is what it is like being an X-Man – mad endorphins and arse-kicking all the time? Bobby explains to her that there is also lots of bad, sad fights 'It feels like decades of the latter, to be honest' Bobby adds. 'Whatever, you're still so cool!' the mutant exclaims. She grins and declares 'This is so bomb – a real-life X-Man saved my life! My Mum's gonna go mental' and adds that it makes having her cruddy power almost worth it. Bobby smiles and tells the young woman to let him be the judge of that which makes her mutant. 'Please don't have bone-growing power' he remarks. 'You're gonna LOL, I swear' the woman replies before she spits into her hand, and it forms a solid spike. 'That's what it does. Gets solid. I can do tricks 'n' stuff, but it's pointless' the woman tells Bobby. Bobby addresses the woman as Michaela and tells her not to be too hard on herself, and reveals that when he first got his powers, all he could do was throw slushies at people. 'You never know how far your powers can take you if you believe in yourself, okay?'
Soon, Bobby walks back into the room where his father is still resting. 'The Iceman cometh and the Iceman slayeth!' he jokes. Madeline asks her son if he killed anyone, and holding the television remote, William declares that it is already on NY1. Madeline gazes out the window as Bobby tells her that he didn't kill anyone. 'I'm the hero, remember?' he exclaims. 'Well, things happen whenever you become a mutant' Madeline replies. 'I'm always a mutant' Bobby declares. William addresses Madeline as “Maddie” and tells her that they are going to figure out Bobby was here for them. Madeline looks at Bobby and asks him if he could possibly leave, and tells him that his father shouldn't be dealing with any additional stress, and that there are more news vans piling up outside.
'Yeah... I'll go' Bobby replies, hanging his head. Madeline sits back at William's side, and tells Bobby that they love him. 'Same' Bobby replies, before turning and walks out of the room and telling his parents that maybe he can come and see this new house they have told him so much about. 'Don't hold your breath on that one, Maddie' William remarks, and soon, Bobby walks out of the hospital.
Standing outside at the entrance to the hospital, Bobby mockingly remarks 'What's that, Mom? Yes, I did save the world a bunch this summer. But it's always worth it knowing you and Dad are safe in Long Island, rooting for your boy. Oh, Dad – seriously, that would be awesome if I could bring my new boyfriend to Thanksgiving! Cross your eyes, nose and toes we're not stuck in a hell dimension or fighting Mr Sinister. You two are the most awesome and understanding parents a boy can conjure up on a Friday night walking alone in Manhattan without plans...'
Bobby pulls out his mobile phone, and the dating website once again asks him to describe himself in 500 words or less. He stares at his phone and snow starts to fall from above. 'Y'know what...' Bobby remarks, before completing the dating site request with -\_(''~)_/- a smiley-face shrugging emoji.
