Somewhere on Krakoa Island…
Standing in a large showroom with video screens behind him, Augustus Beezer introduces himself to his viewing audience at home. He claims that, for weeks now, the audience has waited for their favorite show to return. He explains that, as most of the viewers know, the show was “unceremoniously” ripped off the air by the X-Men. Beezer lies that the X-Men are criminal teenagers who illegally infiltrated their broadcast show and shut it down. And they were the only show where dangerous, convicted mutant criminals are hunted down and destroyed like the animals they are, all done right here and there at the show.
But now, Beezer claims while showing his audience footage of the X-Men fighting Mojo, the tables have turned. He reveals that the X-Men have been brought to this island to face the music, and it promises to be one heck of a battle. Broadcasting live to a dozen right-thinking countries all over the world, these “most dangerous” mutants are about to pay the ultimate price for their “crimes” against humanity. Beezer is proud to welcome you back… to Krakoa Island!
Deadpool orders his many Reavers to hit the X-Men and Spider-Man high and low. It’s time to shut them down. While he and the X-Men do their best to defend themselves, Spider-Man shouts that he isn’t even a mutant (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Cyclops orders his team to try to find some high ground.
Beezer shows the fight live to his viewers. He explains that the show has its newest super-stars, Deadpool and his rag-tag gang of cybernetic Reavers, front and center. They are ready and willing to put everything they have on the line for this down and dirty fight-to-the-finish. He thinks that the viewers at home are in for a real treat. He promises that the show will keep an eye on the fight as it continues, but first he wants to give a little behind-the-scenes on the show’s players.
First off, the question of who Deadpool is will be revealed. “Deadpool” is the nickname Sergeant Wadey Wilson picked up after his death-defying action in the Wakanda Wars, which occurred in the early nineties. More about the Wakanda Wars is revealed on the show’s website. When Deadpool was approached by the show’s producers last year, Sergeant Wilson handpicked a group that called themselves the Reavers. All of these members of the Reavers are so intensely against the existence of mutants that they voluntarily underwent enhancement surgeries. Each and every one of these unique soldiers in the war against mutation voluntarily gave up their own humanity so the humans have a better chance at theirs.
That’s what they have to look forward to in this next season of the show. Beezer claims that the Reavers are the most dedicated soldiers on planet Earth. These guys aren’t messing around. This is no backs. He wants the audience to think about a man who’s willing to become a member of the Reavers. He wants them to think about the Reaver’s willpower. About their dedication and spiritual control it takes to believe in something that much. That’s who the Reavers are. Beezer is confident that the X-Men will die today. They just… will!
Beezer shows a previously recording interview with Deadpool. Wadey explains that the X-Men were born as mutants. They didn’t choose to become mutants. They didn’t earn the right to be different or to be called “Homo superior.” But the Reavers? They did have a choice and they took it. The Reavers chose to stand up for dudes who can’t, and they are determined to put these “mutant freaks” down. That’s what they are fighting for. They claim that their desire to destroy mutants is stronger than anything they could ever imagine. The Reavers believe that just because they exist, the X-Men have already lost. When this opportunity came their way, Deadpool knew they had to do this. They had to make a show out of it.
Wilson believes that Xavier, Magneto and the X-Men kids are all the same. They all think that they are better than the Reavers. They think that they are the next step in human evolution. Deadpool finds that hard to believe. Someone could be such a “genetic disaster,” such a “perversion” of God and nature’s will, the X-Men could look in a mirror and see that, and yet think “Yeah, I’m the next step in human evolution.” Deadpool’s grandfather once told him that they had a word for mutants in his day. They called them “carnival freaks” that would be put in the carnival freak show.
Deadpool claims that they couldn’t do anything illegal to bring the X-Men to their island. There are both international and American laws to deal with. So, they had a recon unit on the X-Men to their school in New York. Deadpool believes the school is actually more like a terrorist camp. And the second the X-Men left America, they flew themselves into open waters and the Reavers grabbed them. He explains that the sovereign nation of Genosha, which Krakoa is an island off of, it’ sanctioned and functioned for the entire operation. The X-Men really broke international law.
Meanwhile, Spider-Man and the X-Men find them under full attack of the Reavers. Cyclops orders his team not to take this fight head on, because they are out-manned and the setting isn’t conducive to most of their powers. Nightcrawler ignores that and teleports behind Deadpool and slams him on his head. Deadpool quickly recovers though and grabs Kurt’s neck, recognizing him and jokes that Kurt should have listened to what Cyclops said. Spider-Man comes to Kurt’s rescue, and kicks Deadpool into his face, releasing Kurt along the way. Kurt thanks Peter for the rescue, and they run away hoping to get themselves into safety.
In the video message, Deadpool explains that he would rather just slice through the X-Men’s throats when they are asleep. He would whack the X-Men on their heads with a mallet and be done with it. But that’s not what this show is all about. He shouts that the X-Men are animals. And animals are to be hunted down for sports. Plus, doing it on TV like this tells the other mutants out there the truth. That those mutants can dress like human beings, walk among them, but they sure aren’t human. And soon, Deadpool believes, both America and Europe will start to understand this. They’ll get over themselves and start airing this broadcast and start punishing their mutants like the Reavers do at their show.
Deadpool claims that the big guy who runs this show told him that the online podcast for this show gets downloaded more in America than elsewhere in the world. Deadpool wasn’t surprised. It’s because the world wants to see this. They want to feel like humans are ruling the world, because they are! And the human race doesn’t have to feel guilty about that. But, Deadpool sure wishes that Magneto were around to see this. He would just love to blow Magneto’s face off.
Beezer interrupts, revealing that they are getting ready to go live into the battlefield. There’s a lot going on, including the surprise appearance by Spider-Man. He calls out to Sergeant Wilson if he can hear him. While standing in the middle of the battle, Deadpool reports back that he can hear his boss. Beezer wants to know if they are dealing with the real Spider-Man. Deadpool jokes that Spider-Man is a bonus, as he was with the X-Men when they detained him, so the Reavers decided to just take him as well. He notices Spider-Man, and shoots at him. Beezer wants to know if Spider-Man is a mutant. Deadpool believes so, but either way, he promises that Spider-Man won’t walk out of this. Storm hits Deadpool with a lightning bolt, but Wilson doesn’t even get hurt by it!
Augustus wants to know what Deadpool can tell their viewers about Spider-Man. Deadpool claims that he just said everything he knows about the webslinger. The guy is there and Wilson is determined to kill him. Beezer asks Deadpool to hold up, because he’s getting word from the control room. After listening to the message, Beezer reveals that the cameras picked up Spider-Man and Shadowcat hiding behind the bushes.
Spider-Man thinks it’s nuts that people are actually filming this, and Kitty can’t catch a breath. Spidey jokes that they’ll just swing out of this and call the cops, or maybe even Nick Fury. Kitty remembers that Fury hates Peter. He just doesn’t know what else to do. Kitty wants to talk with Peter, but he warns her not to use his real name because they might be filmed. Kitty understands, and tells Peter not to break up with her. Peter doesn’t’ understand.
Ashamed, Kitty admits that she got Peter into this. She doesn’t want him to break up with her because all of this was an accident. Peter already knew that. Kitty notices that Peter isn’t mad at her. Peter asks Kitty if she knows who the Reavers are. Kitty promises she doesn’t, and only knows that she wants to get off of this island, like ten minutes ago. They share a hug. Kitty suddenly panics, wondering what the villains did to Professor X.
On that moment, Peter’s spider-sense goes off and an explosion takes place behind them! Peter manages just in time to websling both him and Kitty into safety! The Reavers who shot the blast are a bit upset they missed, but realize that the show isn’t over yet. Beezer explains to the audience that they are going to cut back and forth and around the battlefield now, to see what’s going on with the mutants. One of the Reavers tells Deadpool that they should use the genetic thing they used to take the X-Men down and bring them back to them like that.
Suddenly, Cyclops hits the Reavers from behind using his optic blast, and demands to know who the Reavers are. Deadpool and one of the Reavers with mechanical arms quickly hit Scott back into his face, and even knock off his visors! Beezer can see this happening on his screens, and jokes that hit Scott took in his face really had to hurt. Deadpool holds a defeated Scott up by his hear, and threatens him with a knife. Wilson mentions to the watching kids that he is now holding the “face” of the so-called “future” of mankind. Beezer smiles and is impressed Deadpool just did that.
He also believes that, with their leader down, the other X-Men are running around wild and will soon fall down as well. He wants to know who’s next. Deadpool receives word from a scouting helicopter above him, and wants to know from the pilot who he has just seen. The pilot reports that he just saw Angel flying passed him, and one of Warren’s big wings actually comes passed his window. Beezer is impressed and introduces Angel to his audience. He remembers that they had Angel in their studio for their last broadcast.
The pilot fires at Warren, and actually hit one of his wings. The pilot heard Warren scream, and Beezer wants to know if the X-Man is down or not. The pilot saw Angel diving into the nearby trees, and the ground crew will have to find him now. Nightcrawler teleports inside the helicopter, knocks out the pilot, and speaks into the camera, hoping that the X-Men can see this, that they have a ride out of this island now. But below, Deadpool heard Kurt talking, and has one of the Reavers blast the helicopter down!
Beezer wants to know what just happened. Deadpool believes that Nightcrawler is still alive and probably teleported out of there just in time. Lucas, one of the Reavers, has a cybernetic eye and he saw the whole thing happening. Beezer tells Deadpool not to worry about that, because it’s been one hell of a show so far. Deadpool finds it weird, though. He came there with the bright dream of killing some X-babies, and now all he can think about is killing Spider-Man.
Beezer thinks it’s funny Deadpool brought Spider-Man up, because while Deadpool and his men were doing recon, the show’s producers have put together a little something on their surprise guest-star. He explains to the audience that most of them will probably remember Spider-Man from the movie they made about him last summer, which was about him fighting Dr. Octopus. After a few months of being a New York sensation, sort of a cultish super-hero phenomenon, movie producers latched onto the idea of making a Spider-Man movie.
The movie ended up being quite a unique sensation, as it was half-movie, making magic and half-reality based footage. Though most people thought that the entire production was a stunt, the show today reveals that Spider-Man is very real. Now, rumors were circulating for weeks now that Spider-Man is a mutant, or even one of the X-Men, as a video camera filmed footage of the interesting fact that Spider-Man is now dating Shadowcat, who is a member of the X-Men. And it would seem that information is now confirmed on what they saw earlier.
However, after today, Beezer believes that romance is doomed to end like Romeo and Juliet’s. They now actually have footage of Spider-Man hugging Kitty. After the hug, the two started taking off toward the mansion. Beezer asks Deadpool if he can see all this. Deadpool mentions he and the Reavers are on their way. Bonekiller says he’s got a visual on the heroes and knows where the mansion is now.
As they are being filmed, but don’t realize it, Kitty explains to Spider-Man that the Professor is the most powerful telepath on the entire planet. Peter jokes that he’s the 6,543rd most strongest person. Kitty is seriously concerned about her mentor. Peter suddenly stops, as he noticed one of the hidden cameras in the trees. Kitty panics. Peter takes a look inside it, and jokes he feels like the mayor of crazy town. He finds it hard to believe that this battle is being filmed live for people to see at home. But anyway, Peter shouts in the camera that this is all real and that people are actually trying to kill them. And be begs anyone with a phone to contact someone to help, like Nick Fury, the police, the Ultimates or the Kingpin even! Peter begs for help.
Kitty tells Peter to stop, as he’s just giving the show what it wants. Peter finds it hard to believe that the show wants him to cry. Kitty shouts that Peter is actually giving the people a show. The people are now sitting there and watching this and laughing their butts off. But, Kitty mentions to the camera, this isn’t funny. Peter begs anyone to help, shouting that he isn’t even a mutant. Kitty angrily shouts at Peter to stop saying that, but Peter replies he’s just trying to get some help. Kitty feels belittled when Peter shouts something like this, but he doesn’t want to start a fight now. Kitty and Peter hear something, and realize that the Reavers must be somewhere nearby.
Storm finds herself surrounded by more Reavers and panics a bit. Beezer can hear the blasts outside, and admits he didn’t realize the X-Men were so close to his studio. One of the Reavers fired a blast that goes off nearby Spider-Man and Kitty, but she managed to just use her powers in time and phases them. Deadpool warns the Reavers that they are going to burn the whole island if they don’t stop, but the Reavers are confident they’ve got the X-Men now, even though they haven’t. Storm uses his weather powers to take out some of the Reavers, and Beezer panics when he sees Spider-Man coming through and smashing one of the camera’s! The angry X-Men and Spider-Man start winning the battle, though it is soon noticed that Cyclops can’t be seen anywhere.
During the battle, one of the Reavers calls Kitty a mutant skank, upsetting Peter. He knocks the Reaver out and also smashes Deadpool down. Peter wants to know who’s hiding behind Deadpool’s mask, and rips it off. Surprisingly enough, the man hiding behind the mask is none other than… Professor X?!
We’ll be right back…